All Santa wanted for Christmas was an Amstel Light and the non-blonde Pu Pu Platter of a$$.
Santa: Hello little girl.
Bethany: Hi Santa
Santa: Have u been a good gurle this year?
Bethany: Hells yeah!
Santa: What do u want 4 xmas, qt?
Bethany: Maybe a lil bit of dank...
Santa: But I thought u were a good girl.
Bethany: It's chill. I'll just go thru my dealer 2 get some even though he makes u smoke him out and listen to Tom Petty.
Santa: Sigh.... Dealers and their goddamned Tom Petty.
Bethany: When I grow up, I want to be buzzworthy.
Santa: That's not something I can give 2 u... That's something u have 2 work 4... Something 2 earn.
Bethany: WTF do u know?
Santa: Many indie celebs before you have sat on my lap, asking for the same thing.
Bethany: What do u tell them?
Santa: Buzzworthiness = preparation + opportunity
Bethany: I thought preparation + opportunity = luck
Santa: Well, it just depends on how u define buzzworthiness.
Bethany: Ur saying buzzworthiness isn't abt talent, hard work, and blood, sweat, or tears?
Santa: Buzzworthiness is abt all of that, sweet child.
Bethany: Just wanna dank out.
Santa: This Christmas, I will bring u a vintage fuzzy buzzy guitar.
Bethany: Kitty cats dank boys fuzzbuzz
Santa: Tickle Me Elmo
Bethany: See u at the North Pole, bitches!
Santa: I am an old man who is seasonally employed. I don't know anything. I shouldn't be allowed near children. I don't even know what a buzzband is. I am going 2 eat Chic-Fil-A and get drunk after my shift is ovr. Goodnite world.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BESTYCOASTYBETHANIE & MALL SANTA BRO.