Zach Braff | Hipster Runoff

Zach Braff

The Most Meaningful Metaphors of Our Young Lives’

Some metaphors stick with u forever. I need 2 spend more time reflecting upon how these metaphors have constructed who I am 2day. In the hit film GARDEN STATE, Zachary Braff's character stands in front of a mirror. He looks into this mirror and he sees himself. He is wearing a zany t-shirt which his zany relative gave to him--he then finds out the zany print on the t-shirt is the zany wallpaper in the zany relative's zany bathroom. Yall probably see where this is going:

This scene is a metaphor for searching for meaning in a zany world.

The truth is that we are all searching for a way to express our individuality. It's difficult though, because we spend most of our time reflecting within ourselves--u will notice that the shot is kinda like he is looking in a mirror. This represents searching within urself 4 meaning. However, u can barely 'find yourself' when u can barely even see yourself, cuz ur kinda just another brick in the wall.

Have yall ever felt a little bit Braffy? (this post is just an excuse to post these zany people. srry. laters.)

[meme via weburbanist]

Do yall ever feel overwhelmed by the other 2 billion people on this Earth? Kinda hard 2 feel 'unique', in my humble bropinion.... But who am I? Just a bro with a blog. Goodnight, yall.

This has been a post about movies. I am going to start blogging more about cinema like The Mall Cop Movie or Ashton Kutcher's "What Happens in Vegas, Yall!." Is that kewl with yall? Who is gonna win one of those Movie Grammy MTV Video Award Thingies?


Do yall know any other metaphors/symbolism that I should analyze so we can get to the 'root' of who we are? How about the Che Guevara meme?
Do yall know if Garden State is in the Criterion Collection or has only Armageddon made it in?

Do yall know if they let blogs into the Criterion Collection?

There's Beauty in the Breakdown

So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for?
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

-Frou Frou ft. Zach Braff and the Natalie Portmans singing about letting go of society's norms + pressures+ generating a new concept of 'love'

I am still monitoring my theory that acapella will replace conceptcore music in 2k10. Just want to make sure I stay relevant. What do yall think?

Will yall 'let go' in 2k10? Do yall miss 2k0-2k4 and wish we could go back 2 the days when we didn't really know how 2 use the internet to attempt 2 cultivate a meaningful life?

What is the most Authentic Alt Job?

When I graduated from High School (got a G.E.D. cuz I outgrew a lot of the social bullshit rlly quickly) and made a 10 year plan, I realized that I wanted a job that not only provided financial security, but more importantly projected an image that enabled people to think that I am 'cool' and 'passionate about what I do at the same time.' Picking a career is a difficult, soul-searching journey/ongoing quest for self-awareness+actualization.

When you are building a personal brand, you want a brand so strong that people want to emulate it. Kinda like Michael Jackson when he was in the process of turning white. You want other people to want your life.

Picking your authentic alt career is difficult. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes it means 'standing up 2 ur parentz bullshit expectations' and/or 'societal norms.' It means taking risks, going to college, not going to college, changing your major, taking a year off, and transferring to a school where u r socially comfortable+'academically stimulated.' It means being yourself and being some one else. While 'wanting 2 make ur parents proud' is an innate within all humans, authentic alts are willing to rage against this desire. Your pride is the most important thing in the world. Your pride, your terms.

This is ur life.


The Guy who works the soundboard at concerts. He knows a lot about sound quality, systems, and bands.

DJ at a shitty radio station/college radio station/guy who is affiliated with a university 5+ years after graduating & not getting a real job.

"Door guy" who multitasks as a bouncer/ticket tearer/janitor.

Buffalo Exchange employee

Am Appy employee

postpostironic McDonalds employee

Start an indie band that is better at 'looking like an indie band' than it is at making music

Start a web 2.0 company

Start the first myspace profile

Work for a web marketing company who tries to get products/services/memes to go viral for companies who don't 'get' how the internet works. h8 when 'big businesses' don't understand the importance of the meme economy.

Work at Costco

Be a Zany Doctor

Work at a free spirited, local coffee shop

Work at Starbucks (great benefits, yall)

Go 2 beauty school.

Learn photoshop/become a designer. Carles is certified in Photoshop CS1.

Transition your name into a fashion label / be a judge on a Bravo show / make clothes for keut women.

Buy a video camera and make a lil meaningful film.

Start a blog!

Go on a Bravo Show/pretend u r 'into the design sciences.'

Become an altCEO // start a 'plain tee shirt company' that is 'fueled by legal Mexis'

Spend ur whole life 'becoming good at the internet' for no real reason.

[via Designnotes]

Tattoo artist

Apple Store Employee

Blipster Apple Store Employee

Make a viral vid

Note: Working in a record store is no longer an authentic alternative career in the postMP3 blog era.

Yall have a lot of options to express your personal brands. I'm sure I left out tons of options. Feel free to add some more to the comments.

In conclusion, it is just important to always remember the power of your alternative self, and the power of alternative free will. You are not functioning within the implied expectations of society. You will justify your life at any cost. You want people to understand that you are at your job for a reason. Even if you are just 'working at a coffee shop before you move to NYC to get a job at a design firm after you get your portfolio of doodles+MSPaint files together.'

Never give up on you. You are special. Eventually, you will find a way to get paid for just being yourself. You have a unique perspective on the world, and eventually, you will find a way to let people know 'who u really are', establishing a platform where people will listen 2 u, and most importantly, want 2 b u. (kinda like God/Michael Jordan/theGirlTalk/Macauly Culkin circa Home Alone).

Chuck Is Going to be a Huge Pile of Shit

Any one see the ads when you log into myspace lately? They are for CHUCK, which is billed as a thriller/comedy series coming to NBC. I usually won't blog about anything in TV or the movies unless it looks like it is going to suck really hard. Watch this 3 minute trailer.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

If you didn't watch it, then you wouldn't have picked up the whole vibe of wanting to create Scrubs Pt 2 with Zach Braff personality meets brotherly camraderie of 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' meets Alias meets pop culture referential humor with stuff like Vicki Vail song or Geek Squad rip off.

Anyways, it looks terrible. TERRIBLE.
I hate shows like 'Chuck.' I hope people don't watch it, then I will hate it when it is syndicated on your local WB affiliate and Comedy Central every day until the dude who plays Chuck makes an indie film that speaks to an entire Generation.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate Scrubs and Garden State, and any one who is HIP should, too.
Don't you hate it when network executives greenlight something 'a little bit different than what's on TV right now'?

Zach Braff and Mark Foster spotted bronoodling, brag about exploiting wannabe-indie mainstreamers

Zach Braff: Whaddup dewg?
Mark Foster: Brosef!
Zach Braff: Do u know who I am?
Mark Foster: Do u know who the frig I am?
Zach Braff: I'm Zach Fuckin Braff, bitch!
Mark Foster: Word! I'm Marky Mark Foster.
Zach Braff: I wrote, starred in, and directed Garden State. I also curated the soundtrack, one of the best of all time.
Mark Foster: I wrote 'Pumped Up Kicks.' Enough fucking said.
Zach Braff: I LOVe that song! I wanna use it in my next film.
Mark Foster: It'll cost u, bitch!
Zach Braff: Dude, cmon. I'll take that shit platinum, dawg.
Mark Foster: I wipe my ass with platinum records.
Zach Braff: I wipe my ass with my Oscar for 'Best Soundtrack.'
Mark Foster: I played at the Grammys with the Beach Boys.
Zach Braff: I wipe my ass with the tupee of Beach Boys members.
Mark Foster: I wipe my ass with the Garden State laser disc.
Zach Braff: I eat pieces of shit like u for breakfast.
Mark Foster: I ate your Garden State laserdisc for breakfast.
Zach Braff: But u wiped ur ass with it.
Mark Foster: I have a bunch of them around my house, some to eat for breakfast and others to wipe my ass with.
Zach Braff: Cool, well do whatever u want with them. That's money in my pocket.
Mark Foster: I bought them illegally black market from China.
Zach Braff: I'll send u to jail.
Mark Foster: You're going to jail.
Zach Braff: For what?
Mark Foster: For wearing pumped up kicks without my permission
Zach Braff: Huh?
Mark Foster: Yeah, I own the laws to wearing Pumped Up Kicks
Zach Braff: No you don't.
Mark Foster: I have a lawyer, he says I do.
Zach Braff: Dude, I don't own New Jersey.
Mark Foster: U probably do, sort of.
Zach Braff: Really?
Mark Foster: Let me get u in touch with my lawyer.
Zach Braff: U know what, ur not so bad after all.
Mark Foster: We're both pretty similar.
Zach Braff: We're both white.
Mark Foster: White women LOVE us.
Zach Braff: We both exploited 'the indie aesthetic'
Mark Foster: We're both hella mainstream famous.
Zach Braff: I was on Scrubs, though.
Mark Foster: I could have a TV show if I wanted.
Zach Braff: Write a song for my new movie, bro?
Mark Foster: What's the movie about?
Zach Braff: School shooting. Shoes, Cool shit like that.
Mark Foster: Tyte.

Do u <3 them or h8 them for what they did 2 indie?

Zach Braff


Zach Braff is the writer and director of the hit indie film/poop sandwich known as Garden State.

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Natalie Portman reunites with Zach Braff in new indie super hero movie


Natalie Portman is always doing her best to prove that she is an indie actress. It seems like the took out an ad during the Super Bowl to promote her new indie film "Thor." I don't read comic books, but if I had 2 guess, this is clearly a new indie super hero movie, trying to be quirky, kinda like Scott Pilgrim Vs the World starring Michael Cera. It seems like she reunited with former Garden State cast-mate Zach Braff to really make sure that this movie is 'hella indie.'

Zach Braff's career has clearly 'gone down the shitter', so he has to be thankful to have been cast as THOR in this new movie. R u rooting for Zacky? Did he get plastic surgery?
zach braff nose

Is Natalie Portman an indie actress, or is she 'hella mainstream'?
natalie portman thor
Did she just do this Super Hero movie 2 cash in 4 her baby?
Can Zach Braff thrive as a lead actor?
Does Zach Braff look hella swole in this movie?
Remember that time Natalie Portman was like "Listen to this mp3. It's the Shins." Do u think they're gonna do that again in this movie, except with Peter Bjorn & John or something?


R u listening 2 the Shins rite now?
When Z Braff cast Nat Portman in his movie, do u think he thought they were gonna be 2gether forever irl?

zach braff alone leave garden state tweens shins

Natalie Portman

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Natalie Portman is a mainstream actress who tries 2 maintain indie authenticity by starring in indie films.

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Zach Braff


Zach Braff is the writer and director of the hit indie film/poop sandwich known as Garden State.

Read more>>>>
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