Dealing With Your Mainstream Family and Past | Hipster Runoff

Dealing With Your Mainstream Family and Past

Will my parents ever understand how relevant I am?


These days, I'm not even sure what my goals are any more. I'm not sure what kind of validation I'm seeking. I've managed to experience a VIP lifestyle, but it came at the cost of neglecting the people who were there for me when I was 'no one.' Standing on the edge of relevancy, I seek validation not only from the buzzosphere, but also my familyosphere.

Sometimes I wonder: If I reach the top pinnacle of relevancy, will my family understand what I have achieved? I might not have much money, but I will be a rich man in buzz_bucks. I might not be macro-famous, but I will be highly revered by a niche audience that congregates at relevant music and arts festivals and/or industry conferences. I will generally walk the streets unknown, but if I visit a relevant neighborhood, I will be 'a fucking God.'

One day, I will invite my parents into a VIP section. Maybe they'll see the world I live in. The people who are eager to be validated by me. They'll see that there is a barrier (physical and abstract) between 'me' and 'every one else.' They will understand that I have built a 'tribe', that I have contributed to a relevant discussion of modern issues. They might be close to 'understanding me.' Sure, they can do their best to google me, finding 'coverage' on tons of random blogs, but until they experience my product/brand 'in the flesh', they might not have something to be proud of.

Relevancy is not a always tangible, employable, or monetizable.

My parents will see that for one weekend, I have access to unlimited beer. As long as they roll with me, they will find their way to a relevant afterparty. They will accompany me to 'gifting suites.' Watch me conduct interviews with local press.

Finally, my parents can put aside their mainstream expectations for me and find joy in the fact that their spawl did something meaningful, relevant, and artistic. I might not be a doctor who saves lives, but I will be a buzzworthy artist who may or may not help to improve the vibes of many ppl. We're all just trying to help ppl live in a a spirit of pure vibes, right?

One day, I will convince my parents that they are a part of a Very Important Family (VIF), and they have a reason to be proud of a Very Important Person who has always been a member of their family.

Will ur parents ever understand how relevant u r?
Do they 'get' ur goals?
How can u make them 'see the buzz light'?
Do buzzworthy artists still have good relationships with their parents, or are they all 'estranged'?
Have u ever seen a buzzworthy artists' parents at a show/festival?
Do 'relevant members of the buzzosphere' have something 2 be proud of, or should they just enroll in a technical college and/or pursue a graduate degree?

Das Racist


Das Racist is some sort of post-ironic rap group.

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I h8 my mainstream dad.

My mainstream dad
I'm supposed 2 <3 him on Father's Day
Go ovr 2 my parents' house 2 enjoy some bbq

But I can't
I h8 that guy
4 turning me in2 'me'
I resent my mainstream father

Why did u feed us so much hamburger helper?
Why weren't u affectionate towards my mother?
Wht was it hard 4 u 2 tell me and my siblings that u <3 us?
Why did u disown my ghey brother?
Why didn't u ever want us 2 be 'more than middle class'?
Why did u watch so much sports?
Why did u get so upset when I quit baseball?
Why did u make me go 2 in-state college?
Why did u let us eat so much fast food?
Why did u make fun of the clothes I wore?
Why did u make me feel guilty whenever I spent money?
Why did u drive our family into massive amounts of debt?

Why didn't u ever congratulate me 4 being valedictorian of my high school class?
Why did u buy my brother who played football a car when I never got 1?
Why were u so, so cold and hurtful 2 all of us?

U were so unhappy
Why didn't u just leave, dad?
U would have been happier
Every1 would have been happier

I resent u, dad
and 2day I'm not going over so u can BBQ non-grass-fed meats
We're not going to gather around the table
like we're a happie family
Sitting in silence

We will not celebrate u
as we eat Lay's potato chips
mom's potato salad
and an array of desserts from COSTCO

I h8 my mainstream dad
I feel bad
I feel resentful
I just want 2 break thru the disconnect and share something real with him

But now I see an old man
set in his ways
Things will never change
It's me, dad. I just want to love you.

I'm coming over for BBQ
Maybe today, things will change.
Happy Father's Day.

My Alt Graduation. Oh the Concerts We Attended!

When I first entered college
I'll admit
I was an entry-level alt
Totally misguided
Because I was the alt-est person at my high school

I loved 'indie bands'
And I soon realized that they were mainstream
Srsly I liked some weird crap
Like totally weirdo alt bands
I thought 'all live music' was good
I thought u went to a concert to facilitate a meaningful experience

Oh The Meaningful Nights We Shared!

Then I went away to college in a relevant city
That had tons of relevant buzzbands that came thru town
I got involved at our indie radio station
And really learned what it was like 2 'get in2' music

I bought so many concert tickets
Sometimes I even got them 4 free when my friend interned at a local promotion company
Or when my friend interned as a bar back
Or when my friend interned as a social media strategist 4 a local venue

Oh The Meaningfulcore Moments We Witnessed In Our Local Scene!

Indie concerts became a place
2 begin our meaningful night
Getting so hammied
Singing along with our fave indie buzzbands
'Letting go' and dancing!
I finally learned what live indie music was all about

I was in touch with the spirit of indie
Feeling young, free
Like I had become the person I was destined 2 be
A relevant concert attendee

Oh the Buzzbands We Saw!

But here I sit
Listening 2 a lamestream commencement speaker
Wondering abt how my relationship with indie music will continue to evolve
How 'alt' will I get?

Will I 'go mainstream' and just be a mindie fan 4ever?
Or will I officially become a lost 20something?
Going back 2 my parents' house
Unemployed, spending all of my time listening 2 lofi buzzbands on buzzblogs?

I miss those days
When I was excited 2 go to a concert
I felt young, like maybe 1 day I'd be relevant
But here I am
Graduating from college
Will I ever be relevant?
Will I ever be a global VIP?
Will I ever be more
than that person who go really drunk at concerts
and danced with my friends
and thought we were really special because we knew the words?

Oh no
I just realized
I am just a 'lifestyle alt'
Making consumer decisions 2 brand myself as 'alt'
Projecting a pseudo-alt lifestyle bc I didn't know who I was
Should I have just been a mainstreamer?
I wish I could go back to high school when I thought
my entire alt life was ahead of me

But now all I have
are a shitload of ticket stubs
and a college degree in a worthless major
What am I supposed 2 do now?

Oh the Concerts We Attended!


You, Me, and Every Concert We Attended: How We Grow Old With Concerts

Is your personal brand compromised when you attend a relevant alternative event with your partner?

Snowed-In in Suburbia: A Play by Carles

I had just graduated from college 1.5 years ago, and I was still living with my parents in an irrelevant Midwestern area. It had been a really difficult time, getting in tons of arguments, living in relatively close quarters. But I was doing my best 2 get by... Doing my best to move the hell out of there, but still trying to stay connected to a local metropolitan hub that was 50 miles away from where I lived.

My name is Tom. This is my story. This is my story of the Blizzard of 2k11.

Mom: Son, you know there's a blizzard coming.
Tom: I don't really read the weather or local news, just blogs.
Mom: Come into the den, son. The local news is on.
Tom: The local news is a fucking joke meant 2 scare old ppl. I don't have time 4 that shit.
Mom: Please don't curse in my house. Maybe when you get a job, you can curse.
Tom: I told you. The recession has made it really difficult to get jobs in my industry.
Mom: I told ya you shouldn't have majored in graphic design. Your dad is a financial planner and he makes a good living.
Tom: Dad is the unhappiest person I've ever met in my life.

...scream from other room...

Dad: I'd be a lot happier if yous guys stopped nagging at eachother. I'm tryin' to watch the game!

Mom: Tom. You gotta keep it down. Tax season is killing your father!
Tom: Whatever.
Mom: Hush up. Watch the weather with me. It's about to start.
Local News Meteorologist on the TV: We are expecting this to be the blizzard of a lifetime. Please stay inside. Cover your pipes. Leave your faucets dripping. Bring your pets indoors. Get your fire wood ready.
Mom: See? I told u. Good thing I stocked up on tons of Wolf Brand Chili.

Tom: Well I was planning on going into the city to see a show. Do you mind if I borrow the car?
Mom: You're not taking the car out in this weather.
Tom: How else am I gonna get into the city? My favourite buzzband is playing.
Mom: You really shouldn't leave the house. I'm not just being your mother. This is gonna be huge.

...overheard from other room...
Dad: Who is taking the car out? No way any one takes the car out. Every one is staying indoors tonight!

Mom: Listen to your father.
Tom: I bought these tickets over 5 months ago. This buzzband doesn't come to our small Midwestern area that often, and I CANNOT miss this. I'm going to walk 2.5 miles to the train station and try to make it in. You can't stop me.
Mom: Don't go out or else we're not gonna let you live here. Our house. Our rules.
Tom: This is fucking bullshit. You don't understand. They were recently Best New Musicked on Pitchfork, and the next time they come thru town, there are gonna be soo many lamestreamers at the show. This is a huge deal.
Mom: I don't know what all of that means, but there is a BLIZZARD coming. You need to stay indoors. I may not be a meteorologist or a buzzbandologist or even 'Geologist' from that band you made me listen to in the car on the way to the grocery store. But please, as your mom, the person who loves you the most in the world.

I started my walk thru suburbia. The wind was blowing at what seemed like 100 miles per hour. The snow was falling. I couldn't see 2 feet in front of my face. It took me several hours to walk just 2.5 miles. Many people at the train station were coming home to suburbia from the city. But I was going into the city. The train conductor told me I was crazy to be leaving home in this weather, but I had caught the last train into town.

Conductor: Ur crazy.
Tom: Listen. I am on my way to see a really important band, and maybe in 5 years you'll understand why I had to do this. I care about the live scene. I'm not just one of those buzzband fans who stays at home on the internet and listens to MP3s. I care about the live scene. You don't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. But trust me. This is hella important.
Conductor: You're something else, kid. You're something else. Have you heard the Decemberists? I just listened 2 them on NPR.

I arrived in the city. It was a 'ghost_town.' The city was shut down. Cars were getting stuck in the snow. Got to the venue. No one was there. There was a sign on the Venue that said 'Closed.' I checked the buzzband's twitter, and they were talking about how they were stuck in a van somewhere on some random Midwestern Highway.

I didn't know what to do.
I looked up at the white sky
and the song "White Sky" by Vampire Weekend came on my iPod


I yelled at the sky
"Why Me?"
"Why do the indie gods fucking h8 me?"
"I'm in it for the right reasons."
"I came all the way from Suburbia."
"I really care about this buzzband's career and I was gonna buy merch from them so the money went directly into their pockets."
"I live in suburbia. Tonight was supposed to be special."

It was at that moment
That I realized maybe life in suburbia wasn't that bad.
Maybe I had been chasing the wrong things all along
Maybe my parents truly cared about me
Maybe I should have listened
Maybe they were right
Maybe I valued buzzbands too much
Maybe I needed to go back to school and get a real degree
Maybe I should just start working at my dad's office
Maybe I should stop cursing at my mom
Maybe I should value the 'roof over my head' no matter what part of the city it is located in.

I heard a rumble
The sound of some sort of lawnmower engine or something.
A man pulled up next to me on a a snow mobile
He took off his mask

Dad: Hop on, son. Let's go home.

I got on the back of the snowmobile, and wrapped my arms around my dad, giving him a hug for the entire ride. I felt like a little boy again. For the first time, I finally realized that my dad loved me. It was time for me to grow up. I was going to turn my life around. Sure I could enjoy the occasional buzzband, but it was time for me to start being a productive 20something instead of a tragic one.

I got home. My mom had made some of her famous gingersnaps, and was just pouring me a cup of hot cocoa. She said, "Welcome home, son."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I should have listened. I'm sorry."

"You don't worry about that, son. Now let's get you out of those clothes."

"Mom... Dad... I love you guys."

...overheard from other room....

Dad: Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch Fallon. The musical guest is about to come on.


R u safe?
Were u hit by a blizzard/snow storm?
Do u care abt ppl in the Midwest?
Does God h8 the Midwest because they are all lamestreamers and deserve to be miserable?
Do you feel trapped in suburbia [due 2 'the elements]?
Does weather make u believe in God/a 'higher power'?
Did you go out to see a buzzband in this weather?
Were u trapped in the snow in suburbia?
Have u ever been trapped in a natural disaster with ur nuclear family?
Is Home where the heart is?

Plz share ur stories abt the Blizzard, and let us know that ur okay.

My little brother turned too alt... What do I do now?

Photo via lookbook

You might remember the time I told u
abt how my little brother was turning alt [link]
Well it's official
The little mother fucker is 'way more alt' than me

Don't get me wrong
I'm a pretty alt bro myself
but this has gone 2 far
My little brother
is officially the alt-est dude at his suburban high school

I know it's not saying much
but you should see his hair
the clothes in his closet
his iTunes library
his Google Chrome bookmarks start page filled with alt blogs
his stack of college applications to relevant alt programs
his 'snarky beyond his years' attitude

He srsly reads more blogs than me
Downloads more music than me
Starting introducing me to a few bands that I actually like
Is probably going to get to go to my dream design/art/architecture school

Don't get me wrong
I'm happy for him
...but maybe I just see what is in his future
The drugs, the partying, the loss of mainstream innocence

I've gone down the alt road
And dare I say...
I want him to have a better life than I did
Here I am, a worthless 20something
Standing, watching my little brother
abt to go down the same road that I went down
x 100000000
'balls 2 the wall' alt

I want to have an intervention,
tell my parents abt the downfalls of being alt
Warn them
Make him go to a local state school and major in business/engineering

But it's his life
Who am I to intervene?
He's a good kid, doing well in school, tons of extracurriculars
but I know exactly what's gonna happen...

I don't want him to get hurt
I have gone 2 the edge of alt
and what do I have 2 show 4 it
A worthless degree, a dead-end job that is not in my creative field
and crushed dreams, a crushed soul

I'm not gonna tell u how 2 live ur life
I'm not gonna tell u what 2 do
I'm not gonna tell u what's authentic, what's not
I'm not gonna tell u 2 cut ur Flock of Seagulls alt haircut

Be ur own self
Be alt, u'll have fun
But just know
Ur personal brand is evolving
I want u 2 be who u want 2 b
I want u 2 be happy

But whatever u do
Don't end up like me, lil bro
Be alt...but be cautious
Some of the best moments of my life happened because I was alt...
But maybe...
just maybe...
I'd have more long term happiness
if I decided 2 be a mainstreamer.

I love u

Forever here 4 u,
Your formerly alt bro

My little brother is turning alt. Should I stage an intervention?

Do u have a sibling who is 'too alt' at a young age?
Are they 'authentic'?
Are the headed for a world of pain + disappointment + disillusionment?
Or are they going to live a fulfilling alt life, starting a relevant buzzband/blog/webzine?
Or will the 'fall hard', harder than the current crop of failed-alt 20somethings?


Meme, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

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My mom took me to see buzzbands at a relevant music festival and I h8 her 4 it.

Photo by Weird Magic dot biz

One day, I will be a cool dad, and I will insist on my offspring being exposed to the same content/media that I was exposed to in order to make them feel more relevant/cultured. I will take my son to a dive bar. I will take my son to a relevant music festival. I will make sure my son gets 'shitfaced' in VIP, drinking free vodka/beer. I will make sure that my son checks a series of internet blogs every day and harvests the correct MP3s. I will browse his iTunes library, double checking for 'buzz errors' more closely than I check his math homework.

I can't wait to be a cool dad / free-spirited alt mom.
I can't wait to harvest a relevant child. It seems easier than harvesting a relevant buzzband.

However, what if things go wrong? What if I take my child to a music festival, and they have a shitty time? What if they h8 me, they h8 what I'm all about, and find some 'kewl, new counterculture' that represents something cooler, and fresher than my content-stream? What if I take them to see the Arcade Fire 30th reunion concert at Madison Square Garden, and they fall asleep because it is boring? What if

Feel sad abt growing older.
I am not scared of the mainstream challenges of parenthood
Changing Diapers, memorizing multiplication tables, lessons in social + environmental responsbility
Worried that my generation's window of cultural tastemaking is closing
We only have 2 more years left to harvest buzzbands, then we will be stuck celebrating the same pool of relevant buzzbands from 2k4-2k14 for the next 50 years.

"If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to
I guess we'll just have to adjust." -Win Butler

Will probably just turn into a psychologically abusive parent, and my disconnected relationship with modern culture will have a huge impact on my son:
"Get your goddamn fingers out of your ears. Listen to this shit. We waited all day to get to the front. I spent $300 on a 3-day pass 4 u, and there wasn't a kiddie pass. Listen to this music. Do you know how buzzworthy this band was on their first album? Do u know how to appreciate buzzbands? Listen, I know they might not be as cool as the bands you like, but this band is undeniably good. You see, we used to be a part of something--back when indie music was harvested from blogs and the internet. Now this band has outlasted that era, building a brand that resonates with a global audience. Do you know how impressive that is? This means a lot to me, and you are being a disrespectful brat by plugging up your ears.

This means a lot to me.
You are not my son.
You are not my son.
My Son Respects his elders.
My Son Respects Buzzbands.

Shame on you.
Shame on you."

R u worried abt growing older?
Will u be cooler than ur kid?
Can blogs/Gen Y be 'tastemakers' 4 evr?
R u gonna h8 ur son/daughter if they try to cultivate their own tastes?
R u scared of dying, physically & culturally?

My Parents came to watch my buzzband. For the first time in my life, they looked proud of me.

Photo by thecobrasnake

I was never the best kid growing up. My parents had big hopes for me, and I tended to excel during my formative years. But then something happened. I became less motivated by mainstream success, and instead wanted to carve out my own niche in the world. I didn't want to go to medical school, become an engineer, or get a job as a stable Certified Public Accountant. Any one can do those jobs. Whether you'd like to accept it or not, you are what you do, and I wasn't going to do any thing that wasn't 'me.'

Needless to say, my parents really didn't understand what I was doing. They didn't understand my worthless degree in communications/art/graphic design/cultural anthropology. They didn't know what I was going to do with my life. The truth is, they really just wanted me to be happy, but they could only project their own happiness on to my life. They worked hard, and they gave us a great childhood, but they didn't realize that there was a whole scene out there--a network of artists creating beautiful visuals, sounds and content that had the opportunity to be monetized in the eCommerce marketplace.

When I graduated from college, and I told them I wasn't going to move home, instead I was going to 'look for a job' but keep waiting tables and bartending to pay rent and maintain some semblance of independence. They bought into the idea at first, but 3 years later, they wanted to know I had a plan. Law school, Grad School, Teach for America. No way was I going to get into more debt. I would rather live out my life 'being free' to do whatever I wanted at night instead of becoming a slave.

I started a music project with a few of my bros. At first we had some mp3s uploaded to a myspace profile, then the blogs came to blog about us. We booked a mini-tour, and before you know it, we were playing a relevant music festival, easily the biggest of our career. It just so happens that my parents live less than 40 minutes away from the festival grounds, and I took this opportunity to invite them so they could see who I was as a person. I lived in a world that they didn't understand, but this would be their one chance to see a real life interpretation of my scene, my life, my constructed self-image.

They were certainly reluctant to come to the festival, and had it mixed up as a regional pie eating contest that happens at the same park. They were skeptical of the event, but I pleaded with them to come. My mom was a pushover, but my dad was a 'whole nother beast.' There was a big game on that day, and I had to promise him that there would be televisions in the VIP section. I had sent them a copy of our CD, but they just used it as a coaster in their living room. My mom told me it sounded good, but she is always pretty positive. The only comment my dad has made about my music was a hurtful joke about our album title to embarrass me at Thanksgiving Dinner.

They made the drive in from suburbia, and I had to haggle with them on the phone for 30 minutes so they could find parking and enter thru the correct gate. Eventually they made it, and they were shocked to see so many young people chilling out in festival attire. They were out of their element, but I could tell that they were nervous about the experience. I took them to VIP, got my mom a White Zinfandel and my father a premium imported beer. I had to be sure not to get too hammered so that I could interact with my parents, and multi-task, since I was an instrumentalist in our band, similar to the ginger bro in the Arcade Fire who 'bangs a huge drum' during "Wake Up."

We went on stage, and the crowd roared. Seems like blog coverage paid off, and we had a lot of fans in the crowd who had heard about us through miscellaneous social networks and chat clients. Even though our album leaked, u could tell that fans were familiar with the material, so it was all worth it. Throughout the set, I would look over at my parents. They watched my every move. Their faces were a mix between 'wtf is he doing' and 'that's my son up there.' I finally saw my dad look proud of me--I hadn't seen that since I quit tee-ball because I pulled out my weiner while I was running the bases.

After the show, my mom came over and hugged me, even though I was covered in sweat from jamming so fucking hard. My dad shook my hand. He said, "You did it son. It looks like you know what you're doing, and you're happy. That's what's important. There's something I never told you. I used to play guitar in a shoegaze band, but I had to get a job at the factory so that we could put down a down payment on our first house. If you had seen the look on your mother's face when she first saw that house, you'd understand that it was worth it to see her smile at any cost. That's what love is, son. And I love you. I'm sorry about my distant feelings towards you and my inability to express complex emotions. I didn't want you to pursue music because I didn't want you to feel the pain I felt when I had to hang it up. I'm sorry for making you play youth sports. I'm sorry for wanting you to get a high paying job that offered you the opportunity to have a comfortable life. This is what it means to be a father. I am so proud of you."

We all group hugged. Even if we were flat on a few songs, and the visuals behind us weren't synced up perfectly during the set, I had a reason to be happy.

All those years, it all paid off. I thought they did't understand me, but they wanted to protect me. Protect me from failure. Protect me from chasing the unattainable. They were mad at me when I was just floating around my mid-20s. But it worked out. I'm not saying it's gonna work out for you, but if you give it your best shot, there's a chance. And that's what life's all about--putting yourself in positions where good things can happen. Don't quit before you even started.

I don't care about blog buzz, mainstream record deal dollars, pitchfork scores, or banging hot alt bitches. Even though being in a buzzband is perceived as a cool lifestyle with infinite perks, giving you the chance to 'stay young forever', at the end of the day, it's all about family. I love my family.

Thanks for coming out to see our band, mom and dad. What did you think of the show?

Is family more important than buzz?
Is family more important than your alt identity?
Do u dream that one day your parents will have a reason to be proud of you for succeeding at your alternative pursuits?
Have your parents given up on you?
Do ur parents think that ur 'gay' / 'a hippie' /a failure because ur alt?

My First Synth Recital

Photo by lastnightsparty

My mother asked me, "Do u want piano lessons?"
I said, "No."
My father then asked me, "How about guitar lessons? You can rock n roll."
I said, "No."
My grandmother offered to pay for cello lessons.
She never loved me as much after I said, "No."
My uncle offered me the right field position on my cousin's little league team.
(I went to one practice, then quit. Basically said "No.")

Every1 wanted to know
"What do u want 2 do?
What r ur interests?
What do u like?
What r u passionate about?"

After hearing tons of indie, bloghouse, and chillwave bands
I knew that I needed to learn more about synthesizers
I didn't have time to waste learning mainstream skills
and I didn't have time to translate my mainstream skills to fulfill my alternative needs

I wanted synthesizer lessons
I wanted an authentic collection of synths
2 take my buzzband solo proj to the next lev
This was the best decision I could make as an aspiring authentic alt

If they had 'sampler lessons', I would take them
Maybe will grab a 'minor' in DJing
Maybe take a few 'music business' classes at my local college
Might also learn about maintaining a blog and a twitter feed

My parents think I want to go to school to 'get smart and get a job'
but they don't realize that school is just a place for me to network
to make fans, to make friends on 'facebook' to invite to my shows
to meet potential band mates (after my solo project takes off, I will select talented on-stage musicians, but make sure not to give them a cut of album sales)

This was all my dream
but first, it was time for synth lessons
My teacher was so chill
yet so demanding at the same time

Teaching me about synth history
Synth Settings
Even a little bit about recording techniques
and important perspectives on analog vs digital

He'd send me home with vinyls to listen to
teaching me that there was more to 'synth'
than just chillwave/LCD Soundsystem/bloghouse/modern shitty blog electro
I finally understood the importance of the synth in the modern global rock landscape

My parents came to the recital not knowing what to expect
My fingers pressed down on the keys
arpegiatting tons of rad shit
so many vibes, chill ass drum machine keeping the beat
The power of so many sounds
right at my finger tips

I could tell they were happy for me
because I was happy
for the first time I felt like I had a future
I was going to start a buzzband / record a hit EP that garnered tons of blog press
start a new genre of music
and capture the spirit of the modern alt

This was the beginning of a whole new life for me
Education is an important tool/process
But tons of mainstream educational opportunities are a waste of time
meant to make u feel like ur 'part of a team'/'normalized' even if u don't acquire a skill

Sometimes parents just don't understand
what's culturally relevant
and what decisions they can make
to put u on the road towards being the mastermind behind a culturally relevant buzzband

Did u take any lessons as a kid?
What lessons do u wish yall took as kids?
Who can u construct an authentic alt super kid who makes his/her own decisions?
What types of lessons should alts offer to appeal to alt parents + their kids?

I feel sad, jealous, and angsty when I see kids who are experiencing a culturally enriched childhood.

Photo via architectsnewspaper

I was walking through Brooklyn on Halloween nite when I stumbled past these 3 authentic children, all dressed as relevant architectural landmarks. I had to do a google image search since I 'recognized that the buildings were relevant' but didn't know their names. Turns out that they are the Guggenheim, the New Museum, and the Whitney.  All of the children seem happy, knowing that they are 'way smarter'/generally 'better' than most regular kidz and their boring-ass costumes.  Sorta feel sad looking at the lil grim reaper bro in the background.

I am not sure if these costumes are authentic, or if they are kinda like when a 'parent completes a school project for their kid.'  The kids seem 'pumped', but not sure if all kids love architecture.  Wonder if the parents are 'projecting their own interests/profession' on their kids...but it seems likely that these kids are just more culturally aware than I will ever be.

It seems like it took me 17-26 years to cultivate my cultural-connectedness to all things alt/kewl/relevant. It seems unfair that these kids have parents who can train them to be relevant at a young age.  I wonder how I coulda turned out with 'proper guidance' instead of just existing in suburbia, and eventually 'raging against' suburban consumer identities.  Feeling insecure, like these kids have more insightful opinions on the world than me, and I am just sorta pretending to be 'me.'

I feel like I missed out on a lot in life.  My parents used to drive me to public school in their 'gas guzzler', but some kids have it totally different.   Some kids grow up using public transportation in a meaningful way. When I lived in suburbia, I always 'made fun of the poors' utilizing public transportation.

Wish my parents cared more about making me a bloggable internet photo, instead of 'dressing me up in some lame costume that they purchased at Wal Mart'/utillizing their limited artistic skills to draw a skeleton on my face.  Feeling ashamed and then feeling guilty for feeling ashamed.

I feel like I possibly 'fucking h8'/'resent the fuck out of' my parents for not creating a meaningful-enough childhood for me (on a global scale). I understand that there are pure moments which I will hold near and dear to my heart...but I can't help but feel incredibly sad right now, looking at these kids living a life that I deserved.  Seeing these parents giving their kids the life that I think my parents deserved to give me.  I wish I could some how make them understand.

Do u ever wish that ur parents were 'more than they are' for ur own sake? Do u wish they were famous/snark bloggers/local celebrities? Sometimes I feel relieved that my parents aren't 'too snarky'/'too cultured' because it brings me back down to earth when I come home from college, but then I wonder how my life coulda been different if an adult-version of me raised me.

Guess that's life.

I'm gonna do a lot of things different when I raise a kid.

Tell me abt ur childhood.
What did u get from it?
What do u want from life now?
Do alt parents yield mainstream kids?
Do relevant parents raise 'snooty' kids?
Should u give ur kids a mainstream childhood so they can choose to seek alternative authenticity on their own?
How do u raise a child so that he or she can discover their interests on their own?
At what age can ppl truly 'get' architecture? (age 34?)

Would u bet on a 'Blog House Revival'? [ALT STOCK MARKET]

I was recently on the internet, and I happened to see that former bloghaus 'it girl' Uffie had some sort of 'new music video.' I am not sure if I ever liked her, or if I was just 'really into being into bloghouse bangers'/pretending that I was 'into electro culture' as I tried 2 distance myself from the mainstreamification of meaningfulcore indie rock.


I am not sure how to feel about this video. Sorta is like some sort of time machine, or a vessel to the past. You watch it and remember 'how the electro blog scene used to be.' U sorta want to move to L.A. and try to become internet friends with altCelebs. I think this song is like from 4 years ago. From what I understand, Uffie's appeal was to be some sort of 'lolita' type of figure since she was a [BARELY LEGAL] teen when she 'first came on the scene.' Now it seems like her brand is 'cougar.' Not sure if her product/brand will be able to 'penetrate' as deep as it once could have now that electro sorta died and ppl want 'conceptual shit.' Miss when Uffie used to 'chill out' with her nipples hanging out all the time.

I feel like even the market for female raunchy slutty crappy myspacey rap acts bubble 'burst' a while ago. I'm not sure if alternative girls still want to 'be like that.' I think they have new aspirations, and don't want to hear skanky girls rapping about getting drunk and letting men put their erect peepees into them.

(This music might still be popular with Californian females.)

I am not sure how long the 'shelf life' of an aesthetic/genre/band is supposed to last. Once you have a 'fan', will that fan buy something from you for the rest of his or her life? I wonder if a chillwave band will 'release' a video/single for one of their 2k9 songs in 2k13. Really 'baffled' that Ed Banger is 'back on the scene.' I think it is generally a 'good thing' for music websites to have a 6 month turnover on a genre, so that 'we' can appear to always be on the lookout for something totally new and different. I just wish more blogs and music site zines would be willing to 'throw artists under the bus' and 'act like certain artists never existed.' It's okay to be ashamed of who u used to be. Distancing urself from bands that u used to like is 'just part of growing up' in the modern world.

Just because u were 'relevant' once doesn't mean u earn the right to be relevant 4evr. I wonder if modern indie bands 'want to last forever.' It seems difficult, like the forces that helped u become a buzzworthy band would be the same forces that tore u apart/made the world 4get abt u.

Speaking of Ed Banger products, I also feel 'very confused' by this video for Justice's remix of Lenny Kravitz. Sorta just 'skimmed' through it and saw a lot of confusing parts and heard a lot of Justicey sounding music. Seems like a gimmicky conceptual music video that I 'don't really have time' to try to watch in order to 'get' the concept. S0 many memes, not enough time.


Wonder if an older version of me would have thought this was 'kewl' and 'blggbl.' Or if I would have been proud that 'bloghouse had finally made it.'

I wonder if 'bloghouse' and 'bangers' will come back after the chillwave era. Seems like we are still searching for 'what is next' for the winter months.

If there was some sort of alternative stock market, would u invest in bloghouse? Would u buy shares in Uffie/Ed Banger?
How much would AnCo stock be worth?
What would the 'google' of alternative stocks?
Would Am Appy stock be worth more in 'the real stock market' or 'the alt stock market'?
Is now the time to buy stock in Horchata Core?

'WTF is horchata?'


Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Uffie is a French bloghouse rapper who is known for hanging out with her titties out.

Read more>>>>

I wish I could go back to high school and re-brand myself.

I think about the person I used to be, and the feelings that I used to feel, and sometimes 'feel ashamed'/'embarrassed.' I wish I could go back in time to high school, and rebrand myself. I feel like during high school, I hadn't 'seen enough of the world/humanity' and I hadn't created 'such a snarky outlook' on life. Things meant something, since I didn't know what a meme was, and I didn't feel so 'insignificant.'

If I could go back in time, I would have done more to create authentic happiness for myself during high school. I would have done more to get people to identify with me. I would have made more authentic artistic decisions, and shared more with more people. I would have one more to convince every 1 that I was 'really cool.'

If I could go back to high school, I would rebrand myself starting at the annual talent show.

I would have tried to host my talent show, and been 'a funnie bro' who was able to mimic popular movies from the past several years that most of my classmates had seen. I would have been a funnie bro.


If I could rebrand myself, I would choose a meaningful indie song to play to an audience. Even if they had never heard the song before, they would like it a little bit coming from the hearts/souls of their classmates. I would eventually be 'cooler' when mainstreamers discovered this band and thought 'damn... that bro sang this at my high school talent show 3.2 years ago.'


I might dress up like a 'cool band' and sing a 'song that sounds cool' and possibly brand myself that way.


I just want to bring a meaningful song into a nontraditional context. I want to challenge people's notions of education/fitting in/everything. I want to brand myself as a quirky post-poppunk quirky bro.


Unfortunately, my level of musicianship is not very high, so I might have to play more complex songs at a slower tempo.


I just want to go back in time, and let people know who I am. I feel like high school is the last opportunity in ur life to 'be happy' back before you go away to university/design school, and u realize that u might never get a chance to perform on a stage that you are 'dumb enough to believe' is 'the entire world.' Back during high school, you were young, and the campus was just a temporary stop on your rise towards greatness.

Then 1 day ur performing singer/songwriter covers in a coffeeshop in a college-y part of town, and u feel insignificant. Back in high school, there was no such thing as 'authenticity' because everything 'just was.' U could be bold, and u could 'feel things.' U could do drugs/drink for the first time, and be convinced that no1 had ever felt this way before.

U could take some1's virginity, and tell urself that ur 'making love' 2 some1. The only sad people in your life were your teachers, but back then, u thought that they were inspiring. Now the thought of them/the level of commitment required by ur 'good teachers' makes u feel like there is 'seriously something wrong with them.'

Just want to go back in time.
and get an erection
back in my prime
before I became older
and realized the responsibility
and miscellaneous feelings
that go along with sexual relations

Want to look at a tween ass
when we are both 'illegal' together
before she gains the freshman 15
and starts a life
with low metabolism
and expanding ass + beer bellie + thighs

Want to go back in highschool
and get a 'blowjob'
in the backseat of my mom's car
after being the star of the high school talent show

Might also play a team sport

Should I attempt 2 reconnect with my past & attend a Super Mario themed party?

I feel like I've lost touch with the person I used to be. I remember being so happie as a child, close to my siblings and my parents. But now I am just a shadow of a 'real person', unable to have authentic connections with n e 1.

I might select an iconic staple from my youth, and try to utilize it in a way that helps me reconnect with my past. Probs gonna do this with the popular network of characters spawned by Nintendo's classic game Super Mario Bros. Those bros have been there with me through everything. Sorta think that Super Mario Kart is pretty chill.

It would be chill to chil with Toad again / get a tugjob from Princess Toadstool.

Photos via VillageVoice

Might find a ghey version of Donkey/Diddy Kong who is some sort of sexie cage/gogo dancer.

Probs gonna chill with Wario or something.

Thinking about chilling down a pipe and never returning, ending up in some chill ass world where I can run free, jumping and collecting coins.

Miss the days when I could 'escape' and just play a video game. Can't believe I am 'grown up' now and people are doing 'fun shit' like having Mario Partiez. Feels 'not very real.' I want 2 curl up in a ball and pretend that I am a child again. I am scared of life. I am scared of my retirement plan/real problems.

What type of 'ironic' vintage party would yall have 2 connect with ur past?

I want to be a better alternative son.


I want to be a better alternative son.
I want to let my family know who I am.
I want them to know what I find meaningful.
I want them to understand what I find humorous.
I will take the time to explain myself and my interests to them.
I will invite them to participate in team-building activities which will bring us closer together.
These activities will include making meaningful vlogs, starting a tumblr together, and actively commenting on one another's flickr photos.
We will take 'myspace style' photos together with our faces smashed against one another [via a high angle].
My family will 'get' me. For Christmas, I will not have to give them anything, because I am a pleasure to be around all year.
I am a gift.
I will go to church with my family even thought I don't believe in G-d.
I will eloquently express my opinions on issues which might differ from their opinions.
One day, I will take my alternative family to an alternative event, such as a music festival. They will see the world that I see. They will see that their son has found the best way of life. They will be proud of me. They will also be a little bit jealous of me.

My family is ashamed of my aunt.

Every family has one black sheep, but when the holidays are about to come around, you are reminded of the biggest, blackest sheep that you've ever had to spend time around. I have this one aunt (my mom's sister) who is one of the worst human beings on the planet. She hates my parents because they had an actual family, and she wasted age 25 thru 45 drinking apple-tini's at AppleBees, going to karaoke bars, and selling various items associated with pyramid schemes (weight loss drugs, fake stock in precious metals, As Seen on TV products, life insurance, AVON, Mary Kay, and even something that claimed to give you priority access to organs from organ donors.)

Anyways, one time she borrowed this car from my dad and never gave it back. Six months later, it was found in the Potomac River after it was used as a battering ram for a series of thefts at local pharmacies and Nordstrom Racks.

She did apologize and claim it was her boyfriend at the time (who is currently doing time at a state prison). Every Thanksgiving, she insists on bringing one of her disgusting new men to our dinner table, which is definitely a hazard because there are young children around. She smells like cheap perfume, jokes about her vagina and breasts constantly, and is the type of person to stay at your house until she cleans out the liquor cabinet.

Recently she got a Facebook and friended me for some reason. I put her on limited profile, but every day I get to watch her dumb life unfold right before my eyes. She some how manages to get in a fight with some one every day, get lonely and bored every 3 hours, then get blackout drunk by the end of the night. She is racist, reverse sexist against herself, and is openly trying to find a man who is about to die so that she can have all of his money.

She also posts at least one 'selfie' every day.

We are all ashamed of my aunt, and we don't know how she happened. I secretly hope that she disappears.

One time she gave me a pack of Schmirnoff Ice for Christmas in front of my parents. It was so stupid. She is an idiot.

Sometimes she doesn't post on Facebook for 6 hours, and I secretly hope that the Lord mercifully spared her life from continuing.

I am ashamed of my aunt. I think she still thinks she is 16 or something. I think something is wrong with her. Sigh.

I ran into my uncle at a rave. He is considered the black sheep of our family.

I was planning for a solid night out at a regional rave, where some of the region's top DJs were playing, but I ended up getting a little bit more than I bargained for.

I ran into my uncle.

He's on my dad's side of the family. When I was young, I remember my parents being really weird about him. They wouldn't let me be in the same room as him, and we never went to his apartment, which was on the bad side of town. It turns out that the area he lived in is a popular gay community. My parent's had me convinced that he was a 'peder-ass.'

Anyways, during a sick dubstep remix, I spotted my uncle on the dance floor. He was shirtless, and sorta being 'that guy who grinds on younger broads' in a sad way. I tried to avoid him the entire night, until I ran into him at a bar.

He did a 'doubletake', since he hadn't seen me in over a decade, but I look a lot like my dad, so I probably have this 'look of hate' in my DNA that he could identify. We exchanged pleasantries, and I had to hug his sweaty body. He purchased me a premium, cold bottled imported beer. It was one of the beers I had ever tasted in my young life.

He said he was there to try to pick up some pussy, and maybe had a girl meeting him there at 3 am. I guess he wasn't a homosexual after all. He was just like me. He was a raver bro who liked to chill out, molly out, get his dance on, and grind on bitches.

As I drove home, totally mollied out, drunk, and high off some schwag that some 1 handed to me, I couldn't help but think, "Why did my parents hate my uncle? Were they afraid that I would become a raver?"

My uncle wasn't a bad guy. I wish I had the opportunity to spend more time with him when I was young, because it seemed like he could relate to young people. Fortunately, we made plans to meet at an upcoming event to which we both had tickets.

My uncle was a great role model. I wouldn't mind ending up like him.

I h8 everything & every1 & the world will nvr be a better place.

I h8 everything.

I h8 every1 and wish nothing but the worst 4 every1 and their terrible lives. There is no life more terrible than my own, but at the same time, I believe that all of our lives' are the same, and yours is terrible, too.

Nothing has been taken away from me because I had nothing all along.

I am alone. You are alone. The moments where we believe that we 'understand' one another and have something special are lies. The excitement and stimulation that we share is the unhealthy euphoria of the human experience that our entire civilization is built upon.

Every relationship I've ever had has been a mutually-agreed-upon lie, until we broke the mutual agreement, and entered into a nuclear war where we took out our own anger at ourselves on one another. We never had any hope.

I do not believe that there is any beauty in the world, and any one who creates anything that tries to inspire ppl to feel otherwise is an ugly, filthy liar. Said artist is probably living in a dreamworld, spreading dreamworld propoganda to the masses to make pple

I am not depressed. I am coming to terms with reality.

I h8 everything. Culture. Music. Technology The Internet. Film. TV. My friends. My family. All of the things I own. The things I am wearing. The things that I once believed made 'me.' The dreams that I once had that I thought would fulfill me. I am just trapped 'doing shit', and 'talking about that shit' and it doesn't even matter.

For many years, I have only cared about myself. My entire life. Every time I have empathized with any one else, or shared a special moment, I was actually having an inwardly vulnerable moment where I was just fighting against loneliness and isolation.

I h8 everything.

I truly believe that there is nothing left 4 me 2 accomplish in this world.

I believe that even if I accomplished anything, it wouldn't matter. There is no amount of money, critical acclaim, or abstract buzz that could make me feel like I had done something meaningful. Any one who has ever felt 'proud' of something that they have done is a simpleton, searching for praise from people with distorted values.

I h8 everything, and I have given up on the pyramid scheme known as 'the human spirit.'

There is nothing left.

I h8 everything & every1 & the world will nvr be a better place & there is nothing that I coulda/shoulda/woulda done 2 make it a better place or even obsess over making other people happy just to make myself happy.

Some a-hole writes book abt how teens are inauthentic Christians, calls them ‘hipster X-tians’

In high school, it seems like there is usually a 'group of Christians teens' who love 2 get together and talk about God, play acoustic guitar, and gather in some1's parent's huge, upper-middle class house [via being able to buy a huge house due to low property values in suburbia]. The event is usually catered with un-smart snacks and mediocre baked goods, because teen metabolisms can handle any type of food. Many question if these teens 'truly love God', or if they are just getting together for social reasons. Since these kids are usually white and rich, they love 2 'drink and fuck', and just try to seem 'holier than thou' cuz they chill out in youth groups while some 24 year old counselor bro 'talks about God' with them + throws down some Jack Johnson-like acoustic duets. Hella 'inauthentic' cuz tweens just wanna be teens--they don't rlly care about God.

Seems like there is usually a 'rival group of alt Atheists' who want to point out these Christians are 'full of shit' and that they 'don't really believe in God'--they are just searching for some sort of moral approval + opportunity to gather in their 'rich white social circles.'

What were ur religious beliefs like in high school and what are they like now? Did yall h8 going to church as a kid, realizing that it was a mainstream process that wasn't really an effective use of time?

Anyways, some1 wrote a book about this phenomenon of 'inauthentic Christians' because they 'compiled data'/interviewed teens who are 'Christians.' Not sure why they called them 'hipster christians'. Must be some sort of commentary on 'the hollowness of hipsters' or something.

She interviewed teens about their faith after helping conduct research for a controversial study called the National Study of Youth and Religion.

The study, which included in-depth interviews with at least 3,300 American teenagers between 13 and 17, found that most American teens who called themselves Christian were indifferent and inarticulate about their faith.

The study included Christians of all stripes -- from Catholics to Protestants of both conservative and liberal denominations. Though three out of four American teenagers claim to be Christian, fewer than half practice their faith, only half deem it important, and most can't talk coherently about their beliefs, the study found.

Seems like tweens are 'too stupid, and self-obsessed' to be actual Christian. Makes sense. Teens don't really 'like' anything, u just sorta have to construct trends for them to buy into for that window of their lives'. Christianity seems 'the same as the Jonas Brothers'/'an alt buzzband.'

Seems like teens only know how to talk about sex, money, material things, people they h8, and other inane things. Unfortunately, they don't really 'get' authentic Christianity.

Many teenagers thought that God simply wanted them to feel good and do good -- what the study's researchers called "moralistic therapeutic deism."

Some critics told Dean that most teenagers can't talk coherently about any deep subject, but Dean says abundant research shows that's not true.

"They have a lot to say," Dean says. "They can talk about money, sex and their family relationships with nuance. Most people who work with teenagers know that they are not naturally inarticulate."

Sad that my church doesn't have the social tools to help me deal with real life/teen issues. Wish I understood why life was so unfair. Why did my parents get divorced? Why won't they buy me an iPhone? Why do I only have a pay-as-you-go phone? H8 the Lord God Bro for not explaining these things 2 me [in 140 characters or less]

Corrie, echoing the author of "Almost Christian," says the gospel of niceness can't teach teens how to confront tragedy.

"It can't bear the weight of deeper questions: Why are my parents getting a divorce? Why did my best friend commit suicide? Why, in this economy, can't I get the good job I was promised if I was a good kid?"

Seems like God really needs a twitter account, or need to learn to offer text + chat based prayer answering services. He might have to outsource some work to India, and it might hurt his American Brand.

Can u blame Christian parents for creating inauthentic Christian kids?

Did ur parents 'drag 2 church'?
Did it help cultivate ur faith, or did it just make u feel like 'Church is for mainstreamers'?

Wish my parents would have 'done something simple' to show me the 'way of the Lord'. Seems like maybe they were 'too middle class' to be able to prove what it meant 2 be a Christian:

She says parents who perform one act of radical faith in front of their children convey more than a multitude of sermons and mission trips.

A parent's radical act of faith could involve something as simple as spending a summer in Bolivia working on an agricultural renewal project or turning down a more lucrative job offer to stay at a struggling church, Dean says.

But it's not enough to be radical -- parents must explain "this is how Christians live," she says.

"If you don't say you're doing it because of your faith, kids are going to say my parents are really nice people," Dean says. "It doesn't register that faith is supposed to make you live differently unless parents help their kids connect the dots."

Feel like I woulda turned out to be an authentic member of God's white army if my parents 'manned up', gave up their middle class jobs, and chilled out in Central America teaching 'dumb Mexicans' about the way of the Lord/white man. Feel pissed @ my parents for not getting me on the path towards God.

Do u believe teen Christians are 'inauthentic'?
Are teens 'authentic followers/fans' of any trend, brand, band, or religion?
Should teens feel 'empowered' or should all humans be required to own some type of property before they are allowed to vote/have an opinion?

Should I join a national youth group network, such as YOUNG LIFE? Will I be able to connect with a group of likeminded tweens, or is facebook a better way 2 talk abt life + trends with tangible humans?

Should I go on some sort of hiking/skiing trip with my youth group, sneak out late at night, get 'effing drunk' and obtain my first 'beej'?

Should I decide not to go to college, and just become a 'youth group leader' so that my parents 'get off my back' for being a societal failure because they will just think that I am 'serving the Lord' and if they question me they will be 'spawns of Satan bro'?

Do yall know any 'hipster Christians'?
Should I buy the book "Hipster Christianity" or does it look like a crappy blog post turned into a book?

Do u think this author abused the word 'hipster' just to get 'blog buzz'?
Is 'hipster' an adequately descriptive word, or are book titles just constructed to 'get mad hits'?
Is it 'alt' to be Christian?
Have yall ever been in a prayer circle that involved an acoustic guitar and a dead-end 20 something wearing a Northface fleece?
Are you a former mainstreamer who 'used' Christianity as a way to get ur parents off ur back?
Are all authentic alts post-god?
Should God take out 'banner ads' on alt blogs to reach 'the hipster demographic'?
Do alts 'believe in God', are they 'atheists', or just 'hella chill agnostic bros'?
What do u believe in?
Is God real, or just 'bullshit'?

CNN writes article 4 parents abt how to fix spoiled tween behavior

From what I understand, tweens have 'behavioral issues' cuz their bodies are changing, and because they feel 'alone' cuz every1 at school fits in. With technology, texting, sexting, and yotube facebook, it is difficult for a tween to sort through the noise and find his or her identity. Unfortunately, most parents are inept, and don't realize what is going on, so they basically ruin a kid in their formative tween years., a blog for middle american liberals, published tips on 'how to fix ur broken/spoiled' tween.

The story starts out with a 'personal story' to get the reader invested in the situation

When my daughter, Anna, got home from school the other day, I told her, "We've got to get you new shoes. Take a quick break, and then let's jump in the car. "

In response, my usually mellow and mild-mannered 12-year-old threw down her backpack and snapped, "Oh. My. God. I JUST got home and you're not EVEN gonna let me rest for five minutes? FINE! LET'S GO! "

"NO! I have to get in the car. COME ON!"

"Hey, calm down. You can rest a minute..."

"YOU rest! I've got to go somewhere NOW!" And she slammed out the door.

"What's wrong with her?" my 8-year-old asked.

"I think the hormones have arrived, " I said.

"What the...?!"

H8 Anna. Wish she could just chill.

Do yall feel 'hurt' when ur tween gets angsty, or do u know he/she is just being a lil bitch, and u have to break them down, letting them know that ur 'the fucking boss'?

When your tween starts talking back, or yelling at you, or rolling her eyes every time you start to open your mouth, you're bound to feel shock, then maybe anger, followed closely by hurt.

Tired of tweens 'making excuses' about their bodies changing + searching for some sort of social identity. Wish they'd realize that we all are searching 4 the same thing. We gotta stop taking these kids seriously:

This may be especially true if it seems that your kid has gone from happy to snappy before her time. After all, this is the kind of behavior you expect from 13- and 14-year-olds -- not kids who haven't even hit the double digits. But the onset of sassiness is not your fault.

With adolescence looming, kids naturally feel compelled to start going their own way.

"They're not intentionally being disobedient," says Mary-Ann Lowry, a parenting coach and educator from Thousand Oaks, California. "They're on a path toward 'individuation,' when they really try to figure out who they are separate from you."

Do yall know how to punish a tween? Take away his XBOX /Macbook.

Choose a tween-appropriate punishment for infractions

When your child was a toddler or preschooler -- or maybe even as recently as a year ago -- you could pretty much get her to do what you wanted with positive reinforcement (praising her for being good, showering her with stickers) and the occasional time-out.

With a tween, however, most parents find they have to bring out the big guns; very few older kids are likely to change their behavior based on, say, the promise of an ice cream cone if they can go a week without stomping around the house.

"I find that taking away a favorite activity, like their Xbox or cell phone, is the best punishment when my kids talk back or mumble something rude under their breath," says San Diego mom Dana Hess, who has a 10- and a 14-year-old. Whatever you do decide, she warns, follow through. "Once you don't do what you say, they'll take total advantage, and you'll lose your upper hand again."

So tired of parents 'treating their tweens' like they are 'more than animals who need to be house-broken.' Don't over-analyze it, just 'take off ur belt', get out a paddle, and don't be afraid to turn that little ass red with pain / lashes. Michael Jackson turned out alright, and his dad beat him and the family 'on the reg.'

Think this is the worst advice possible. Stop acknowledging their feelings. Tell them to make straight A's and they'll have permission to be an individual when they get a full ride to a public/private university.

Along the same vein, be ready to talk when your tween needs to. Sometimes Anna will wander in while I'm working on the computer to lament some schism with a friend at school, say. I'll make a pointed effort to stop what I'm doing and pay complete attention to what she's telling me.

Even 20 minutes of focused conversation, I've found, does a lot of good, showing her that I do care about what she's going through and that I take it seriously.

If I'm right in the middle of something, I'll make an "appointment" to meet with her downstairs in half an hour. I'll put on the kettle (in our household, a cup of tea represents calm and comfort), and we'll talk about whatever's on her mind then.

Do tweens have real feelings?
Are u tired or over-parenting?
R u worried about raising a spoiled tween?
How can u keep ur kid from finding out about 'individuality' and just keep them on the track towards 'success'?
Do parents need to stop 'babying' their kids so they don't turn into worthless 20somethings?
Should tweens be banned from TV, internet, vlogging, youtube, and 'real life' privileges?
What tips would u give to parents who have spoiled tweens?

Justin Bieber goes surfing with his biological father–some cool dad with tats

Still trying to figure out 'Bieber Fever.' Not sure what makes him so popular/ why so many tween girls want to 'S his D.' Just want to understand the societal forces that created Justin Bieber + learn more abt his 'upbringing.' Feel like now that I know he has a 'cool dad' who is covered with tats, I can finally see that he had tons of freedom to become a tween sensation. When I was a tween, my parents were 'rlly conservative' and just wanted me to make good grades/be a 'team player' [via youth sports]. Not sure if they understood that I had the potential to be a 'fucking cash cow' if they knew how to market me correctly.

Sorta wish my dad was 'kewl', covered in mad tats, able to surf. Feel sad that my dad is 'trapped in suburbia' with some sort of 'menial job.' Wish he had more time to go to the gym and research d-bag wave fashion. Get kinda bummed that my parents are 'dealing with getting older/falling out of love' instead of 'trying 2 stay young forever' (like me).

Feel like if I had parents who valued the concept of 'cool' a little bit more, things would have turned out better for me. Either I would be a 'true alt', or I would be a tween sensation, getting 'mad road pussy.'

Wish my dad had a soul patch, and could teach me how 2 use it to 'eat out pussie.'

Do u wish u were bros with ur dad?
Is ur father a cool dad?
Do u wish ur parents made u a tween sensation instead of 'normal ass parents' who just raised u with suburban values?
Is ur father just a 'forgettable middle aged man' who is 'somewhat honorable', some what 'aloof/out of touch', and just 'trying to do his best by his family'?
How mainstream is ur family?
Do u think JBieb and his dad go out and 'bang teen pussie' together?
Just wish I could throw down bro-rific chills with my dad, vibing out in board shorts.

Should I get my dad a tween alt makeover?

David Beckham takes his little alt son to a Jonas Brothers concert

I have always wondered what it would be like to be the spawn of a rich and famous person. Feel like I would get more creative control over my personal brand at a young age because my parents wouldn't be limited by financial constraints and other 'real world'/middle class excuses. Seems like David Beckham is a cool dad taking his kids to a Jonas Brothers concert. Even though he sorta has to go to a 'ghey ass' event, it seems like it is an important thing to do in order to 'let people know that ur rich and famous.'

Wonder what it is like to go to a Jonas Brothers concert. I feel like every1 is probably dressed in stupid lil vests, scarves, and retarded newsie hats. Not sure how to feel about the new wave of 'Target rock star tween fashion.' Would feel pretty sad if my kid wanted to dress like that, but I think Beckham's kids are chill because they probably have stylists. If u had shopping-spree access to any mall in America when u were a tween, would u end up 'looking like a little flamer', a 'name brand' billboard, or 'sweet as hell'?

Did u know what skinny jeans / electro wayfarers were when u were a pre-tween? feel sad that my parents weren't 'loaded' and famous.

Do you wish you had a lil alt spawn?
What type of concerts would u take him/her to?
When u / ur wife is pregnant, will u make her put an earbud into her belly button and play your child relevant buzz band mp3s?
When u r a kid, can u truly appreciate getting VIP perks?
Is it still 'authentic tween' to be into the Jonas Brothers, or are more people into Justin Bieber / Grayson?
Will David Beckham lead the USA to a World Cup victory?

Photograph of Zooey Deschanel from 2002 emerges. Was she a mainstreamer?

A photograph of Zooey Deschanel from 2002 emerged, and you can see that she wasn't always a 'hipster diva' who inspired tons of alternative bros to metaphorically 'get hard' 4 her on internet music blogs. Seems like she was going for a 'different vibe' or something. I wonder if this is 'the real her.' Maybe the world was completely different in 2k2, and this was an authentic vibe.

Do u think this was 'before she was rich and famous', then she was able to hire a personal stylist to 'put on dark eye liner to showcase her beautiful blue eyes' + put her in 'cutesy hipster girl' outfits?

Maybe things were different in 2k2. Like there wasn't a defined aesthetic for 'being alt' and people ended up with kinda weird personal brand.
Is this 'the real Zooey Deschanel'?
Is she a mainstreamer 'moonlighting' in alternative markets?
Do u think her hair + makeup is a 'complete disaster'?
Would u rather date Zooey Deschanel in 2k2 or 2k10?
Can u hold some1's mainstream past against them?
Do u want to see more pix of alternative celebrities 'Before They Were Alt Stars'?
What is the optimal bang length?

If Feist looked switched bodies with Zooey Deschanel, would she have sold more records/been more famous than Lady Gaga?

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