Movies | Hipster Runoff


I send my child to a school for the Performing Arts which specializes in creating kid memes that 'go viral.'


I want the best for my son. I want him to be happy. I want him to go to a school where they teach him about important stuff in today's world. Last year, I enrolled him at the Meme Institute for Gifted Children. I don't care about math, science, and dated skills of the common man, driven to get you a desk job for the rest of your life. I want my son to be an artist, an internet entrepreneur. I want him to be part of a meme that 'changes the way' grownups think about how kids can go viral on the internet.

I will be most proud of my son when he creates a viral meme that gets over 1million hits and/or youtube views. I know he will never be a professional athlete, or a billionaire, but maybe he can find the sense of worth that I never found if he is part of a viral sensation that gives him a period of microfame for 1-2 weeks.

Want my son to reenact Scarface, using a pile of popcorn that represents a 'shitload of blow.'

My son needs to be smart, and understand what people want to see. What makes people laugh. How he can make mainstreamers all across the world say 'aww...that's so hilarious. LOL!' (then be inspired to share the link with others.

Enrolling my son in this gifted and talented program at the Meme Institute for Gifted Children has been the best thing that ever happened to him. He learns about marketing, business, the internet, computer programming, and participates in social media discussions. Many of the top advertising and branding firms in the world recruit directly out of the school. Even if he doesn't create something great on his own, I know he will get a job doing what he does best: getting attention on the internet + going viral.

Feel proud of my son for participating in this Scarface play. Most parents wouldn't 'get' why this performance was necessary, and even though it is cute, they would probably be calling for the Theatre Teacher to be immediately fired. At the Meme Institute, parents know that kids have to go above and beyond performing Shakespeare. If we really want our kids to go viral, they have to do something special / universally appealing.

Just want to go back in time to my youth, back when I watched Rushmore for the first time, then projected myself into Max Fischer's shoes, pretending I am some sort of jack-of-all trades quirky character at my high school.


Wonder if plays will replace bands/concerts as the authentic alternative live experience for the 2k10s.

Is Scarface overrated? Is Scarface a shitty movie that mainstream bros glorify because of the drugs and violence?

Should I buy a Scarface poster for my dorm room to put right next to my Bob Marley 4-20 poster? Is Scarface the 'Dave Matthews Band' of movies?

Is Al Pacino an overrated dramatic actor?

Should I just 'drug up' my kid and keep him in an altered state until he does something 'funny' that goes viral?


Really want this for him. More than I even wanted anything for myself.

When u have kids, will u be disappointed in them if they don't 'go viral'?
Do u want ur kids to be part of something special on the internet?
Should this production of Kids Scarface have used real cocaine instead of popcorn?
Was this viral marketing for a video game or something?
Should Obama pass a law protecting the rights of kids who 'go viral'?
Will u encourage ur child to try to be internet famous?

Is any1 else excited 2 see the indie sequel "Juno Pt 2"?

I was watching television, and I saw a trailer for the sequel to one of my favourite indie movies of all time. You might remember JUNO, a movie where Ellen Page gets knocked up by Michael Cera, then she sells her baby to Jennifer Garner. But this time, the main character Juno 'grows up a lil bit more' and has to deal with her alternative brand fitting in with a mainstream society.


I feel happy for Ellen Page--she will no longer be typecasted as 'play a snarky lil teenage girl who wants a more meaningful life.' This role will really elevate her to the next level, possibly making her one of the biggest superstars in the indie world since Natty Portmans. This movie will be a huge hit, striking a chord with the butch failed-alt 30+ roller derby female demographic. Most of these women are 'longing 2 b a part of something' so rollerderby becomes something that they are 'passionate' about so that they can take out their frustrations about life/the scene/growing older/regrettable tattoos through physical aggression.

I think these same women work at places like burrito restaurants, coffee shops that play death metal, and dive bars, so they will probably 'get the word out' about this kewl new movie via the words of their moufs.

I am proud of Drew Barrymore for making her directorial debut in this 'indie film.' I think she has dated tons of indie bros like the Mac Guy, Spike Jonez and Tom Greens, so I think this makes her a qualified director for the indie aesthetic. If I had to put money on it, I would definitively say that this movie will be a 'diamond in the rough' underdog type of movie that will go on to win multiple Oscars.

Hope that it makes money, and gets tons of 'twitter buzz' and 'viral mrktng.'

Seems like it has a 'very questionable' marketing campaign.

I feel sad that indie movies don't have huge marketing budgets, so the stars of the film must literally 'whore themselves out' by performing meme-able sex acts in mainstream magazines.

Not sure if Juno Pt2 is gonna 'bomb.'

I think that sequels are usually kinda kewl, but sometimes u can tell that the story just needed to end after part one. Some movie franchises work and make tons of money, but this is certainly an interesting experiment, since no indie movie has created a sequel. Kinda wish we could catch up with Zach Braff in Garden State Pt 2: Trapped in New Jersey. Or possible Lil Miss Sunshine Pt 2: The Muder-Suicide of Greg Kinnear, Steve Carrell, and Paul Dano. Maybe even Milk Pt 2: Harvey's Revenge. Possibly a sequel to the Royal Tenenbaums.

Are sequels good ideas, or are they trying too hard to make money?
What sequels to independent movies would u pitch?
Should I join a roller derby league?

Previous HRO posts

Drewbarrymore is a mainstreamer who dates alts
/// Weak post about Juno by HRO circa 2k7

Spoiler Alert:

Juno's aborted baby comes back 2 life and defeats her team in the Roller Derby Finals.


Photo via the cobrasnake

It's kinda weird how the modern indiesphere has made personal branding so complicated. There are just so many subgenres of music, and so many ppl trying to 'one-up' eachother when it comes to their historical knowledge of music that we have lost touch with core values of 'good music.' I remember when ppl used to unite around 'the best music in the world' instead of getting 'all divided' abt it.

I remember back when branding was all about 'peace, love, and music.' All three values were held 'equally', and all were just as important as the other. Kinda reminds me of 'Woodstock.' From what I understand, Woodstock was 'the first music festival ever organized', and often recognized as 'the most authentic music festival ever created.'

They are apparently making a 'new movie' about the Woodstocks called 'Taking Woodstock' (with my bros). I might see it, just 2 see what music festivals were like b4 they had sponsored stages and other 'corporate bullshit.' I feel kinda confused by the movie's aesthetics. Seem like they are trying to break into the 'college dorm room poster' market.

Just watched the trailer. Apparently the movie is done by the AZN bro behind Brokeback Mountain (miss u Heathbro). Feel confused by this trailer. It seems like some sort of movie that is trying to reach mainstreamers, becoming some sort of 'deep movie abt being a young adult during a cultural movement.' Also probably about 'hope', 'determination' and other vague ideals related 2 'the human spirit.'


Feel confused about movies with this Almost Famousy aesthetic. It seems like people honor them as 'being authentic' but they seem 'krappy' 2 me. Like something you would accidentally watch on TNT on Saturday afternoon, and think 'this was okay. I understand why old people/young people like it', but just weird that they are considered 2 be 'amazing.'

It's like the people who think these movies are 'awesome' haven't experienced the gimmick that is meaningfulcore music. Like they will never hear music that is 'better' than 60s + 70s music.

Kinda glad that the scene has evolved 2 what it is 2day. There really is more to life than 'peace', 'love', and 'music', and they don't really have much 2 do with 1 another. In order to feel special, u must make 99.9% of the world feel unspecial. I am okay with the way things are 2day.

Attempting to Understand Twilight without ‘actually reading it.’

It's kinda weird when some thing becomes a 'phenomenon' and u don't even really 'realize it', kinda like how all of a sudden the Kings of Leon were the new Nickelback. Then u sort of have to 'do a lot of googling' to figure out how/why something became 'culturally relevant' within mainstream tween consumer society. Kinda like High School Musical/Jonas Brothers/SpongeBob Square Pants/Pogs/TickleMeElmo, etc. It's just like 'damn... who are the people consuming this stuff?' Feel most alive when I am trying to understand 'WHY' something is popular.

//////Carles will attempt
////// to 'understand' Twilight

From what I understand, Twilight was a 'book', but then became 'a movie series.' I think most successful books are not really '1 book', but a series of books. Not sure if that is because of Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or for some other reason. Think that in our modern world, ppl want to 'connect with a series.' Don't just want a 'one and done' experience. Also think that books/movies in 'series format' are 'more marketable.' You can make 'mad bank' off a 3 part series, and keep building a franchise with what seems like 'natural' buzz.

Here are the book covers. The artwork 'seems very shitty' but also like something 'very branded.' Like something that you see 'every1 in ur local highschool' reading and talking about.

N e ways... Twilight was written by some broad named Stephenie Meyer. She is apparently Mormon. She looks like this.

As you can see, she is 'sorta chubby, yet confident.' This personal brand is critical in establishing Twilight's 'niche.' Twilight is apparently about some Vampire bro, or something, and this regular girl falls in love with him. I think it is supposed to be 'somewhat sexual', but also romantic. I think it is supposed to tap into 'the lonely teenage girl' demographic.' U must understand that the story of Twilight are the dreams/subconscious desires of this 'pleasantly plump, mildly pretty, sweet heart' of a woman.

It's weird to think that 'kids/teens actually read books' still. I feel like cliched 'good parents' have to encourage their kids to 'read' even though the modern 'literary landscape' is probably 'pretty terrible.' Don't have 'first hand knowledge', but I would just imagine that every is trying to become 'the next Harry Potter' or something, or possibly 'the next Devil Wears Prada.' Seems like books are probably 'fucking garbage', particularly in the teen/tween market.

I'm not sure how I feel about 'reading.' Feel like it is something to do when you are in elementary+middle+high school, but you can build a 'more rewarding intellectual life' build around social media + blogs + the internet + the NYTimes. Unless you are reading 'really good books' that are probably from a long time ago, seems 'not worth it' to even bother reading 'a NY Times best seller' or some other gimmick book. Feel like my brain can only really handle 'a wikipedia entry about a book' as opposed to 'actually reading the book.'

Just funnie to imagine a female whose parents 'don't let her date' and 'are pressuring her to go to a good, yet affordable university' finding some sort of 'dream world' within these books. One where love 'seems real', but is also 'just 4 fun' since it is with a Vampire bro, or something. Feel like while these parents are 'raising a good kid', they are also probably 'buttering them up' to be 'mediocre' and never really 'get' important 'global concepts.' Sort of like being 'lazy parents' when it comes to 'letting them fit in' but at the same time, emphasizing 'positive stuff' like reading, participation in 'the arts/community/team sports', and other 'stupid shit.'

Seems easier to raise a bro than some girl.

n e ways... think that Twilight is trying 2 tap into this 'lonely girl' zeitgeist. Think that lonely girls 'chill on the internet' but also have 'an internet curfew.'

I guess 'being a movie' is helpful in creating an opportunity where 'being a Twilight fan' is something that girls can 'be a part of.' Sorta like how bros are into sports, I think girls are eager to prove that they have 'something of their own' and often get 'too into it' or something.

Think it is also important that they have a 'hot bro' who is the main vampire. Not sure if he is 'hot.' Seems like a teenager who 'just started to learn how to use a hard cock', and has a face of 'being over eager to stick it into some tight lil teen pussy.'

I think the lead girl in the movie, Kristen Stewart, is supposed to be 'edgy.' Like sorta alt, but pretty mainstream. I think that she is the embodiment of how 'fat girls think that they look' when they put on a ton of makeup + eye liner + have a sexie gaze into the camera.

Think that this greasy teen bro is also in it. Not sure what he does/what the story line is, but he is possibly supposed to be a heart throb.

Twilight has also 'branded itself' with the type of music that the band PARAMORE makes. I feel like 'lonely girls' think that this type of music is the only art that can express their sense of darkness+hope. The lead singer is a female, and she also 'dyes her hair zany colors', so I think that is something that sheltered girls do to 'express themselves' while still 'promising to make all A's in school.'


Can't believe this book series is 'culturally relevant.' Think it is one of those things where it is an 'interesting topic' so you'll get 'mad hits' if you cover it, and before you know it, every outlet 'feels pressure' to cover it. I'll bet the book 'reads really easily' or something, so it doesn't isolate teens who have a low reading level. Guess it is just important to 'understand ur audience' so that u can write words + stories that they relate 2.

Maybe everything is the same. Maybe we're all the same.

Does n e 1 know if this book is good?
Are vampire bros capable of 'loving' or do they 'just wanna fuck'?
Should I read Harry Potter?
What book represents U?
When people read a 'popular book' and tell u it is 'actually really good', do u tell them that they need to 'grow the fuck up'?

Wonder if Twilight is the new Catcher in the Cradle (Fight Club--A Seppy Peace).

Feeling sad that this movie was made 4 me. h8 the economy. h8 my ‘worthless college degree.’

I recently saw this movie trailer, and it felt like 'God' had decided 2 'make a movie abt my life.'


Recently, I graduated from a Top 20 university with a liberal arts degree. I was hoping to get a very good job after attending a prestigious school and getting meaningful life experience in a dormitory setting. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. I ended up moving back in with my parents, and started to sexually experiment with 'people who were losers in high school and just stayed at home.'

I was s00 I thought I was on the 'fast track' 2 'being rich & happy.' However, I was 'just another brick in the wall' of the American economy, and I didn't really have any 'real skills.' Sorta just wish I could get paid 2 'be myself' and 'share my musings' on current events (in 140 characters or less).

Just really starting to learn who I am, and how 2 'find happiness' in this world. Guess maybe I should just 'surround myself with ppl who love me' and things will 'be alright.' Sorta wish there was a 'foreign man' who lived across the street from me who could share his knowledge/cock with me. I wonder if life really is meaningful, yall. Maybe I'll know more abt life when I 'find a real job.'

Sad that my life may not actually be what I thought it would be. This is a movie about 'settling' for less. Sorta like 'a more realistic version of The Devil Wears Prada' for the type who would see this kind of movie.

Previous Job Coverage

What did u major in?

AZN + Michael Cera = True Love?


I saw this movie, PAPER HEART, and I think it is supposed to be a 'documentary' about an AZN who 'isn't very pretty, but has a good heart.' She doesn't believe in love, and she doesn't even believe in indie-love [via Garden State]. She travels around the USA, talking to 'smart people' and the new generation of 'actors who play themselves' in sillie comedies, and ask them things about love. Went to the 'official website' 2 see what it was all about, and it has a free spirited description

I think it is supposed to be some sort of 'concept movie' where the 'lines of reality are blurred' or something. Like it is supposed to look like a 'documentary' but then 'get all zany and meaningful.' The AZN eventually 'falls in love' with Michael Cera, who has become this generation's version of 'a bro who has fans who admire him for being the same bro in the movies that he might be in real life.' Seriously feel like Michael Cera 'actually was' in movies like Juno, Superbad, and that 1 movie about 2 indie kids falling in love in the city.

I think that Michael Cera is also in a movie with the 'ogre/twit' from the movie 'The School of Rock and Rolling'--a film where tweens come together to make a rocknroll band.


Not even sure if he is 'a good fit' for that kind of movie. Should have probably had 'a black person' who was a comedian, or something like that.

Feel like Michael Cera represents a woman's desire to 'settle' for a guy who isn't handsome, but might be quirky, and allegedly 'funnie'. He will do things for you like 'make you a mix tape on an actual tape' even though you don't have a cassette player, and 'bring u shitty gifts' that u are able to consider 'meaningful.' Guess that might be why general bros h8 him--general bros are not willing to 'be comfortable with who they are' enough to find some sort of happiness with a girl who is clearly 'settling for u.' Both parties in the relationship share mutually resentful feelings towards one another because they both feel like they are 'settling.' Seems 'very hard' 2 be happie.

When girls 'defend' Michael Cera, what does it mean about their personal brands?
When bros 'attack' Michael Cera, what does it mean about their personal brands?
Is Michael Cera the next ______?
Do u really believe that Michael Cera would go out with that AZN, or would he go out with 1 of the 'hot ass' indie azns?
Do girls 'just wanna ride cock' on 'hot bros'?
Do bros 'just wanna stick it in wet, warm vaginas'?
Trying 2 figure out <3... might see 'paper heart.'

What is more Alt: Where the Wild Things Are OR Gooby?

I think that this summer is supposed to be all about 'getting back to nature' and accepting the fact that there are monsters in the wilderness, or something. Maybe the monsters are some sort of 'metaphor' for what is inside of us.

I recently saw the trailer for the hit film GOOBY, and wondered if it was supposed to overshadow Spike Jonze's new film Where the Wild Bros Are.


I think it might be trying to appeal to alternative audiences. Not sure which monster/creature movie I will support.

Who would I rather chill with?

Or 'a wild thing'?

Not sure who I should chill with. Think that 'Wild Things' are already a timeless lifestyle brand. Like the Beatles of creatures, or something. I think that WildThingAlts might already exist.

Wouldn't mind 'doing it' with this broad/sharing some milk with her.

Photo by lastnightsparty

Might listen to bangers with this WildAltBro.

Photo by thefriendattack

But Gooby seems like a bro who you could just blaze with, and chill pretty hard.

Probably could just warm up some DiGiorno/Freschetta/Tombstone pizzas, but some Ben & Jerry's, lite up some bowls, and just 'get fucking ripped', then laugh all night watching episodes of The Office. U would just kinda fall asleep without even realizing it, then wake up, smoke some dank, then go to McDonalds for McGriddles, then possibly spend all day playing frisbee golf.

Not sure if I should 'partie' with Wild Things Bros, or just try to be a GoobyBro. Not sure 'what my monster brand' is.

Previous Wild Things coverage

Some new film by Francis Ford Coppola


Yall have probably heard of independent film director Sofia Coppola, who directed some of the best indie films of all time including Lost in Translation and the Virgin Suicides. What you don't know is that she has a father who is attempting to break into the movie industry. His name is Francis Ford Coppola. In his debut film Tetro, he casts authentic indie actor Vincent Gallo to play some bro who is just chillin out and being authentic. I think that the film is in black and white to try to win an Oscar, which is a tactic used by Stephan Spielbergher in the hit film Schindler's List of Bros Who Just Wanted to Live a Chill Life.

Not sure how films work since I am not a film student, but I think that this film uses old French techniques that were used to make things seem very authentic. Not sure what they are called.

does n e1 else think that Vinny Gallo is 'a genius'? Wonder what male I'd cast if I had to make a movie starring an authentic bro? Tom Hanks? Bob Downey Jr? Zach Braff? Mickey Rourke? Bruce Willis? Adrien Brody? John Heder? Mikey Cera?

Seems like he has an authentic jaw line.

Well yall... I hope that Francis Ford can live up to the high standards of his daughter Sofia. I am afraid that this is just another case of a parent riding his child's coat tails to fame, much like Lindsay Lohan's parents.

I condemn all parents who are trying to exploit the success and talents of their children. All I want is for every child to be given a fair shot at a normal life. This is a post about parenting

I feel confused about Woody Allen directing the Curb Your Enthusiasm movie.

Yall. I saw the preview for the new movie with the CurbYallsEnthusiasm guy, and I feel really confused. Why did they need to bring Woody Allen on board? I feel like the Larry David comedy formula was just fine as it is. Even though Woody Allen has branded himself as 'being authentic' and 'from New York', I just don't really relate to him. Maybe I'm not old enough. Does n e 1 know if his movies are good? I heard he has some movie called ANNIE HALL or something. Does n e 1 know why I should try 2 relate 2 Woody Allen?

Going to watch the trailer then 'react'


Feel like it might be one of those films that is about old people 'searching for happiness' or something. Makes me scared to get old. Might need to make a 'Bucket List' or something of things I want 2 do before I 'kick the bucket.' Feel scared about getting old, but still having my 'zany, snarky' perspective on life. Hope I am a quirky old person, like the Larry David brand. Sort of wish Seinfeld was still on the air. Remember sitcoms back b4 people were into hour long dramas/crime scene bullshit / mystery shit like "Lost" / shittie comedies like THE OFFICE?

miss the past, yall.

But srsly yall... Just made this post 2 say that I h8 Woody Allen. I read on a blog that American Appy had 2 pay him $5 million dollars ($US) for using his image on one of their billboards. As a blogger who has been funded by Am Appy progressive advertisements, I feel like this is 'fucking bull shit.'

I have done more for the Am Appy brand than Woody Allen did for having his image used on 1 of their billboards. Sort of wish Am Appy gave me $5 million in banner ads or something. Feel like Woody Allen is spoiled for not know what it means 2 have Am Appy select you as a 'cobranding partner.' Having Am Appy banners on ur webspace is a privilege, not a right.

But then again Woody Allen was 1 of the first ppl to 'buy an AZN.'

I think this movie is supposed 2 appeal 2 me since I am alt and see the world in a quirky way.

Yall. I was at the movie theatre seeing 'Star Trek Wolverine Bro' or something, and I saw this indie movie poster.

At first I thought it was some sort of advertisement for an NBC spinoff show since it had a worker from The Office and another classic 'unfunny' broad from Saturday Night Living.

Then I saw the trailer. I think it has a lot of elements that draw me in2 it.

  • Guy with beard and glasses
  • Quirky conversation
  • sillie situations
  • moments where it looks like some1 is 'breaking free' from society's norms
  • Meaningful moments (sometimes with a bunch of people laughing)
  • some sort of folk/indie ballad in the background
  • It is made by focus features
  • couple with shitty car in a modern world
  • animated meaningful drawings that are probably metaphorical
  • scene where people are 'moving' on one of those things in the airport
  • directed by an old guy who gets to 'make love' to Kate Winslett
  • cartoony drawn font
  • actors who create 'caricatures' bc they don't really 'know how 2 act'/it has become a popular tool in the modern 'indie' genre
  • has a bunch of people who are in 'comedies' trying 2 be taken seriously [via Jim Carrey].
  • Remember when Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels were in Dumb And Dumber, but then they decided 2 stop making money and get serious?

I feel like these are some critical elements that draw me into films, cuz they are sort of like a mashup of Nappy Dynamite, Juno, Lil Miss Sunshine, Gigantic, and 500 Days of Summer.  Hopefully the themes that are portrayed in this movie don't isolate tweens and teens, who don't want 2 go 2 the movies to see a movie 'about some pregnant bitch.'  Probably would be boring 2 them, ever since the text message was invented.

I feel pretty intrigued by the guy from The Office's (John Krasinski's) personal brand. I feel like he is sort of like Zach Braff 2.0. I think he is just trying to be 'authentic' but not make anything that will 'pigeon-hole' him quite like ZBraff's masterpiece Garden State.  Think he will probably just be on TV for a long time, and make some krappie movies, and his ceiling is probably co-starring in a Julia Roberts/Sandra Bullock/Anne Hathaway movie.

He seems like he's just here to be on the Earth to say 'hey whats up. I'm just a chill bro. A little bit funnie, a lil bit meaningful. Always willing to look into the camera and make a face that tells u I am in a meaningful, zany, absurd situation bc of my boss, The 40 year old virgin.'

I feel weird finding out that Maya Rudolph is married to P.T. Anderson. Not sure if P.T. films are more authentic than Wes [Anderson] films. I think that There Will Be Blood / Boogie Nights / Punch Drunk Love are better than Tenenbaums / Rushmore /etc.

Wonder if he advised his wife against doing this 'krappie film.'

Have yall seen n e good quirky-core indie movies lately with a meaningful theme

Sean Penn: Who is his soulmate?

I think in the future, I will start talking more about 'soulmates.' Do yall believe that there is 1 person on this Earth who u were meant 2 spend the rest of ur life with?

Feel worried about Sean Penn... Not sure if he will find a soulmate, or if he is even looking for 1. I feel sort of jealous that he has been able to cum with so many kute/famous women over the years, but I can't help but think that maybe he should have settled down with 1 of them.

I recently read that he is dating Natalie 'Garden State' Portman. I wonder if she tells him about freakfolk buzzbands, or if she gave him a pre-loaded iPod shuffle with The Shins on it. I wonder if she thinks that she is 'a better actress' by dating him.

There was that broad named Robin Wright Penn. I think she was in the popular fufu-core movie The Princess Bride. I think people really 'like' that movie or something. Not sure what it means about them. I think she might have been his soulmate, but he'd rather cum on women a lot.

He also dated some super model named Petra Nemcova. It seems intense to have to actually date a super model. Wonder if they are 'smart' and 'good conversationalists.' Wonder if u can just do a google image search instead of dating 1.

Feel jealous that he dated JEWEL in her prime. I remember when ppl were like 'is Jewel gonna be bigger than Sheryl Crow?' and then Sheryl Crow won, I think. [via all I wanna do is have some fun]

Wonder if Bono is 'bi'.

Wonder if he thought about 'being ghey' with James Franco during the filming of the ghey-propaganda film 'Milk on Me.'

Should have had a meaningful 3some with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.

Maybe he should have just invested in Dakota Fanning growing up into a 'hot lil piece of tween ass.' I wish every actor was forced to be in a movie where they play 'a retarded' person.

If u ask me, he should have just stayed with Madonna. They seem like a very natural fit. Were probably soulmates.

I feel like he might have been the husband who was 'sort of ashamed' of his wife, and 'laughed at her job/art/craft.' Then he would 'make her feel bad' and 'less natural' whenever they had 2 go out.

Wonder how Madonna's life would have gone if she stayed with Seanny Penny. I wonder if her sound would have 'kept changing.' He might have made her retire, bc she was 'acting like an idiot' or something. Wonder if he would have let her adopt kidz from

This is a paragraph where I write like I actually 'know' Sean Penn, pretending I am friends with this famous bro:
Yall...Sean is such a gifted actor. He has had a hard life, but a special one. I wish him nothing but the best in finding the true love that he deserves. They say that gifted actors are troubled men, but that doesn't mean troubled people aren't worth loving. Sean's a great actor, and I wish him nothing but the best, on and off the silver screen!

tru <3

Might become a 'Super Fan' of a popular movie franchise 4 the rest of my life.

Photos via thecobrasnake

Is it 'alt' to go to the movies to see mainstream summer blockbusters? Feel like people who 'go to the movies' and 'build their weekly schedules around television shows' make me sad, because they represent how people don't have any thing 2 do, so we just have 2 waste time watching things 2 keep us from thinking about how sad we all are on the inside. Sort of prefer 'wasting time on the internet' because we are all trying to get vulnerable and 'show the world who we are.'

It makes me feel sad when people outsource their personal brands to 'fictional tales.' Like when bros invest in storm trooper costumes, or when teens 'get pregnant' just because the popular movie Juno did it. I wish we could all be individuals, instead of 'feeling pressured to see a kewl movie' because every1 is talking about it. Sort of reminds me of JokerAlts.

Not even sure if Star Trek is 'good.' I just remember it was a television show or something, then they cancelled it for Frasier or 2 Guys A Girl and 1 Cup of Pizza.

Should I see that movie about Wolverines and X-people? Feel out of touch with society. Sort of wish I could build a time machine, and see Jurassic Park / Independence Day /Garden State / Where the Wild Bros Are for the first time again. Sort of dreading 'being a cool dad' but having to 'sell out' and take my kids 2 see 'shitty movies' to feel like they are 'normal.' Might only allow my kid to watch DVDs from the Criterion Collection.


Does n e 1 know what ever happened to the Napoleon Dynamite bro? I think he found a way 2 clone himself or something. Think they will probably use the 'clone gimmick' in Napoleon Dynamite Pt 2: Pedro's Revenege [via Swine Flu {sub-Via Mexis}].

Should I wear a VHS tape around my neck [via 'favourite childhood movie']?

Photo via thecobrasnake

Yall. Saw some bro wearing a VHS tape around his neck, kinda like a necklace. I remember when bros used 2 wear record hats, other alts wore cassette tape necklaces, and some other bro wore a postcard necklace. I wonder what movie he has around his neck. Probs something like The Goonies or Getting Even With Dad or something zany like Pete & Pete Bros. Would be pretty authentic if he had something like 'a snuff film' around his neck, or maybe some sort of vulnerable childhood film that u could show 2 people that ur in a relationship with 2 make them 'feel closer' 2 u.

Need 2 convert more dated technology into 'fashionable items.' Might start wearing a USB drive around my neck, like I work in the IT industry.

Feel weird when people 'watch movies' and 'love them.' Sort of feel sad when I see bins of DVDs for $2 each, especially when I used to think that 'the movie experience was valuable.' Wonder where the magic of the movies went? Wonder what the carbon footprint of 'the movie industry' is. Probably almost as bad as driving a car or something.

I might just paint a mural of every single alt/authentic/quirky-core movie character who has ever been in some sort of relevant indie film / 'cult classic' / dark comedy.

Who would yall put on ur 'dream mural' of every relevant character?
Would all of the Tenenbaums fit on ur mural?
Would the 'fucking stupid Mexi' from Napoleon Dynamite 'make the cut'?
Would any African Americans be on ur mural?
Should I get a tattoo that says 'CriterionCollecBro'?
Are yall excited about Summer Movies? [via Will Smith/Johnathan Depp / Nick Cage]

Think I wanna see this 'indie' love story

Yall. I really want 2 fall in love. Looking for an authentic interpretation of 'love.' Feel like most movies about relationships are 'just bull shit romanticized crap' but not this 1. I am pretty sure I identify with it.


Do yall think it looks good? The intro scene where he is all like 'damn. she likes the Smith's. Think I'm in <3 with her' is kind what made me know I was gonna like this movie. Need more movies with scenes where some1 is listening 2 headphones, kinda like that movie Garden State where NatPortty tells ZachBraffbro about the buzzband THE SHINS.

I'm just a bro who wants to be in love, living in a world full of 'crazy cunts' and 'krazie slutz' who 'don't know what they want' and 'don't realize that they have a good bf.' Wonder if Summer dies at day 500. Wonder if there is some 'realistic ending' that I am supposed to respect since it's 'not just a happy ending.' Probably gonna have a 'bad ass soundtrack.' Is there any way I can invest in this film on the Alternative Stock Market?

"I believe in a thing called <3." -The Darknesses

Jealous that Ben Gibbard married Zooey Deschanel. Want to marry some1 who plays a character in an alternative movie and then pretend that I am married to a character from a movie. Thinking about marrying Bill Murray and pretending he is Steve Zissou/a Ghostbuster/CaddyshackBro.

I think I like the REMIX of this trailer that is meant to just make the movie seem 'meaningful' by not saying much/but just having a meaningful background song, deep voice-over bro, and demonstrating the 'lovely cinematography' in the movie.


Just want 2 find meaningful love in a city. Want a girl who is alternative, but also 'seems like a slut who is down 2 fuck.' Want life to seem like an indie movie that is a mix of realism, quirky convo, and surreal events like 'dance sequences' and 'moments that seem larger than life.'

Never knew the 3rd Rock from the Sun bro would grow up 2 be a leading man in an alternative love story.

Not sure what movie I want 2 see. Kinda pumped about Gigantic / Where the Wild Things Are / JUNO.

Might buy candy and popcorn at the movies. Then will 'complain about how much it costs.'

sad that tweens can't go to the movies any more and fngrbang eachother without 'a lil bit of popcorn butter on their fingers.' just s00 expensive.

Not gonna take my kids 2 see WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE bc I feel like they’d grow into lil assholes

I recently saw this new Arcade Fire music video/trailer for the movie 'Where the Wild Things Are' and thought it 'looked kinda lame'/'trying too hard.'

I kinda wonder who this movie is supposed to 'appeal to.' Is it supposed to appeal 2 people who read the book 'when they were growing up'? Or maybe 'people who read about new movies being released on tastemaking blogs'? Kinda weird. Feel like this is supposed to be a Children's Movie, but think it accidentally appeals to 'middle aged people who are trying to be kewl' too much.


Not sure 'what happens' in this trailer, I just know it looked meaningful cuz of the lighting/music in the background. I'm not sure 'why that book was a big deal.' I remember reading it while I was a kid, and it seemed kinda 'underdeveloped.' I think there were like 10 sentences in the whole book, so I'm not sure why it gets to be made into a movie that is longer than 14 minutes.

I feel like there were less children's books before 'publishing books got cheap' so now a book like WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE wouldn't even get published because it wasn't colorful enough and didn't have any likable characters that could realistically be turned in2 a movie. In our current creative landscape, I think 'writing childrens books' is a gimmick for people who failed at other creative ventures, so now there's just 2 many authors/books with pictures/zany characters who teach positive lessons. Would have trouble selecting the authentic ones for my kids, so I'd probably just buy him a netbook and have him browse 'kidz blogz.'

If I could be a kid again, don't think this movie would appeal to me. It seems like something that my cool dad would take me to, but then I would ask 'Why didn't we see XXX: Part 4? Need 2 see movies that will keep me informed so that I can participate in conversations about kewl, edgy movies with groups of my friends at school.' Would be confused about why my cool dad was so excited about this movie, and why he bought me a copy of the book. Then he would tell me 'I read this when I was your age' and I would feel kinda closer to him, but then start to h8 him for not realizing how much the world has changed.

Does n e 1 remember what this book was about? Was it about the dark side of humanity/pedophilia?

Kinda wish they had used the band Animal Collective in the trailer.

I just want a meaningful Alternative Life in an AltCity with an AltGirl and quirky altInteractions

I was watching a movie preview about a movie that I really want 2 see. Sometimes I wonder what my ideal life would be like if some1 portrayed it on 'the silver screen', and which actors would play me + my parents + my friends + my GF. I don't take life very seriously, so I know that the background music in my movie would be 60% 'quirkily meaningful' sounding.


My interactions with ppl are pretty unique. Kinda feel like every1 in my life is a character from the Royal Tenenbaums, except that Gene Hackman would be too authentic for my script so we would have 2 select our 10th choice to play the patriarch--John Goodman. Want to 'make love' to an insecure zany girl who comes across as having been 'quirkily sexually abused' like Zooey Gibbard-Deschanel in this movie. Want to be a humbleBro like Paul Dano, who does something trivial for a living, but has a quest to do something meaningful, like buy an AZN baby. Wish my life was a series of quirkisms/ zanisms / series of whimsical interactions with ppl who are caricatures of any1 resembling some1 'normal.'

Does n e 1 else think that this movie will 'win an Oscar' or will it just be 'another shitty movie on HBO' kind of like Juno: The Pregnant Snarky Teen?
Do yall think that Paul Dano 'tries 2 hard' and 'isn't THAT talented'?

Sometimes I wonder about the 'self-concepts' of ppl who write these kinds of movies. Do they really 'see the world' this way? Ultimately, they are writing about their own life since ppl can't see outside of themselves, but are they just so insecure that they 'have to make things seem zany, meaningful, quirky, and interesting'? Would feel kinda bad if I wrote a movie about my life and made every one seem like a 'walking turd that pooped out lil quirkisms out of their mouth at every opportunity.' Not sure if my family would 'think I was sane.' Guess it wouldn't be interesting to write a movie about family that goes 2 Chili's/Olive Garden / TGIFriday's /etc.

Seen n e 1 good alt movies lately?
R u upset that the Bollywood movie won all of the American Awards at the OscarGrammys?
R u glad that the Ghey Rights movie won a bunch of Oscars?
Is Nappy Dynamite the most relevant movie of the century?
Should I see the quirky romcom (romantic comedy) with the Flight Of the Conchords bro?
Have yall ever 'suicide bombed' a movie theatre that was showing a movie that u didn't support? (Think straight ppl did this during Brokeback).
Which alt actor/actress would play U in an altmovie?

Oscar Recap (presented by HRO)

This post has been certified by Carles. This post is by Carles.

Did yall watch the Oscars? It was sooo magical. (Didn't watch it, just read abt it in a blog. Don't have time 2 watch TV for like 5 hrs per day.) N e ways... thought I would do a 'lil recap' so that yall would know who won, along with my 'snarky commentary.'

Best Jew h8r of the Year - Mel Gibson

Best Actor - Tom Hanks

Best Supporting ActorBro who died and created a viral mrktng campaign for his movie - Heath Ledger

Actress Most Likely to be a Tween pop sensation who eventually marries Ryan Adams- Mandy Moore

Best Batman Villain of All Time Who Makes Love to Zany Sex Icon Jenny McCarthy- Jim Carrey

Lead Singer of a Bad Ass band that mixes pop, rock, and hosting an entertainment recap show - Mark McGrath

Authentic Milf of the Year - Meryl Streep

People who I can't relate 2 cuz they want so many kids - Brangelina

Guy who Banged Madonna of the YEar - Sean Penn

Chillest Bro of the year - Matthew McConaughey

Guy who 'doesn't want UR life' - James Van Der Beek

Bro gang of the year - these bros

Actor who hasn't 'adapted' to the modern Apatow comedy aesthetic - Ben Stiller

Guy turning in2 goblin - Mickey Rourke

Director who may or may not be as good as people believe he is (Original Blipster) - Spike Lee

Lil guy with a faux hawk of the year - Elijah Wood

Teen Actor who doesn't have an education and handled 'getting older' decently well - Christian Bale

Black Actors of the year - Morgan Freeman & Denzel Washington

Comedian of the year - Larry the Cable Guy

Bro Comedy Superstars of the Decade - these bros

Tween most likely to participate in SEXTING (the act of sending sexually charged text messages) - Miley Cyrus

Old zany guy most likely to write a sillie, yet meaningful song for a Disney+Pixar movie - Randy Newman

Person who might as well not have a 'personal life' and should just always be pretending 2 be some1 else, like a method actor - Daniel Day Lewis

Bro 'gone zany' of the year - Joaquin Phoenix

Are yall surprised by any of these awards?
What awards did yall agree with?
Do the Oscars need to let 'fans vote' on the best movies of the year?
Can I send a txt message to OSCAR to vote?
Do u think they should start calling Hollywood "Hollyweird"?
Do u miss the Oscars+entertainment events b4 blogs 'ruined everything?'
Should we cancel the Oscars when there are wars/our economy is in 'the shitter'?
Should I adopt a kid from Afrika as a performance art piece?

The Most Meaningful Metaphors of Our Young Lives’

Some metaphors stick with u forever. I need 2 spend more time reflecting upon how these metaphors have constructed who I am 2day. In the hit film GARDEN STATE, Zachary Braff's character stands in front of a mirror. He looks into this mirror and he sees himself. He is wearing a zany t-shirt which his zany relative gave to him--he then finds out the zany print on the t-shirt is the zany wallpaper in the zany relative's zany bathroom. Yall probably see where this is going:

This scene is a metaphor for searching for meaning in a zany world.

The truth is that we are all searching for a way to express our individuality. It's difficult though, because we spend most of our time reflecting within ourselves--u will notice that the shot is kinda like he is looking in a mirror. This represents searching within urself 4 meaning. However, u can barely 'find yourself' when u can barely even see yourself, cuz ur kinda just another brick in the wall.

Have yall ever felt a little bit Braffy? (this post is just an excuse to post these zany people. srry. laters.)

[meme via weburbanist]

Do yall ever feel overwhelmed by the other 2 billion people on this Earth? Kinda hard 2 feel 'unique', in my humble bropinion.... But who am I? Just a bro with a blog. Goodnight, yall.

This has been a post about movies. I am going to start blogging more about cinema like The Mall Cop Movie or Ashton Kutcher's "What Happens in Vegas, Yall!." Is that kewl with yall? Who is gonna win one of those Movie Grammy MTV Video Award Thingies?


Do yall know any other metaphors/symbolism that I should analyze so we can get to the 'root' of who we are? How about the Che Guevara meme?
Do yall know if Garden State is in the Criterion Collection or has only Armageddon made it in?

Do yall know if they let blogs into the Criterion Collection?

Movies that Look Lame

I've been seeing a lot of ads for this 'quirky' looking film. I finally decided to watch the trailer to see if it was as hollow and gimmicky as the JUNO typeface.

Are they trying to confuse the viewers into thinking it's a more serious Napoleon Dynamite? How was the Juno writer able to create a NappyDynamite type world that offers the potential for introspection on a level similar to Garden State.

I think the lead girl seems a little bit too GenXer. Sort of like Jeanenne Garrafalo in the body of a 16 year old. Does the tail end of Generation Y need a movie about teen pregnancy? I'd like to think most of us know that a kid would kill our opportunity to not take life seriously.

Oh well. I guess this is probably just modern production design on a typical movie. I prefer this aesthetic:

Girl Talk: The Movie...Coming Soon?

Girl Talk chills on a magazine cover. Found at SKEET SKEET.

If they made "GIRL TALK: THE MOVIE", who would play Gregg Gillis?

*Elijah Wood

*Paul Rudd

*Tobey Maguire

*Cillian Murphy

*Adrien Brody

*Alec Baldwin after dieting

*Jason Priestly?

Bob Seger could play Girl Talk AFTER the his downfall, when his party lifestyle leads him to be released by Illegal Art.

Dave Navarro could play Girl Talk in 2008, when critics got into his head and he tried to prove them wrong by incorporating guitar solos into his live set.

Carson Daly can play the ghost of Girl Talk, after he is assassinated.


Why Roger Ebert Mattered.

Sweet Prince.

In heaven, every movie is a part of the Criterion Collection.

Love always,
pre-written obituary-wave content
and the SteakNShake family.

Brother 1: What kind of shake r u getting?
Brother 2: I'll get the limited edition flavor "Sewage of the Midwest."

The New Jeff Buckley Biopic takes a big shit & piss on his grave.

Jeff Buckley is a 'singer songwriter' from the 1990s who is supposed to be all authentic. He died in the Mississippi River, so now his legacy is all overhyped. From what I understand, it would basically be the same as if John Mayer died after his first album, and every1 was all like "OMG We lost a pure, free spirit and genius who sang songs from the heart and defined a generation!" Except John Mayer just progressively got worst, but at least he banged tons of premium poontang.

Anyways, every1 always tries to pretend that they LOVE LOVE LOVE Jeff Buckley, but they are lying and just reading wikipedia entries, attempting to vibe to some 1990s post-alternative music. So now there's this dumb 'biopic' called Greetings From Tim Buckley. It looks like it was produced for The CW. Some tween playing Jeff Buckley, trying to make him seem like a deep, free spirit who eventually 'went night swimming' in the Mississippi. RIP JEFF.

This movie looks terrible and dishonorable. Jeff Buckley is certainly rolling over in his grave due to the tragic even that is this trailer.

Did u listen 2 JEff Buckley?
R u ever like 'HALLEHLOOOYAH, yall!?"
Is 1994's GRACE the greatest album ever written?
Was Jeff Buckley 'one of a kind' or did the 2000s singer-songwriter era bastardize his legacy?
Is Jeff Bucks overrated?
Was/Is Jeff Buckley hella alt?
Do u h8 when ppl try to listen to music that was 'before their time' just to try to seem 'more retroactively cultured' even though it is just as worthless and meaningless as modern/contemporary culture?

Watch a trailer for a Wes Anderson film that looks rlly Wes Andersonny


Wes Anderson is a film director and writer who makes movies that are highly-stylized and whimsical. He is widely regarded as one of the leaders of the American Indie film movement with Zachary Braff, Paul Thomas Anderson, Bill Murray, and Michael Bay. Anyways, he made 'The Royal Tenenbaums' and 'Rushmore' and some movie about a train ride thru India and maybe some other movies that didn't do as well. He has some new movie called Moonrise Kingdom.

The movie seems to be about two quirky tweens who run away from home. Anderson seems to be 'completely effing obsessed' with childhood, eager 2 tell the world that in a way, we are all still children pretending 2 be adults in this crazy, cray world.

It has an 'all-star cast' of mnstrm celebs who wanna ride Bill Murray waves and get alt film notoriety by collabing with Wes Anderson.

Co-written with Roman Coppola and starring Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Harvey Keitel, the story is set in Anderson-stylized 1960s New England, and follows a young boy and young girl who fall in love and run away together, turning their small town upside down in the process. Yes, it's reminiscent of much we've seen from Anderson, yet it feels alive and fresh, with a whole new world we're eager to explore.

U have to wonder if that young tween boy who plays the 'lead' in the film is the next Jason Schwartzman, ending up with a career where every1 expects him to play 'that quirky kid from that Wes Anderson film' then he just ends up acting in Wes Anderson films his entire life. :-(

R u gonna go see Moonrise Kingdom?

Does Wes Anderson 'still have it' or is he past his prime?
Does he need to make 'new kinds of movies'?
Is he telling the same story ovr and ovr again?
Does he want 2 be a child again?
Are the Coen Brothers and P.T. Anderson 'in a whole different stratosphere'?
Does this movie look 'good' or just 'quirkie and pointless'?
R u gonna go to the cinemaplex 2 see this, or do u only vibe 2 #3D_movies? #Avatars

Wes Anderson

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Wes Anderson is a popular indie filmmaker & director who directed the hit films Rushmore, The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tanenabombs, and Lost in Garden State.

Read more>>>>

Some altbro filmmaker makes meaningful documentary that finally answers 'WTF IS A HIPSTER YALL?'

Just watched this 'preview/teaser' for a documentary about HIPSTERS. It seems like some altbro bought an HD camera, travelled to relevant cities across the United States, and interviewed people who 'looked alt', then went home, got on his iMac, edited this movie together, and said 'Hey yall made a documentary', uploaded it to vimeo, then no1 is gonna see it.

Not sure if I would 'watch' this documentary, unless maybe I was between 12-19 years old and I wanted to know more about my alternative social identity. Really tired of ppl trying to ask 'WTF is an effing hipster? H8 them so much' and trying to sell it as some sort of original cultural insight.

(Note: when Spider Man says "I don't fucking know!" did yall notice the documentary bro mouthing the words at the exact same time [via paying him 2 say that]?)


In 2009, lithe, lanky, mustachioed, pony-tailed filmmaker Luke Peterson began work on “Hipsters,” a full-length documentary that explores hipster culture and attempts to nail down an answer to that elusive question: “What is a hipster?” (

A traveling documentary that visits Chicago, New York, Maryland, Los Angeles & a few locations we'll surprise you with.

Songs: Neon Bible by Arcade Fire
Genesis by Justice

Really h8 this modern era of self-important documentaries [via the post-Michael Moore / Morgan Spurlock era]. Just like 'gonna make a movie where I turn myself into a character that proves a point and call it a 'documentary' even though I just look like a bro with a stick up my butt the whole movie. Do u think some people should just 'strip naked' and look at themselves in the mirror forever instead of using a video camera to capture 'the essence of their lives'?

Just watched some other 'teaser' / 'trailer' that used Animal Collective.

Is this going to win Sundance?
Does this film seem 'brilliant'?
Does this bro seem chill, or like an entry level bro?
Do u think he 'gets' buzzbands, or just listens to them and says "Gonna use this in my movie yall"?
What the eff is an effing hipster yall?
Am I a hipstar?

Zach Galifianakis tries to make 'serious, quirky, meaningful' movie bc he's not rlly that funnie


Not sure why people 'cream their pants' over Zach Galifianakis. He seems to have been branded as some sort of 'authentic comedian', but ultimately has one of the most limited ranges in the history of comedians. Not sure why ppl on the internet like to 'hype up' Aziz Ansari + Gallyfanak so much. Do yall think they are 'one trick ponies'?

Just saw this trailer for It's Kind of A Funny Story. It seems like there is some 'maladjusted youth' who is sent to an insane asylum, then Zack Brofinaky is there being all insane in a quirky way, then they start to talk, u find out that Zach G has problems 2, then they learn that life is effing beautiful in a quirky way. Just one of those movies that would have won an Academy Award for 'Best Cute Lil Quirky Indie movie' back in 2002, but now every1 is all tired of this aesthetic and 'totes sees thru it.'

Would honestly rather go see the new Robert Patterson Vampire movie or maybe see Sylvester Stallone movies or something. Might just stay home and watch the Lifetime Movie Network so I can get more in touch with 'real life humans.' Soo pissed at the portrayal of 'reality' in indie films. Cmon yall--gimme a break. I don't hang out with quirky ppl who are searching 4 meaning thru relationships. Not really into discovering 'why I feel s00 weird and maladjusted in this mainstream society.'

Which version of the movie poster makes the movie seem like an authentic quirky indie comedie?

The version with the zany font + zanily posed stars?

Sometimes what's in yalls heads isn't as zany/indie/quirkie as u think.

Or the Helvetty + meaningfully cropped pix + meaningful colour scheme?

Are yall gonna go see this movie, or would u rather just mash up 'Garden State' with 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'?

Is Zach Galifianakis 'legit funnie' or is he overrated by 'bloggers/internet tastemakers'?
Does Zack Gally only have 1 or 2 gimmicks in his arsenal?
Is it going to be rlly sad when Zach G can't 'make the leap' and
Do u feel bad for Zach Galfnks's agent for convincing him that this movie would get him an Academy Award nomination?
Do yall h8 'indie films' that are trying too hard to be 'the lil indie that could'?
Do studios still think they can trick the general public into 'rallying behind' an 'indie film' even though it is a 'studio film'?
Do u feel like this trailer could just have fart noises coming out of every1's mouth and it would still convey the same tone/theme/vibes?

Scott Pilgrim tanks even harder, officially one of biggest ‘box office bombs’ of all time

From what I understand, Scott Pilgrim is one of the highest grossing movies of all time. No, not of 'ticket sales'/money, but of internet buzz. Unfortunately, there isn't a direct correlation between 'buzz' and 'real money', so Scott Pilgrim has 'trended its way' 2 being one of the biggest box office bombs of all time.

Seems like the movie 'bombed' harder in its second week, seeing no bounce/conversion rate [via 'word of mouth' + 'twitter buzz'].

Seems like Scott Pilgrim 'hasn't made shit', and studio executives will make sure that 'heads roll':

Last week, "Scott Pilgrim's" debut was a disappointment. Now, two weekends in, the film can fairly be called a box-office "bob-omb." Edgar Wright's movie, based on Bryan O'Malley's graphic novel series, made a mere $5-million domestically in its second weekend to tank at 10th place, and has now grossed a meager $20.7-million, according to studio estimates.

Here is the trailer, just so yall can re-watch it and think, "ya... knew this 1 wasn't gonna end well."


Feel like maybe they shoulda got Macaulay Culkin instead of his lil bro. Woulda probs got mad 'Home Alone' user turnover.

Seems like people are more into Sylvester Stallone + action movies than they are in2 'shitty tween alt quirkwave comedy action bullshit':

For the second straight weekend, Stallone's "The Expendables" was the champ, taking in $16.5-million. The film -- which features a crew of such aging action-hero actors as Jason Statham, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger -- has now grossed $64.9-million domestically, according to

Wonder if Michael Cera could ever have a more successful career than 'Sly.' Maybe he needs to get super roided up + buff, and then get some chill ass plastic surgery.

Feeling relieved that Scott Pilgrim is 'officially' a 'bomb.' Feel like disaster this will become a case study on 'internet buzz' and how 'just because alt tweens on twitter tweet abt ur product, it doesn't mean ur product is actually gonna sell.'

"At the end of the day", every1 who liked that movie is just gonna have to accept that it wasn't very good, or else more ppl would have seen it. Consumers respond to quality products, and the numbers just weren't there for Mike Pilgrim vs the ______.

Is Michael Cera's career 'over'?
Should they have put Scott Pilgrim in 3D to sell more tickets / lose more money?
Did u see Scott Pilgrim? Did it deserve 2 be the #1 movie in America?
Should movies like this just be shown on the Disney channel?
Should Mikey Cera do something 'edgy' to revive his career?
What is Sylvester Stallone's best movie? Judge Dred or Demolition Man?

Might just go see Vampires Suck. Seems to provide relevant cultural comedy/satire on some of today's most buzzworthy pop culture topics.


Michael Cera

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Michael Cera is an alt actor whose movies flops and he basically plays himself ovr and ovr again in every movie.

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Natalie Portman tries 2 revive career by starring in edgy indie movie


Natalie Portman was the 'stereotypical indie movie sweetheart' in the 2k0s, starring in hit films like Garden State, Star Wars, The Darjeeling Limited, and V for Vendetta. She seemed to have a brand that made her a 'free-spirited, meaningful broad' who tons of alts wanted to get in2 a relationship with. However, like most actresses, her stock began to plummet when she reached 'the wrong side of 25', and her career is in desperate need of a 'jump start'/rebranding.

N e ways, this is the trailer for her new movie where she plays a ballet dancer. Think it is supposed to be 'edgy' because it was directed by Darren Aronofsky, the same bro who directed Requiem for a Dream [via Jared Leto]. He also made 'The Wrestler', but I don't think that was even very good, just got excessive Mickey Rourke 'comeback' hype. Feel like maybe Natalie Portman should have asked him to remake Requiem so she coulda done mad drugs with Jared Leto.

A psychological thriller set in the world of New York City ballet, BLACK SWAN stars Natalie Portman as Nina, a featured dancer who finds herself locked in a web of competitive intrigue with a new rival at the company (Mila Kunis). A Fox Searchlight Pictures release by visionary director Darren Aronofsky (THE WRESTLER), BLACK SWAN takes a thrilling and at times terrifying journey through the psyche of a young ballerina whose starring role as the duplicitous swan queen turns out to be a part for which she becomes frighteningly perfect.

Not sure why she took on this role. Feel like actresses do movies about 'dancers' so they have an excuse to get 'frighteningly skinny', but they get to make it look like they are just 'dedicated to their craft.' Wish this movie was about something more interesting than ballet. Wish it was about a buzzband or something.

Will Nat Porty have a successful decade, or is she gonna fade into irrelevance?

Not sure why they got the girl from That 70s Show to be in a 'serious' movie.

Will this movie be a 'box office hit' or should they just do 'limited release' so it doesn't flop?
Will this movie 'sweep' the Oscars, or will Portman's brand ruin the film?

Have yall ever done ballet? Does it make u see monsters/turn u into a monster?
Or is it just a way for girls to torture themselves while losing weight?

Do u think Natalie Portman has still 'got it'?
Will she be able 2 'age' gracefully?
Will her career evolve, or is her indie value overrated, and the prime of her career was probably when she was between the ages of 8 to 15?
Is it more difficult for women to 'make it' + 'be taken seriously' in Hollywood because they are ultimately rated on how 'hot'/'attractive' they are?
Will Natalie Portman's GardenState-era make it impossible to ever take her seriously as an actress?
In the 2k0s, were yall on #TeamPortman or #TeamDunst? (since they are the brunette/blonde version of 1 another)

'bring it on, yall' [via edgy dance movies]

Scott Pilgrim movie ‘tanks’, Michael Cera can’t carry a box office hit


Scott Pilgrim is some movie based on some graphic novel starring Michael Cera. It is one of those alt wannabe quirky movies that is supposed to appeal to alt tweens and lonely bros who read comic books, but insist that you call them 'graphic novels.' N e ways, the movie came out after a huge production + marketing, and no1 really went to go see it.

Feel sorta relieved that 'garbage' like Scott Pilgrim wasn't successful. Feel more comfortable with other garbage being mainstream. Something about the tween alt perspective on the world 'going mainstream' makes me kinda uncomf.

Here is the trailer so u can see how shitty it is.


Not sure why any1 would spend more than $100 to make this movie. Seems like something a bunch of zany tween youtubers could make on their Macbooks.

Paragraph explaining 'how hard the movie is tanking'

Early Friday estimates from Box Office Mojo have it coming in a very distant fourth. There’s even a chance it may drop to fifth before the weekend’s over, if there’s a strong push from now out for more than a month Inception, currently sitting in fifth place. Scott Pilgrim only made a paltry $4.5 million on Friday. The big earner for the day and sure to be big winner for the weekend, The Expendables, earned a solid $13.2 million by comparison.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World cost more than $60 million to make and if you’ve seen the movie that’s easy to believe. All of that money is right there on the screen. Whether you love it or not, one thing’s for certain: Edgar Wright’s movie really tries. It’s a feast for the eyes. But with that kind of money spent Pilgrim is going to struggle to break even. They’ll need international markets and DVD sales to justify the budget. No movie ever truly flops in Hollywood anymore, but the way things are going, Scott Pilgrim is going to be as near a flop as it gets.

Jesus. 'Huge flop.' Feels good to know this movie tanked. Was really worried they were gonna make a bunch of these movies since there are apparently multiple novels of this series.

This has to be terrible news for Michael Cera's career, proving that an unfunny, unattractive lil boy can carry a legitimate box office hit. Has to be 'depressing' for ur personal vibes, because even Toby Maguire can 'pull that shit off.'

Wonder if Heath Ledger could have made Scott Pilgrim work.

Worried that topics that are popular on the internet by 'front line tastemakers' won't be successful with Middle American consumers... Guess 'internet buzz' doesn't directly equate to 'sales' / 'success.'

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, had a much harder time connecting with audiences. The Michael Cera-starrer grossed only $10.5 million, far less than the studio had hoped. The film from British director Edgar Wright, with a budget of $60 million, was a huge hit at Comic-Con that hasn’t translated to the real world. Those that did attend the hyper-kinetic action love story had a great time, though: The film generated an A- from CinemaScore with audiences under 25 giving it an A. Still, Scott Pilgrim is likely to be viewed as a significant under-performer for the studio.

I guess it is safe to say that 'no1 cares abt adapted modern graphic novels' since they are such a niche product.

Did u see Scott Pilgrim Vs The World?
Was it 'awesome'?
Is Michael Cera the most dynamic actor of our generation?
Is Michael Cera's career 'fucking over'?
Will he be stuck in quirky indie comedy hell playing the same character over and over again until he is 40? (since he probably won't age very much)
Are people who call 'comic books' 'graphic novels' ass holes who need to 'pull their heads out of their asses and grow up'?
Is Scott Pilgrim a 'terrible product' that deserved to fail miserably?
Do yall enjoy when stuff like this 'flops', or did u want it to succeed so that Hollywood would make 'exciting new movies' for alt tweens like u and me?

Michael Cera

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Michael Cera is an alt actor whose movies flops and he basically plays himself ovr and ovr again in every movie.

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Unchill AZN bro goes to movies, makes out with movie poster, ruins chill tween vibes

Photo by BJ Panda Bear

I am one of many tweens who goes to the movies in large groups
Sometimes I will 'sneak off' to a boring movie just 2 make out with my GF
On occasion, we will stick our hands down one another's pants
She will tug
I will fingerbang

It's not really about the movies
It's about the formative sexual experience
Bonding with my bffs
annoying old people who are on their 'weekend date'

This weekend was kinda ruined though
UnChill AZN bro showed up at the theatres
I had never seen any thing like him
It was like he transcended any sort of retail fashion I had seen at the mall

He seemed like he lived in some sort of altered zone/habitat
Just went to get some popcorn & Whoppers
went by the butter machines
He was making out with Zac Efron
then he started making out with the butter machine

Sorta ruined the chill vibes
and no1 could pour hot butter on their popcorn
every1 was kinda pissed
we went to the movies to chill
and get our cry on [via Toy Story 3]
or question our realities [via Inception]

but then every1 sorta just wanted to go home
after Unchill AZN Bro ruined the vibes
Woulda understood if this was a relevant night club
heard u can do whatever u want at those places

but this was a movie theatre
a place that was created for families, kids, and
most importantly
teens who want to fingerbang one another with buttery fingers

Chill vibes thawed.

Do yall like going to the movies?
Have yall ever made out with a movie poster?
Is Zac Efron the hottest twink in Hollywood?
Have you ever done anything sexual in the back row of a movie theatre?

MOVIE TRAILER: New Mockumentary About the Creation of Facebook/Mark Zuckerberg biopic


The Social Network is some new film that looks tells the 'epic story' about how Mark Zuckerberg created/stole Facebook. It seems like it 'cannot be serious', like some sort of modern dramatic mockumentary or something. Possibly was made for the Lifetime Movie Network. It seems like some 'huge joke', like something that is supposed to appeal to tween bros, and give them dreams of dropping out of college after creating 'the next big internet social tool.'

Do u think this movie trailer seems 'super deep and emotional'? Does the emo choir cover of Radiohead's "Creep" make it seem mad alt/indie?


Apparently it is directed by "David Fincher" who directed the alt films Fight Club and Se7en [via Brad Pitt]. Feel like maybe he shoulda had Brad Pitt play Zuckerberg in this movie so that more women would come see this shit. Maybe even put Angelina Jolie in there and write in a 'fuck scene.' Possibly even give their 3rd world adopted kids some 'facetime' too. But I guess tons of tweens are gonna go see this to 'feel deep', and feel like they 'really get' facebook every time they log in. It will be kinda like when a rich lady wears a blood diamond, and 'values it more' because she understands that human rights were violated just so she could have her jewelry.

Feel like it is always a bad sign for a movie when you put Justin Timberlake in it. Don't really care how 'talented' he is, or how sweet his songs are. Just seems like a way to make sure females accidentally see it, thinking he is gonna sing at some point during the movie

Feel like Zac Efron shoulda played Zuckbro, and maybe it could have been a 'musical.' Maybe get the Twilight Cast + the High School Musical cast + the Harry Potter cast, and let their brands sell the movie.

Have always thought Zuckbro was mad chill. Seems like they make him out to be an unchill bro in this movie who 'fucks his bros over.' Wish I knew the real story. Feel like any bro who is always down to 'hoard tons of data about consumers' and 'get mad hits' will always be chill in my book.

Wonder if M.I.A. shoulda married him since she only marries billionaires.

Here is another 'trying to be deep and edgy' trailer. Bet it looks mad sweet when on the big screen when ur about to watch Toy Story 3.


Do u think this film looks 'amazing', 'insightful' and 'deep'?
Do u want to see this movie?
Do u think u and ur bros are more likely to start a successful web tool or a buzzband?
Are yall more into Facebook, Myspace, ConnectU, twitter, or friendster?
Is this movie going to be 'smart and informative' or is it just a 'shock piece' that tries to make the normal trajectory of business success seem 'super tragic'?
Do people care about 'the story behind facebook' or do they just want to share their stupid lives' with their stupid friends looking at stupid pix of every1 doing stupid things all day?
Is facebook 'the new Bible'?

When will we see the story of TOM [via Myspace]?

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