An open letter to Instagram, Facebook, and Mark Zuckerberg from a coalition of early adopters. | Hipster Runoff

An open letter to Instagram, Facebook, and Mark Zuckerberg from a coalition of early adopters.

Dear Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, and Facebook+Instagram staff and shareholders,

On behalf of a coalition of early adopter instagram users, downloading your app to our phones back when even the darkest, poorest minorities were 'priced out' of iPhone ownership due to many classist barriers to entry like 'high device price' and 'overpriced AT&T contract', we'd like to say, "WTF."


R u frigging kidding me, bros? First you let all of those Android lamestreamers on to the network, now ur telling all of the Facebook lamestreamers about the app?

I downloaded the Instagram app on my iPhone a long, long fricking time ago, before 'apps' were even 'that cool.' And now Instagram is being sold for $1 billion dollars? Do you even know how many Doritos Tacos Locos that will buy?

This is friggin BS. I'm not even going to go into monetary compensation because I've taken some of the sickest photos on this platform, truly building the Instagram brand, utilizing my authority as a tastemaker and a trendsetter amongst my microgroup to help users #adopt and #flock to the instagram trend. I believe all early adopter users are due a small stake in the company. We're the ones who added value, picture by picture, filter by filter.

But I'll let that go.

PLEASE MAKE INSTAGRAM what it once was. PLEASE build a time machine, Zuckerbro... Take us back in time when it felt like a VIP community.

U KILLED the friggin brand, Zuckerberg. Instagram is the new Farmville. Sure, tons of lamestreamers will be filtering their lives', but you've lost the 'cool'. Trust me. I know about Facebook. I saw the movie. I made a joke about 'a billion dollars' [via Justin Timberlake Sean Parker voice] when I heard the news.

At this point, I wish the Winklevoss twins were running the show. By now, they probably would have invested in pornographic live streaming technology. Sure, the Facebook would have lost some users, but it would be legit 'cool', in a dark way, sorta like the film '8MM', starring Nicholas Cage. Everything is dying. Facebook used to be a relevant place for Ivy League schoolers 2 hang. But now it's where all these fat ppl tag themselves in 'going out' photos, wearing cheap whore clothes from Forever 21 and Express Men.

Listen, I get it. I'm an early adopter. Things change. But this is something that CANNOT change. Facebook is TRASHING OUR RIGHTS, man. Google and Facebook know more about me than I even know. Next thing u know, Google+ is gonna buy Tumblr/Pinterest. The internet is going to HELL. It's OVER.

Look at the Instagram CEO, lookin' all proud. Sitting on his pile of money, probably wiping his ass with $2 bills. He has it all. U gotta give him props... but on the other hand, should he have believed in Instagram so much that it would one day be worth $1000000 billion dollars?

But srsly tho... This is effing terrible news. I am deleting my account off the internet forever. Ugh. Eff. It's all over.

Maybe I'll just buy a real camera, and I'll take up real photography now. I don't know. Things have to change. I can't believe u did this to me. It truly feels like the end of something special, like the time Myspace died or something.

In conclusion, Thanks a Lot, ZuckerBro.

Early Adopter Bro who believes that his user experience is more special than any1 else's on any website, platform, app, social network, or tech gadget


Will all of the Android lamestreamers ruin Instagram?

Mark Zuckerberg

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Mark Zuckerberg is the CEO of and the star of his self-directed documentary called "The Social Network."

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