Personal Brands | Hipster Runoff

Personal Brands

Is Animal Collective the most unfashionable buzzband in the world?

photo via Abby Portner

Itemized List of Unfashionable Clothing & Accessories

a) hemp necklace
b) friendship bracelet
c) cargo shorts
d) bro cap
e) entry-level neon wayfarers
f) trendy religious/spiritual bracelet
g) front-pocket cargo shorts
h) brown clogs with black socks
i) flip flops
j) sk8r boi Vans

We all have a concept of 'what we expect a band 2 look like'. Do you feel like Animal Collective is attempting to transcend our expectations of 'buzzband appearance', or are they just chill bros vibing out in cargos? It seems like they are way 'unfashionable.' From what I have heard, most buzzbands have their own 'personal stylist', and companies who give them 'free swag' just in case they wear it on Fallon or something.

Sorta wish I could be in a buzzband that was so relevant that I just got to lounge around in comfy, chill bro clothes. It's like when you 'get too comfortable' in a relationship, gain 20 lbs, then start lounging around in pants with elastic bands and big, baggy t-shirts.

What do u expect a buzzband 2 look like?
Should they look 'cool'?
Does AnCo dress like cool dads who are escorting their kids to a regional Six Flags theme park?
Is this 'the new aesthetic'?
Are they just a modern druggie jam band?
Should they start dressing up in costumes like Coldplay/Arcade Fire so that misguided mainstreamers take them more seriously?
What is the ultimate buzzband uniform?

Protecting myself from society's toxic vibes [via gas mask]

Photo by thecobrasnake

Every day, I walk around
See so many disgusting effing faces on the street
Going to their 9-5 jobs
Raising families
Watching TV shows to make them feel connected 2 society

If only they knew
that they were not just mainstreamers
they were lamestreamers
succumbing to society's trends / interests / pressures

When I am around too much lamestream culture
I must protect myself from toxic vibes
This uniform is not 4 the sake of personal branding
I wear this gas mask
2 stay alive in our toxic ass society

I live in the metaphorical darkness
emerging at night
2 connect with a group of like-minded people
We meet in a safe, dark environment
which has been aesthetically treated to
keep us safe
keep us thriving

No, I'm not just a bro who recently saw the hit film Trilogy 'The Matrix'
I am not a dude who JOs to anime / hentai porn on the reg
I am not 1 of those dudes who is obsessed with Japan
I am not just another 1990s gothwave bro who never grew up
I may or may not be the most authentic alt on the planet

Gas Mask Bro

Techno house rave music culture
Existentialism absurdism green post-societal apocalyptic wave lifestyles
This is my life

Mainstreamers will 1 day die [via their God rapturing their asses]
But I will live 4ever
escaping with my bros who participate in my relevant counter-culture lifestyle

What do u do 2 keep urself save from lamestreamers?
Is the gas mask going to be a relevant trend in 2k12?
Will the world end in 2k12, or just the mainstream world?
Does society have harsh toxic vibes?

Is your personal brand compromised when you attend a relevant alternative event with your partner?

Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes

I just saw this picture of a couple standing 'front row' at a relevant Toro Y Moi concert in Miami. While the chillwave movement is often associated with 'groups of bros' who 'just want to chill out', you have to remember that the 'live show experience' is not just an event for bro congregation, groups of friends to 'get trashed', and other tangible social networking opportunities. A live show/art show/music festival/public outdoor alt farmer's market event is an opportunity for an alternative couple to 'get off their asses' and 'go out in public', a monthly/yearly opportunity to feel like they are still a part of' the scene'.

Most couples end up sitting at home, growing to resent/hate one another after nights spent eating unhealthy meals, watching complete seasons of the Office on DVD, and arguing about 'whether or not the non-insecure member of the relationship' really wants to 'give up his or her social life' for the simple life of a relationship. Going out in public to a highly relevant event puts your relationship under tons of stress if both members of the couple aren't high level alts. Your personal brand is linked to your partner, so if you aren't both committed to 'looking good', 'having fun' and 'being alt', the intensity of the alternative environment can 'crack' your relationship.

Just wish I could be a Member of the Altest Couple on Earth [link]

Very few couples create alternative synergy, where both members of a couple have a personal brand that is elevated by existing in a relationship. If u find some1 like this, hold on 2 them forever, purchase a mixed loft/art space with them, and start a buzzband with them.

Problems with going out with ur partner if the relationship isn't on strong alternative ground:

  • Having to see a crappy band if ur partner isn't authentic/up-to-speed on blog buzzbands
  • Ur partner's wardrobe if they aren't as alt as u
  • Not being able to 'upgrade' to a more authentic/attractive partner
  • Dealing with ur partner 'getting drunk' + 'new emotions/feelings being expressed'
  • Getting drunk and accidentally 'letting ur eye wander' in public
  • Not being able to go to 'the after party' because ur partner is 'tired' and 'her feet hurt'/is 'dehydrated'/'light-headed from being in such a cramped space'/needing to go to Denny's to 'eat more food 4 energy.'
This photograph is a 'case study' on the pressures of being in a relationship while you are at a highly relevant event.

Are you ashamed of me?
No, I am standing close to you, with my hands around you, proving that you are mine. You are my property. Our brands are aligned.

Are other girls alt-er/hotter than me?

Once again, I have overcompensated with my physical affection for you, and even integrated 'being into the music' into 'being into you.' Let's dance/sway side-to-side together.

Are you trying to hide me because ur ashamed of me?
No, we are standing in the goddamn front row. We have been making eye contact with Chaz the whole time. He probably thinks we are an awesome couple.

I know you want to start a buzzband. If u went on tour, would u stay faithful, or bang other hotties like me all across the USA?

I would bring you on tour, babe. I would bring you on tour. No1 compares to you. I promise.

You never take me out.

I am just so tired of our group of friends. They don't understand what it's like to be in a committed relationship. I would rather just spend every night on the couch with you. Don't even care about bro time any more.

My feet hurt.

We're going to have to go to the mall tomorrow to get you a new pair of shoes. I know that TOMS match your purchase price with a donation to charity, but I just don't think they are very orthopedic.

I don't know who I am as a person. I don't feel alt. I don't feel mainstream. What am I doing with my life? Being around so many people makes me question who I am. I feel old. I don't have a tight, firm 17 year old body any more. should I go vegan.

I am overwhelmed. I don't know how to deal with the problems of a 20something mildly alternative female who is searching 4 her place in the world. But I would feel bad abandoning her. I am not sure what to do. I am the modern alternative bro. I used to attend relevant concerts with a few bros, getting fucked up, standing in the front of the stage. Now here I am, managing this relationship. I value the spirit of the relationship, but I wonder what I am missing out on. I feel like other girls have been checking me out, analyzing my brand, possibly devaluing me because of my 'old ball and chain.' Can life get any better? Can my life get any worse? Is the grass 'always alt-er' on the other side?

Hands on the hips of my girlfriend. 5-8 years ago, this would have seemed like my alternative heaven, but these days... I am having my doubts.

Here I am, watching another buzzband play live. I always thought that would have been me by now. My alternative life is passing me by.

I am 26 years old, and I haven't done one buzzworthy thing with my life.

The alternative bro is growing up
entering relationships
still into buzzbands, still into 'being alt'
but the pressure to mainstreamify
and find a 'partner'
yet I still have my dreams
big dreams
of being relevant, buzzworthy, blogworthy
the ability to get a 'blow job'
from any entry-level skank across the globe.

Alt life passing me by
Not alt-famous
Not in a buzzband
don't have a high-trafficked alt blog
Not even part-owner of an authentic diy space/bakery

All I have to show that I am 'alive'
is a degree from design school
and a girlfriend
who represents everything I want to become/
everything I don't want 2 become

Do u think Chaz felt bad for that bro for being 'tied down' to a relationship?

Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes

Sorta just hope life works itself out
and I end up being a relevant alternative celebrity
highly desirable
yet in a relationship with an equally desirable alternative relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that 'bottlenecked' ur personal brand?
Is being in an alt relationship about 'going mainstream and hiding indoors' or going out and being social?
Do u feel bad when u see a 'couple' at a relevant alt event when one of the members of the relaish is 'way more alt' than the other 1?
Is taking a mainstreamer partner to a relevant alt experience sorta like 'pushing ur child on their bike with training wheels?
Is it difficult to be 'growing older', 'looking alt' and managing ur progressive personal brand while trying to find an 'authentic partner?
Do u 'laugh' when u see a mainstreamer + alt trying to 'make their relationship work'?
What are some tips for 'finding an authentic partner' in our modern global scene?

Is the albino blipster the most alt personal brand possible on Earth?

Photo by Ivan Rodic

Sometimes I wonder if people are born with personal brands, or if personal brands are carved by a person's upbringing + place in society. Like most questions in life, the answer is always probably gonna be 'a lil bit of both.'

I feel like some people are genetically gifted with either 'unique facial structures', 'mad skinny bodies with high metabolism', or even 'beautiful skin' which no combination of Neutrogena and ProActiv could accomplish. Some humans are simply 'more beautiful' than others, and some humans are simply more alt than others. Some humans have to 'overcome' tons of bad vibes in their lives', and some people surfed on chillwaves straight out of their mother's womb.

Sorta wonder what the most alternative personal brand in the world is....After seeing The Albino Blipster, feel like he might be #1.

First of all, being 'black' makes him more rugged & organic than all white people.
But his skin condition makes him 'post-back', achieving a tone whiter than most white people.
He comes with [FULLY LOADED] with 'all of the pain and suffering' of a descendant of Africa, but represents a 'white light', encouraging us to look at more than race, and instead to look inside of ourselves.
In addition, being a 'blipster' gives him an alt perspective on the stereotypical 'black' way of life.

Really feel like we are 'witnessing history'/'transcendent beauty' when we watch this albino model blipster bro. Seems post-human, with a personal

What sort of 'life challenges' does a person have to overcome to become 'auth alt'?
What do u think is the most alt personal brand / race combo possible?

Half icelandic, half portuguese?
Half Los Angelesian, Half Brooklyinite?
Half Utahinite, half Midwesterner?
A blipster who was adopted by ____________?
A California Style Mexi Bro?
A white kid from the suburbs of Maryland?
A child who was born over the Bermuda Triangle?
a child born at a music festival who was raised by buzzbands?
a child born from the virgin vagina of an entry level alt?

Do u feel like ur personal brand is bottle necked by your genetic brand?

Just wish I won 'the genetic lottery' and had the ultimate personal brand, giving me a look/human aesthetic that made me 'more than just another human'.
Want 2 be 'more than just another alt dunce dressed in retail'....
Want 2 have the most authentic personal brand in the entire universe [via aliens vs predators]

Kanye West and LeBron James celebrate their global personal brands/being ass holes

LeBron James celebrates his new life with Kanye West, creating a controversial meme / think piece for the internet 2 analyze.

2 ass holes
trying 2 hard
2 be 'global brands'
2 be 'universally loved'

Working out their insecurities in public forums
In surreal contexts
One bro 'makes kewl sounds and raps over them
The other bro puts bouncey balls into hoops

As a society
we have told them that they are valuable because of their gifts
and they are both trying to 'make us happy'
Since they believe the fruits of their labors will help them to
inspire us to buy shit with their names on it.

Both mix art, sport, and commerce
trying to build a brand to 'sell shit'
Jerseys, albums, shoes, art
Trying to transcend demographics
Black, white, Chinese, Indian
Poor, Rich, Russian Billionaires, kids who can't afford shoes
tons of middle class white kids

Feel like we've been 'betrayed'
These bros are just so unchill
They are all about 'me'
But they are sort of like 'Me 1.0'
Me 2.0 exists on the internet
in the twitter/facebook status update era

Me 1.0 bros are just baffling
because they lack 'the self-awareness'
/are 'too insecure' to just chill out
Not make everything s000 contrived

Me 2.0 bros react fast on the twitter
It's not even that difficult to be Me 2.0
Me 2.0 bros 'get it' in a mainstream way
and are quick to share their snarky observations with the world

Me 2.0 bros really 'get off' to exposing Me 1.0 bros.

R u Me 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0 or ____.0?

Feel like Kanye West and LeBron James don't really want people to h8 them
The bros are motivated to 'be loved'
to 'get their dicks sucked'
both physically and metaphorically

Think they might just need 'friends'
a solid network of bros who aren't lost in their inane talents
A network of bros who won't bang their moms [via Delonte West]
Some1 to help them understand who they are
sort of like a life coach

Might just vibe out,
listen to some vintage ironic non-ironic positive vibe rap
Brought to us by the ultimate African American personal brand
Will Smith


Will Smith was truly the first African American
that young white people 'let into their homes'
(Most were too young to really bro down with Bill Cosby, except 2 eat Pudding Pops)
(And Steve Urkel wasn't really kewl enough/was just a gimmick)

So we have learned to love Will Smith
He has become an even more likable black version of Tom Cruise
So positive that it is difficult 2 believe
He even created a mini version of himself [via the Black Karate Kid]

N e ways
just wanted to say
LeBron and Kanye are ass holes
Don't really wanna get too insightful
or even 'give them advice'
because I think I enjoy watching them 'do dumb shit'
and create bloggable internet memes

But I feel like they have emerged as a 'new version of a black stereotype'
Maybe a Super-Sized Racial Stereotype that is only achievable in the modern world / internet era.
More than just an 'Uncle Tom' who wants to bro down with white people
or the 'sambo' who loves to perform for white people
or even the 'gorilla' who is commonly associated as some sort of 'beast' / 'bad guy' / 'violent, uncontrollable black man'

A new stereotype seems to have emerged,
and LeBron + Kanye are the 'poster boys'
of this African American Human Meme Stereotype

Feel 'racist' for suggesting this
But here is the criteria
a) Considered 'great' at their profession in a superficial kind of way
b) High level of fame across races
c) Trying super hard to 'expand their personal brands'/make every1 love them
d) Clearly never going to be as 'great' as others in their profession
e) Does shit that 'makes them h8ed' on the reg
f) They have evolved past the 'thug' stereotype and are more interested in appealing to white people with $$$ to buy stuff
g) Get tons of blog coverage
h) Ultimately symbolize some sort of 'tragic figure' still searching for an identity in an absurd, post-racial world.

Feel confused and scared for them
Like 'they can't win'
But they are trying really hard 2 'win'
Not even sure what they do

Heads up their own asses
Becomes 'fun to h8 them'
Cuz every day I browse the internet
for people/memes to <3
and people/memes 2 h8

Seems chill to be able to 'hate' these bros so hard
I feel 'more interesting' when I can react to negative vibes
instead of just trying to spread positive vibes all the time.
As chill as chillwaves can be
sometimes u gotta get harsh on some bros to have a 'dynamic personality'

Welcome 2 Miami
Bienvenidos a Miami.

Who is a bigger ass hole: LeBron James or Kanye West?
Which bro is more self-aware?
Do they represent a complex new stereotype / genre of 'famous African American bro' that the world has never seen before?
Who got 'fucked over' more: Taylor Swift or Cleveland?
Is LeBron James an ass hole 4 taking this picture?

I’m hornie.

Photo by the Stereo Argonaut

I'm so hornie
Super hornie
Just a hornie raver bro
Gonna get some horns
and glue that shit 2 my head.

Would be 'mad alt' if I were some how able
to grow horns out of my skull
Sorta look like the devil

Kinda jeal of ram horns though...

They seem mad alt
like u can really 'butt heads' with people
both physically
and intellectually

Elephant tusks seem mad alt, too

Bet u can really 'gore up ur parents'
when they tell u that u can't go out
and that u are not really 'gay'
that ur just pretending to be gay 'just to be different'

Horny toads seem chill too

Horns seem aggressive
but at the same time
'just trying to protect myself'
from so many natural and social predators who are trying to dampen my vibe/brand

Piercings on my face
connecting my nose 2 my mouth
Raver bracelets on my arms
painted finger nails

They are all pretty sweet personal branding tools
But I just wish I had something that 'set me apart' from the crowd
without being a deformity
Something that made me look like I was 'half animal, half human'
Kinda like the wolf tweens [link]

I'm deviant
I'm dark
I'm hornie

Just a lil hornie bro
Might go 2 a rave

I'm hornie
Gonna make out with my bro

Erect peens
I don't believe in 'gender'
I just believe in <3, h8, and cum
bc I'm hornie.

R u hornie?
Are horns an authentic personal branding tool?
Do ravers come up with the best personal branding gimmicks?
Do u know where I can buy some horns, or do I have 2 kill an animal?
What is the most authentic animal with horns?

Hope and Homelessness--Never give up on Personal Branding.

Photo via thecobrasnake

I saw this picture portraying a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he had a pee pee accident as his dark yellow urine streamed down towards the star of a celebrity. I felt tons of emotions as my brain processed this digital image. Shame. Guilt. LOLability. Snarkfactor. Sadness. AmericanBeauty. Happiness. Loneliness. Fucksocietivity. Bloggy. Alive. Dead on the inside. Alone. Without a home. Metaphorical. This is the power of photography. A simple man who peed his pants in his sleep [via no home] can say so much about humanity, society, and the struggle 2 create a better life for urself.

The sad/beautiful image of the homeless man made me think of a recent post on the globally acclaimed streetfashion blog 'the Sartorialist' in which the photoblogger posted a picture of a coloured homeless man, then wrote an 'inspiring blurb'.

Photo and blurb by the Sartorialist:

I don't usually shoot homeless people. I don't find it romantic or appealing like a lot of street photographers, and if you asked homeless people they are probably not to happy about their situation either. That's why I was surprised to be so drawn to taking a picture of this gentleman.

I was being interviewed for an article in British Vogue; and while we walked down Bowery back in April I barely stopped walking when I took the shot. Fiona Golfar, the writer, asked why I took the photo. At that moment I couldn't really explain - but I just had a feeling about the power and grace of how he was sitting there. It wasn't until later that night when I was working on the image that I realized why I had noticed this man.

Usually people in this man's position have given up hope. Maybe this gentleman has too, I don't know, but he hasn't given up his sense of self or his sense of expressing something about himself to the world. In my quick shot I had noticed his pale blue boots, what I hadn't noticed at first were the matching blue socks, blue trimmed gloves, and blue framed glasses. This shot isn't about fashion - but about someone who, while down on his luck, hasn't lost his need to communicate and express himself through style.

Looking at him dressed like this makes me feel that in some way he hasn't given in or given up.

Damn. The bloggerbro's inspirational blurb is actually kinda true... It's like even though you might be the poorest, most worthless, homeless guy in the world, it doesn't mean that u can't have a little bit of pride 2 make sure that your clothes match. Never give up. Every day, u have the opportunity to brand yourself--you have the opportunity to let the world know that you are a person, and within this person is a brand which the whole world can consume.

Homelessness is not a disease--homelessness is the product of a group of people who have no pride. A group of people who don't play by society's rules. A group of people living in some demented reality, no longer in touch with the availability of legitimate intrinsic rewards through the power of 'creating.your.own.image.' We must inspire the homeless so that they can inspire us to do more than to take artsy pix of them. It is easy for photographers to take pictures of homeless people because they usually look 'insane', 'urban', and as if society has shat upon them.

A lot of people say that homeless people should 'get a fucking job'--now I firmly believe that they would get a job if they dressed nicely, and treated people with respect. It seems like they could some how get a job at an investment bank, or perhaps a McDonalds, similar to the plotline of the popular Will Smith joint 'The Pursuit of Happyness.'

After reading that inspired blurb, it sort of makes me want to tell this guy to 'get his shit together', and 'have a little bit of pride.' U can't go around pissing on urself and wearing lame ass clothes if you really want to turn ur life around.

It doesn't matter if you can't control your bladder, or if you are mentally challenged, or if you are having 'terrible flashback dreams.' Every day, you need to take pride in yourself. You need to realize that your personal brand is being interpreted by every1 who sees you. Do you want to depress your viewers? Or do you want to inspire them? Be a valuable person--not just to yourself, but also to society as a whole.

This is a blog post about hope.

Hello. I am a guy sitting at a table. I represent a brand. I want to sell you something that you are not interested in buying.

Photo by the cobrasnake

I saw you walk by me. You pretended not to see me so that you didn't have to talk to me. I understand. I hate having to deal with you, as well. Sometimes I half-heartedly make a pitch, attempting to sell you phone service/Direct TV/TimeWarnerCable/any other sort of service that you are not interested in. It fails 99% of the time. People run away from me. I am trying to sell you something. This is my job.

You are not interested in listening to me. I am just a bro, sitting at a table, wearing a polo shirt that is branded with my company. My job does not pay well. I am paid [via commission]. I have made 2 sales in 6 months.

Do u want to sign up? It's really a great service. I could tell you all about it. Are you interested in listening to me? You are not interested in me, nor are you interested in the product I represent. You are already satisfied with your service.

Maybe if I look 'pathetic' enough, you will sign up, after feeling bad for me. I am not sure if members of the opposite sex find me to 'not be very attractive' since I look like a 'tool.' Just want you to feel guilty. You did not come to this location to sign up for my company's service--you came for an entirely different reason. There is no way you will purchase this service from me.

I am a bro. I lurk around a table for my company, trying to increase sales + brand awareness. My regional manager sends me to the worst locations. She is always pressuring me to 'talk to more people.' She doesn't understand. I will never make a sale at the places she sends me to. I am embarrassed. I hope that no1 I know sees me. Wearing this stupid polo shirt. I will pretend to 'text' the entire time I am here. I will look disinterested and unapproachable. Some1 will come up to me who already has our cable service, and ask us why their ESPN channel is 'blurry.' I will tell them to contact technical support. This is my only contribution to the company today.

I am an adult. It seems like I always thought I would have a better job than this when I grew up. I will convince myself that I am 'starting at ground 0', and 'moving up the corporate ladder.'

I am a bro.
Sitting at a table
making a difference
Representing a brand.

Do u want 2 sign up for Comcast/Time Warner/tMobile/Sprint/a credit card with a 'generous' 'rewards program'?

I am sitting at a table.
This is my job.
I am going to send another text message.

This is me 2 hours later.

In 2 minutes I will close. I am about to close up for the day and go home. I will stop at Quizno's and get a sandwich.

This is me tomorrow. I am sitting at a table. I carry around the branded table cloth in my car.

I am employed. This bro is me. Do you want to sign up? You will receive a seat cushion if you sign up.

How about if I just give you this informational handout and my business card, and you can call me if you're interested.

Do you want to sign up?

Please do me a favor and just don't make eye contact if you're not interested in signing up.

I am a vessel of brand awareness. My personal brand has been outsourced.

Which Outdated Alternative Brand would make u more socially successful in high school?

It feels comfortable to 'grow older' because you can look back on previous trends, brands, and miscellaneous stuff that u once found 'meaningful', and u can say 'fuck that shit.' It's kinda weird to grow up, and see teens + tweens who are still utilizing the same branding techniques of 5-10 years ago now that retail outlets like hot topic exist. Even if some of the clothes + accessories change, there are still core components of the tween branding decision making process which will never change.

Did yall have an authentic brand during High School, or were u just trying to 'find urself' utilizing the resources at your local mall? Do u think it is 'bad parenting' if ur parents let you 'express yourself' before the age of 18?

If u could only choose 1 brand to utilize during ur high school years, which 1 would it be?

Brand #1: The Zany Bro who wears bright stuff & tshirts that reference nostalgic tv shows/brands

Photos by Every1isFamous


Brand #2: The alone bro, thinking about important life issues.

I feel like both of these brands were strategies that non-alphabros would use to 'get attention' from females. It was often difficult for ZanyBro to make a girl find him to be 'date-able.' He was more of a 'jester'/'joker', and wasn't meant to be taken seriously. By cultivating attention for himself by replicating the stereotypes associated with 'bein all zany', he made it impossible to create meaningful relationships with people. ZanyBro is sometimes fun 2 b around, but might not have the ability to 'shut off zany mode', making it hard for him to find consistent bros. A life without consistent bros seems like a 'desolate prison.'

The LonerDeepBro was able to forge connections with ppl, but you were often let down by how 'simple' the lonerbro was. Girls would think that the has an understanding of beauty which no1 else could recognize, but then you talked to him, and he was just 'a bro who had a really weird perspective of himself + the world.' I think it might be more difficult to be an authentic 'loneBro' because of online social networks, but most lonebros will have a 'minimal profile' that just has some dumb quote on it, or maybe that his fave author is Edgar Allen Poe.

Both of these brands are searching 4 meaning, and are only temporary personal brands on the personal branding timeline of your life. However, it is important to understand that if you are a zanyBro, part of you will always be a zany bro, because people will remember 'the real you', even when you grow up and your brand matures. Not sure which 1 I would pick if I had to live my life all over again.

Which 1 would yall choose?
What is a good alternative brand to have during high school?
Some1 who is into 'punk music' like Green Day?
R u ashamed of the person u used 2 b?
Are u 'relieved' that u didn't go to high school during the Napoleon Dynamite era?
Is Am Appy going to become a 'parody brand' when the tweens of this generation grow up, sorta like Old Navy?
What were u like in hi school and how did u change when u went away 2 (community) college?

Understanding the significance of ur semi-ironic athletic jersey

Photo via Chicago Looks

I saw this bro attending a relevant music festival, wearing an NBA basketball player's jersey. Most mainstream bros who wear jerseys are attempting to say 'I am a bro. I like this sport. This player is good.' However, when an alternative person wears a sports jersey, I think that they are just using it to 'stand out' by saying 'Hey yall... not wearing Am Appy... wearing this jersey I know nothing about.'

I think that it is irresponsible to wear the jersey of an athlete who you know nothing about. Much like any celebrity, there is a point where an athlete no longer 'stands for himself' and solely represents an image/brand based on the trajectory of their career. It is easy to wear a Michael Jordan jersey because he represents 'greatness', or a Shaq jersey, because he represents 'twitter', but I am unsure about wearing a Grant Hill jersey, like the bro in the above picture.

In order to understand the bro in the picture, you must understand the career path of Grant Hill, #33 on from the Detroit Pistons.

Grant Hill was an 'All American' athlete who played at Duke. I think that black people who go to Duke are not regarded as 'black people', but more of 'black people that white people can identify with.' I think at this point in his career, he was talented both athletically and mentally.

Grant Hill was drafted by the Pistons, and was a solid professional and a very marketable player.

So marketable that the Pistons even 'changed their uniform design' to reBrand around the Grant Hill era.

Sprite also built 'huge marketing campaigns' around him

He started to experience 'serious ankle problems', but still signed to a 'huge contract' with the Orlando Magic, since Shaquille O'Neal 'fucked them over since he wanted to be a rapper in LA.' Grant Hill was expected to be 'amazing' with fellow NBA player Tracy McGrady; however, both of them just turned out to be injured bros making $100 million.

So Grant Hill never really 'lived up to his potential' because of injuries. He got paid a ton of money, and 'never really panned out.' Eventually he got older+healthier, and signed to the Phoenix Suns. This was a part of his career where he felt like he 'missed out on what made life meaningful', and instead of 'trying to be a superstar, he is just trying to be a 'mediocre role player.'

Grant Hill represents failed expectations, much like the bro in the top picture. Perhaps his parents wanted him to 'be something more', but a series of external factors that he could not control led him to have to 'settle/accept the fact that he is just an average bro.' Once he admitted that he was an average bro, he was able to 'find happiness' and not

Feel like we could all learn a lot from Grant Hill. Maybe life is just about 'settling for less', 'not living up 2 ur potential', and 'accepting who u r.' Sorta wish more athletes represented something like that so that innercity kids could learn more abt 'real life.'

Might just buy this Jersey, since it represents being 'an authentic hip hop mogul.' Think this is what many NBA players are attempting 2 b.

Always do ur research, and learn about what a brand means. It would be like wearing a t-shirt that says 'I <3 cock' even if ur not ghey. Yall know what I mean?

A Revolutionary Personal Brand.

Photo by the cobrasnake

According to the Wikipedia Encyclopedia, Che Guevara was born in 1928. I feel bad for him, because there is no way that he could have effectively monetized his Communist Revolutionary brand correctly (facial image + kute lil miltary bro hat). I feel like there should be some sort of 'licensing privileges' for his family, because ppl freely use his image just to 'seem kewl' when they go out 2 party. I know that Ralph Lauren gets paid when any1 wears 'a lil polo bro', but I am not sure if Che gets money when u wear one of his shirts. I am not sure what Che Guevara stands for--I think he was a commy/'red.' Not sure if communism would save us right now even though we are in an economic crisis. It might be sweet because I recently went to a sweet art show in a public space held by 'communist vegans.'

Feel bad for Obama. Not sure if his 'image' belongs to any one. When the HOPE meme was first made, I thought it was 'just an internet meme', but I can imagine African Americans wearing that shirt in 10-1000 years as some sort of metaphorical figure who was 'kewler than MLK.' Sorta like 'the Michael Jackson of politics.'

I am not sure how to feel about memes, and images of people who apparently 'stand for more than just themselves.' Feel like they need to be able to protect themselves.'

Hope that the now deceased singer 'Michael Jackson' was compensated appropriately when Crystal Castles used an image of her for their tshirt.

I am worried that when Che Guevara dies, no one who represents his estate will be able to capitalize off his image if places like Hot Topic start to sell pix of him on tshirts.

Just want every1 to get paid for the art that they make. Want people with extraordinary personal brands to be compensated appropriately when people piggyback on their personal brands to seem 'way more authentic.'

My personal brand is 'being a think piece.'

Photo by Easy Fashion

I am not your standard bro.
I see the world with a different pair of glasses, which are not 'rose coloured.'
I mix elements of Christianity and the Matrix in2 my personal brand.
I do not believe in concepts like 'time', 'space', and 'love.'
I do not find pleasure in any sensory activities.
I try to have 'no aesthetic' but unfortunately people try to call me 'fashion forward.'
I walk down the street and people stare at me. They wonder 'what is up with that bro.' They would never be able to understand what is up with me.

"I" do not "exist." I am just sort of here to 'challenge' people and their 'realities.' I make you uncomfortable because I do not exist for the same reason you exist. I am a conceptual bro. I want to make u 'think' about 'the big picture.' Want to make u ask 'why?'

I want to be noticed. I do not want to be noticed.

This is me.
These are my rings (collected while my family vacationed in Arizona and New Mexico).
This is my cross. This is my faith.
This is me underneath my dark hood.

I am sort of like a 'fameball celeb' who makes u wonder WHY/HOW ppl get famous.
I am a think piece.
I am more than just a human who is 'alive.'
I exist for a reason that extends beyond 'general humanity.'

PBR Fixed Gear Bike seems like it would fit in with my personal brand.


As yall know, I am a huge fan of the alternative alcoholic beverage Pabst Blue Ribbon, and instead of owning a car, I own a 'fixie' a.k.a. fixed gear bike. I need more brand+product MASHUPS 2 take my personal brand 2 the next level. Think this might be another 'marketing ploy' by the PBR 'unintentional' marketing team [via brands that are adopted for no good reason by privileged 'subcultures'].

Not sure if it would be possible to create a more authentic vehicle. Possibly a Sparks Prius, or something like that. Or maybe a 'Scion Scion' that travels the world sponsoring alternative events. Miss the days when people would travel to music festivals in altMobiles. Or the Crystal Castles Mobile.

Think this bicycle might be the alt version of Oscar Meyer's Weiner mobile.

Or possibly a Red Bull MiniCooper

or a Best Buy Geek Squad car.

Or a NASCAR car

I just want to cruise in a branded vehicle. Might make a 'macbook prius' or a 'blog hummer' or a 'Lil Miss Sunshine volkswagen.' Can yall think of any other branded vehicles?

If you could die on a fixed gear bike [via no brakes] what brand would u want representing U?
Is the PBR fixie the most authentic vehicle on the planet?

What will alternative people look like in 2k45?

Photo via advancedstyle

Sometimes I wonder what we will be like when we're old, yall. Like will we still be the same size, and still look the same? Will we have grey/gray/white hair/go bald? Will we be like 'suddenly everything has changed' [via the Postal Servicing]? I feel inspired to 'stay young 4evr' by this beautiful old woman wearing an altbro colour palette.

I hope that when I'm old, I'm still able to stay 'fresh.' I just want to be kewler than my kids and grand kids, and I don't really want to let them experiment with trends that are doomed 2 fail. I just want them to be a lot like me, and if they ever stray from the path of authenticity, I will lash out at them, like I am deeply disappointed in 1 of their life decisions. Not sure if I even want them to be successful, but I think I just want to know that they aren't 'wasting their glory days.' Miss being seventween, yall.

1 day I will be on my deathbed (wearing Am Appy)
and I will look back on my life
and I will say 'i was a chill ass bro
who just wanted to have a good time
and there's nothing wrong with that'

Scared about getting old, yall. Don't want to lose 'the most important' parts of 'me.'
What do yall wanna be like when u grow up and are about 2 die?

I might start a website that 'makes fun of "hipsters"' so I can 'make fun' of this bro's haircut

Photo via Nicholas Digital

I am very, very confused. I feel like writing something 'funnie' about the way that this bro looks. I think that his haircut makes him look like he is an individual. I can't tell if he has a flat top, or if a mohawk, or if his hair intersects to create an x- and y- axis. Sort of wish I had more pictures so I could really see what his hair is all about.

Sometimes I wonder where people go to get their hair styled in a progressive manner. Do they have a friend who is in beauty school? Do they go to a generic hair cutting studio where some1 cuts ur hair for $5? Or do they go to a 'barber shop' where old black men sit around and talk about life, racial issues, sports, and Barry Obama?

Sort of want to spend more time in barber shops, learning about life, requesting zany haircuts. Still just trying to be an individual who forms authentic connections with people.

I am worried that I am 'losing interest' in creating a strong personal brand. Do u think it's just me, or is it some sort of generational backlash?

I mite start a website that makes 'snarky commentary' about 'hipsters' and the way that they look. Think I will call if '' or possibly ''

What kind of music does this bro play?

Photo via BrooklynVegan

Sometimes I see an artist on the internet/in pictures at relevant music festivals/in pictures of relevant shows at relevant venues in relevant cities, and I never really 'actually listen' to the music. I sort of just say 'that bro looks interesting' and try to figure out the gimmick, or I just sort of 'write them off' if they don't seem like they'd align with my perception of 'who i am.'

Sort of like with Dan Deacon, u just say 'that is a hefty bro' and 'i'll bet his gimmick is that his music isn't good, but just trying 2 be artistic or something.' Or with Girl Talk, u say 'he looks like some1 that lived in my dorm freshman year, who grew a beard for the first time and started wearing hoodies', so u kinda rally around him in order to 'build a tribe' that supports him [via white people]. Or u say 'damn. TVOTR seem like the kind of black ppl who would be participating in my local scene.' Or u say 'damn. Feist seems pretty attainable. Wouldn't mind settling down with her and having her birth my alternative child.' We all just want 2 evaluate ppl/bands based on the way they look, because if we are able to 'judge a book by itz cover', we end up saving a lot of time and energy, especially in our modern era where we have s00 much information at our disposal.

After seeing a picture of this King Khan guy, what would u guess his music/gimmick is all about?
a) being zany
b) being a lofi artist
c) trying 2 appeal to the Gen-X Vice crew
d) singing in a foreign language
e) something about Slumdog
f) the male M.I.A.
g) ironic hiphop/rap
h) something where the band 'gets naked' in the name of punk
i) electro
j) post-Rapture dance thrash core
l) 90s tribute rock alt-country
m) something about Animal Collective
n) something that demonstrates my lack of knowledge of 'people from Brown-er parts of the world.'
o) some sort of 'inside joke' that 'only Pitchfork gets'
p) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Do u 'actually listen 2 music' n e more, or do u just judge artists by 'stupid pictures that blogs put up that are supposed 2 represent an artist'?
Worried that we are always misinterpreting brands.
Have yall ever misjudged an artist based on 'what they looked like' but found out that they are 'chill' after all? Or do u usually 'think a band looks kewl' but then u find out that they suck.

Converting ur car into an Authentic AltMobile

Should I feel happie that the name of my blog is bigger than other popular bands on this car? Feel like I might be more important than any individual band. Want 2 be a daily part of ur life. Are BLOGS the new BANDS?

Photo via thetaste

I remember when I was a female soccer player, and my team went to the state championship tournament. For the road trip, we covered my friend's mom's van with the name of every1 on our team, and even wrote some 'random' 'inside jokes' that no1 else would 'get.' It was those 'inside jokes' which forged our deepest bonds, and eventually led our team to second place in the state.

Kinda weird how we've all grown up, but still are interested in letting the world know what we're all about. Need to write the names of my favourite bands, blogs, and the propositions which I support on my car. Not sure if 'bumper stickers' are still authentic. Just want some thing 'louder' that doesn't bring down the value of my car. Might get my last name in Old English on the back of my car [via Mexicans].

Miss the days when I used to write my favourite band names + brand names on my black Jansport backpack. Shoulda paid more attention in class. Regrets. I now carry that same backpack 2 my community college.

I just want to go to a music festival
And let the world know that I am down with almost every relevant band
and chill and 'be myself'
and let the world know that 'myself' is pretty chill/always down to DL a free mp3

Does n e 1 wanna go on a meaningful roadtrip with me? [via carchalk decorated SUV]

This Bro in a lil Box Is Me--This Is A Representation of Me [via the Internet] I am the bro in my avatar

Image via Design Notes by Michael Surtees

It's rlly hard to decide who u want 2 b on the internet. Like u have this lil box on your profile, and u have to choose an image which 'represents u.' U have like 300x300 pixels to show the world what ur all about. Seems like a lot of pressure.

Some people post a picture of themselves where they look deep/hot/kute. Some people use a picture where they are visiting somewhere interesting. Some people 'outsource' their image to be something funnie.' Or some people have a 'cartoon representation' of themselves'.

Do yall have any sort of selection criteria when ur building ur personal brand on the internet?
I know a lot of people who are 'lonely' so they usually post pictures where they are hanging out with their friends. I know some bros post pix of themselves 'at a sports game' because they think that is meaningful/makes them seem really bro-like. Other bros like to post pix of themselves' at a place that 'seems important because they are wearing a collared shirt/blazer.'

So much 2 think abt, yall.

Sometimes I wish I could be an AZN, so that I would already 'kinda look like a cartoon' and just pick some sort of AZN doodle.

I just googled 'userpic' and now I will post a bunch of results.
Just trying to analyze some photos and what they mean when people select it as their 'user pic.'

Alone Bro in his room with big headphones and dark music

I got a new item of clothing and I want u 2 see it

I went to a sporting event. I will replace this pic with a pic of me&my GF when I get a GF

Me and my boyfriend (we have mediocre sex but we act like porn stars and talk rlly dirty and do dirty shit)

I am a tween who wants 2 b fngrbngd


The Rebranding of HIPSTER RUNOFF

In 2k9, I will work hard to rebrand HIPSTER RUNOFF. I recently talked to a brand manager who charged me $500 and he told me that it was necessary to build a brand that 'every1 wants 2 be friends with.' He told me that I need to be more accepting of people from all kinds of backgrounds, no matter what they looked like, the colour of their skin, or if they had physical or mental disabilities.

It was tough, but I'm starting 2 listen 2 him. Let me know what you think about my rebranding PR campaign. Just trying to let every1 know that they can be alt if they put their minds to it. Even the most mainstreamest black person in a wheel chair could be alt if they wanted 2, right yall?

Welcome to the Hipster Runoff! a place for every1 / society's 'leftovers'.

Found this flowchart and I think I might find out what it means and make it corporate policy.

Just want 2 hire people who are all different colours and sizes, so that we get a lot of different backgrounds+perspectives analyzing the problems we have and coming up with meaningful solutions. the actual solution isn't as important as the fact that we 'overcame' together even though we're all different and some of us came from divorced families.

Need 2 make sure every1 has the right to become the 44th President.

Need 2 do more meaningful graphic design.

Here is another flowchart that I am thinking of implementing/turning into more money so I can hire another staff writer.

This is a graph about white guilt.

This is a meme using American Apparel colours as a metaphor for people's skin colour.

Need 2 UNITE my readers instead of finding out about comment wars and how HRO commenters are trying 2 kill 1 another.

Gotta do more to reach out to suburban tweens who are going through an internal crisis/realizing that they h8 their 'cookie cutter life' in suburbia that they were born in2.

Yall. Please don't spend time commenting about how inauthentic HRO readers are getting. Instead, try to be more positive. Welcome them! Encourage them to become part of this brilliant community of trendsettings and beautiful minds! If u think about it, every1 has a beautiful mind in their own way.


//// This is the rebranding of HRO.
Want u 2 feel 'welcome.'
This is ur home away from home, yall.

I am thinking about joining a collective group of young people, artists, and friends.

I feel alone on the internet.
I want to make new friends on the internet.
I want to find people who are accepting of 'who I am on the internet', and maybe eventually have them accept 'who I am in real life.'


[I hope that when u read HIPSTER RUNOFF, it is in the same earnest tone as the Vlog Candy vlogcrew.]
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about personal branding and the internet. What can I do to network and extend my brand? I want to be more than just a blogger/youtube/myspacer/facebook page/blog commenter.

I am thinking about joining a collective group of young people, artists, and friends who have come together to communicate, to try and have some fun, to get creative and challenge eachother, to get into the world and to try new things. I think we'll really change the world. Even if it is on a small scale, if we make a few people laugh/think, it will all be worth it.

Fortunately, my parents recently purchased a video camera which they do not use, a community iMac for our living room, and a pair of scissors for me 2 style my own bangs. This will be an important project, and I will grow closer to my friends/internet acquaintances.

We will learn more about ourselves and art and the world and reality. We will communicate [via vlog].
I want to be part of something different.
I want to be part of something fun.
I want to be part of something sweet.
I want to nourish myself on Vlog Candy.

Did yall hear that they are replacing 'The Real World: Brooklyn' with the cast of the youtube series Vlog Candy? Is vlogging 'the master art'? Should I get some swoopy alt bangs?

Should I find a therapist who specializes in 'Barely Legal Teens who had a misguided vision of what life/meaning/authenticity/art was all about during their tweenhood, and are having a hard time adjusting to the modern world'? I'm having a hard time growing up, yall. Not sure if I will make it through the whole semester at my alt design school if I still think things can be meaningful, but every1 else is 'being all absurd and escapist [via substance abuse+self-destruction].'

/// My Personal Brand is stuck in 2k_.

Thinking about rebranding myself in 2k9 [via tatty ink]

I have always wanted to show the world what is inside of me. I want them to know 'who I am' and 'what I am made out of.' While I often approach this from a 'personality-based' perspective, maybe I should start trying to convey to the world what is inside of me (physically). If I can find a tattoo artist/doodler who is willing to tattoo all of my organs+skeletal system on me, then I will be 'transparent.' People will know that I am human after all.

2k9 may or may not be all about 'getting back 2 basics' 2 find out that 'we are all the same' from a biological/anatomical perspective because we don't want 2 seem like 'care about' 'material things' like fashion/trends/social status.

My other Rebranding option is getting a tattoo of all of the things I own on my body.

[via wemadeoutonce]
I think the task of tattooing all of my personal belongings on to my body might be tedious. For example, will I still be using a Macbook in 1-10 years? Will I still have my Blackberry Razr? Will I still be ordering pizza from Papa Johns? Will my TV only be a 104 inch flat screen in 2k40? I need 2 figure out how long I plan on being alive, and then predict which products will still be in my life in 2k__. How dumb would I have looked if I had a can of SPARKS tattied on my palm?

If I am scared to get a tattoo because of the 'pain', I might just morph into a digital camera. This would make me a CameraBro. I think having the opportunity to be 'half-human-half-technology' would be kinda like being a robot, except without 'losing ur sense of humanity/emotion/feelings that humans experience.' There are a lot of movies that have robots who 'want 2 b human bc they can't feel emotions', but if I were just 50% camera and 50% bro, I think I could

I still have 2 decide whether I want 2 morph into a Point-And-Shoot Camera or a dSLR. Point-and-shoots are kinda entry level at this point. If I choose to be a dSLR, I think I will have more opportunities to implement other accessories, like flashes and lenses. However, being a point-and-shoot means that I will be really portable, and won't be a huge douchebag. I just need 2 make sure that I come with a pre-installed way to upload my photos 2 the web [via flickr/photobucket/ tinypic/facebook/cobrasnakeHTMLgenerator/etc.]

What do yall value in a digicam?

Do yall know what I should do to upgrade my personal brand in 2k9?

What does it mean when u r in a relationship with some1 who looks exactly like u?

I have always wondered what it means when I see a bro dating a broad who looks exactly like him. (GHEYS also do this a lot.) Do u just 'like the way u look' so u find a similar partner, so that it's kinda like ur 'looking in the mirror' when u r 'with' them? Do you also have a mutual understanding for one another's self-concepts. Kinda like 'I really get my partner, because we have both probably had the same insecurities about our social existences and have similar ideas about our place in this mad, mad world.'

Maybe I am just 'assuming' that ppl r in a relaish when they are actually just 'friends' or 'brother+sister'... yall 'know what they say about assumptions.'

Not sure if these ppl are 'in a relaish' but they kinda look the same, and they are kinda like a mirrored reflection of one another [via mirrored bangs].

[Photos via cobrasnake]

S000 weird when couples look like 1 another, yall.

Will u be able 2 find some1 who looks like u in 2k9?
//// hope so
(What do I do if my personal brand is too unique?)

My Conceptual Life: This Bro Is Me On The Subway

I ride the subway a lot. I'm actually thinking of moving from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Brooklyn is just becoming kinda like the inside of an Urban Outfitters. I just need 2 grow up. I need to be around people who are actually creative, and not just trying to 'look like Bob Dylan.' I just want substance/meaning. I want 2 be inspired by my peers. I want to represent inspiration to others. The most frustrating thing about it for me is not being able to stand out from the crowd because s0 many posers have hijacked the personal brand of a traditionally creative person.

This winter has given me an excellent opportunity to experiment with new personal branding concepts. My latest yarn body suit represents 'being trapped in my society' but kind of highlights how I am lazy and comfortable within this trapped state. Instead of buying clothes, I think I'm gonna start making my own wardrobe. It might not be as 'nice looking' as a Crystal Castles fan bag, but I think I will be a better metaphor.

2k9 will be all about exploring 'what u represent' and trying to be a lil bit more conceptual.

/// <3 Mass Transit/

Public Transportation: I utilize u
I stand with the common man
I make more money than most of the common men
But I ride with them

Saving fuel
Saving emissions
The city thrives
because we can move from Point A to Point B
I move from Point X to Point Z
But I still ride with the common man

Listening to podcasts
People watching
Visiting websites on my 3G network
I live in a real city
Will never move to suburbia
Because they live in houses
and drive cars
forgetting what makes us
human after all

Next time I play Sim City
I will not build roads.

Bag: The Most Important Personal Branding Tool

The bag is quite possibly the most important accessory in the world. When it comes to constructing your personal brand, the bag can offer you a multidimensional solution that no other accessory can give you. The bag is an accessory in which you can place other accessories. The bag is portable. When your personal brand can 'exist outside of your house' and interact with other relevant people in relevant social spaces, then you have the opportunity to find meaning.

Carrying a bag means that you have more than one item which makes u that u need at any point of the day. Whether it is makeup, a laptop, a healthy snack, a lil pet, an iPod mp3 player, or even a gun, it's important to have other lil items with you. It's up to you to determine whether or not other people are worthy of knowing what is inside of your bag. You can be an enigma. The bag makes you an intriguing human being.

This meaningful person has some sort of 'musical instrument' in her bag. She is probably going somewhere interesting. I will never know if she can play music as well as Jewel or Feist, but that's not important. Her bag is a powerful personal branding device. When I see her, I can dream of her singing meaningful Nina Simone covers to me while playing her entry level acoustic guitar.

The bag is a sac. But it's more than an empty space. It is similar to the concept of 'home', except it is kind of like a meaningful RV/winnebago for lil stuff. The key concept is that you are allowed to travel. When you are able to travel, your life becomes more meaningful because you can tell more stories about interesting things you have seen. On these travels, you can accumulate small, yet meaningful objects to take with you on your journey through life.

Your bag is you.
You are an interesting person.
You should fill your bag with stuff that's not from malls.
This AZN with a bag is able to travel in his platform shoes. Without a bag, he would starve, because he would not be fueled by ramen.

[Photos by facehunter]

The following bro has important documents in his bag. While his alternative personal brand is being showcased, his bag represents having a prominent position in a relevant design/architecture/doodling firm. On the other hand, he might be a guy who 'started a blogspot' and is going to a local coffee shop because his studio apartment/efficiency does not have an unlocked wifi network that he can steal from. The important concept is that the bag is a shield. It protects him and it enhances him. He is more than just a scarf bro in a meaningful suit.

[Photo by Style Clicker]

The following bro is representative of a meaningful travel bag. I don't think that he has a job, he might be independently wealthy. This enables him to travel to places where Vespas are the optimal form of transportation. I do not know if he is in an international airport, or if he is in his parents' game room; however, the bag is worth a thousand words. This meaningful twink appears to be going somewhere relevant/important, therefore he is relevant/important.

[Photo by Lookbook]

I made this post because Christmas is coming up. We often ask for things to 'fill up our metaphorical bags.' However, maybe it's time that you start thinking about what your bag says about you. Even if you just have a mainstream laptop bag, people are constantly judging you. When you walk into an independent coffee shop with a FGGT bag from Best Buy/Staples/Office Depot, is that really who you want 2 be?

Is it time for you to grow out of your NorthFace backpack?

Or should you stick to a Jansport backpack?

Or should you use a TrapperKeeper/5StarBinder?

Or should I buy a Marc Jacobs bag?

Or should I use an American Appy shopping bag?

Or should I buy a Crystal Castles fanclub bag?

Or a mainstreamer tacky Coach bag?

Is my meaningful messenger bag personal brand out of date?

What kind of a bag do I need to take my personal brand 2 the next level?
Not gonna worry about filling up my bag--just want 2 appear to be 'going somewhere relevant.'
Kinda scared/confused.
Should I just use a grocery store plastic bag (kinda like in American Beauty)?
Do u carry a bag with u?
Is it important for the modern alternative man 2 carry a bag?
If there were no bags in the world, would crime go down 60%?


This is a personal branding crisis question. CROSS or ELECTRO LIGHTNING BOLT is a new HRO Gimmick where the readers must decide of the pictured alt should implement a CROSSy personal brand or an ELECTROLIGHTNINGBOLTy personal brand.

Please justify your response.
For example:
"He should get an electro lightning bolt tattoo cuz electro is gonna be big in 2k7."
"He should get a cross jacket/t-shirt/tatty because he is a Mexicalt and his parents probably worship the guy who 'chilled upon a cross til he died.' "

[Photo by Last Nites Party]

The AltDog Mirrors Alternative Humanity

A lot of people probably remember the alternative dog, Minnie. He was 2007's #1 myspacer worth blogging about back when there used to be myspacers worth blogging about. (I think most myspacers with strong personal brands are developing youtube personalities now.) If you look at the altdog from 2007, you are reminded of the bloghousiest year in the history of the Earth. Back then, electro music was just invented, and we were all looking to escape from our indie / indiecore/ meaningful core pasts. Bright colours and zany accessories were the norm--we just wanted to express ourselves.

If you look at the altdog from 2k9.1, you'll notice a more subdued personal dog brand, representative of our current electro recession.

[Photo by Daniel Tishbi]
The implementation of the child predator glasses represent a sort of an alternative 'thinking man' who is resigned to his poor eyesight, but still eager to brand himself. His lack of neon clothing is a 'back to basics look', which is kinda like burning all of your neon altbro clothes, and moving forward with a pastel/earth toned personal brand.

It's kinda weird how it's already 2k9.
I'm nervous.
Should I make my blog layout 'less neon'?
What is the colour scheme of 2k9?
What is this year gonna be all about?
Which band will die in a plane/bus/van crash? [THE HRO PROPHECY]
Will 'alt' end in 2k9?


They were the best of times, they were the worst of times
They were the altest of times, they were the entry-levelest of times
A time b4 the mainstreamers
And our retailers
reached out to the masses
who were trying to be alt
Mainstream became alt
and indie became electro
and electro became ________
I do not know electro
I do not know blog house
For I am a lone altbro
Trying 2 find his tug in the world
and differentiate his personal brand
2 turn tables and an Am Appy Hoodie
Miss the way things used 2 b
H8 the way things used 2 b
<3 the way things used 2 b

Based on what ppl wear, I try to guess his or her occupation.

Isn't it kinda weird how a personal brand tells basically everything about a person. Based on what u wear/do/say/eat/miss/h8/<3/etc., u r basically giving away ur social security number+credit information. People can tell a lot about u.

(btw I have suuuch bad credit)

Most people want 2 look like they are in bands / are artists / are designers / work at a coffee shop bc those jobs seem interesting. H8 looking like 'just another mainstreamer with a 9-5 job.'

/////What do u think these people do 4 a living?

R u in an indie pop band?

R u in a tribute band? (r u in the Beatleses?)

R u in art skewl/doodling college?

R yall related? Aren't twins supposed to come out 1 mainstream & 1 alt per set of twins?

R u a garbage man?

R u in the Hives?

R u struggling with the decision of whether or not 2 b transgendered?

Kinda weird how u can tell s0 much about some1 just by looking at some1.
Does n e 1 know some1 who remixes personal brands?

Photos by

My Personal Brand = LUVIN LIFE + LUVIN MUSIK!!!

[Photo by The Streetwalker]
I used to wear an iPod in public (when they first came out and only 25% of the world had them). It was a quick and easy way to let people know that I was a passionate music fan who wanted to add a meaningful soundtrack to my life. Eventually, most of the world got iPods, and poor people got imitation flash mp3 players with white earbuds. One time I was at a park and a 'troubled teen' vagrant asked me if I had a computer so that I could load mp3s on to his imitationPod. He asked me if he could borrow my email address because he had to register the product and didn't know if he could put in his home address. The worst part about uneducated people who are 'a product of their environments' is when they 'actually interact with u.' Kinda made me yearn to be back on my college campus where every1 is 'smart' and understands 'Generally Accepted Social Principles & Personal Space Territorial Laws.'

I searched for new innovative ways to let the world know that I was an authentic music fan ever since 'having white earbuds in ur ears' stopped meaning what it used to. That's why I had a custom made piano key bag, and a kute dress that is actually a composition that I wrote called "Ode to Alt."

Should I stop thrifting and start designing custom clothes that incorporate my personal interests/past times/meaningful hobbies.

Remember when 'college campuses started giving away Mac products'?

Remember when u first went away 2 Design School and turned from 'teen' to 'authentic designer'?

Monitoring the Blippest Blipster Alive

Can we officially name this Blipster "The Blippest Blipster Alive"? I know he may not be the traditional blipster who can only express himself with a tall tee (+ large print text) and some 'fly kicks', but I feel like if Blipsterdom had an 'essence', this bagbro would probably transcend it.

[Photo by EZ Fashion]

Or do u think we need to consider some other BlackAlt, like the TVoTR guy?

Or is it Santogold?

Or after recent events, can OJ Simpson finally prove that he is 'the altest man' within a mainstream society that can't handle his personal brand?

When some1's personal brand is so strong, can mainstream society contain them? If your personal brand is so strong, do the laws which govern most people no longer apply to u?

Remember when HERTZ rent-a-car decided to merge their brand with OJ Simpson's personal brand?


So who is the alt-est Blip in the world, and what sort of criteri(on collection) would u use 2 judge him/her?

Part of the Child Predator Never Dies

[Photo by the Cobrasnake]

A lot of people ask me 'Carles... which trends are gonna be around 4ever?'  That's an incredibly relevant question to most of our existences.  We must spend money in order to buy things that represent us, but finding something that will accurately represent our personal brands for more than 1 year is extremely difficult in 'The Internet Age.'

Child Predator Glasses are one of the most era-transcendent accessories that you can purchase.  They have been around for a long time, and they will probably be around for the next 20 years, until doctors start to prescribe Medical Shutter Shades.  After the recent 'EconoCrisis', we're all just looking to spend money on things that will last longer, instead of wasting them on Macbooks, consumables, and arts&crafts.  Investing in glasses is investing in your health + adding 10 or more years to your alternative social life.

Michael Jordan : Sneakers :: The Lil Hot Chip guy : Child Predator Glasses

[Photo by Jay West Photography]


The popular Lectro band The Hot Chippers

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