THE MAINSTREAMER | HIPSTER RUNOFF

Lana Del Rey has a moustache! OMG! Time 2 wax, bb!

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 17, 2012

Lana Del Rey is the #1 bb in the game right now! Her voice is like a time machine to the past and she is a true FASHION MUSE!

I was reading gossip rags, and they said u had a MOUSTACHE! I honestly do NOT believe u should wax ur upperlip if u don't want to. I know that Zooey Deschanel has a SEXI, BLEACHED upperlip with hair that is as soft as the hair that coats a hairy baby's bottom. It makes sense that Lana has a moustache. She has the BIGGEST, BESTEST LIPS in the world, and what better way to #ACCESSORIZE them with a lil bit of hair! Haterz pay ur bills, bb!

Can u see some hair?

I am honestly afraid to get ANY part of my body waxed. One time I went to get my HOO-HAW waxed, and they LITERALLY tore off my clitoris. I had to pay for thousands of dollars of repairs just to feel a minimal amount of pleasure, but sometimes I feel like my ex was just never able to make me 'finish.' Unfortunately, it was 'cosmetic' surgery, so my effing insurance DID NOT cover it. I swear, my new clitoris should be returned under LEMON LAWS.

Do NOT let the gossip rags get 2 u, bb! H8rz pay ur bills!

U r pushing the boundries of GENDER ROLLS, bb! Speaking of rolls, I love putting butter on rolls!

Slice bread who? #TeamRolls
U have the BEST moustache in the game, bb!

Larry Gaga who? #TeamLDR

Miley Cyrus goes shopping with her trailer trash milf mom! Fun!

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 14, 2012

Miley! Tish! Yall are honestly THE BEST!

i CANNOT believe that Miley popped out of Tish's vagine over 18 years ago! But I guess she had PLENTY OF TIME to work off that baby preggers weight. I honestly wish my mom and I had a relationship like this where we could go out for brunch and then shop, but honestly I am not even sure who my biological mother is. I have heard rumors that I was a doorstep baby, a dumpster baby, and even a Taco Bell booth baby, which means I was abandoned in a Taco Bell. Maybe that explains why I feel at home whenever I'm in a Taco Bell, but it also might be the YUMMY Baja Blast Mtn Dew Soft drink.

What are yall going shopping 4? I rlly want to come next time! It would be fun to stop by Auntie Anne's Pretzels, pick up a soft pretzel, maybe a dessert cinnnammen and shugar one, or maybe even PRETZEL DIPPERS With a YUMMY dipping sauce. #TeamSauce

The mall is FUN! I wish I had friends to go with, but as for now, I'm still that morbidly obese woman who has to take advantage of the free scooters to get from one store to another. It is emberresing and ASS HOLE tweens takes pictures of me becuase of the human-to-scooter proportion.

Miley, bb! Why r u wearing mom jeans when u don't even have a FUPA 2 hide?

Call me up Tish and Miley!
Chaz Bono and Cher who? #TeamTishMiles

NSFW: Mariah Carey shows off her RIDONKULOUS camel toe [MOOSE KNUCKLE ALERT]

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 10, 2012

Mariah BB! It honestly looks like a camel has its toe in ur private part region! Is that ur vagina? OMG! Say it ain't so, bb!

Well, honestly ur MOOSE KNUCKLE loks good bb... U can't go wrong with ANYTHING on Mariah's bangin bod. What can u say... Nick Cannon is a LUCKY guy for getting to IMPREGNATE her. Maybe he turned her vag area into a moose knuckle. What a lover! He DEFANATELY treats it like a LOVE MOUND.

It happens to the best of us... Sometimes my AXE WOUND gets hella swollen, too!

Honestly, I have been caught with many a-moose knuckles. My pants get so tight that my vagine lips are clearly distinguishable. It's embreerressing. It really is the only downside to stretchy comfy pants with elastic bands.

I REALLY need to get some sort of cod peice to protect me from camel toes. It's totes humiliating to have people laughing at u for having ur LABIA on display.

Close ur MEAT DRAPES, bb! That is honestly one HUNGRY CLAM! What a SLOT POCKET!
But at the same time, it looks like a yummy DINNER ROLL.

Whitney Houston who? #TeamMariah
U really know how to make that CROTCH WAFFLE look good, bb!

NSFW: Time Magazine puts child sucking a tit on their magazine cover

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 10, 2012

I love love LOVE reading Time Magazine. Well, I don't have a sub scription, but I DO love reading it when I sitting in a waiting room. I haven't been to the dentist in over 5 years, though. I am nervous that I will have to have my 3rd root canal and I don't even have insurance.

OMG! There's a kid sucking a tit on the cover! Now that's one hot momma! She has DEFANATELY lost her baby weight. I need to get on that regimen, even though I haven't had a baby yet. Hell, I'll probably never have a baby. My ex was so paranoid about getting me pregnant that he would make me 'morning after pill smoothies'. They were actually kinda yummy, but it was a tough pill to swallow to know that you were drinking an abortion.

Time Magazine NEEDS to be careful! I hope that kid is actually related to her, or else that might be K * D D* E P 0 _ N! I am afraid to type the real word! I wonder if he actually SUCKED on her CHA CHA, or if they used photoshop. I need to take a photoshop class so I can add another line to my resume. :-(

The lil kid actually reminds me of my ex. All he wanted to do was suck on my titties. It became SO unsexual, and it honestly just felt like some parasite was trying to suck me dry. Eventually, I lost all sensation in my nips because of him.

I'm gonna read u, Time Magazine!

Newsweek who? #TeamTimeMag
US News & World Report who? #TeamTimey

Lana Del Rey shows off DARK, EDGY new hair color!

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 8, 2012

Lana BB! U look so diff with ur new hair color!

I rlly need to go to WalMart and buy a box of dye, but last time I tried to do that, I ended up with a bald head because it all burned off my head. #Embarressing. Needless to say, my Ex called me 'Mr. Clean', and insisted that I cleaned the entire apartment. Not gonna lie, the apartment looked impeccable, but it was hard for us to stay intimate.

It's funny because he ALSO played Video Games, which is why I love Lana Dal Ray. She understands the COMMON WOMAN who has a deadbeat bf who only plays video games and hates the shit out of u and makes u clean the apartment while he talks on his video game headset more than he even talks to u in a day. I guess what I am trying to say is that I LOVE LOVE LOVe the new, EDGY, DARK look, but u'd look prettie no matter what. I can't say the same for myself. :-(

Larry Gaga who? #TeamLDR!

African American Boxer Floyd Mayweather enslaves Justin Bieber, has him carry his belts

by The UlTiMaTe LAmEsTrEaMeR on May 7, 2012

Justin BB! What r u THINKING attending that boxing game with that BAD, BAD MAN??!?

Floyd Mayweather is a CONVICT and an ASS HOLE, just like my ex. He BEATS and INTIMIDATES his women, which is NOT RIGHT, and I am HAPPY that he is BEING SENT TO THE SLAMMER. If I were John Law, I'd LOCK HIM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY. All he ever does is BRAG about how much MONEY he has, carrying around stacks and stacks. I honestly wish I had a huge stack of money, but I would put it in a BANK where it BELONGS, and maybe spend some of it on groceries at WalMart. I'd buy the expensive HEALTHY organic stuff for once. Ugh. I need to watch what I eat. I honestly just finished an entire bag of Cheetos, and as I type this, I am gettin CHEETO DUST all inside of my computer.

Justin BB! Don't become like Money Mayweather! He is such a butt hole bad person! I hope that Selena Gomez never suffers from JBieb 'going Chris Brown' on her. She is a princess and an angel and I'm glad she wasn't in harm's way during the Mixed Martial Arts fight. U should NOT be carrying his belts, with are just disgusting trophies of violence. Trust me--my ex used to be in a fighting and drive by shooting gang, resulting in a stray bullet being lodged in my brain right now. If it was 1 millimeter over, I would be DEAD.

What is Justin THINKING to be bronoodling with this FILTHY CONVICT? Boxing Martial Arts is a FILTHY sport and I do NOT support grown men beating eachother up. All I want to do is PROMOTE PEACE and make the world a BETTER PLACE.

Yall are NOT swag, especially u, Little Wayne!

#pray4Justin

Do nOT become a boxer, and you are NOT SWAG.
As far as I'm concerned, Justin Timberlake is STILL on TOP.

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