Poetry & Plays | Hipster Runoff

Poetry & Plays

The People in the Background of My Life

Photo by LastNIghtsParty


Sometimes I take life for granted. But then I stop to think about how EZ and awesome my own life is. I really don't have much to worry about, yall. I don't have any 'real commitments.' I do what I want, and I don't owe any one anything--not even student loans.

There are people in the background of my life who make my life easier.
The men who pick up garbage.
The women who clean up hotel rooms that I metaphorically 'trash.'
The people who work for cable/electronics/networking/computer companies who 'make my internet/computer work' somehow.
The janitors who clean up the bathroom/classrooms at my private school.
They are the people who put alcoholic beverages into cans and bottles.
They are the people who sew my Am Appy tshirts.
They are the unfortunate AZN pre-tweens who glue together my Nikes.
They are the people who die to donate clothes to thrift stores that I can purchase.
They are the people who carry heavy stuff like garbage, crates of Macbooks, and other crap.
They are the people who harvest organic products + drugs.
They are the people risking their lives' to smuggle drugs to suburbia.
They are the people working 'desk jobs that I would kill myself if I had to do'.
They are the people with jobs in 99% of industries that 'pay well and have good benefits.'
They are people who wouldn't even know what to do if they had the opportunity to waste time at their computer-based desk job all day.

While ur life may feel 'menial'
and u might not even be able to grasp the concept of 'a better life' from my point of view,
I just want you to know that without you,
my life wouldn't be what it is

I just want you to know
that I appreciate u
and what u have done 4 me.
I will not think about u again 4 a long time
but KNOW that u r important 2 me
and if u had a paypal account, I would donate some money.

There are people in the background
who make my life what it is.
Without them, I wouldn't feel special
and I wouldn't want 'something more.'

Tonight, I will have a drink in ur honor.

I am going to an Elite Music and Technology Conference


I fly away from the city
to another relevant city
to a relevant conference
filled with relevant people
and positive ideas
that will help me take my personal existence
and my web business' existence
to such great heights

The conference will be informative and inspiring
the local cuisine will be amazing
the music with be live and authentic
and the people will facilitate meaningful and relevant conversations
and I will do my best to let every one know
that I am at this utopia [via twitter]

The people one the sidelines of the internet
will be 'jealous and sad' that they are not at SXSW
hanging with industry insiders
and people who glorify their careers where they kinda 'just chill on the internet too much.'

For every 1 influential web visionary at this conference
there will be 100 'people who read a bunch of blogs and constructed a sillie sense of reality'
and think that one day they will invent a revolutionary web service
or start an influencial web media network

The conference is a place for dreams.
The city will be filled with hope.
We will drink free alcohol
provided by sponsors looking to reach web-savvy alternative markets
and for this 1 week
we will be brothers (I.R.L.)
and follow one another for the rest of our lives'

I will introduce myself to people who are my internet role models
because they are relevant, important, and have built a relative fortune off their web ideas
and they will be 'kinda annoyed' because I am one of many
users of their product who 'tried 2 give them my URL/resume'
and connect with them on an authentic level
because I 'get' their product like no other user on the planet

U wish u were here
hanging out with me
and being surrounded by beautiful ideas
buzzed conversations about dreams of 'making millions'
from a simple idea that catches on
and improves the online lives' of millions of people
but more importantly 'makes me a lot of money'

I never want 2 go home
I never want 2 return 2 my desk job
I want to feel important
I want to feel talented
I want to contribute 2 society by building technology
But also appreciate artsy things like film and music
This will be the most meaningful week of my middle-aged life.
I spent the last week RSVPing to over 400 events

I will dine on SXSWestern Egg rolls.

SXSW

Alternative Event, Company

SXSW (South By Southwest) is a relevant music, technology and film conference/festival that takes place in Austin, TX.

Read more>>>>

Reflecting on my Life Choices

Photo by Tao Lin


I look back on my life
and think about critical crossroads
and ask myself questions
about what makes me 'alternative'
in relation to society.

s00 much stuff 'made me'
and I am still trying to 'understand' how 'I' happened

Did my parents love me?
Did my parents make over $100K?
Did my parents drive a minivan?
Did my parents allow me to make my own fashion choices at a young age?
How much did I want to 'be accepted'?
How 'seriously' did I take 'social groups' in middle+high school environments?
Did I 'have a gf/bf' at a young age?
Did my parents try to construct the foundation of my self-image ?
Did I grow up in a city
Am I an 'outlier'?
Should I have read more books as a child?
Did my parents get divorced?
Did my parents let me listen to rap, even though I lived in a white context?
Did I 'experiment' with drugs and alcohol 'before I was ready to handle it'?
Did I 'make fun of poor kids' without knowing why I was 'better than them'?
Did my parents secretly hate minorities, teaching me not to respect them & only expecting them 2 'bring me chips and salsa b4 a meal'?
Was I 'sad' about the OJ Simpson verdict?
Did my parents/me take 'youth sports' too seriously?
Did I have a sibling who was better/less respected than me?
Did my parents establish solid relationships with teachers, or did they just 'drop me off' at school?
Did I have a computer when 'the internet' was first invented?
As I grew up with a computer, have I been unable to use it for anything 'productive' and has this impacted my ability to contribute to my employer?
Do I know how 2 get vulnerable, or am I just like my [parent who h8s emotions]?

As I grow older,
I feel like I have more in common with more ppl
realizing that we had the same childhood
and that we are all 'kinda mediocre'
but searching for differentiating gimmicks.

////Makes me kinda sad

Sometimes I wish my differentiating gimmick was something
that was both 'beneficial to society' and 'had a salary of over $250K per year'
but I'm probably being unreasonable.
Not sure if I would rather 'find the cure for cancer' or 'be in a relatively popular band.'
Would probably have to make an 'excel spreadsheet' of pros+cons

Just glad I'm not a mainstreamer
and satisfied by the goals which have forced me to be 'alternative.'
Don't want to 'have a family' and 'live in suburbia'
Don't want to 'go 2 church every Sunday.'
I think I would enjoy stuff like 'falling out of love with my wife after she had 2 kids'
and 'resenting my kids for being lil ass holes'

Do yall ever wish that u could be like that movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Ace Ventura"
and erase ur past
and 4get about U, Me & Every1 We Know?

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I got on my all-terrain vespa and Created My Own Route
and I 'got lost' but told myself that 'finding my way'
created a journey which was meaningful

The alt route
The alt route
The alt route
I am chilling on it.
r u?

Current Music: Robert Frost - 2 Roadz (Grizzly Bear vs Animal Collective Relevant in 2k9 Remix)
Current Mood: Sad abt life

Kermit the Frog ‘gets’ my existential/social crisis

Photo via Jezebel


Sometimes I wonder why the characters from childhood educational shows are such relevant figures in our lives'. Maybe it's bc they represent ideals which parents feel comfortable 'outsourcing' to fictional characters. These creatures have a better chance of conveying these critical themes to us than our parents who are not 'vulns' enough 2 talk 2 us about life/issues. 95% of kids find 'miscellaneous creatures' to be easier to talk to than elders like parents, teachers, or civic/community leaders.

Did yall have any 'muppets' who u identified with because ur 'perception of urself' was a lot like a particular character?

Kermit the Frog is a significant figure from the Jim Henson/Sesame Street/Muppet Collective. He had this song called "It's not EZ Being Green." In the song, he starts out singing about his 'desire to stand out.' He wishes he could have a different skin colour/be a different person on the outside. He feels 'ordinary.' He is sad. He wishes he could be unique. We all just wanna be special, yall.

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Then in the second half of the song, Kermit starts to accept the fate/circumstances that God and society have assigned him. While he is kinda 'sad', he realizes he needs to stop focusing on 'the desire to be different' and enjoy his meaningless life. These are messages that our parents wish they were able to communicate to us.


"It's Not Easy Being Green" - A Poem by Kermit the Frog [via Jim Henson]

It's not that easy being green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold...
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ord'nary things.
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain,
or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

Photo via TheFader


Should I become a DJ/performing artist who tries to spread the same core values that children's shows tried 2 spread?

Was Jim Henson a better artist than Andy Warhol/Shephard Fairey/Leo DaVincBro?

Do u value the 'creativity' of ppl like Jim Henson and Walt Disney, or do u think they were 'just kinda krazie'?

XX BONUS JIM HENSON WORKSHOP MUPPETBRO ANALYSIS XX

Photo via Lookbook


Cookie Monster represents ur 'desire for more of stuff that tastes/feels good.' He has no self-control. In his song "C is for Cookie", he accepts that something as simple as a "cookie" is "good enough for me." This is a song about accepting that life might not be THAT meaningful, but maybe u should just be happy about small stuff, and stop trying to search for big lifechanges 2 make u happy.

Do yall think Muppet Collectives are the next Animal Collectives?
Do yall h8 new stuff like Teletubbies/Kid Robot/the Wiggles who trivialize early children's programming?
Should I not let my kid watch TV and only read blogs his whole life?
Do yall ever wish u could 'not be green' [a metaphor powered by Kermit the Frog]?

Feeling REALLY gddmn TRAPPED (in suburbia) lately

Image via Lookbook


h8 living in suburbia.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
than this life that my parents have forced me into.

Sometimes I feel happy
when I make a good grade in AP English
and I know that I will eventually go to Columbia/NYU/Yale
but it sucks to be here
at a public high school
knowing that all of these ass holes
just want to go to a state university
attend business school
and get married

Wish that high schools had more than just 'honors' courses
because even dumb ppl are in honors courses just to raise their GPA
wish they talked 2 us
and found out about what we wanted 2 do
h8 standardized testing
and how it has limited my educational growth

If only they had some sort of class
that taught us how to blog
and taught us how to screen print on tshirts
and taught us how to start an eCommerce store
and taught us how to crochet
and taught us how to twitter
and taught us how to photoshop
and taught us how to make blog/tumblr layouts
and taught us how to make party fliers
and taught us about everything in between
like human2human interactions

I want to start an online site that isn't a blog
since blogs are dead
but I want the site to be more 'fun' and 'less linear'
and I want my fan base to be authentic
looking for something else out of their online life

But here I am
trapped in suburbia
a teen
Alone in my room

I attempt to make my space as meaningful as possible
this attic
full of records, picture books, and asbestos
The good times are killing me
The bad times are killing me
The asbestos may or may not be killing me

& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me

Chasing her up the hill
She turned around and I thought she looked beautiful
& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me
& that moment was captured forever
& it's the only memory of her that remains


[Img via lookbook]

& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me

A Short Story by Carles (based on real events)

////////////////////////////////////////////////
It was the summer that I lost my virginity. We went away to the coast for 2 months, my parents forcing me to leave my desktop computer at home. Back then, we didn't have laptops and wireless internet--just dialup. But still, that made it even more meaningful since I was a tween, and I used America Online--not just the instant messenger client [via iChat]. It was the longest I had ever gone without using the internet since I was born.

Her name was Sarah. Her family was staying in a condo down the beach--a little bit nicer than the condo that me & and my parents were going to be in. It took us 2 weeks before we said hello to one another. Playing hide and seek in the hills, chasing one another around the sand dunes. It was the last days of our youth, and we were about to become man and woman. They say you haven't lived life until you have love. And some even say until you have loved AND lost.

One night we snuck out and built a campfire along the shorelines. I brought a boombox and played Incubus and Sigur Ros's hit album "()". We talked about who we wanted to be and what we wanted to do--I wanted to be in an a band and she wanted to make short films. The night seemed to last forever--we had stolen a bottle of Boone's Farm Wine, and eventually got so buzzed that there was no distinction between what was 'meaningful' and what was 'idealistic tween banter.'

We went back to her room. She took off her clothes. I looked at her. I loved her. I felt her. I loved her. I felt her. She took off my clothes. I felt like I was in a French film about misfits who are 'coming of age.' She was beautiful. She made me feel beautiful. This was making love. This was not just two horny teens losing their virginity. This was my summer without AOL. We made love. We held one another. We cried and laughed. We came and we grew. We came and we knew. If I had a camera, I would have snapped her photo because her face was warm with love.

The sun started to come up. I told her that I loved her. Sunrise on her eyes glaring against her skin beautiful she was mine forever in that moment with the sea mist in the air with our aroma of love and teenjuice.

I snuck back into my condo. I fell asleep feeling complete for the first and only time in my life. I woke up 1 hour later since it was time for breakfast.

The next day, she was gone. I found a note on her window that was for me. Her dad had to go back to the city because of an emergency at his company. She left her phone number at the bottom of a Polaroid picture that she took, but the number had been smudged. All I had left was this memory on film.

& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me
& if we had known that this was going to be our lasting memory
We would have done it all the same
We would have done it all differently

To this day, I use the internet to try to find her. Match.com, facebook.com, twitter.com, google.com--whatever sites have people on them and allow you to search for people. One day I will find her. Her name was Sarah. She was my princess. She was my queen. She was my first. To this day, she is my definition of 'perfect love' and I have never treated a woman with such respect because no woman compares to my romanticized recollection of that summer.

& I Took a Picture of U & U Took a Picture of Me


This has been an excerpt from Carles' upcoming novel The Tween Chronicles--A Search for Meaning. Please let Carles know if you have more story suggestions for the upcoming compilation book Chicken Soup for the Alternative Soul.

Do u ever wish u could sleep 4ever?


[via lookbook]
Sometimes I wish I could go 2 sleep
and never wake up
This doesn't exactly mean I want to end my life
but I just want to be at peace
I want to lug my twin mattress
out to a meaningful public space
and take a lil nappy.

There is so much pressure in my life
Parents, Going away 2 college, expectations from others
The pressure to stay modern/current/relevant
Overcoming my insecurities

Sometimes I wish I could just 'let my hair down' [metaphor]
and be myself [metaphor]
free of the concept of 'mainstream vs alt' [metaphor]
because if u really think about it
there's no such thing as 'normal' [metaphor]
and if u really think about it even more
there's no such thing as money

so while I keep hearing things about the economie
being 'in the shitter' [metaphor]
I realize that we just have to pretend that 'gold' is valuable
but in all reality
that's just corporate bullshit
made up by companies like Coca Cola and Dell Computers

Kinda wish we had a new Che Guevara / Joan of Arc /Tyler Durden
in the modern world
who would challenge society
and take us to a whole new level
where I wouldn't just want to
metaphorically close my eyes
and metaphorically sleep 4ever.

Not sure if I'll ever pay back my student loans
Not sure if I'll ever own a home
Not sure if I'll ever make more than $33K/year
Not sure if I'll ever find what I'm looking for
Not sure if I'm even the type of bro who can handle a 9-5 job

Sometimes I wish I had a beautiful angel
in my life
to take care of me
and tell me that every thing's gonna be alright.


[Photo via Pregnant goldfish]
////SLEEP /// 4 /// EVER

Reflections on Suburbia [via being Trapped]


[Photo via lookbook]
This is my life
And I am not happy
With this setting of mine
I deserve more than this.

I walk around
and see the houses which
look a lot like mine
I want to move to the city and be with people
but other days
I want 2 move 2 the wilderness and live alone.

The school bus
motors by
and I see pollution come out of its tail pipe
I wouldn't mind emissions so much
if I lived in the city.

I am trapped in this life
where my parents have control
over what I do and who I am
I need to be free
because my parents
are guided by
society's norms

I used to play JV soccer
this is a team sport
however I grew apart from my team
and h8ed 'conforming'
to this concept
of a group of unified people
with one common goal

I don't have a problem
with being part of something
bigger than urself
but I think that ur goals
should be ones that make the world
a better/more authentic place

One day, I will start a nonprofit organization
that aggregates the world's most critically acclaimed music
and delivers pre-loaded iPods to children
in at-risk mainstream neighborhoods
(kind of like Meals-On-Wheels, except with indie-core music)

I have a vision
of a perfect world
I will not turn my back on suburbia
One day I will return
and 'save' the Collective Soul of the suburban people.

I want to make the world a more authentic place
One day
An army will march through suburbia
and set this place
on fire. (this is a metaphor)

I wish I had a heart, yall.


When I was young
and it was raining during recess
We would stay inside and watch a meaningful video
This usually meant
"Willy Wonka" or "The Wizard of Oz"

I remember in the Wiz of Oz
There was a bro made of tin
called 'the tin man'
and he had no heart
Physically or emotionally or spiritually

He wanted 2 be 'more like a human.'
When they made the film
there were no 'robots'
but his metal body shell
kind of represented being a 'productivity droid'

Eventually
He got a heart
and 'found happiness'
because he was able 2 empathize
with other humans
and experience joy and love and stuff like that

Maybe I should
be more appreciative
of being a HumanBro
Wonder if I would kill myself
if the major theme of my life
was the quest to be
Human After All


/// Is Tin Man Human?
/// Or is He Dancer?


http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/human-after-yall.html

Alternative Parenting Tips (The Metaphorical Vodka from Ur Teet)


[Photo by Last Night's Party]
When I have a child
I will raise him 'right'
and make sure he/she
gets only the best

Organic foods
Progressive Private Education
Summer art courses
Team sports
Necessary technology
No television
Plenty of 'books'/printed out pages of wikipedia
Drug prevention education
Lots of physical affection
and verbal reinforcement

My wife will put the baby
upon her teet
and tell her about her life
and her mistakes
and the history of the modern world

The baby will grow old
and go away to design school
And find himself/herself
Fall in love
Accidentally make a new child too soon
and the circle of life will continue

The baby
must be nourished
from a teet
which spouts
top shelf vodka
(This is a metaphor)

Levitating Alts


[photo via Lookbook]

I want to be free
of societal norms
and universal laws
which include gravity (g = 9.8 m/s² )

Within my room
I will put on my white sunglasses
and polo shirt + tie
and float above my material possessions

Much like the hit Modest Mouse song,
"We will all float on, yall."
but I am floating above
my ergonomic computer chair
with an ergonomic seat cushion

I want to float above
these items which make me 'me'
and travel in the air
to a local indie concert
bypassing the line which wraps around the venue

If only my parents
understood
that I needed a flat screen/hd tv
to make my room
a more positive SPACE

In 2k9, u can do n e thing.
Embrace ur imagination
and do what u once thought was impossible

[meme via David Blaine]

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I am the ringmaster.


[VIA HELLOOKS]
So this is the new year,
and I don't feel any different.
I am the ringmaster,
in a world of zany zaniness.

This world is like a circus
kinda like the Britt Spears song/album
and I am in the middle
and every1 is looking @ me
and things are crazie

Circuses are metaphors
for when
the world
getz 2 zany 2 handle
and the whole world
is watching
(me)

I want the whole world
2 watch me
bc my prsnl brnd
is worth watching

What will I do next?
What will I wear next?
What will I say next?
What will I be next?

This was a poem that I wrote to support uniforms + dress codes in public school.


XX BONUS FOREST ALT XX

This bro lives in the forest, free from society, and free from design/fashion norms. His life is simple, yet conceptual, and he has a clearer state of mind than you.

[via lookbook]
In 2k8, there was the electro jungle, populated by entry levels in Am Appy headbands + neon/Afrikan leggings & altbros in oversized graphic print tees. Now that we live in a less-electro era, we will venture into the Conceptual Forest. In this forest, we can hear songs more conceptual, open-ended songs. The Conceptual Forest is an incubator for authentic expression and progressive techniques of recording sounds.

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In the Conceptual Forest, our minds are free, and we seek 'meaning' that we cannot find in a major metropolitan area. We are alone in this Conceptual Forest, allowing us to get in touch with who we truly are.

Will u leave a major metropolitan area 2 find urself [via the Conceptual Forest] in 2k9? (At least maybe take a weekend trip?)

/// We are living in a Post-Merriweather Post Pavilion World
/// And I am a Conceptual Bro

My New Camera Will Open Your Eyes To My World.


[via lookbook]
I have been asking for a new camera for the past year.
This Christmas, I finally received one.
This Christmas, my life Changed.

(I actually already had a camera, but the resolution wasn't high enough for my needs)

My camera will travel with me everywhere.
It will be your gateway to my perspective of the world.
What I find meaningful
will be captured
forever

What I find meaningful
will exist
until my hard drive crashes

What I see
is what I find meaningful
because my eyes
are seeing it
and my heart
is feeling it
and my mind
is thinking it
and my me
is being it.

I like the way I look
I like the way my friends look
I like the way my city looks
I will create a picture
which represents my life

This bro is me.
This bear mask may or may not be a metaphor

I can take a picture of all nouns.

One day I will tire of digital photography
and 'get back to basics.'
While my pictures will not be
easy to share with friends and family
[via popular photo sharing websites]
If a photo is unsharable,
does that make it more personal,
therefore
more meaningful to me?

Digital Photography will not meet my needs
I want
instant gratification
[via printed out photo]

I will pin these photos on my wall
or put them on my dashboard
or put them in a photo album
that only 5 people will see
gathering dust on a shelf
(Part of the photo hardcopy never dies)

I will take a photo of
last night's party
last night's meaningful convo
last night's night drive
last night's wardrobe
last night's face hunt
last night's face hunting cobrasnake
last night's last night

I recently received a new camera.
Next year my parents will buy me an accessory for my camera
which allegedly makes it more 'practical'
if u live [via the past]

The camera is my mirror
It is my pen // I am a writer
The camera is my livejournal
The camera is my blogspot
The camera is my xanga
The camera is my wordpress
The camera is my tumblr
The camera is my twitpic
The camera is my myspace
The camera is my facebook
The camera is my friendster
The camera is my personal brand
The camera is my internet brand
The camera is my youtube account
The camera is my google image search
The camera is my 'hot hot sex'
The camera is my phone.
/// // ////
Does my phone have a camera in it?
Or does my camera have a phone in it?
Or does my Macbook have a phone in it?
Or does my Mac have a photobooth in it?
Or does my Skype have a vlog in it?
Or does my _____ have a ______ in it?
(This is a metaphor and/or post-rhetorical question.)

I need a break, yall.

I need a break, yall.
It's okay for me to take a break, because I am usually working. Having the opportunity to 'take a break' means that I am productive.
I have been in the studio all day. I need to decompress my mind--too much thinking. I will go outside. I will bitch about my demanding professor. I will go to a meaningful coffee shoppe. I will 'bum' a cigarette and forge a relationship with some1 based upon 'bumming ciggs' from 1 another.

[Photos by Lookbook]
I am outside. (torn pant knees)
I have branded myself with the building I am standing outside of. Much like it is pathetic 2 see a McDonalds employee standing outside of their franchise, it is intimidating 2 see me outside of my progressive office/progressive college of the Arts. I set my bag on the ground. I keep a close eye on it. I have valuable books ('idea' books with memes in them + a Macbook Pro) in my bag.

I take a break.
I look into the sky.
I feel the temperature.
The way I feel is
directly related to today's weather.
On some days, I throw down an iPod chill.
Today I read my Neon Bible.
Other days, it is quiet. I become one with The City.
The Sounds of The City
Is like music
or the sound of Television on the Radio
A Technological Societal Natural Paradoxical Metaphor
Is my life in the city
Busy--but on break.
This is my idle state
The city is a Meriweather Post Pavilion.

I have to go to a cafe to study/work
but it will be a relaxed environment
that will facilitate creativity
I will 'get shit done' but in a light-hearted way.

I need a break
2 get my mind off things
like the Justice song 'STRESS'
I am s0 stressed
about deadlines, tests, relationships, and emotions that I don't know how 2 describe.
This break will be a solid opportunity for me to collect my thoughts
and have some caffeine--I was up l8 last nite.
I might treat myself to a carb-heavy snack--I skipped breakfast
and possibly a smart snack--I need a potassium pick-me-up.

This break will be good for me
but I dread/anticipate
getting back 2 work.
I am me. Me does

For 2 weeks out of the year,
I need a vacay.
I will travel
It will be more than just a 'break.'
Because I will leave my standard setting
and broaden my horizons
by seeing
a completely different part of the world
where people
have a completely different way of life.
(One day we're going to live in Paris
I promise
I'm on it.)

I want to live in this world of yours.
Where you do things
differently than I do things
on a day to day basis
(riding vespas and healthier diets)
I have dreams
of living in & with U
But I am
trapped in suburbia

I need a break/change/paradigm shift/vacay.

This is a post on Christmas.

Christmas [via haiku(s)]

U humanize me.
We are all family, yall.
Gift cards//white macbooks.

New Am Appy Ads
Best X-Mas Gift Ever, Yall.
Perfect alt breastes.

Carles, plz post a n00d.
h8 young titties in my mouf.
Need alt cougar milf.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]


Got some gift cards, yall.
Felt closer 2 HRO.
Carles s0 gets my life.


Got Kinkos Gift Card
Party promoter future
Tyte Party Fliers


SoMe milkshake bro.
Sharing meaningful bromance.
2 Straws, 1 cup, yall.


My stocking stuffers
The Best Alt Accessories
Personal Branding


Upgrade--finally.
New macbook means a new life.
No more youtube crash.

////////
Meeting high school friends
Showing off the brand new me
They will not 'get' me.

They went to state school.
Horizons are not broadened.
I am self-aware.

//////

Going to visit
my extended family
They still use dial up.

/////
Glad local mall got
a Mac store and Am Appy
Are they mainstream now?

60 year old broad
Employed by Stephen JobsBro
Working at Mac Store

/////
HRO Christmas
is not very meaningful
Remember Thnxgv?

Still h8 family
Will never 'get' my alt life.
Plz serve tofurkey.
////

Thank you mom and dad
Created paypal account
Ordered rare t-shirt

\\\\\

Xmas Wish Came True
Parents Bought me an AZN
Human Trade Market

I started 2 cry
Malnourished AZN in bag
Fed scraps from table

MERRY XMAS FROM THE HIPSTER RUNOFF FAMILY (aka Carles).
<3 yall.
h8 yall.
miss yall.

Children of the Street

I know most of yall don't care about my Sirius playlists, so I will start experimenting with a posting method 2 keep from isolating yall. [via Poem + Playlist]

[Photo by thecobrasnake]
We are the children of the street
The cool air lifts our spirits
It is almost winter again
This means cardigan weather.

When I walked out the door
my parents gave me a look
confusion
shame
resentment

I will channel these into my art
I will take my personal brand to the next level
I will prove that there is a reason that I am the way that I am
This bro is me.

Do not smile at the camera
This ruins our collective brand
Gaze
(in2 the distance)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX /////
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX \\\\\\
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |||||||||

HIPSTER RUNOFF RADIO ON SIRIUS XMU

The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

  • Broken Social Scene - 7/4 (Shoreline)
  • Junior Senior - Headphone Song [link to vintage post]
  • Cut Copy - Out There on Ice
  • Gil Mantera's Party Dream - Elmo's Wish
  • Digitalism - Pogo (Shinichi Osawa Remix)
  • Glass Candy - Etheric Device
  • The Golden Filter - Solid Gold [MP3]
  • Friendly Fires - I'm Good, I'm Gone (Lykke Li cover)
  • Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
  • Phoenix - Holdin' on Together
  • Ladyhawke - Back of the Van
  • Metronomy - A Thing For Me (Breakbot Remix) [MP3]
  • Starfucker - Florida [[LIVE performances/Portland commentary]
  • Lali Puna - Faking the Books
  • The Twelves - I Feel Fine [MP3]
  • Phoenix - Too Young
  • The Whitest Boy Alive - Golden Cage (Fred Falke Remix)
  • LCD Sound System - Someone Great
  • Josh Rouse - Christmas with Jesus
  • Sufjan Stevens - Star of Wonder
  • The Notwist - This Room
  • The Kings of Convenience - Stay Out of Trouble
  • Kleerup - Until We Bleed (feat. Lykke Li)
  • We Have Band - Oh!
  • Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time is Here
  • The Cardinals - My Heart is Broken

Have yall heard n e 'relevant' music lately?
I heard there is no new music in December because people don't want to be left off prematurely published 'Best of 2k8' lists/forgotten about in 'best of 2k9' lists.

"Suburbia", a Concept Poem by HIPSTER RUNOFF


[Photo by Lookbook.nu]
Suburbia
I am one bro // standing in the backyard
Which my parents built
They raised me--and gave me space to play
I chose to stay indoors.
I chose to express myself.
I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas.
My dad gave me an XBox 360.
I h8 this home and these parents and these norms.

The internet is the place where I find the pictures
of the places where I want 2 b
and the people who I want 2 b.
Senior year ending--early acceptance to Design School.

I will return home for Thanksgiving Break
and shat down upon this lawn
and shat down upon areas without public transportation
and shat down upon the people from my high school who didn't 'get' me
and they still do not 'get' me bc they have not seen what I have seen.

This picture is me.
This bro is me.
Alternatively enlightened
yet
Stuck

// I will pull myself up from my bootstraps.

A Conversation With a Record Hat Bro


Alt Girl: Hey. Is that a rec0rd on ur head?
RCRD HEAD: Oh hey. Thanks 4 noticing... ur kinda kute.
Alt Girl: I saw u on a blog called 'the hipster runoffs.'
RCRD HEAD: Yea. That blog is an ass hole. They just make fun of innovative people, whether they are artists, people who walk on streets in cool clothes, or even myspacers.
Alt Girl: So how did you make ur rcrd hat?
RCRD HEAD: It was actually a very time-consuming process. It started about a year ago when I had to apply for a permit to install my rcrd hat. About a week ago, I had the surgery to drill this RCRD into my skull. It's sort of similar to being 'a boy in a bubble.'
Alt Girl: This might be a personal question, but what record is it?
RCRD HEAD: It's a copy of Interpol's "Antics," one of the most important albums of the past century.
Alt Girl: Hmmm... I wuz always more of a fan of 'Turn on the Bright Lights.'
RCRD HEAD: That was too conceptual for me, but I am not a big fan of shoegazing.
Alt Girl: Oh.
RCRD HEAD: Did u see my shirt? I made that, too.
Alt Girl: Is it a tall tee?
RCRD HEAD: No. It is called an alt bro moo moo.
Alt Girl: Ohh. Not rlly my thing.
RCRD HEAD: Can I buy u a PBR?
Alt Girl: No. It's cool. I'm straight-edge. I only drink Coca Cola Classic out of vintage bottles.
RCRD HEAD: Oooh.
Alt Girl: Did ur parents luv u when u were a kid?
RCRD HEAD: My father encouraged self-expression and individualism.
Alt Girl:
Seen n e good movies lately?
RCRD HEAD: I recently saw the movie 'Juno' about a pregnant American teenagers who has a child who wins an Olympic gold medal.
Alt Girl: Yea. I heard it won an MTV Oscar Award.
RCRD HEAD: Maybe we have more in common than we thought... will u be my long-term girlfriend?

...to be continued?

RCRD HEAD: The Journey of an Alt Bro to Find His Inner-Alt, his Trophy Alt GF, and Build His Personal Brand
by Carles

[RCRD HAT photos by I can Teach U How To Do It]

What's gonna happen 2 rcrd head?

Alts stand in line 2 try 2 get LCD Soundsystem final show tickets

Photo via Brooklyn Vegan


Standing in line
months in advance
waiting to purchase
the chance 2 see the final performance of the popular buzzband
LCD Soundsystem

Eff ticketmaster
I am 'going old school'
and walking up to a meaningful box office
James Murphy cares about his core tribe of fans
Sparing us the ticketmaster charge

Just great to be in line
with a network of humans who have the same passionate interests that I do
James Murphy, overground electro, and seeing buzzbands live in basketball arenas
I gotta feeling
That the final LCD Soundsystem show is gonna be a good nite...

Needless to say, I will be front row
To watch my favourite overground electro band
as they play their last show
In addition, I am planning to get tickets to their 'comeback' show in 2-5 years
If u though the energy at their 'last show ever' killed it
Think about their energy at their 'first show back'

I am gonna miss James Murphy, that's for sure....
But at the end of the day
He'll always be working the griddle at 5 am
at James Murphy's House of Pancakes

******
Did u stand in line to purchase 'presale tix' to LCD Soundsystem's last show?
Did u get in a fight with a scalper who 'wasn't there for the right reasons'?
R u gonna fly into NYC to see this show?
Does James Murphy really need 2 say it is their last show evr?
Can't he just say they are 'taking a long break'?
Do u <3 standing in line outside of alternative events because every1 gets to 'talk about buzzbands' and feel like life is meaningful 2gether?

Steve Aoki joins Weezer / Weezer joins the Steve Aokis


Not sure what is going down in this picture, just saw it on the twitter, so u can basically assume whatever explanation u want. It seems like Rivers Cuomo, the 'frontman songstress' of Weezer is abt to get in some sort of rocket ship, but then popular California electro nightlife DJ Steve Aoki is like 'bro, cmon....let's vibe out... Can I go 2 space with u and bring my Ableton Serato computer 2 play for aliens?"

Then Weezer bro is all like "aw hell naw... I'm going to the moon to play rock n roll. Can u play guitar?"

Then Aoki is like "Nah bro. I'm an effing DJ--that's what I do. Trust me. Let me spin live with ur band. I can add a fresh element to the band that you guys have been missing 4 a long time."

Then Rivers is like "Hmmm... Is that rlly gonna work."

Aoki responds with a dead serious voice, "Have u heard of Crazytown? How about Limp Bizkit. Kid Rock during his early phase. How about effing Linkin Park. If we utilize modern technology we can become some of the greatest modern artists of all time, like the Lincoln Parks."

Anyways, then they get on the space shuttle, and chill for a while as it blasts off. People watch on TV and they are like 'whoa."

But then some dude comes on the radio and is like "Houston.... We have a problem...."

A meteor is heading towards Earth, so they want them to try to land on it, and drop an atomic bomb on it.

They land on the comet, and set down the bomb, and Aoki is tweeting like "Uhh... What did I get myself in2."

Rivers is like, "It's gonna be okay. They will name public elementary schools after us."

They put the bomb down on the asteroid, but the timer isn't working. Some1 is going to have to stay behind.

They play paper rock scissors and Aoki loses because he picked paper, but Rivers picked scissors.

Aoki sits on the comet as the space ship takes off to Earth. He pressed the bomb.

"Boom!" it explodes the comet. Aoki some how finds a jet pack and escapes off the comet, then chills thru the atmosphere and lands in a pool in Vegas.

Rivers is all like "Sick."

Then they are both like, "Our band is more relevant than Linkin Park. We saved the effing world. Always believe in the power of music. Always believe in the power of rock n roll."

Was Armageddon the #1 movie abt a comet hitting Earth and gauging human reaction
Is Steve Aoki a national hero?
Did Steve Aoki save the world?
Who shoulda stayed on the meteor?
What's the difference between a comet, meteor, and an asteroid?

Jared Leto tries to hit on Lady Gaga, attempts to hand her his buzzband’s demo CD

Jared Leto: Hi. It&#39;s me. Jared. Lady Gaga: Who r u? Jared Leto: U don&#39;t know me? Lady Gaga: You look familiar. Have u been to one of my shows? Jared Leto: No, not yet. I am actually in a band. Lady Gaga: That&#39;s nice. Jared Leto: Have you heard of &#39;30 seconds on mars?&#39; Lady Gaga: Is that the movie where a comet/meteor is heading 2 Earth and every1 is afraid of dying? Jared Leto: No, that is the movie Deep Impact. Lady Gaga: The one with Bruce Willis? Jared Leto: No, that is Armageddon. Lady Gaga: Loved that 1. Jared Leto: Yes. I am actually a movie star, too. Lady Gaga: Oh yea. What movies? Jared Leto: Have u seen Fight Club? Lady Gaga: Yes, a long time ago. I don&#39;t see very many indie films. Jared Leto: I was in that. Lady Gaga: Were u the fat guy with bitch tits? He is in a band. Jared Leto: No, that was Meatloaf Lady Gaga: Oh okay. well I g2g Jared Leto: But my band is awesome. I think u should check us out. Lady Gaga: brb gotta change costumes Jared Leto: I wear costumes too. Lady Gaga: Okay. Jared Leto: I want to be like u. U inspire me. Lady Gaga: Every1 is welcome to be a little monster. [via Shannon Gaga] Jared Leto: but u don&#39;t understand. I am a creative spirit. Lady Gaga: I encourage all young tweens to be creative, and 2 be themselves [via individuality {viavia Shannon Gaga}] Jared Leto: Do u want to see my band&#39;s video? Lady Gaga: I&#39;m super busy. Jared Leto: But we&#39;re super kewl. We ride bicycles around a post-apocalyptic city. Hold on. I will stream it from my iPhone.

</embed>

Lady Gaga: That was kinda fruity. Was that 4 real? Jared Leto: U didn&#39;t think it was beautiful? Lady Gaga: Was kinda dumb, honestly. Why am I still talking 2 u? Jared Leto: I&#39;m Jared Leto. I&#39;m an artist Lady Gaga: Okay. Jared Leto: I have a beautiful soul. When I look at u, I know that same beauty is inside of u. Lady Gaga: Plz stop bothering me. Jared Leto: I want to be with you. Lady Gaga: Excuse me? Jared Leto: I want to make love 2 u. Lady Gaga: I already have a partner. Jared Leto: I want to be inside of u. I want my peen to ride ur slutwaves. Lady Gaga: Ur kinda getting creepy on me bro. Jared Leto: I want to plant my seed in u. Lady Gaga: I am not fertile :-( Jared Leto: My cum/semen is rlly strong. Guarantee u will get preggers, even via oral/anal Lady Gaga: Scared of u. Jared Leto: I want to grow old with u. Lady Gaga: I will never grow old. I don&#39;t believe in &#39;time&#39; or &#39;age&#39; Jared Leto: I&#39;m hornie. Lady Gaga: Plz leave me alone. Jared Leto: My peen is hard right now. Lady Gaga: What is a peen? Jared Leto: It is slang 4 &#39;penis.&#39; Lady Gaga: That&#39;s chill. Jared Leto: I&#39;m in <3 with u. Lady Gaga: I&#39;m larry gaga Jared Leto: I&#39;m Jared mutha fuckin Leto and I can get any fucking pussy in the world. Don&#39;t kid urself. I just gave u the opportunity of ur lifetime to make love 4 real 4 the first time, and u turned that shit down. Ur gonna regret this. This won&#39;t be the last time u hear from me. I&#39;m Jared Leto. I was in Fight Club. I&#39;m in a buzzband. I&#39;m an artist. Jared Leto went on to join Coldplay. He was found dead six weeks after they swept the Grammys. Doctors claim he was &#39;too alt&#39; 2 be alive. Is Jared Leto a chill bro? Is he the most alternative human on the planet? Do u think Lady Gaga wants 2 &#39;ride&#39; Jared Leto? Would Jared Leto + Larry Gaga have the most conceptual sex in the history of the world? Should they try to have a child? If Jared Leto came up 2 u, what would u do?

Jared Leto

Actor, Buzzband

Jared Leto is an alternative actor, and the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

Read more>>>>

Lady Gaga

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lady Gaga is the #1 modern slutwave artist of all time who tries 2 be all 'artsy' and mainstream ppl think she is 'interesting.'

Read more>>>>

Kanye West performs SLAM POETRY for white Facebook employees


I have always wondered what it will be like to work at a cutting edge Web 3.0 company. I would have a chill office with tons of zany toys and gadgets on my desk. I would have free food and drink, free dry cleaning, and maybe even a 'happy ending' tug job lounge. It seems like Facebook Inc is a sweet workplace, except they also book 'buzzbands' and 'famous people' to come in and talk to their employees so that their employees feel 'special' and 'in touch' with famous human memes. Feel like maybe they should build a glass isolation cell for Lindsay Lohan in the middle of their office, and let employees feed her animal crackers and raisins.

N e ways here is some video of Kanye West in the facebook offices, doing some 'slam poetry.' I'm not sure what the definition of 'slam poetry' is, but I think it is just 'emotional rapping without music.' Might start a slam poetry club for the ethnic kids at my local high school.

</embed>

A few facebooks employees got out their iPhone 4G phonecams and recorded this bro rapping on a table. Can't really tell if this is a 'good' performance, or if it is just the same as every other hiphop rap song. Feel like I would be mad annoyed if Kanye West strolled into my workplace. I would be like, 'listen bro. I don't have time for this bullshit. I need to work on enhancing the POKE functionality [via Poke 3d].'

Anyways, Kanye West seems like he is 'coming back'. I feel like he is probably going to make his brand seem 'raw' and 'humble' this album cycle, so it will probably be boring. Themes of 'redemption' and 'overcoming demons.' Sorta hope he just melts down again, for the sake of the blogosphere.

Do u wish u worked at Facebook Inc?
Is this where they filmed the popular edgy film THE SOCIAL NETWORK?
Do u think Myspace Inc employees only get to see screamo bands?
Do u think Twitter Inc employees only get to see Justin Bieber?
What is ur workplace like? Do they book buzzbands to help improve employee morale?
Is Kanye West one of the top 5 human memes living right now [via autoblog content]?

VIDEO: Bill Murray reads poetry to despondent / disenfranchised Construction Workers

</embed>

I am not really sure what this meme is all about. I think some poetry foundation is building a new facility, so they brought Bill Murray in, and made him read poetry to the people who were building the place. I feel 'conflicted.' The alt internet user in me wants to say "this is totes kewl. Bill Murray is the best. Loved him in Rushies/Tenanebaummies," but then the human in me gets sad, thinking about construction workers. I feel like I am 'making a huge generalization', but I associate them with 'being uneducated' and having to turn to specialized low-level labor to earn a living, so this video sorta represents the clash in career paths / life decisions / class issues / social struggles.

Are 'construction workers' smarter than college graduates because they didn't blow $40-160K on a college education [via student loans]?

It seems like the videographer must have been really in touch with Wes Anderson cinematography, because the 'space' on screen seems really 'perfect.' Straight from a Tenenbaums scene.

Do u think they know who Bill Murray is, or do they just want to 'get back to work'?

Does Bill Murray's 'charm' / charisma work on every1, or just rich, cultured ppl?

Do u think the construction workers 'gave a shit' about indie actor Bill Murray reading poetry? Do they have the skills to 'interpret' an Emily Dickinson poem, or is she 'a crazy ass bitch that no1 can understand'?

Do u think it was unfair to involve the construction workers in this internet meme, or did it make them feel like 'part of something special'?
Is 'construction work' the new authentic alternative career?
Do u know how much money construction workers make per year?
Worried that I will never be happy. Wish I had a simple life, and a specialized, valued set of skills.
Is Michael Cera the new Bill Murray?
Should I re-invent my construction job by taking on serious/quirky indie construction projects?
Did this video make u excited about poetry, or get u depressed about social isssues?

Bill Murray

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Bill Murray is the frontman of the hit chillwave project Chill Murray.

Read more>>>>
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