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Lil Alt

What should I get my alternative son for Christmas?

Product via coolcats


I love my son. He truly is the mirror image of me. It's kinda weird how kids are so impressionable... sorta reminds me of consumers... Maybe kids and consumers have the same kind of brain... all of us have so many wants and needs, and maybe products really can fulfill us/make us happy. Srsly though... u should see his iPod... we have a lot of the same pop-electro sensibilities, but also an appreciation of indie conceptual ballads.

I feel like I might buy these Daft Punk dolls for my son. I never really let him watch traditional kid programming (crap like Sesame Street, Muppets, Dora The Explorer, etc). Mainly just put art films/indie movies 'on repeat' in his play room DVD player. He absolutely loves the hit film Electroma. I don't really think it is healthy for him to identify with characters that every other kid on the planet has identified with for the past 20+ years. I want him to be a pure alternative spirit (This is why I made his mother birth him in a pool of Sparks while listening to Animal Collective's hit album "Sung Tongs").

I want my son to have a 'special' Christmas, and not just because it is Christmas and kids 'get kewl shit.' I need my son to have a truly unique Christmas that he will remember forever. I am considering 'booking' a relevant buzzband to play a few of their hit songs when he comes down the stairs on Xmas morning. Might also commission some sort of mp3 to be created by Sufjan Stevens.

////beginning 2 brainstorm my xmas list
////what do u want 4 xmas?
///worried about getting 2 many iTunes gift cards from relatives who don't 'get' me


Previous Lil Alt Coverage

I am the littlest alt
Should I buy a lil alt?
Lil Alt beer holder
Lil Alt human accessory
The First Lil Alt

I am the littlest alt.

Photo via lookbook


I am the lil alt. The mini alt. The lil-est alt.
Learned how to be alt at a young age
with the help of my older sister
I am young, with my entire life ahead of me
many years to evolve into the perfect personal brand
but today I am young
I am alt
I am small
but my heart is strong
I am sure of myself

The kids at school do not 'get' me
But I have learned that is a good thing
I am oblivious to the tween sensations that mnstrm kidz are in2
(had to google 'Kanyegate')
I am literally the youngest person in the world to genuinely appreciate The Dirty Projectors

I will start a mp3 blog 4 kids by kids
carrying the alternative torch to make the kids scene
a lot better 4 every1
There's just so much more to the world than Disney bullshit

I am proud.

One day I will be an old man
on my death bed
looking back on the life that I had
so many missed connections and casual encounters
I will look back on my youth
and smile

A large grin for my alternative innerchild.
I am the lil alt
The embodiment of the alternative spirit.

(miss u. say hi 2 Heath 4 me in meme heaven)

U cannot put out
the flame
of the alternative fire
in a tru alt.

So much alt in such a lil alt.


///learning how 2 blog again....
-crls

Should I buy a lil alt?


[vialookbook]
I just saw the cutest lil alt when I was doing some online shopping yall. I remember back in 2k8, my big gimmick was 'purchasing an AZN.' This year, I think I'm looking for something that's a little bit more youthful and fun. While buying a lil alt might be a 30% increase in maintenance costs, I think it will probably end up being a better accessory/altSlave. AZNs are small, but u can't really compare their size to a lilAlt. Pre-tween alts are perfect because they are so energy efficient and customizable. So even though you're going to pay a bit more for a lilAlt, they'll probably get you back that money with fuel/energy savings.

LilAlts are more customizable than AZNs. I was actually thinking of starting a Human Trade shop in my local mall where people can purchase lil Alts (and a few high-end AZNs), and select outfits + accessories for them. (kinda like popular franchise BUILD A BEAR)

What makes having a human accessory fun isn't the fact that they 'help u with chores' that much. It's kinda more like having a tamagachi. When it 'cries' u have to feed it a lil bit. and sometimes u can play with it. but if it dies, u can just press the 'reset' button or get a new 1. The fun part is just 'making it ur own' and it doesn't require the responsibilities of having a child of ur own.

What type of lilAlt do yall think yall will buy?
(Thinking about adopting a pokemone from a 3rd world country.)

What.Would.Jesus.Do?
Is there a different kind of human that u are thinking about purchasing in 2k9, or is 'the economy' holding u back from making the $100-$200 investment?

h8 lil dbag kids


[Photo from Hel Looks]

This is a post about how I h8 lil kids who have 2 much personality. Lil Douchebag Kids usually have wealthy parents. There is a father who makes a lot of money, and a mom who 'loves their kid to death.' This means they get to eat an unhealthy breakfast. Typically, male lil dbag kids have long hair and a 'California skater aesthetic.' These kids usually don't do well in school and (pretend to) have learning disabilities. However, these 'learning disabilities' are usually justified as 'having an active personality.' Teachers expect less from lil dbag kids because they know they will never have to worry about anything in life.

My son has an active personality. I let him grow his hair out, because he is different. He is beyond his years.

I just want my daughter 2 have 0 worries. I only want her 2 express herself + start dating at age 7. She will go through an alternative phase, but I am confident that she will end up mainstream by age 19.

I wish I could go back in time and convince my parents to 'let me show the world who I was' at a young age. I want to go back in time so that I could tell my parents about online boutiques for kidz so that I could have a more unique personal brand as a kid.

I want to be a lilBagBro. I don't want to be 'good at school.' I want to be good at being funny/expressive/being 'a breath of fresh air.'

I want to let people know that I might be from California, and that I might be a participant in Xtreme Sports. People need to know that I have an xtreme personality. I want to dress and smell like I am going to my first high school dance every day of the week. I want to merge 'cool' and 'post-casual' fashion. I want hair product.

I want 2 be a lil girl. I want to connect with my depressed mother [via shopping therapy]. I want to wear prints that single, saucy 32 year old women wear on 'girls nite out's + to their job as a receptionist.

"We have trouble concentrating in class. We do impressions of popular movies/television shows. Our parents don't let us drink soda/let us drink a lot of soda. We are 'hyperactive' and have a low reading level."

'We have a glorified hobby which our parents have branded us as 'being good at.' We pursue this hobby our whole lives', but end up not being very gifted at all. Our whole world will then fall apart, and we will attend college for 2 semesters at a local school. We will drop out and live in an apartment complex within 5 miles of our parents' house. We will drink cheep beer and post myspace photos. We will shop at the mall. We will be independent.'
-lil dbag kidz in the future

Should we do more to ban 'personality' in public elementary schools?
Are 'kidz with 2 much personality' growing up with an unhealthy perception of 'the world' + 'his or her own place in the world'?
Is adolescence a false extension of childhood?
Should I build a time machine to see how my life would have worked out if I had a stronger personal brand when I popped out of my mother's womb?

FestivalLilAltHumanAccessory (AKA 'A Lil Beer Holder')

Lil Alts should have the freedom to roam where ever their alt-hearts desire.

I'll never 4get the first time my mom took me to a music festival. She dressed me up in the most [HIGHLY STREET FASHION BLOGGABLE] clothes possible. We even got a pair of Festival boots on clearance from my local boot store boutique called 'Target.'

I was pumped to see my fave band EL GUINCHO, but he cancelled. Fortunately, Pitchfork was deep enough to put Animal Collective as a headliner/a meaningful night time slot. The performance changed my life. I don't even enjoy traditional music in traditional formats any more--I will only go to Animal Collective live shows for the rest of my life.

N e ways...my too-free-spirited mom fell in luv with this alt-celeb musician/party photog. I ended up holding her Bud Heavie all day. Eww !!!!!#&%!!!$!

I wish my mom wasn't so free spirited. What will my future be like?

Will I rebel against my mom's free spirited ways and become a mainstreamer? Or will I abuse her free-spiritedness to become my high school's alt-est, free spirited-est girl whose mom lets her drink box wine at sleepovers if her friends 'turn in their keys & promise not 2 leave the house'?

[only connect on FLICKR]

Rising Gas Prices Ruin Things For Every1


Whether you are alt or mainstream, a soccer mom or a free spirited mom, a cool dad or a demanding dad...our global economy is in trouble and you are feeling it in your wallet. Manyof the problems stem from the fact that Arab druglords and warlords are in charge of the world's oil, but I did not study political science-y stuff in college. Sometimes I step back and think about how krazie it is that we need all of this black stuff from the ground 2 make our lives' easier...

With that being said, it's important to note that our global gas crunch has ruined things for this lil alt human accessory. As opposed to being driven to her Summer Enrichment Courses in a minivan with a DVD player, or a spacious Toyota Camry, she was forced to be chauffeured by her mom on a skateboard. You can see a bandage on her left leg which we can only assume was caused by an accident on the cobblestone roads of the netherworld in which she lives.

I think it is good for free-spirited mothers to express themselves, but I don't now how I feel about converting urself into a rickshaw to transport your kid.

Have yall ever been poor? Remember when Jewel lived in a van?

[Photo by The Face Huntbro]

I have a dream that one day every kid will have parents who are able to afford vintage conversion vans.

A Cool Dad Who Dresses His Lil Alt Human Accessory in street gear


I think it's cute when families take portraits and they are dressed in coordinating outfits. This Cool Dad dressed up his little bro just like him. It's kute. Within 3 years, they will be able to share clothes if the father ever wants his clothes to fit like 'a normal person', as opposed to the 'trash bag in the wind' look.

Since they wear urban wear/street gear 2gether, is it safe to assume that they listen to Will Smith's "Just the 2 Of Us" on repeat?

I can't wait to have kids and dress them up in American Appy/Babie Urban Outfitters. Hopefully they make mini- prescription shutter shades so my lil alt kid can wear them to school. My biggest fear is my child not being able to see the 'chalk board' at the front of the classroom. I hope he doesn't develop A.D.D. and spend the rest of his life on a quest for alt-celeb status.

[Photo by Preggers goldfish]

Sometimes family portraits can get creepie. They can end up looking kind of like a cult. Especially if it is a white American family.

This family looks like they eliminate all of their female offspring until the stars align for a specified 'breeding season.'

Lil Alt Human Accessory


I was looking at a street fashion blog, and I stumbled upon this free-spirited alt-MILF with a lil alt human accessory. It reminded me of the blog The Hipster Runoffs, since that's what they talk about all of the time.

She is so free-spirited that she has inspired a creepie passer-by to envision his life with a free-spirited mom who had a little boy who wore bandanas.

"Men who are strong enough to accept that a woman loves her son more than she will ever love him are the strongest men in the world.'
-Stepdads who wear Stepdad jeans

The worst part about having a free spirited mom is that sometimes they will forget to buy you food, school supplies, and clothes because they spend a lot of money thrifting and drinking box wine.

[Dublin Streets]

Lil Alts

God bless the Alternative Children of the World.
God bless those cool & free spirited parents who enable their children to show off their personalities through the power of fashion.


Photo by HEL LOOKS:

Jermu (3)
"I'm wearing an eagle t-shirt and flower socks. My cap is yellow and there is some net at the back. I like red, cars and legos."

I rlly wish I could rent him as a human accessory for a night. <33
********

I wonder if he is wearing urban camos because he is a soldier in some sort of Alternative Neon Electro Civil War in a war-torn 3rd World Country.
<3 neon blood diamonds <3
[photo by Manila Style]

Cool Dads and Free Spirited Moms make Lil Alts.
MAKE LIL ALTS, NOT WAR.

"If only we could all be bright... like neon love."

-the Prime Minister of Australia, 2009

A Cool Dad forces his child to re-enact Twin Shadow's "Slow" music video

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Twin Shadow is a 2k10 buzzband who 'won over the hearts of alts' with his hit music video for "Slow." It seems like some cool dad who is a huge Twin Shadow fan forced his blipster wave indie kid to 're-enact the SLOW video' just to get some indie internet page views and produce bloggable content. Do u think this 'indie showbiz dad' is pushing his son too far, or is it important 2

Do u think the indie kid 'did a good job' or could he have done more 2 recapture the vibe of George Lewis Jr?
Did the dad 'drop the ball', via poor cinematography, directing, and 'props department'?

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Do u think this lil alt has the opportunity 2 become 'mad relevant'?

Does he have the skills 2 form a buzzband by age 15?
Do u wish ur dad listened 2 relevant indie hits while u were growing up?
Did this kid 'crush it' in the video, or is his cool dad exploiting him 4 'indie blog LOLz'?

Twin Shadow

Buzzband

Twin Shadow is the 2k10 buzzband buzz project of George Lewis Jr. His hit album FORGET is 'highly bloggable.'

Read more>>>>

8 Year Old Lil Alt creates Lookbook profile


Lookbook.nu is a popular alt social network where users come together to create a 'global fashion scene.' From suburban Middle America to suburban UK to suburban Korea, every alt who doesn't live in a relevant alt city can bond with a network of alts, feeling 'together' as they look at what they are wearing.

Some altbros are known to 'pleasure themselves' while browsing lookbook, since it features many barely legal alt sluts [via hipster porn]. Not sure if that is 'legal' or if u can go to jail if they find out.

It seems like alts are getting younger and younger. This 8 year old alt from Portugal named Nana S created her own lookbook profile. When I was 8 years old, social networking, 'the alt internet', and blog buzz didn't even exist. Feel amazed that this lil alt coordinated her own photo shoot, uploaded pix to her computer, touched them up in photoshop, and then uploaded them to Lookbook. Feel like this alt is a 'baby genius' or something.

How alt were u when u were 8 years old?
Will this alt get a modeling contract with Baby Gap/Baby Am Appy?
Is this lil alt a Baby Genius?
Should I move 2 Portugal to raise an alt kid, kinda like Noah Lennox?
Do yall have any other tips to make sure that ur kid grows up to be alt?

Alt parents try to play Ariel Pink for their son, son falls asleep

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I have always wondered what it would be like to have a child. How would I 'educate' him/her on how to be a more authentic human being? How could I keep them away from mainstream children's educational programming? How could I get them in touch with authentic buzzbands at a young age?

Feel like this parent is running a 'Buzzband Boot Camp' or something. The kid is clearly 'trying to be all lazy', but the parents are like 'wake ur ass up, get on the internet, and find me a new buzzband.' The child is forced to listen to Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti's latest album. I hope I can run a tight ship like this family. Really scared of my kids not being 'in touch' with the buzzosphere.

I really want to be a good parent. I want to show a mix of 'love' and 'demand' the most out of them. Not really with mainstream subjects in school, but just with the internet, twitter, blogging, buzzbands, and other sweet viral trends.

Will honestly be disappointed in my son/daughter if they don't go viral at least twice by the age of 10. Might film them doing drugs, then record the dumb stuff they say [via David After Dentist].

Just wanna be a good parent
Want my kids to turn out 2 be authentic
Want them to listen to the best music possible and not go thru a weird Disney tween phase.
Want my kids to ride chillwaves and vibe to lifi pop hits

Do u think Ariel Pink is children's music?
Should all parents make their kids listen 2 indie buzzbands?
Do yall have any ideas for making sure ur kids evolve into authentic alts?

Ariel Pink

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Ariel Pink is a 'lofi genius/wizard/mastermind' who has transitioned his brand to 'relevant indie buzzband status' in 2k10.

Read more>>>>

David Beckham takes his little alt son to a Jonas Brothers concert


I have always wondered what it would be like to be the spawn of a rich and famous person. Feel like I would get more creative control over my personal brand at a young age because my parents wouldn't be limited by financial constraints and other 'real world'/middle class excuses. Seems like David Beckham is a cool dad taking his kids to a Jonas Brothers concert. Even though he sorta has to go to a 'ghey ass' event, it seems like it is an important thing to do in order to 'let people know that ur rich and famous.'

Wonder what it is like to go to a Jonas Brothers concert. I feel like every1 is probably dressed in stupid lil vests, scarves, and retarded newsie hats. Not sure how to feel about the new wave of 'Target rock star tween fashion.' Would feel pretty sad if my kid wanted to dress like that, but I think Beckham's kids are chill because they probably have stylists. If u had shopping-spree access to any mall in America when u were a tween, would u end up 'looking like a little flamer', a 'name brand' billboard, or 'sweet as hell'?

Did u know what skinny jeans / electro wayfarers were when u were a pre-tween? feel sad that my parents weren't 'loaded' and famous.

Do you wish you had a lil alt spawn?
What type of concerts would u take him/her to?
When u / ur wife is pregnant, will u make her put an earbud into her belly button and play your child relevant buzz band mp3s?
When u r a kid, can u truly appreciate getting VIP perks?
Is it still 'authentic tween' to be into the Jonas Brothers, or are more people into Justin Bieber / Grayson?
Will David Beckham lead the USA to a World Cup victory?

Tiny Alt emerges on LookBook


A tiny alt named Tim S. has emerged on Lookbook, becoming one of the most popular figures on the Lookbook community. Lookbook is usually a place where alt tweens who are trapped in suburbia go for a sense of belonging. Tim S. is a 'game changer' on Lookbook, proving that the alt kingdom might be an 'equal opportunity' scene.

Alex S. has listed himself as a 22 year old designer.

The alt community often comes under fire for 'being judgmental' and pressuring every1 to aspire to fit into a 'cookie cutter' aesthetic. The acceptance of Alex S. on the Lookbook community proves that alt has no color, size, or shape.

Does Alex S. inspire u to be a better alt?
Do yall accept all genders, colors, sizes, and religious backgrounds into your alt scene?
Is every 1 free to be a consumer?
Does any one know the 'politically correct' name for a midget / little person / tiny alt / lil alt / micro alt /mini alt / mini man?
If you had a tiny alt bro, would u put him on your shoulders at a relevant concert so that he would have 'the best view in the house'?
Is Alex S. the most important member of the lookbook community?

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