7:00 PM greetings yall! chillin at the Apple Store on Mars. Soo futuristic. Huge announcements coming today....

Photos by Engadget

7:01 PM The guy in front of me just sharted in his pants... ewwww...

7:03 PM Alright, Steve Jobs just came out. He looks super cute today <3 him.

7:04 PM SteveBro says 'huge announcements' coming up 2day... mad pumped... but worried I will have to replace all of my Apple products.

7:06 The guy from Coldplay just showed up. Every1 is pissed. Booed his ass off stage. Haha. See u in Hell Chris Marty.

7:08 Just watched Steve Jobs kick some1 out for using a Dell laptop. Gotta love him.

7:10 First big announcement--new iPod shuffles. They look sleek as hell. Gonna get me 1 of those. Has a new touch screen interface, camera, and wifi.

7:12 Apple announces old iPod shuffles will be sold in vending machines for 25 cents - $1. Many will be donated to Africa [via Product RED]

7:12:30 Feist does a 'flash mob' to try to get her old job back at the Toronto Apple Store

7:13 Steve Jobs announces that Apple built a 'facebook for music' where people can connect

7:15 Outlines 'what makes it unique' + seems 'destined for success'

7:16 Apple announces it will acquire winamp, the hypemachine, and, just 4 shits

7:19 Apple announces new HD TV monitor that comes bundled with Time Warner / Comcast cable

7:24 Says that every ABC and FOX series from 1999-2010 will come 'pre-loaded' on ur TV's hard drive

7:26 Announces that Apple will be purchasing youtube, netflix, flickr and many other social networks

7:27 Steve admits that he 'loves getting blazed' and utilizing Netflix 'watch instantly'

7:30 keeps utilizing annoying powerpoint effects, wasting every1's time. ppl keep groaning.

7:45 Bums every1 out, announces that the TVs will only last for 40 hours, then u have to buy a new 1

FREE APPLE SODA (private beta product) sample

7:55 Steve shows off his new tween GF on his iPhone.  Soo hot. loves it! Says he uses 'facetime' to make love 2 her on the reg.

8:00 Apple announces that it is purchasing 'live music venues' so that iTunes can have a bigger market share. Their goal is to book the world's biggest bands and encourage people to use iTunes to purchase concert tickets.

8:04 Steve starts talking about buzzbands. Talks about his love for Vampire Weekend, the Arcade Fire and John Mayer

8:06 Kirsten Kennis 'crashes the stage' with a lawyer, 'serves' Apple for using her image to sell their products

8:10 Kirsten Kennis's daughter is offered a 'full scholarship' to Apple University School of Geniuses and Kirsten 'settles' out of court with Apple Inc

8:11 It turns out Kirsten Kennis also gets to develop her own product as a part of the settlement. She develops the 'iWatch', which is kinda like an iPod attached to a wrist band.

8:14 A bunch of juggalos throw a bunch of feces + beer bottles at Chris Martin

8:16 Apple announces waterproof iPods, iPhones, and iPads that u can use under the sea

8:20 Steve talks more about buzzbands, and how their music service will try to replace Pitchfork

8:30 Stevebro says that he 'wrote the sequel' to the Grizzly Bear song "2 weeks" called "4 weeks"

8:34 Apple tries to hype new young artist called 'The Ella Fitzgerrrelds'. Some brooklyn-based buzzband

8:40 Apple announces local partnership with ur local guitar store, create new guitar that 'automatically uploads' ur songs to iTunes

8:45 Juggalo bros start throwing shit at Steve Jobs, get mad pissed at him

8:50 Steve Jobs ends up 'topless', juggalos rip off his shirt, expose tiny AZN build. Try to pop his implants. Go into the inventory closet and try to steal shuffles to sell for drug money.

Photo by drivenbyboredom

9:00 Juggalos 'ruin the Apple event', throw tons of shit on stage, murder 5 hefty tech bloggers and use their body parts in an 8-layer dip

What apple product r u most excited about?
Is PING gonna change the way we find + discover + share music?
Do yall h8 iTunes?
Do yall h8 Apple?
Should I get a Zune 2 be 'vintage'?
Should I just get a Microsoft Kin instead of an iPhone?
Did Steve Jobs/Chris Martin/Kirsten Kennis/Feist 'kill it' during the Apple keynote?
Do u h8 Apple because they upgrade their products so frequently that ur old iBook is already out of date?
Should I get an Apple TV or a roku?