Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard divorce
Ben Gibbard is not doing well. It's been a while since his much publicized divorce from mindie cougar Zooey Deschanel. Now, he's found out that she is dating some one new, some screenwriter bro who is probably way more chill and less needy than him, but at the same time, a total toolbag, because when ur a bro, every bro who is not actually your friend is a complete toolbag. His name is Jamie Linden, and he writes crappy Hollywood movies that are even worse than Death Cab for Cutie's latest material.
When they were first married, he was indie royalty, and she married in for 'indie cred'. Then, the entire scene changed. He might be 'less relevant', but he's hella rich and accepted by mainstream music fans. She took it even further, starring in mainstream indie films and singing in her frog voice over whimsical music. It's a dark day for Ben. Maybe the darkest. He is already planning his own tombstone with a sad statement 2 remember him by.
We've seen Ben Gib at rock bottom many times.
He became a long distance runner.
He supported gay marriage even though his own marriage fell apart.
He was even spotted rolling on X molly at a rave.
Who knows what will happen now that ZoZo is officially 'seeing some1'...
All we can do is #pray4ben...
Dear Lord Ben... It's not time yet.
Don't do this. #itgetsbetter
I will follow u in2 the dark, bb...
R u worried?
Will this new BF put Ben 'over the edge'?
He Meant Well....
He Meant Well...
I wish u would step back from that ledge my Ben...
Ben Gibbard is easily one of the saddest figures in indie rock. He is one of the founding fathers of the genre and the aesthetic identifiers of 'indie' as a whole. He was able to use his 'Big Man on Indie Campus' status to get Zooey Deschanel 'before her prime' to marry him, but the entire marriage fell apart, as it became clear that she was only using him to 'piggyback' towards more indie fame. Then, when she was on the cusp of a hit TV show, mad record sales, and more megabrand expansions, she 'kicked his ass to the curb' so that she wouldn't have to share any of her money with him. Probably a wise business move, but in a way, they fractured the Royal Indie relationship in a way that makes us believe that love is not real any more.
If I were Ben Gibbard, I would no longer believe in the sanctity or marriage, whether it was between a man and a woman, a man and a man, a woman and a woman, a dog and a cat, a woman and a cat, or a man and his career. I am surprised he made this video in support of gay marriage. Ben Gibbard still has a cold, closed heart that was ruined by the wrath of #ZoZo. I wouldn't blame him for not believing in marriage. She really '500 Days of Summered' his a$$.
As u can see, Ben looks like he is rlly close 2 'effing offing himself.' :-( #itgetsbetter, bb...
So I guess gay marriage is chill, but Ben Gibbard knows that marriage can come with a ton of heartache.
R u on #TeamBen or #TeamZoZo?
Will he evr get ovr the marriage?
Does he still look 'close 2 the ledge'?
Should we #pray4ben?
Do u believe in marriage, or are u nervous that all women are 'two timing indie famewhores who only care abt status climbing beyong mindie 2 the mnstrm'?
Will Ben Gibbard find <3 in a hopeless place?
Joel Zimmerman is deadmau5, known as one of the hottest hunks in the entire EDM game. Although he often wears a mouse mask, he usually takes off the mask and shows off his beautiful face. But we're not the only ones finding him beautiful these days. As you can see, he was spotted SITTING SIDE BY SIDE with Fox's New Girl, Zooey Deschanel. The EDM pioneer has got to be living in 500 days of Zooey if he played his cards right.
Oh ZoZo... Ur KILLING it and the NEW YOU is FREE to do AS U PLEASE.
Has Joel Zimmerman replaced Ben Gibbard?
Haz ZoZo gone from 'indie royalty' to EDM royalty?
Do u <3 deadmau5?
Do u think he 'raised his weapon' in the bedroom and got his 'Strobe' on with her?
R u happy that she's moved on post-Ben Gibbard?
Do they look like a good, happie couple?
Did they KILL IT at the Juno Awards?
I'm honestly rlly worried about you.
u NEED to get over Zooey...
Act ur age.
I know ur in2 the Bleep Bloops because u did the whole Postal Service thing...
but I mean CMON...
raving with the fingertip glow things?
I get it Ben...
Ur effed up out of ur mind
I guess I would too if my ex turned into a mainstream it-girl
where u can't even turn on the TV without seeing her face....
I forgive u, Ben.
We're all pulling 4 u.
R u worried abt Ben Gibby?
Do u think he belongs at a rave?
Is he alright?
Is he 2 old 2 be raving?
Does this mean the Postal Service is gonna get back 2gthr?
Ben BB! Say it ain't so! U've turned to pills to deal with the recent divorce from Zooey Deschanel. I know that she is trying to take the house and the collection of ukeleles, but u HAVE to be at peace with this 2 move on with ur life. #itgetsbetter. I sorta don't blame him though, because I am sure it is difficult to escape from the MAJOR MEDIA BLITZ that ZoZo has been on, basically since their divorce.
Just this weekend, Zooey Deschanel showed her BANGIN bikini bod 2 the entire world. Many body language experts commented that this was a clear signal to the Gibbard camp to say 'look at me! My bod is bangin and I am FREE!' Maybe the message sunk in a little bit TOO much, and there is only one way to escape from the pain.
Now Ben Gibbard has turned to an undentified bottle of pills. I think the street name is called 'D Vitamins' and the dealer is 'Trader Joe', who is a notorious drug kingpin in the Great Northwest. Who knows what is inside of this pill bottle, but all we know is that it might be the only way that Ben can escape from the pain, hurt, betrayal, and the TRUE STORY that every1 is trying 2 uncover.
Gibbard commented, "It's getting to be this time of year in the Northwest." Many say that this is a suicidal metaphor, a clear reference to the suicide of Kurt Cobain, who took his own life in the Pacific Northwest.
Right now, all we can do is #pray4benjamin.
He may have lost ZoZo, but that doesn't mean he should give up hope. Sometimes, hope is all we have...
R u worried abt Ben Gibbard?
Have u ever done this drug?
Do u ever have those days where u think 2 urself 'It's getting 2 b that time of year in the NXNW?' [via dark thoughts]
Is this a cry 4 help?
Would u be dead on the inside if u got divorced from Zooey Deschanel, then she went on a MASSIVE BRANDING ASSAULT on the mainstream?
Have u ever done pills?
Zooey Deschanel is a recently-single indie superstar, and EVERYONE is trying to get their hands on her now that she is no longer married 2 Ben Gibbard. But guess who she was recently spotted SEXTING with pvia snail mail]? PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA! It seems like even the President has gone GA-GA for #ZO_ZO. With those AMAZING bangs, blue eyes, indie frog voice, and a new hit TV show on fox, u HAVE To think that Barry is tired of his wife, and looking to move on to some1 younger, fresher, and with a BANGIN indie body!
Is ZoZo on UR radar now that she is single?
"New Girl" star Zooey Deschanel is apparently on President Obama's radar. The actress/singer received a letter from the president for her 32nd birthday on Tuesday wishing her "good health and happiness in the year ahead."
Deschanel's blog that she started with her two friends, "Hellogiggles," tweeted out a picture of the birthday message.
Good 4 u, Barry! U work hard, bb! Good job an Osama!
The truth is, it doesn't matter WHO ZoZo ends up with next, we just want her to be happie. Let's hope that soon, she is canoodling in the White House after this STEAMY #SEXY from President Obama!
Artist's rendering of Zooey Deschanel and President Obama on their first date
Will ZoZo and Barry end up together?
Will she be a Jackie-O level first lady?
Is this the PERFECT guy 4 her after Ben?
Do u think Ben will end up voting for a Republican if they end up d8ing?
Do u think Zooey Deschanel is ultimately too obsessed with Middle American Red State appeal to ever publicly endorse a Presidential candidate in the heat of an election?
Will we ever see an Obama + ZoZo canoodling pic any time soon?
R u excited abt the new Zoobama era? [via relationship name mashups]
Recently, Ben Gibbard was profiled in some running magazine, and he basically said that running was his anti-drug / anti-depression / anti-ZoZo. It certainly shed light on a dark, dark situation--the fall of the greatest indie marriage in the history of indie. It's true--not everything that is beautiful can last forever, but we can see that Ben Gibbard is still in a dark place. He recently went on a 'snow run', which means that he is addicted to the pain that his body endures when he runs, as if he deserves a lifetime filled with knee, leg, and back problems just to get his mind away from life.
I am truly worried about Ben Gibbard, who still seems to be making the 'I swear I'm okay' face mixed in with the 'I am strong, I am in a good place' face.
At this point, all we can do is #pray4ben...
R u worried abt Ben Gibbard?
Did ZoZo really 'do him wrong'?
Did they simply just 'grow apart'?
Is running too hard on ur body?
Is running in the snow too dangerous?
Is Ben 'living on the edge'?
I'm on the edge with u, bb...
Memes via Buzzfeed http://www.buzzfeed.com/provincialelitist/zooey-deschanel-is-quite-a-catch-financially
We are witnessing the most controversial indie separation in the history of indie. After filing for divorce from Ben Gibbard, Zooey Deschanel's lawyer attached her income and expense declaration. According to legal experts, she is trying to keep Ben from taking too much of her money, and is probably attempting to defer earnings until the divorce is finalized so she 'doesnt' have to share shit with his broke ass.
Her statement of income might be a 'protective' measure, but she also might be 'bragging' to the indie and mainstream world to prove that she 'has it all', and has 'totally made it 2 the big time.
-- Zooey -- who stars in "New Girl" -- makes an average of $95,000 a month
-- Her expenses average $22,550 a month
-- She has 3 credit cards ... AmEx, Visa and Mastercard, all of which have a 0 balance.
-- She has $1,578,000 in the bank
-- Zooey has an additional $1,645,000 in stocks, bonds, etc.
-- Zooey has real and personal property valued at $693,300
As for what she spends a month, Zooey says she drops $1,000 on groceries and household supplies, $500 eating out (really?), $800 on utilities, $300 for her various phones and email accounts, $600 in laundry and cleaning, $2,000 for clothes.
She also donates $1,500 a month to charity.
Feeling s00 jeal of her 'mad bank.'
I wonder where her money from She & Him comes from. I wonder where her money from her crappy comedy show comes from... It seems like she truly has it all...
I wish I was saving for my future. :-(
I wish I could give 2 the poors and the coloreds on the regs...
I wish I didn't have massive credit card debts... :-(
It seems like EVERYTHING is COMING UP ZoZo!
Is ZoZo 'mad rich'?
Does she make 'way more bank' than Ben Gibbard?
Is Ben Gibbard 'going after her $$$$'?
Did he give her the stability to achieve success?
Which of Zooey Deschanel's financial stats is most impressive?
Do u ever think u will become a lucrative 'it girl'?
Is she 'no longer indie' bc she is s00oo0o rich?