bicycles | Hipster Runoff


Going on a naked bike ride, transcending mainstream society (NSFW)

Photos by Inna Spivakova via Phrequency.

Going on a naked bike ride
2 break free
from society
'We don't have 2 wear clothes'
fit in with every1

h8 retail America
h8 laws that tell us 2 wear clothes
bullshit made up by the Retail Mall & Outlet industry
2 sell us 'shit we don't need' [via the Fight Clubs]

Maybe we didn't prove anything 2 any1
but at least we got to look at titties
and helicopter our peens around

Bro 1: Did u see any sweet titties bro?
Bro 2: Hell yea I saw some sweet titties

/riding thru the city on my bike naked
//cock flopping in the wind

Wish ppl would stop using fossil fuels

Wish some scientist would invent a way to turn human lard in2 gasoline

Keut 'hipster Palestinian scarf'/titties

Moving as 1 thru the city
letting ppl know that they should 'ride bikes'
letting ppl know that we have peens and titties

Titties, titties, everywhere
but not a nip 2 suckle...

'r u just showing off bc ur black?'


Should I buy a fixed gear bike?

Photo via HiStyley

Yall. I saw this bike, and wondered if it was a fixed gear, or 'just a cruiser.' Have yall heard of fixed-gear bikes? Does n e1 know how they work, and why people buy them? Feel kinda like it might be more advantageous to have a bike with multiple gears, but I think sometimes 'subcultures' can develop out of people 'being unreasonable.'

I think with only 1 gear, u have to do more work in order to ride ur bike fast. Might be some sort of new age weight loss gimmick, kinda like what 'large people' will do in order to shed some calories. Not sure how useful

One time I saw a group of fixed-gear alts riding around Austin, Texas with Lance Armstrong. Made me wonder if Lance is using fixed gear technology to win the Tour De France.



Thought about buying a bike for $2000, but then I just bought a used Kia and drove it into a lake. Made a video of it for my Senior Art Project, just cuz it was 'a metaphor' about 'spending/wasting money on transportation' and also 'moms who drove their kids into lakes 2 commit suicide with them.'

Does n e 1 know if biking 'saves the environment', or does it just 'create more traffic problems/dangers since bikers don't respect the rules of the road?'

Does n e 1 else 'like to ride bikes'? Or do u live in a city [via suburbia] that isn't very 'biker-friendly' except for ultra new rich neighborhoods that 'put in a bike lane' just to 'look rich' or whatever.

Community Awareness -- Bikes 4 Tweens

A lot of people tell me 'Carles. u need 2 do more with ur platform. Use it 4 good. Don't just be a troll/cyberbully.' I am thinking about launching a nonprofit community organization for kids all over the world. Tell me if this is a good idea.


[via lookbook]
Did u know that if every tween in the world had a lil bike, tween obesity would fall 300%?
Did u know that tweens with bikes are 40% less likely to try drugs?
Did u know that tweens with bikes are 70% more likely to 'fit in' with a social group?
Did u know that 40% of tweens die in car+pedestrian accidents?
Did u know that 80% of divorce-casualties commit suicide?
Did u know that 70% of tweens with single parents are rlly spoiled?
Did u know that 70% of tweens boys with long hair are 'lil ass holes'?
Did u know that 60% of tween girls are 'depressed without even knowing it'?
Did u know that bicycles are often more productive than standard anti-depressants?
Did u know that riding a bicycle will lower your cholesterol by 60%?

BIKES4TWEENS will solve 50-80% of tween issues.


How u can contribute

  • send a bicycle to carleser [at]
  • the bike is cleaned and prepared for the gifting process
  • an 'at-risk' tween is given a bicycle
  • the tween has 30 days to prove that the bicycle makes his life more meaningful.

Do u have a communications degree? Bikes4Tweens needs a Public Relations team. We need a team to go out to local area high schools to recruit tweens and promote Tween Health Issue awareness. We need a team that is willing to make 1-to-1 connections with parents, and give them strategies for dealing with tweens in the modern world.

Every tween has the right to happiness.

Can yall think of any community programs/acronyms that will make our world a better place?
Should we donate other stuff, like canned goods/HoneyBakedHams for poor ppl?
Should we recruit a major celebrity like Zachary Efron to promote Tween Awareness?
Should HRO focus more on tween issues, or just post-bloghaus?
Do yall know any entrepreneurs who would be interested in investing in a TWEEN CENTRE full of cool stuff to do after school?
Can we really trust tweens with the world's future, or are they 'too consumery'?

GRAPHIC VIDEO: Unchill Bro with road rage plows his car over a pack of Critical Mass bicyclists


At about the 50 second mark of this video, you witness a car plowing thru a pack of bikers. Not dudes on motorcycles, but a gang of fun loving bicyclists who are part of a global group called 'Critical Mass.' From what I understand, Critical Mass is a 'protest group' that hates cars and modern society, so they ride around town in a huge pack to make every1's life more miserable while they are stuck in traffic behind bikers. It is supposed to send a message abt how 'bikes are taking back the city, yall!' Personally, I have rlly bad road rage against other ppl in cars... but nothing gets my blood boiling more than a bicyclist/biker bro who thinks that he 'has more rights than me.'

Have yall ever encountered some of the alts in Critical Mass in ur local city? Are they unchill bros, or just random biker dudes?
Do bicyclists think that they have more rights than they actually possess?
Have u ever ran over somebody, then hid/buried their dead body so that no1 found out abt it?
Is it time to 'end' Critical Mass bc they ruin the streets + put every1 in harm's way?

Here is a little bit abt Critical Mass [via wikipedia]

Critical Mass rides have been perceived as protest activities. A 2006 New Yorker magazine article described Critical Mass' activity in New York City as "monthly political-protest rides", and characterized Critical Mass as a part of a social movement;[3] and the UK e-zine Urban75, which advertises as well as publishes photographs of the Critical Mass event in London, describes this as "the monthly protest by cyclists reclaiming the streets of London."[4] Critical Mass participants have insisted that these events should be viewed as "celebrations" and spontaneous gatherings, and not as protests or organized demonstrations.[5][6] This stance allows Critical Mass to argue a legal position that its events can occur without advance notification of local police.[7][8]

Sorta wonder if the road rage bro who plowed them over 'more than made up for' drivers everywhere who have to 'put up with Critical Mass bullshit' on a monthly basis...

Apparently Critical Mass members usually don't follow traffic laws, and have a bunch of complex strategies to 'piss off drivers.'

Because Critical Mass takes place without an official route or sanction, participants in some cities have sometimes practiced a tactic known as "corking" in order to maintain the cohesion of the group. This tactic consists of a few riders blocking traffic from side roads so that the mass can freely proceed through red lights without interruption. Corking allows the mass to engage in a variety of activities, such as forming a cyclone, lifting their bikes in a tradition known as a "Bike Lift" (in Chicago this is referred to as a Chicago hold-up), or to perform a "die-in" where riders lie on the ground with their bikes to symbolise cyclist deaths and injuries caused by automobiles, very popular in Montreal. The "Corks" sometimes take advantage of their time corking to distribute fliers.

Did Critical Mass 'do this to themselves' because they don't obey traffic laws?
Did the bro in this car 'get corked'?
Do yall ever want to 'uncork' and unchill biker bro?
Is it time for cities to rally against bike protests?
Are bike protests 'the new raves' [via ppl getting killed]?

R u afraid to ride ur bike because some1 in a car will run over ur ass?
Should 'this ass hole' go 2 jail for what he did?
Do Critical Mass bicyclists think that they are above society's laws?
Are traffic laws meant to 'keep every1 safe' or 'promote the automobile industry'?
Are bros who drive cars more chill than bike bros?
Should local governments take away the rights of illegal bicycle gangs ruining traffic patterns?

Are bikes 4 ppl who are 'too poor 2 own cars and own property in suburbia'?
Can we construct an underground tunnel system for bicycle riders so humans who contribute 2 society never have 2 see crusty ppl on bikes?


NYTimes writes sexist trend piece abt how women are ‘finally learning how 2 ride bikes’ 2 be fashionable

They say that riding a bike is one of the easiest things 2 do in the world since u learn how to do it when ur young, then u sorta never forget it, like when a lil babie spider learns how to spin a web from its mother. However, I just read a 'hip, kewl' New York Times trend piece that really tried to hype this concept of the modern, metropolitan woman starting to ride bikes to make themselves seem more independent / like they have a unique personal brand.

Basically, the article is saying like "Women are expected to get dolled up and look all pretty, but now bicycles are fashion accessories so women are more willing to ride them 2 look kewl and sexie." The article seems to say "Women are worthless and lazy, but in order to be a part of the trend, they are riding more bicycles even if it means they get sweaty and ugly and they don't have enough muscles to power the two wheeled mobile self-transport system around town."

Here is some intro 'personal story' abt some1 with a super important job who still rides a bike to work. Really helps u 2 connect with the spirit of the modern New Yorker / bike riding broad:

Sometimes she’s done up in sparkly necklaces and towering heels; other times she coasts to appointments, sans helmet, in a blazer and fresh-pressed jeans. “I get sweaty a little, but it doesn’t bother me,” she said. Her bike, after all, is a stylish appendage, “a kind of rustic enhancement,” she said.

She is one in an increasingly visible band of chic New Yorkers whooshing along the green-painted bike lanes that have proliferated in Manhattan, from the Brooklyn Bridge to the Hudson and from TriBeCa to Harlem, clutching BlackBerrys and clad not in spandex but in fluttery skirts, capes and kitten heels.

Seems soo modern [via Blackberries] and relevant [via name-dropping townships in New York City]. I hope my bulky, ugly mountain bike will still help me look fashionable when I 'move 2 the city.'

Really feels like this article is kinda sexist, like women are 'just now discovering bikes' or something because they are the inferior sex.

Here is some paragraph that tries to be all 'beautifully worded', like sentences that used to exist before we could look at a picture and be like 'Okay. I get it. Laters':

Roadways are the new runways for these style-obsessed cyclists, their bikes no mere conveyance but a racy adjunct to their look. More than a few are infusing what used to be an athletic, or purely practical, pursuit with eye-catching glamour and sex appeal. Their style, a modish amalgam of fashion and function, is documented on blogs and emulated by like-minded sisters on wheels. Their enthusiasm is fueling an uptick in business among independent merchants.

Need 2 major in journalism at my local community college so I can write for the local news and try to come up with trend pieces / profile pieces that 'go viral.'

Here is a part where they say that women who ride bikes are just copying more famous people who rode bikes just to 'be green' and 'look kewl/famous':

Ms. Rose and her cycling cohorts began appearing in Manhattan in significant numbers a couple of years ago, influenced perhaps by a handful of early adopters, including local celebrities like Chloë Sevigny and Naomi Watts, who aimed to burn calories, not fossil fuels. Their example inspired Ms. Page-Green. “When I ride my bike, I’m not wasting rubber,” she said. “I’m not spewing exhaust fumes. And I actually keep myself fit.”

Must be a trend if a famous person does it.

They quote some lady who tries to say bikes are as sweet as cars, and tries to make it seem like New York is better than LA:

“A bike in New York City is sort of what a convertible is in Los Angeles,” said Bonnie Morrison, a fashion publicist who gave up her fancy mountain bikes years ago, preferring to scoot around the city on a boy’s Raleigh Chopper from the ’70s.

Honestly would rather just drive a hummer, be safe from the elements, and run over bikers who were trying to 'look kewl' / 'adopt trends.'

Here is the 'closing part' of the article where they have to name drop 'fixed gear' + 'hipster', which seems mandatory in any NYTimes 'trend piece':

Ms. Dares has her heart set on a Raleigh single-speed, once she settles in. “I know, that’s so hipster,” she said sheepishly, “but everyone in Brooklyn rides one.”

Is 'riding bikes' a legitimate trend?
Have ppl been riding bikes 4evr?
Is this trend piece sexist?
Should I move to Brooklyn / a relevant Manhattan subdivision and start a boutique bike shop that overprices 'kewl looking' re-assembled bicycles that are bedazzled?
Can u use 'faded jeans technology' to decorate new bikes to look 'vintage'?
Do u think all of these women ride their bikes like 2x per year, then they just sit in their apartment 4evr?
Do u ride a bike, and are mainstreamers beginning 2 ride bikes?
Do yall hope more hawtties start 2 ride bikes around town wearing sluttie clothes?

Minneapolis named #1 bike-friendly city, beats Austin & Portland

Minneapolis has been named the #1 bike-friendly city by Bicycle Magazine. In our modern society, bikes represent 'going green' by choosing not to drive cars that indirectly melt our ice caps. Many environmental experts say that it is important for humans to stop driving fossil fuel mobiles so that we don't kill our Earth. Most American cities are built to accommodate cars, not bicycles, leading to tons of non-helmet biker bro deaths every year.

I have never been to Minneapolis, and I am not sure if I ever will. Not sure how alt it is. Sort of get it confused with Michigan and Wisconsin, like they should all merge into one super-state full of white people. I know that the biggest mall in the world is in Minneapolis. Maybe people have to ride their bikes there because parking can be really bad, especially around the Christmas Holidays.

Can u believe that Minneapolis beat cities like Portland, Austin, New York City, Brooklyn, Williams Burger, San Fransisco, Apple HQ, Chicago and Suburbia, USA?

Seems like the city is really gonna try to 'brand itself' as 'being green':

"I was so excited by this news, I overinflated my bike tires," bike enthusiast Mayor R.T. Rybak said. "We've come a long way from when the first bike lanes were striped on our streets back in the 1970s. Biking is now a much better way of getting around town."

In Bicycling magazine's May edition, which hit newsstands this week, Minneapolis is noted for having a large and supportive biking community. The article also mentions the extensive infrastructure in place for cyclists here, including bike-pedestrian bridges, greenways and a bike-share program that will begin this year.

Did your city 'make the cut'? Are these cities really 'bike friendly' or is it all about mountain biking trails?

America's Top 50 Bike-Friendly Cities
1. Minneapolis
2. Portland, OR
3. Boulder, CO
4. Seattle
5. Eugene, OR
6. San Francisco
7. Madison, WI
8. New York City
9. Tucson, AZ
10. Chicago
11. Austin, TX
12. Denver, CO
13. Washington, DC
14. Ann Arbor, MI
15. Phoenix/Tempe, AZ
16. Gainesville, FL
17. Albuquerque, NM
18. Colorado Springs, CO
19. Salem, OR
20. Scottsdale, AZ
21. Louisville, KY
22. Chattanooga, TN
23. Long Beach, CA
24. Cary, NC
25. Milwaukee
26. Boston
27. Philadelphia
28. Pittsburgh
29. Charleston, SC
30. Arlington, VA
31. Sioux Falls, SD
32. Boise, ID
33. Kansas City, MO
34. Columbus, OH
35. Tulsa, OK
36. Grand Rapids, MI
37. Billings, MT
38. St. Louis
39. Cleveland
40. Greensboro, NC
41. Lexington-Fayette, KY
42. Omaha, NE
43. Salt Lake City
44. Miami
45. Indianapolis
46. Fargo, ND
47. Anchorage, AK
48. Baltimore
49. Little Rock, AR
50. Rochester, NY

Should I move to Fargo / Arkansas / Montana so I can be a pure bicycle enthusiast?
Have u been to Minneapolis, is it really 'bicycle friendly'?
Is anywhere in America truly bicycle friendly, or do we need to build a cross country bike expressway?
Wonder if I should buy a fixed gear bike and move to Minneapolis. Does n e 1 know where I can find a good bike scene to become a part of? Just want to wear cut offs, drink beer, and deliver some sort of local pizza / sushi / organic product. Seems like that might be the perfect life. Just want to be like this guy, except maybe more alt.

Wonder if this news will hurt the brands of Austin + Portland.
Are cars more efficient than bicycles?

Syndicate content