Does 'Raising Global Awareness' really even work [via social media]?
Don't u h8 it when you notice tons of lamestreamers 'sharing', social media-ing, and #trending some dumb hashtag, and u totally don't care, but then ur like "UGH I guess I'll watch it" and then it turns out to be some 30 minute over-branded documentary-style advertorial raising awareness about some global issue that sorta harshed your vibes, not because you don't support the liberation of all people, but because of the way it was presented as some sort of 'web trend' for tweens and internet lamestreamers to share and discuss?
For me, the internet does not represent a place where I should be inspired to instigate social and/or global change. It is more like a place for retarded self-reflection + high-end time wasting, which is why I T00ootally h8 #STOPKONY & #KONY2012.
From what I understand from 'power skimming' thru this video, there is some sort of 'non-profit' called Invisible Children, started by some bro who went to Uganda. He met some kids in Uganda, and they were all like "This unchill bro named Joseph Kony makes us kill ppl and kills us." Anyways, since the guy had so much white guilt, he dedicated his life 2 educating 'young people' about how Kony is a bad man. He made some 30 minute video where he uses his child as a narrative device 2 make us question, "Why is the world unfair and why is there evil in it and why can't we do anything abt it, daddy?"
Invisible Children tells us that we can do something about it.
We can tweet hashtags at these cultural tastemakers, yall!
We can purchase swag / merch that merges the spirit of Livestrong bracelets with the spirit of Obama hope-wave iconography.
Apparently the who goal is to 'make Joseph Kony famous' so that ppl will know he is a 'bad, bad man', which is more-or-less true, but it is just interesting to see the branding of a social media 'legend' when #Kony doesn't even have a web presence. Basically, Invisible Children has 'masterfully' created a branded social media project where they #slutshamed and #cyberbullied Joseph Kony, and no one really knows 'the facts', just that they watched a persuasive/inspirational video that allows them to believe that they 'are an active part of making the world a better place', instead of just staring at a computer screen and consuming C-rate content.
There is also a tier of 'backlash' that says these ppl are just manipulating the masses for $$$ and don't even know what the eff they are talking abt and/or how to use the money that they are receiving. Sometimes I wish that u could just google 4 the absolute truth instead of having 2 sort thru 'think pieces' :-(
If only all children had the right to consume social media, retweet, and utilize their credit cards to donate to entrepreneurial ventures.
WHO IS JOSEPH KONY?
JOSEPH KONY IS THE WORLD’S WORST WAR CRIMINAL. IN 1987 HE TOOK OVER LEADERSHIP OF AN EXISTING REBEL GROUP AND RENAMED IT THE LORD’S RESISTANCE ARMY (LRA).
THE LRA HAS EARNED A REPUTATION FOR ITS CRUEL AND BRUTAL TACTICS. WHEN JOSEPH KONY FOUND HIMSELF RUNNING OUT OF FIGHTERS, HE STARTED ABDUCTING CHILDREN TO BE SOLDIERS IN HIS ARMY OR “WIVES” FOR HIS OFFICERS. THE LRA IS ENCOURAGED TO RAPE, MUTILATE, AND KILL CIVILIANS–OFTEN WITH BLUNT WEAPONS.
THE LRA IS NO LONGER ACTIVE IN NORTHERN UGANDA (WHERE IT ORIGINATED) BUT IT CONTINUES ITS CAMPAIGN OF VIOLENCE IN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC, AND SOUTH SUDAN. IN ITS 26-YEAR HISTORY, THE LRA HAS ABDUCTED MORE THAN 30,000 CHILDREN AND DISPLACED AT LEAST 2.1 MILLION PEOPLE.
Apparently the video has gone 'mad viral', but I'd guess that most people only watched about 34% of it because it is 30 minutes. Most sharable content should be 'as short as possible', but the duration of the video probably represents some sort of time/emotional investment based on 'internet standards.' Then there is also some 'deep, informative-looking' website that has the aesthetic brand of 'looking rlly important and factual.'
Does #KONY2012 integrate 'social media' with 'the human spirit', or is this just some sort of 'feel good meme' that ppl can share, discuss and retweet in order to feel like they aren't sharing cats and nude photos every day?
Do u h8 ppl who share links and ideas on the internet as if they 'mean something' and/or can fairly impact reality?
Do u care abt Kony?
Is he just some meme 4 lamestreamers?
Is a 'web trend' even a valuable cultural experience?
Are philanthropic memes the best 'Get Rich Quick' schemes possible?
Is Kony even a 'threat'/risk/chilling in Uganda? [link]
Following a successful campaign by the Ugandan military and failed peace talks in 2006, the LRA was pushed out of Uganda and has been operating in extremely remote areas of the DRC, South Sudan, and the Central African Republic -- where Kony himself is believed to be now. The Ugandan military has been pursuing the LRA since then but had little success (and several big screw-ups). In October last year, President Obama authorized the deployment of 100 U.S. Army advisors to help the Ugandan military track down Kony, with no results disclosed to date.
Additionally, the LRA (thankfully!) does not have 30,000 mindless child soldiers. This grim figure, cited by Invisible Children in the film (and by others) refers to the total number of kids abducted by the LRA over nearly 30 years. Eerily, it is also the same number estimated for the total killed in the more than 20 years of conflict in Northern Uganda.
Do I even care abt Uganda?
Could I even locate Uganda on a map, and if I could, would it help me become more 'employable' 2 save the American economy?
Is Joseph Kony being cyberbullied by an unfair social media campaign?
Do u wish u were the Invisible Children bro so that u could make 'sick looking films' that made u look like u understood 'humanity' because of the # of views that they got?
Does 'going viral' rlly mean that u have 'resonated' with 'the cultural landscape'?
Are ppl more interested in 'stopping Kony', or 'marveling' at 'the power of social media' 2 raise awareness about some sort of arbitrary Third World Problem that no1 actually cares abt?
Is 'Invisible Children' the best philanthropically branded scam since TOMS shoes?
Are ppl who think that they can 'change the world' the most self-obsessed ppl in the world?
If u could change the world by purchasing a t-shirt, would u do it?
Do u want to #StopKony enough 2 retweet the link 2 a video?
Will #StoppingKony make the world a better place?
What's the difference between 'retweeting' a topic and 'actually caring' abt a topic?
Do u h8 when Middle Americans try to act like they are 'in touch with the Third World' by arbitrarily selecting a buzz topic to be 'passionate about', then loosely googling for 'facts' that 'bolster' their 'arguments' via pseudo-informed 'discussion'?
While Joseph Kony may be responsible for the slaughtering of over 30,000 people in Uganda, he will always be remembered as the Warlord who entered the mainstream cultural zeitgeist in hashtag form, winning the battle for the 'trend of the day' on March 7, 2012. He killed 30k IRL humans, but on the flipside, he SLAUGHTERED over 50 million views on the net. Don Cheadle is reportedly in talks to play Kony in an upcoming biopic called 'Hotel Uganda.'
I have a blog called HIPSTER RUNOFF. Every day, I wake up, open my laptop, and type words that are stored in the internet as ‘content.’ My goal is to ‘get as many hits’ as possible because I metaphorically ‘have mouths to feed.’ I realize that at this point, it doesn’t matter if my content is ‘premium’, pseudo-brilliantly written web_prose or just ‘link-bait-wave,’ I was fortunate enough to not have gotten lost in the ‘long tail’ of indie music + Gen-Y-opinion-driven coverage blogs. Every day, I prey upon different buzz topics, exploiting my voice, but more importantly, my position as a ‘recognized outlet 4 buzz’ to try to trick people into thinking I am ‘relevant’, which basically just means that I am trying to make ppl talk abt my blog and get them addicted to my web brand even if they hate it because even when they are like ‘OMG THAT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT’ it is just some sort of post-grassroots-h8-wave-warketing.
My goal as a website is to ‘be the ass hole who pointlessly interjects himself into the conversation’ without being as overtly annoying as ‘the ass hole who always pointless interjects himself into the conversation.’
Lana Del Rey is the perfect buzz topic, and I’ll never forget the times we shared in late 2k11 and early 2k12. I honestly do wish the best for her career, not because I have a rooting interest in her/care about her as a person, but because Lana Del Rey is an important search term to refer viewers to my website.
Sometimes I wonder, when it’s all said and done, and the internet is deleted, will I only be remembered as “The Guy Who Invented Chillwave?”
It feels like Lana Del Rey was sent down from the buzz heavens, God’s way to save us from the well-documented buzz drought that has plagued us since early 2k10. Some blamed the buzzbands for not putting out solid mp3s. They said that there were not enough buzzworthy bands 2 authentically buzz and that buzz was being misappropriated unfairly due to blogosphere favors and the fear of hurting the feelings of legacy, past-their-prime buzzbands. In the post-LDR bubble burst world, we are finally able to see what caused the buzz drought: it was the bloggers, the writers, the content farmers, and the implosion of the sub-prime buzzing crisis that has been the expanding crack in the foundation the indie blogging and content farming infrastructure since as far back as 2k8.5.
LanaBB officially redefined the core competencies of the ‘indie blogosphere.’
We used to be tastemakers. We used to be regulators. We used to be trustworthy. We used to be a valuable resource. Lana made it okay for us to post magazine covers. Lana Del Rey was pretty enough to post even the most irrelevant performance video. For the first time, Lana Del Rey took indie blogs over ‘the edge’, and made it okay for us to speculate about her physical appearance, which is way more interesting than trying to figure out if her artistic ambitions are ‘relevant’/pure. Basically, Lana Del Rey finally marginalized ‘the decently-enough-thought-out opinion piece’ into a worthless meme that any one could poop out.
#LDRSNL marked another maturation/retardation milestone for ‘online indie journalism’, bringing the indie blogosphere from a humble place that posted MP3s with generally positive/neutral commentary, and flung us right into the generalist meme-blurb content farm spotlight. We scrambled like enslaved content farmers, minutes after the performance to preserve our Google rank with a perfectly placed headline. We were ready to chew up and spit out memes, finally ‘graduating to the big leagues’ with a ‘big boy meme’, not just some other over-written ‘spotlight’ on a group of poor dudes from Brooklyn who were ToTtaLLY wErTh ChEcKiNg OuT and/or the typical ‘no one cares--what happened to REAL music?’ reaction pieces to said buzzband.
Buzz experts truly believe that Lana Del Rey is the last artist/band that the network of indie blog buzz will have a role in ‘hyping.’ The happy days of the AnCo 2k9 buzzosphere are long gone, and we all cannot just get along. After Lana Del Rey, we live in a hypeless world where we trust no outlet, now that we have finally seen the hype apocalypse because the LDR snake-eating-its-own-tail cycle has finally ended, and the sum is “-0” [via undefined]. Readers who once thought that they were reading organic, farm-grown content will feel misled, angry, and betrayed by the warped context of blogs.
I’ll admit that as a blog, I am obsessed, and probably over-estimate the impact of ‘modern web media’ on ‘reality.’ But it seems like LDR was a blogosphere ‘passion project’ that we incubated, and got to ‘tear down’ for the sake of generating, controlling, and commenting our own content. We enjoyed it, sorta like while u r stroking ur peen, but then u finally ‘effing blow’, and you are not sure whether you should admit ‘how good’ it felt. After #LDRSNL, no one is sure who has control of the #LDR meme any more. It was her viking meme funeral, even if she goes on to achieve mad sales in Europe/decent sales in America.
“Where r u Lizzy Grant? R u okay? I swear, I care about you. Blogs r mean. :-(”
-some blog with female readers
LDR should probably make other alt famous humans and upcoming buzz humans incredibly nervous, because the silent agreement of ‘pandering’ to indie celebs is over. The concept Indie celebrity may or may not exist, but a successful blog now must realize that the way indie blogs ‘baby’ the ‘alt famous’ in order to preserve relationships can no longer exist. Mudslinging will be beneficial to both parties. Maybe after LDR, it will no longer be a good idea to be ‘an anonymous’ project because then dumb blogs will just use Google to construct an unfair narrative for you.
I think the most interesting/most-covered story to come out of the #LDRSNL tank job was the ‘widely read and covered’ story about the guy who invented Gawker and revolutionized modern content farming, Nick Denton, publishing a private email from famous NBC newsanchor Brian Williams for the sake of ‘winning hits’ and introducing the Gawker web-brand to non-readers. In the email, NBC Nightly news anchor Brian Wiliams basically just says LDR is a disgrace, but I guess it is ‘interesting’ because he works for NBC, or something. His commentary on ‘her’ as a ‘person’ is as arbitrary & worthless as yours or mine, but the keyword synergy behind the story is ‘so money’ and it ‘doesn’t even know it’, except Gawker’s genius content farm editor has a sixth sense for virality that most crappy bloggers will never have. A.J. Daulerio will always be remembered as one of the Founding Fathers of Modern Content Farming.
As I struggle to deal with my own periodic content farm existential crises, I wish I could have just invented Gawker. We could’ve had it all. Rolling in the deep pool of unique visitors.
In no way is the ‘conversion of blogs to content farms’ and ‘the secret corporate nature of indie blogs’ a fresh, relevant, or innovative ‘take’. I am just trying to share my view from inside the meme prison with you. Lana Del Rey and I are on this content farm together sort of like we are the last and only two humans left on Earth. We hate eachother, but at the same time we need eachother to stay alive. There will never be any sort of cathartic epiphany where we admit wrong-doing, nor will there ever be a genuine reconciliation. We will never have what feels like a ‘real’ relationship with Lana Del Rey.
Where does ‘the modern media’s relationship’ with Lana Del Rey go from here?
Unfortunately for indie bloggers, it is back to posting dumb MP3s and serving as a well-crafted PR blast for bands that every1 already knows about. As ‘writers’/people who publish text to webpages on the internet, can we be so sure that another meme comet like Lana Del Rey will come again in our lifetime? Will we sit on our porch, every day looking up at the sky, wondering if another Lana will come by... Or this this our final chance to ‘commit suicide’ with other members of our stupid cult in an effort to be transported into the buzz spaceship that is trailing in the tail of the comet [via Heaven’s Gate/Marshall Applewhite vibes]?
Why do we keep going?
Why do we keep farming in the name of blogging in the name of writing?
In the name of authentic music journalism? What more in the name of authentic music journalism.
-Bono [via U2]
Online publishing is ‘relatively new’ [via long-term historical contexts]. I guess this is just a natural part of the maturation process of the beloved idea of the indie blogosphere. But who even wants to be a part of indie blog farming any more?
Even the most ‘talented’ people who ‘write things on the internet that are actually worth reading’ and/or are reduced to farm fodder. Every character of a writer, blog, or content farm’s 140 character or less tweet is cringe-worthy, 100% worth resenting. Part of me feels ‘confused’ as to why any one would even want to ‘be a music writer’, or write about bands/humans/music on the internet. It takes a warped personality to believe that any one ‘gives a damn about what you and ur crappy website’ thinks, unless you are being paid handsomely for it, then you can sort of approach it like a desk job. It will dehumanize you every day, but at least it pays the bills.
Who is ‘actually passionate’ about ‘how they feel about Lana Del Rey’? It doesn’t matter if you are writing an ‘IN DEFENSE OF LANA DEL REY’ or if you are writing a hilarious and/or insightful web culture + societal takedown piece that accurately deconstructs #LDRgate with an original angle. We all have the same motive. Can 1 voice really shift an entire conversation? What the eff do u think ur gonna tastemake? Do u think u can really make another LDR? Those days are gone, child. We’ve peaked. It’s over. The machine’s broken. Somebody call the Geek Squad.
I am on the edge. I no longer believe in blog evolution. I no longer believe in buzz creationism. I am a believer in buzz intelligent design.
It is interesting to think that there is a generation who even finds these memes to be ‘interesting’ enough to think that they want to be a part of the indiesphere discussion. Do they think the can ‘save’ it by showing us cool, new bands? Do they think they can save us from the content farming doom? Do they think that they can reverse the impact of social media on the speedy, link-baiting nature of all websites, designed to ‘get a good jump on’ SEO?
The indie blogosphere is over the hill. Our opinions are old, tired, uninspired. The next generation will follow our lead, continuing to turn things into poo, inspired by the biased outlook on indie celebrity and relevance that we portrayed to them for years. There is nothing worth saving. Everything is COMPLETELY EFFED, but it will keep going, and we will keep writing that it is COMPLETELY EFFED, but no1 really cares and there isn’t really anything to fix so I guess maybe we should act like it is a beautiful indie film and find ‘happiness and peace’ with that truth.
It is all just sort of just ‘funnie’ but also ‘sad.’ Are the dreams in which Lana Del Rey is dying on the stage of SNL = the best we’ve ever had?
Lana Del Rey saw it coming. We all saw it coming.
In the post-LDR blogging era, I feel free to openly admit that I don’t care about honoring ‘bands that sound good’. The opinions that I have on bands are not actually my own, and my goal is not to preserve a relationship with readers or bands/artists based on editorial pandering. All I can do is ‘go down in flames’ with my sweet, Princess LanaBB. My demented online personality that motivates me to type these words in order to accumulate hits, empathy, praise, and controversy does not have much time left.
Wag The Blog.
Cultural criticism on the internet is dying because we finally realized that the voices behind blogs, twitter feeds, and authentic writing outlets are as fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous as the fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous voices that we thought we had escaped from.
I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. I am a content farmer. These words mean more to the Google robot than they do 2 u. There is nothing exciting about writing, tweeting, or sharing opinions. I do not want to inspire any one to follow me into this dark prison, surrounded by a pile of memes, while I must sort thru them and spin them as ‘meaningful’, ‘interesting’, or whatever else will generate a pageview.
Lana & Me had it all. I’ll look back and think about what I could have done differently. But I'll also think about how beautiful our effed up relationship was and how it some how 'just worked.'
To music and indie purists, Lizzy Grant is the AntiChrist.
To indie modernists and loveslaves of internet content, Lana Del Rey is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Having said that, Lana Del Rey hit a GRAND SLAM on SNL. U did it, BB! I am proud of u. U took 1 for ‘the team’, and now we’re all gonna go to Pizza Hut after the game to celebrate. C U THERE. Let’s share a pitcher of Pepsi. We deserve it. We worked hard.
Is Lana Del Rey indie’s ‘Rebecca Black moment’?
Is LDR ‘not even a big deal’?
Do all buzz humans die?
What’s ur fave content farm?
What’s the future of indie blogosphere?
Do u generally feel ‘who cares’ abt it all?
Do u mainly load webpages ‘out of habit’ not rlly because the site emotionally resonates with u?
If u thought LDR album cycle #1 was fun, are you PUMPED for album cycle #2 in 2-3 years?
Does LDR 'have it all' or 'have nothing'?
Do u <3 LDR for emancipating us from being farm slaves?
Can the farm become self-ware [via skynet]?
Where is Lana Del Rey right now?
Set to the tune of Garth Brooks' "The Dance"
Looking back on the memory of
The Lana Del Rey meme harvest we shared on all the content farms
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
U could have missed the pain, cyberbullying and slutshaming
But I'd of had to miss the great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Memeing you, I memed everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know... I might have changed it all...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go [via SNL]
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Yes my bloglife is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the Great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Luv u Lana. Mean it. <3 :-*
Photo by Last Nights Party
'The numbers just aren't adding up,' said my best friend, who recently became my business partner in a joint alt venture. We were really good friends, but at the same time, being in business together changed our relationship. We barely even hang out any more. I could hear the tension in his voice. We thought it was a really good idea, emerging markets, new media, old media, building a tribe, getting the word out on social media, reaching consumers both on the internet, and in real life. It was fool proof. We were basically going to be printing buzz money, opening up our own buzz mint. The trouble was, despite all of the buzz, the blog press, the decent turnouts, the merch, the meetings, the important emails, the time we met that famous & successful person who said they liked what we were doing, we were still ONLY making buzz dollars.
I guess I was wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea to start a buzzband / record label / blog / viral meme blog / aggregator of memes / party promotion firm / PR firm / online video series / site on the internet that changes the way that we interpret journalism / diy venue space / playhouse / mumblecore film collective / documentary film series / alt non-profit scam / party photo website / cassette tape label / online design company / microblogging service / alt-fundraising website / vintage store / online vintage store / t-shirt making company / art gallery space / booking agency / food truck / vegan restaurant / creative agency / zine / magazine / alt comedy troupe / [miscellaneous alt venture].
We met with my dad's friend, who was an accountant, and he told us every thing that we needed to get together in order to formalize our business. The truth was, taking a look at our business led us to realize that we weren't making any REAL money. It was a tough spot to be in. I second guessed all of our decisions. The time we printed flyers on glossy colored paper instead of just using a DIY copy machine. The time we hired my friend who is a designer to design our website but he overcharged us and left us with a broken website. The time I borrowed my mom's credit card to fly us to an important music and interactive conference in order to make connections, but we just ended up partying. Although it has been a wild ride, maybe the ride is pulling up to the final terminal. Not even a golden alt calculator could solve this mess. It was truly shaping up to be an Enron-level alt financial conspiracy.
He asked me, "Do you realize that we have never actually made money?"
It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't actually have an alt business. I was paying to have an identity. Sure, my twitter follower count was admirable, and I did have things to do every night of the week, but what was I really paying for? A mediocre presence in an alternative scene? I struggled to understand what I was trying to become a part of, an undying alt spirit that desperately wanted to contribute something to a community that might not even exist.
"I'm out. This is too much. I'm getting my old job back at my dad's company," said my friend.
I wasn't upset that he was leaving. This whole operation was my idea, anyways, and most of his ideas were super unoriginal and lame. I knew how to keep things authentic. But maybe keeping things authentic wasn't making any more and bringing in new clients, new visitors. In fact, I wasn't actually sure what we DID. But I was confident that I could figure it out on my own and utilize my tribe to get the word out that we were doing something different.
I thought about the first days of the business when we would just sit around on the internet and chat about how awesome things were going to get for us. VIP parties, tons of money, press, notoriety, validation from the scene, validation from our parents--we would have EVERYTHING. But maybe it was time to realize that this was never going to happen. The numbers just weren't adding up.
On days like today, I had to wonder if my entire alternative social experience misled me, leading me to a place where I had nothing to my name. No money, no alt fame, and just a bunch of connections with a bunch of other people who were pretending to be successful, just like me. Don't get me wrong, this was a valuable existence, and even if I have to begin a new venture, I am confident that it will work out because this experience exposed me to the harsh realities of what it takes to get an alt business off the ground and over the hump. But do I have the energy to do this again? Maybe I'm just not an alternative entrepreneur.
Was my alternative business a mistake?
It was just one of those days where you felt like ________ had everything, and you had nothing.
So this is the new blog year... and I don't feel any diff... :-(
These are the most popular post of 2k11 based on internet traffic.
1) LANA DEL REY: EXPOSED. B4 she was alt, she was a failed mnstrm artist without fake lips
Ur s000 g00d 4 hits, bb! I couldn't stop blggng abt u if I wanted 2!
2) Zooey Deschanel goes 2 an Oscar party wearing see-thru dress, potentially nips out
Still trying 2 figure out if she actually was nipping out...
3) Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman show off their titties in a new indie movie 2gthr
Did any1 see this crappy movie? Remember when James Franco's stock was all high, but then Ryan Gosling stole his internet hunk buzz? Remember when Natalie Portman made a ton of crappy movies so she could get preggers?
4. Does the new Skrillex music video prove he is the Prince of Dubstep?
Skrillex is 2k11's #1 bro. Thank u 4 inventing dubstep, or at least the kind that mass markets actually care abt.
5. James Blake is a Dubstep Classist: The Problems with Modern Indiecentrism
It seems like James Blake's brand 'totally went down the shitter' in 2k11.
6. RAVE OR DIE 4EVR & EVR: The Middle American Commercialization of Rave
We never get tired of looking at these effing ravers and/or dubstreamers.
8. Some Alt Porn Stars go 2 music festival, show off their perfect alt breasts
VA VA VA VOOM. April O'Neil and Andy San Dimas are s00 h00tt
9. Zooey Deschanel strips nude in the trailer for her new FOX sitcom
N33d M0re N00d Z00ey headlines
More Sexi Photos of Kickball Katy pouring champagne on her breasts emerge
Kickball Katy will have a HUGE 2k11
11. LOOK @ THESE EFFING RAVERS AND DUBSTREAMERS
The Next Generation of Middle American Alt
12. Alice Glass shows off her bangin bikini bod in a VIP hot tub
S0 Jeal of that lil bear...
13. Porn star April O'Neil flashes her breasts at HARDFEST
Do u beat off 2 April O'Neil?
14. Is Lana Del Rey the next overrated, marginally talented but TOTALLY HOT female in indie?
Remember when she was just a blog infant, simply requesting that we G0000 PLLLAYYYY YOOO VEEEHDDEEEOHHHOOO GAAHHYYYMEEESAAAH?
15. Are Crusties the Most Authentic Alts in the World?
The Crusties got mad abt this 1...
17. Lana Del Rey shows off her tight lil ass on French TV, isn't wearing any panties
Lana Del Rey accepts her role as indie's #1 sex maven.
18. Have We Reached the Era of the Post-Ironic Riot?
Remember when that Canadian hockey team lost, then their city went post-ironically 'ape shit' just cuz it would be funnie and make a lot of internet memes?
19. NSFW: Unknown Slutwave Lolita re-emerges, does sexy nip slipping photo shoot
I wonder why this broad stopped getting naked on the internet. Seems like people clicked on her
20. The 2011 MTV VMAs: tons of human memes trying 2 produce memes
Remember Jo Calderone?
Is HIPSTER RUNOFF just some sort of soft alt porn link baiting website?
Do u miss 2k11?
Who was more important for 2k11: Skrillex or Lana Del Rey?
Is 'indie' effing dead?
Does n e 1 even care abt 'music criticism' any more?
Was this a 'down year' 4 Carles?
Has Carles 'gone down the shitter'?
Do u blame the buzz drought?
Will we emerge from the buzz drought in 2k12?
What will save us?
What was ur fave HIPSTER RUNOFF post of 2k11?
Video: Herds of Tweens stampede into Urby Outty 2 buy kewl looking alt clothes.
I hate 'deals.'
Nothing makes me feel more 'trapped in society' than turning my life into a process of bargain hunting. Cutting coupons. Buying Groupons. Attending consumer-based holidays that imply that you are getting a 'sweet ass deal' like Black Friday. Will we ever escape from the Sprawl? Will we ever free ourselves from our deal-hunting 'instincts'? Maybe searching for 'deals' is an innate trait... Maybe cavemen bros searched for chill deals on cave drawing materials so that they could vibe out without feeling like they wasted caveman currency on overpriced materials.
Show me a man who is proud of the 'bargain'/'deal' he just purchased, and I see a man who has given up on life.
It makes me sad. Like an old woman searching in her purse for a coupon that will get her 50 cents off a Rice Krispie Treat. Why can't a Rice Krispie Treat just be worth a Rice Krispie Treat? How much does n e thing cost n e ways? Why do we even want Rice Krispie Treats? Is it because they are sweet? If we eat 2 many, will we get diabetes? Why is there a deal on them? Are they cheap 2 make? Should I just make my own? Does 'using a coupon' 'make me an informed, empowered consumer'?
I don't trust deals. I am not winning. We r all losing. Losing time. Losing $$$. Losing value. Losing life. Losing gift cards.
Sometimes I feel able to pride myself on 'being cultured', 'being educated', 'being globally-aware', but more importantly 'self-aware'. Why is it so easy for a 'deal' to turn some one into 'a savage', 'an animal', or in some cases, 'a poor'? Maybe we're afraid of wasting what we earned. We don't want to get effed over. Deals make us feel like we are 'beating' retailers and manufacturers, or at least getting close to 'breaking even' with their marked up prices.
'Deals' seem to make some1 feel 'smart', like they are 'beating the system', or something. They are showing 'dedication' to the pursuit of perfect consumerism. Maybe they just have a lot of anxiety about making 'overpriced' purchases, so a day like Black Friday is important to their self-concept.
Wife: Honey, we really need a new TV.
Husband: Babe. Let's wait til Black Friday so we can get a really big one 4 a really cheap price.
Wife: That sounds very prudent.
Husband: There is also something called Cyber Monday. We can order it from the internet.
Wife: I dunno... I like 2 see things b4 I buy them.
Husband: Let's go to Best Buy at 11 pm on Thursday evening so we can be one of the first 100 ppl in line.
Wife: That sounds like a mad house.
Husband: But don't u want a deal, babe?
Wife: Will our lives' be in danger?
Husband: If enough poors or gangbangers-turned-eBay-biz-owners show up, we could be in trouble.
Wife: Should I bring pepper spray?
Husband: I think that will help us.
Wife: Maybe we should just do the Cyber Monday thingie... I <3 online shopping!
Husband: We need a bigger screen.
Wife: I want gadgets that make my life better 4 a low price.
Husband: I want gadgets that are tiny with big screens that will improve my life.
Wife: Should we skip Thanksgiving, get in line at Best Buy and eat CLIF Bars 2 fuel us for our hunt for the best deal on a big ass flat screen TV?
Wife: But if we get the same TV that every one else is getting, does that make us a poor?
Husband: I don't want to be a poor. Should we get a TV that is a bit pricier?
Wife: But we need a great deal.
Husband: Great deals come with great consequences.
Wife: I don't want to die.
Husband: We need a bigger screen.
Wife: Should we buy an extra Windows laptop too because it is cheap?
Husband: I think so.
Wife: Let's drive 1000 miles to a rural Best Buy so that there is less competition.
Husband: That is a good idea. I will hook up the airstreamer to the truck so that we have a place to camp out in style.
Why r we alive?
Do deals make u feel alive?
When u discover a deal, does it make u feel 'special', 'relieved', or 'trapped'?
Should we just #OccupyWalMart?
Whenever some1 talks about a 'sweet deal', I feel like they are anxious and insecure abt their income stream. A wise man potentially said 'every penny counts', but if u spend ur entire life counting pennies, then u potentially wasted ur entire life.
It all seems so empty. :-(
Do we rlly care abt what we earn? What are we 'saving'? Should I just take out a college loan and use it on 'deals'?
Should we just build a 'shanty town' outside of Best Buy, waiting for deals, hoarding the best of them, reselling them 4 profit, except we also offer deals on the deals that we just purchased? I feel stressed out thinking abt that business model. Is everything a deal or is nothing a deal?
If I bought a Groupon every day, would it make me 'hella rich'?
I h8 deals.
I h8 bargains.
I h8 coupons.
I h8 buying-1-and-getting-1-free.
I h8 __% off.
I h8 Black Friday.
I h8 Cyber Monday.
I am just part of a mob.
I am part of a volatile situation. I am part of a mob that requires 'crowd control', 'riot gear', 'pepper spray', 'loud noises', 'tear gas', and 'martial law.'
I just wanted a sweet deal, man. I read abt it in the paper. Why r u arresting me bc I found a deal? It's my life. It's my right 2 a deal. As an American, I am entitled to a bigger screen [via my TV] every ~2 years.
Should I buy a #DroidRazr and use it 2 'wipe my ass' with? [via 'There's an App 4 That']
Are 'sensational Black Friday incidents' just viral marketing ploys 2 increase demand 4 'electronic shit'?
Or are they just 'newsbits where anchors can shake their heads and t0tally fr0wn d0wn up0n 0ur c0n$umer $0ciety?'
Do I need a bigger screen?
Am I just a 'poor' with the self-concept of a middle-classer?
Does being part of the other 99% just mean that I have 2 stress abt how much things cost [via constraints]?
'Should we all just live off the land, man?' [via hippie garbage]
Why can't every day be Black Friday? I want 2 live in darkness.
Did Steve Jobs invent Black Friday 2 sell Apple products?
Do 'deals' and 'discounts' make u feel 'poor' and 'trapped'?
Do u <3 or h8 'deals'?
Do u remember back when you used to be 'totally pumped' 2 see a meaningful buzzband live? You listened to their mp3s/CDs so regularly that you wanted to know how their music would sound 'live.' You could stand in front of the stage and marvel at the buzzband, realizing that they are actually 'human', not just some foreign voice that sings to you in your iPod.
You used to get to the venue early, back before you had to hover at the bar to get 'completely tanked' to enjoy the experience. You'd stand at the front of the stage, watching everything that was happening on stage, even before the opening band came out. You'd search for members of your fave band lingering around the sidestage.
Perhaps you were alone, looking to network with other ppl who must be the same as you because they listen to the same music. Finally, ppl who live in the same world that you do. Maybe you came with friends who all 'mad hyped' the concert for weeks in facebook wall posts. You've been waiting so long to see this buzzband. You are so lucky that they came to your market. FINALLY, your scene is getting some cred, booking some REAL bands that are what music should be all about.
The show is amazing. Emotion. Lights. Movement. Dancing. Sweating. Chaos. Beauty. Losing yourself in the music. They play your favourite song. Then they play your other favorite song. Then you think their show is over, but your hometown crowd chants so loud that they play an encore. Second encore, too? You've been reading reviews from other cities, and there is no way that the band rocked out so hard in other markets. This was a once in a lifetime experience.
Yes. I grabbed the set list. I feel authentic, because I know that this is the ultimate collector's item for a true fan.
The show is over. Wow. Let's go buy some merch. I need a t-shirt to brand myself as 'into this buzzband' when I walk around my high school/college campus.
Could this be the moment where you would actually 'get to meet' your buzzband idols? You couldn't believe they were talking to you. There they were, talking to fans just like you right by the merch booth and/or behind the venue as they loaded their van/bus. So many ppl want their picture taken with the buzzhuman. So do you. Will you ever get your turn?
The buzz artist comes up to you with a smile. Immediately, you compliment them on their latest album. You let them know that their previous discography means a lot to you. You just purchased their vinyl LP although you don't have a record player...yet. But if you get it signed, it will be more authentic than a poster. The entire band comes over. You are standing in an effing circle with a relevant buzzband. They have accepted you. You look like you fit in with them.
Maybe they are going somewhere?
Maybe you can hang out with them?
Are they gonna invite you to a nearby bar where you can have a drink?
Will you get their contact information?
WIll you keep in touch via text, email, or twitter?
When they come back to town, will they remember you?
I have a feeling that I actually connected with the band. They 'accepted' me. I am not just another fan. I am a friend. We even talked about [something random abt their perception of the region that I live in]. He also complimented me on my [something 'fashionable' that I was wearing]. I have their autographs. I will not be putting them on ebay. They mean something to me, even more than the autographed Babe Ruth baseball that I hit over the fence of my neighborhood sandlot one summer before a dog ate it.
What is the 'end game' for being an indie music fan? Does every1 want to 'be friends with a band'? Hit up the 'afterparty' before the buzzband drives away?
I never. Want. This. Night. To. End.
I went to a concert.
But I experienced so much more.
R u jaded by the VIP experience?
Do u have any meaningul stories abt buzzbands?
Do u miss the excitement that came with 'going to shows'?
Do u still get pumped 4 live music, or is the experience 'less special' than it used to be?
Were u ever entry-level enough to get the setlist, have it signed by every member of the band, then purchase a frame 4 it?
Do u miss the days when buzz shows were 'meaningful' and 'special'?
Do u <3 or h8 the spirit of entry-levelers?
Is 'live music' special, or just a sponsored experience now?
Do we live just to broadcast how VIP we are?
If we can't be 'in the band', do we just want to be 'friends with the band'?
Do we authentically respect relevant artists/famous ppl for the art and media that they create, or do they just exist 4 us 2 commodify?
Do we have a warped/misguided perception of our connection with musicians & alt celebs?
Do u ever miss the days when u used to feel VIP without actually 'being in VIP'?
U, Me, And Every Concert We Attend: How We Grow Older With Concerts
"CMON RAVER BRO... That just doesn't even make sense... I am going to put on ur own bracelets and pummel you to death with them"
Photos by the cobrasnake
The Identity Festival came to a close this month, so there were tons more rave photos in miscellaneous locations around the country. We are continuing to monitor the proliferation of electro culture. Yes, 'electro music' has been around for a long time, but we are witnessing history as it continues 2 'go mainstream'. The modern rave is a threat to the traditional music festival because Generation Z kids might not care about Generation Y's boring ass indie music.
//RAVE OR EFFING DIE\\
R u going 2 go 2 Identity Festival next year to laugh @ all the ravers?
Or will u be there 2 RAGE LEGIT DUBSTEP?
Do u <3 or h8 RAVES?
Is MOLLY the official drug of the 2k11 rave?
Goo Goo Gaa Gaa Rave Rave! [via massive amounts of molly on my pacifier]
THIS IS HOW I ROLL [via acid / molly / xtc / mdma]
Electro music caused me 2 have a face period. #face_periods
'Ever since grandma died, grandpa has been trying to find himself. My grandpa became a raver.'
U still call it HOUSE MUSIC, bro? I thought the generally accepted term 4 the vague genre of popular electro is currently 'dubstep'?
'I only leave my grammy's basement when there is a rave within a 400 mile radius of her home.'
Raving is an equal opportunity experience
Why is ur ear blue? Why is a home improvement project dangling from ur ear?
Aoki, some dog in an Aoki shirt, and the dude from Breaking Bad
Is rave rafting more dangerous than 'white water rafting'?
Big Ole Rave Ass up in my face
sh0w m0ar b00b
'I'll take a double raveburger with dubfries and a small molly milkshake.'
If I tackle this bro, do I get a 1-UP / extra life?
Photo by Weird Vibes dot biz
Cover your ears, son
For they are not ready 4 the vibes emitted
from the purest of the buzzbands
Stand back, watch the buzzband
Look at how buzzworthy they look
is a buzzband.
This is a buzzband.
FEEL the vibes of buzz come ur way
let them soak into your skin, beautiful son
Let them sink deep into your soul
This, son, is a buzzband.
This is what a buzzband sounds like, son.
This is what a buzzband looks like, son.
This is what the buzz feels like, son.
I worked hard to ascend into relevancy
Ensuring that my son was born into the VIP area
But I still want him to value VIP
as a privilege, not a right
Oh the VIP areas you'll go!
I have high hopes for you
One day, you will be the artist making the buzz
My relevancy outdated, I will celebrate the dead buzzbands of yesteryear
But you carry on our family legacy, son
I will look at you fresh, young, 20something face
and think of my 20sometimes
and wish eternal 20somethinghood upon you
Reading content on the internet, empathizing with an eternal global 20something zeitgeistian spirit
We do not have time for youth sports
You will take piano lessons
You are the Good Son
The Chosen Son
The Buzz Son
Cool Dads, be good to your lil alts
Lil Alts will love like you do
AltQTs become altbaguettes who turn into alt celeb QTs
So free-spirited moms, be good to your AltQTs too
Son, you shall remember this day
When you saw, heard, felt, smelt, vibed ur first buzzband
The buzzosphere is ur oyster
Don't go gently into that irrelevant content stream
Rage, rage against the dying of the buzz
How old were u when u heard ur first buzzband?
Will u become a cool dad who takes his son to relevant buzz shows?
Will u favor ur buzz son over ur buzz daughter if ur daughter is not altQT enough?
R u worried that ur alt kid will be born into VIP status instead of earning it like our generation?
Recently, a lot of lamestream wannabe alts have asked me, "Carles, have u heard the song PUMPED UP KICKS by Foster the People?" I have listened to the song. It seems 'catchy', 'indie', 'trendy', 'lame', 'kewl', 'fun', and the type of song that you'd imagine a group of suburban girls driving around suburbia blasting while they pour vodka into their Sonic slushies. It is interesting to think about how a song that is 'catchy' in an 'indie' kind of way inspires resentment, as opposed 2 the 'we so excited' vibes that a song would have inspired 2-10 years ago.
Foster the People's song is a manufactured 'indie' masterpiece. Vocal FX on some cool sounding voice. Sweet 'dancey' bassline. Synthiness. Whistling. Such likable music that perfectly executes the trendy indie aesthetic that feels like it was created 2 be in some sort of car/beer commercial. We can just roll our eyes and think 'Oh God. One of these songs again? Go get a record deal from a mainstream record label already.'
Sorta want 2 reflect on the greatest bubblegum indie songs ever written. Many different artists brought bubblegum indie mp3s to market at different times. Sorta wonder how their careers would have turned out differently if they came around 3 years earlier/later...
What if MGMT's "KIDS" had come out in 2011? Would they be able to morph into an intriguing 'indie' buzzband. When analyzing their 'success' in the context of a bubblegum indie MP3 that propelled them to super-mindie stardom, it is easier to understand their 'drastic change in direction' for their second album, just to attempt to get rid of some of the entry-level fans who 'liked' them 4 the 'wrong reasons.'
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros hit song "Home" has become the anthem of numerous commercials. A great boy-girl duet with whistling, then u find out the band looks like some free-spirited hippie cult. Like many bubblegum indie mp3s, it is a great one to put on a mix CD for an entry-leveler that u r trying to date so that they can project 'personal meaning' on to the song.
Remember when Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" brought found a way to turn sample-based, falsetto-wave music into bubblegum indie? I wonder what their next album is going to sound like. Hopefully they go more mainstream and P4k pans them just to maintain 'indie alt authenticity.' I am not familiar with Passion Pits formative years. Does n e 1 know where they came from?
Peter Bjorn & John's "Young Folks" is easily one of the greatest whistle-based songs ever written, even outside of the indie genre. Back in the day, even authentic alts got really excited abt bubble gum indie, because it represented 'perfect pop music.' We wondered why mainstreamers didn't listen to this perfect music... eventually they discovered it. They 'totally ruined it', so now we get to resent any indiesque song that is too bubblegummy.
I remember when the 'hipster song with the whistling' meme went moderately viral.
I guess maybe that's what mainstreamers searching 4... They are searching for 'new trendy music' that has 'alternative' and/or 'hipster' leanings... They are searching 4 a sound that embodies the spirit of the modern search for music now that 'online social music discovery' has steered them towards music-festival-wave indie music.
It was also interesting that the Arcade Fire opted 2 write their bubble gum indie anthem on their latest album. "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" was a song that they didn't really need to write, but it probably helped them to win their Grammy, because it was the song that was easiest to 'identify with' for a mainstreamer. The Arcade Fire generally seem to want to try to build authentic, consistent aesthetics, but maybe some1 told them 'We need a whimsical pop song!' Oh Regine...
The concept of bubble gum indie isn't 'groundbreaking', 'new' or 'innovative. I just wonder what I would do if I started a buzzband. Would I try to get a debut on Gorilla Vs Bear, then attempt to get 'Best New Musicked' on Pitchfork, or would I just write a bubblegum indie mp3 that attracted major label interest? It seems like u would make more money with the Bubble Gum Indie hit route, and reach more ppl, but at the same time, u would basically exist as a parody of a buzzband, even if u got to go on tour and bang tons of entry-level alts on the road just the same. If ur band was 'too authentic', you would probably end up hooking up with more crusty-ish girls, if ur into that.
Do u <3 or h8 bubble gum indie?
What is the greatest bubblegum indie anthem of all time?
Do u feel disappointed when some1 who u thought was authentic listens 2 bubble gum indie and says it is 'good/buzzworthy'?
Are any bands 'guilty' of just writing bubblegum indie songs over and over again?
Do u feel bad when a band tries 2 write bubgumindie and they fail anyways?
Is a bubble gum indie hit the only way that chillwave/lofi can go mnstrm?
I think I'm just going 2 go giggle while I watch this video of Foster the People doing a super lame performance of "Pumped Up Kicks" at Lollapalooza while so many indiemainstreamers 'go crazie' 4 the song. They totally 'look like a buzzband' and 'sound like a buzzband', therefore, they 'must be a buzzband.' Right?
I rlly, rlly resent any bubble gum indie song that was written after 2k_...
Why do bros riot?
If given the opportunity to march into a busy city center and set some cars on fire, and take some interesting photographs of yourself in front of riot police & burning cars, would u do it? Take a picture of yourself 'looking crazy' in front of some damaged property, looking 'like a boss.'
Chill, Azn bro.
Before you die, do u want to jump over a burning BMW?
Seems chill... Maybe they should add this event to the X-games.
I am sorta wondering 'why' riots happen in the Western World any more. It makes sense if you have a dictator bro who is totally killing ur society's vibe, but things are generally 'pretty chill' in North America and Europe. This 'riot' apparently took place after the Vancouver Canucks lost the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins. Do u think these bros 'seem sad'? Are they just letting out some angst? Or are they just using the context of a sporting event's outcome in order to create a meme-worthy event?
The spirit of the modern bro seems pretty chill, so most of these bros seem like they are just trying to search for a sweet Facebook default opportunity.
Sports bros are pretty chill, they just like to chill out in front of the TV, drink some brewdawgs with the bros, fire up ESPN.com, and just throw down an argument abt sports.
But I guess there are a few bros who legitimately 'think that they are anarchists' and want to rage against the societal machine. I wish they just did it during normal working hours, instead of giving hard-working bros a bad name by 'using' sporting events as an excuse to riot.
Would u be an 'authentic rioter' or a 'post-ironic rioting bro who is just checking out the vibe'?
Hopefully they can clear the broken glass soon because I need to pick up some cash to pay at this CASH-ONLY bagel shop right next 2 my mediocre office job downtown.
It would be great to take out my middle-class resentment on SEARS because my mom made me wait there for 2 hours while she bought a new washer & dryer when I was 6 years old.
Even this tomboy broad was able to vibe out like a free-spirit at the riot.
Shamu seems like he a real chiller whale who just wants to go 'see what's goin down' and only perform property damage 'if every1 else is.'
But I guess there are some bros who get 'way too violent' after drinking 20 brewskies. They'll usually hurt themselves, start a fight, or needlessly damage some property. Every group of friends has 1 bro like that, so maybe every agro-bro in the city united to create this sweet situation.
Really beats a bro's night in playing Guitar Hero
'They say u haven't had a gasm until u gasm-ed in the middle of a riot.'
Meaningful bonding sesh with some bros.
Wishing our team had won.
But at the same time
because our city threw down TONS of bloggable content
This is our town
We can totally eff it up if we want 2.
Are riots born from authentic societal angst?
Are Canadians naturally violent ppl? Or do they just rlly care abt hockey 2 much?
Does Vancouver seem like a 'beautiful city'?
What is the most authentic city in the Great Northwest: Portland, Vancouver or Seattle?
Photo by the cobrasnake
Where have u gone?
It seems like only yesterday
U were the center of the internet
Every1 looking at ur sweet layouts
Ur premium profile song
Ur top 1,2,4,8,12,16,244 friends
Ur embedded images that made the page 'wide as hell'
GIFs, videos, autoplaying widgets
Ur profile really represented U
It was a great day when you got 'myspace famous' enough
to hire a designer to create a custom layout 4 u
Myspace no longer was just a place 4 friends
It was a place 4 u 2 feed ur internet fame
We dyed our hair pink
Lost 20-40 lbs
We got asymmetrical haircuts
We bought all our clothes at Hot Topic
We hung out at the mall
We actually did learn a lot about HTML
We used 2 be happie.
We used 2 be Myspacers
I miss ur bulletins.
I know u still 'tweet' and 'update ur status'
But the bulletin was
A place 4 authentic expression [via embedded videos and jpgs]
Whenever ur internet identity is so strongly linked to a social network's brand
U run the risk of being buried alive
underneath the sands of internet time
in the digital graveyard
We miss u myspace
[via not really]
It's a shame that Facebook won out
with uniform templates and cascading style sheets
It's sorta like society...
As much as u want 2 express urself,
Ultimately we need every1 to 'fall in line'
no1 is really 'that different' from 1 another
We can all only like the same kinds of things
Movies, Music, Books, Activities, Brands
U like shit, I like shit
U do shit, I basically do the same shit
Trying our best to brand ourselves [via the internet]
Making life look meaningful
Making ourselves' seem interesting
Capturing experiences 2 last 4evr on the internet.
It feels like there are 'less feelings' on the internet
Maybe every1 just grew up
Or maybe feelings existed on myspace
Miss u sweet graphics
sweet emo bands
sweet electro trash bands
embedding images on pplz profiles
Really miss u myspace
Really miss u Myspacers
Where have all the Myspacers gone?
Where have all the Myspacers gone?
Where have all the Myspacers gone?
Where have all the Myspacers gone?
Are they still 'internet famous' without Myspace?
Does internet fame last forever?
Did any myspacers take their myspace fame to other social networks like FB, twitter, or youtube or ustream?
Is Myspace a Digital Graveyard?
Who is the #1 myspacer of all time?
Do u ever see Myspacers IRL now?
Will all social networks 'die'?
What do u miss the most about Myspace?
Photo by thecobrasnake
I used to be a lot like you when I was your age. A twenty something without a job. Yeah, I was a smart dude too. Believe it or not, I went to college too. Didn't cost as much when I went, so I'm not in debt and desperate for a job like you, but I've had a good life. Am I rich? Nope. Have I had great life experiences? Hell yeah!
And I look alright, don't I? Yeah. I still party. I can still hang with the best of 'em. I can still chill. U smoke weed?
You got a good outlook on life, kid. A good way of life. Don't listen to the mainstream machine that wants you to be like THEM. You and ME are on a team together. Yeah, we're outsiders. When they look at us, they don't necessarily understand us... but at the end of the day, who is really happy? Them in their houses in the suburbs with alarm security systems guarding their stainless steel fridges? Or you and me, gettin high off our asses and fallin' asleep who knows where every night.
Oh your parents got you an apartment still? That's nice of 'em. Last time I asked them for money they gave me a $200 Visa giftcard and told me not to come on their property for 10 years. You can't buy a gram with a Visa Giftcard, that's for sure.
U ever bet your life on an NBA playoff game?
It's good of you to spend some time with your Uncle. I know your mom and especially your dad didn't want me around when you kids were young. But they were probably right. Honestly I couldn't have made it to your house any ways because I would usually go on holiday bonus benders, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.
You get pussy? Yeah. I'll bet you do. U think a guy like me gets pussy? Ask me when's the last time I got pussy. I got pussy last night. Don't ask me how she looked though! I'm just kiddin' she's a good girl. Actually I've been thinking of asking her to marry me. I'm thinking of settling down a little bit more. Actually maybe not
U do drugs? Yeah I've done a lot of drugs. Dope. Grass. Weed. Smack. Smut. Horse. Powder. Pop. Speedballs. Hogballs. Dope balls. The Brown. The Black. The Purple. Purple balls. Acid. Fluff. MDMA. Brazilian bikini grass. Mary Jane. And her sister too. Some of the highs were real, real good. Did I OD? Maybe. I don't remember.
U ever live at the YMCA for a year?
Yeah. At the end of the day. I'm a weed guy. I don't like drinkin' too much. Makes my belly hurt. But grass. Grass makes Pappy feel real, real good. I like to watch a good baseball game and smoke some grass, that's for sure.
Yeah we're a lot alike. We should hang out more. U like this grass? What bands u been listening to? U ever heard of Woodstock? YEah I wish I coulda gone to that. Yeah I've hearda that band... U think I'm too old, huh? I got surprises. I got a laptop. I know how to google. I even got a facebook. Does I use it? Hell no. I get my pussy other ways.
U ever been involved in a prostitution ring? Nevermind.
Obama huh? Nah. I voted for this local candidate who wants to legalize grass. The way I sees it, if we just pay for all our debts selling good, clean dope to good people like you and me. Yeah, I've had bad experiences (mostly with powders and synthetics) but at the end of the day, these pharmaceutical companies would love to sell dope. I mean hell. People is always addicted to something... Might as well be some good green bud.
U know how far the American dollar goes in the Pacific Rim? I lived there for 10 years after I won some money on a scratch off ticket.
I didn't go to college. Nope. But I learned more from life anyways. I served in the military too. I didn't see active time, but I am a veteran. Yeah we partied. I see a good benefits check every month. Don't tell Uncle Sam what I do with it...
U ever grown poppy? Afghanistan was a hell of a country before 2001.
Yeah we're a lot alike. I used to be like you. I mean, life really is about finding urself. It's a process. To tell the truth, I'm still lookin' for me. But that's the thing. They tell you life's a destination. But you know.
It's real good of you to hang out with your Uncle. I got a lot of friends. But don't get me wrong. Family's family. Do I hate your dad? Hell yeah I do. Do I respect him? Yeah.... I do. At the end of the day I do. He went after a dream that I didn't want. And hell... I went after a dream he didn't want. Who had a better life? Only God knows.
You know, kid. You're at that point. You're here doin' all that mary jane, that hoo-hah, the good stuff. And you are about to decide. Do you wanna be like Daddy, or do you wanna be like Good Ol' Uncle Pappy?
Happy 4/20 from ur Deadbeat Uncle!
How did U celebrate 4/20?
Sometimes it is important 2 remember that there are alts out there
Who don't care abt material things
Like srsly don't care abt material things 4 realsies, though
And don't take baths
and don't ride cars
and don't make money
and look sorta homeless
The crust kids of the Earth
The crusty kids of society
They don't really know what alt relevancy is
but at the same time
they don't want 'relevancy'
The Crust Kid
I am a human
Hunting and gathering for food
Whether it is [via freeganism]
Or [via just plain dumpster diving behind a Dominos-ism]
While we both live in the same world
I see a world
completely different than the 1 u r trapped in
You think 'being alt' means reading the internet every day
I don't know what 'alt' even is, I am just me
U get in ur car every day, but I have constructed a sillie bike to ride around town
In fact, I am part of a community of other ppl
who build zany bikes
and we ride our zany bikes around in MadMaxian packs
This is our Battlefield Earth // We are the crust kids
When a crust kid walks into your favourite coffee shop
and sits next 2 u
U feel insecure
and u wonder 'is that person more alt than me?"
"They are reading a book, they aren't on a laptop"
"They probably don't even have a twitter"
"It kinda smells"
"I wonder if they are homeless or alt"
The Crust Kids don't care abt ur mainstream or altstream judgment
What's ur name?
Why r u crusty?
I can save u.
Why don't u want 2 be like most girls I know?
I'd take u on a $2000 Urby Outfitters + Am Appy shopping spree
But u don't want to wear those clothes
U would rather spend that money on other goods and services
that would make ur life more meaningful
U have a dog
Who has the same diet as u
[via living off the land]
I don't 'get' it
because I wouldn't want my dog eating
Taco Bell, Panera Bread, Chili's and other chain restaurants.
But I respect it. Ur lifestyle.
The children of the crust alts
Because I am so 'consumer alt'
Connected 2 my Macbook
Maybe the crust kids are 'truly living'...
I see a house that burned down
U see ur dream home
I see some sort of weird grave / pile of crap
U see ur dream home
I see 'an underpass'
and u see 'an underground crust kid festival'
For all I know
Crust kids are not homosexual or heterosexual
They are pansexual, omnisexual, metasexual, and pre-trans-sexual
have dread locks
but not because their fave band is Incubus
They just haven't been by the river lately 2 take a bath
We are the crusties
The Crustwave kids
U see us
And u don't 'get' us
We see mainstream consumer alts who 'love indie music'
and we don't 'get' u
We don't get U
hidden behind ur Macbook
Overpaying for 'vintage thrift' clothes
When u could just steal them
U collect things
While we live off the land
We srsly purchase PBR
because it is 'mad cheap'
Sometimes we just chill on rubbing alcohol
Just wanna get effed up
We're the crust kids
Next time u see us
Stop by and say hi
Don't be afraid
Don't mind the crust on my skin
the dirt in my hair
The stank of my scent
The plaque on my teeth
I never want 2 be like u
U think ur so alt
but ur so trapped
Have fun in the blogosphere
I'm gonna go ride my bike
Pick up some free pizza
Have unprotected sex in a public park
Hop on a train and search for another network of crusties in a different city
and wake up 2morrow and do it all over again
Do yall ever see crust kids?
R u scared of crusties?
Are 'ppl who read Vice' just 'wannabe crusties'?
Who will be the next crustwave indie alt band?
Do they 'stink' / have nothing 2 contribute 2 modern society?
What do they want out of life?
Why don't they see 'alt' the same way we see it?
Are they 'more alt' than 'indie internet alts who shop at retail stores on the internet'?
Is being a 'consumer alt' cowardly? Or are we just trying to 'leave a mark' on the world/the arts and crusties have 'given up'?
Do u think that u could 'live off the land' and search for food in dumpsters?
Have yall ever eaten anything out of a dumpster, or do u prefer 'paying for service' [via the modern dining experience]?
Is pizza the only thing that all humans share as a common interest?
Plz use the comments section 2 share ur personal stories abt interactions with crust kids. Are they 'chill' or do they 'kill the vibe'? [via lack of depth + self-awareness]
I recently read that the Decemberists have the #1 album in the United States of America, selling close to 100K copies [link]. It inspired a wave of articles with the generic 'omg I can't believe indie music has done it again', and 'indie is going s00 mainstream.'
I feel somewhat perplexed, because I feel like I scan mp3 blogs, relevant music sites, and other content sources for 'good', 'authentic' music, but I have never really been familiar with the Decemberists, and I don't know any one who would actually 'buy' their album. Furthermore, I do not feel compelled to listen 2 them. I am not interested in hearing sounds from the indie past. Who are the ppl who not only 'listen to', but 'actually purchase' albums from second-rate mainstream indie bands like the Decemberists?
Much like we don't know the people who go to Walmart to make Eminem's / Nickelback's latest album #1 (unless u are a regular at Taco Bell who talks about music with the staff), it's safe to say that the most relevant music discovery experts don't really know who belongs to the mainstream indie. Maybe our heads are 'so far down' in the lofi/relevant underground trying to sniff out the 'next big sound' that we neglect the indie music fans who exist above the ground. They aren't interested in discovering a new buzzband or curating the brand of an emerging band. The exist above ground, looking to find bands that are branded as 'indie', but don't really want to get their hands dirty with the layers of metaphorical soil from the underground, nor do they want to 'risk going to jail' by illegally downloading albums.
This consumer force is the indie overground.
The Overgrounders live above the indie soil.
The Overgrounders and the Undergrounders have minimal direct interaction with one another.
There is a difference between 'going mainstream' and just 'appealing to overground markets.'
It seems to 'make sense' why Vampire Weekend's Contra would 'debut' with 124,000 albums sold due to 'tweens wanting to be alt' and wanting to become fans of handsome young men. However, it doesn't really make sense where all of these overground old ppl come out from in order to buy a Decemberists album. Maybe our heads are 'too far underground' 2 even know they exist, when they might 'outnumber' 'us' by 100:1.
Who is this consumer force, purchasing tons of digital copies of indie buzzband debut releases?
What are they in2?
What demographics do they fall in2?
Should startup indie bands be looking to appeal to the 'relevant undergrounders' or the 'overgrounders'?
I decided to check out the Decemberists' music 4 free by streaming some mp3s while watching their videos on youtube, taking some time to analyze their brand. Maybe if I 'understood' the Decemberists, I would 'understand' the overground.
Here is some other song that sounds like it would have been meaningful during the meaningfulcore era.
While I don't know much about the Decemberists...I don't know their background... I don't know any1 who listens 2 them... I don't know how they have been critically received in the past. Overall, I can say that their music is uninteresting, but I could see how somebody would enjoy considering them a 'band', just because they have a gimmicky group appearance, a singer with a distinct voice, and a pretty inoffensive sound (nice way of saying forgettable).
It seems like a comfortable band for an overground indie fan to align their brand with.
Here are a list of common traits of the overground indie music fan that I am trying to describe, just based on my perception of the Decemberists:
- People who listen to NPR as a news + tastemaking source
- People who still think that 'indie music' is all about 'the live show', maybe thinking that
- Gen X-ers who are just trying to be 'hip' and buying
- People who still read magazines to find out about bands
- People whose favourite albums ever were created between
- Dudebros who retroactively got in2 Pavement because they are old.
- Indie fans who still think 'relevant indie music' sounds meaningfulcore
- Indie fans who still think Death Cab for Cutie is 'cutting edge rock'
- Fans that still compare everything 'indie' to Ben Gibbard projects
- Ppl who still kinda wish 'emo' music would 'come back'
- Fans who are waiting for a new Jimmy Eat World album
- Some1 who said "What is this chillwave fad music thingy scene?" for the first time in the past week
- Ppl who think 'Seattle' is 'cool' [via the 1990s]
- Ppl who still think 'college radio' is a good form of 'music discovery'
- Ppl who finally stopped 'buying CDs', purchased iPhones, and enjoy organizing their iTunes + making impulse buys from the iTunes store.
- Ppl who 'support their local record store', and even chat up the 'dude behind the counter' for some recommendations.
- Ppl who want to be considered the 'cool dude' at their lamestream office
How do you know if some1 is an overground indie fan?
"You might be an overgrounder if..."
-Jeff Buzzworthy on the Kings of Indie Blogcomedy Tour
Potential bands that appeal to overgrounders:
- Band of Horses
- Neutral Milk Hotel
- The Decemberists
- The Arcade Fire (appeal to multiple types of indie fans, but probably sell mad albums to overgrounders)
- Death Cab for Cutie
- She & Him (people who actually like their music and don't just 'get hard' watching Zooey Deschanel)
- The Black Keys
- Matt & Kim (might actually just appeal to teens)
- Sufjan Stevens (crappy Age of Adz album sold way more albums than u would have guessed)
- Sleigh Bells (I think this might be an 'edgy' overgrounder pick)
- Passion Pit (the official bleepy bloop band of overgrounders?)
Who else is potentially an overground indie band? Some1 who 'sells way more albums than you would think' but you don't really know who is 'into them.'
Have record labels and publicists put too much time and energy trying 2 'get on the good side' of relevant tastemakers? Should they just quit and focus on inspiring overgrounders 2 purchase their albums?
Who do yall h8 more: Overgrounders or Mainstreamers?
Are you more interested in being a part of the consumer cycle that 'creates' cultural relevancy, or the part that just 'purchases it'?
What are the challenges commonly associated with transitioning your brand from 'relevant indie underground buzzband' to breaking into the overground?
What's the difference between a band 'going mainstream' and a band 'going overground'?
It seems like the music that has been branded as 'innovative' usually comes from lofi chillwave diy bedroom recording Gorilla Vs. Bear Pitchfork Media Altered Zones -o-sphere, and then every1 talks abt it a lot, and all of their fans download the music illegally. 'Obviously', a 'relevant buzzband' can't really 'get paid' in buzzbucks when you appeal to the early adopter + innovator markets. It kinda makes you think, should the goal of an indie band be to 'be relevant' with a small niche of tastemakers, or introduce your brand to ppl who will actually pay 4 u 2 'make a living'?
Where do overgrounders hang out?
Do they live in suburbia or 'relevant cities'?
What websites/magazines/NPR stations do overground indie fans listen 2?
How do u know if you are an overground indie fan?
Which 'relevant buzzbands' can move into overground markets?
Ariel Pink? Animal Collective? Beach House? Best Coast?
Is NPR Music the ultimate overground tastemaker?
Is debuting your album stream at NPR.com the mark of a band that desperately wants 2 go overground?
Would you rather go 'mainstream' or just go 'overground'?
Are overground bands just trying to appeal to a population of educated, but ultimately 'misguided' alternative people?
Who listens to the Decemberists?
Are older indie bands just cashing in now that their target market finally 'makes money' and can purchase their albums without having to travel to a local 'record store'?
Are overgrounders just 'super late adopters' or are they stuck in some sort of time capsule from 5-15 years ago?
I'll see u
I am happy underground
Even if my head is in the sand/up my own ass
I know that I appreciate the ambient textures
lofi pop chillwaves
I am happy here. It really is a magical place.
Maybe u will never like the music that I 'like'
But it will get 2 u 1 day
And u might be threatened by it
U might like it
But I'm never going to live above ground
I don't want your life
DIE MAINSTREAMERS DIE
DIE LAMESTREAMERS DIE
DIE OVERGROUNDERS DIE
This is a reaffirmation of my altness + authenticity.
It makes me sad
When the suburbs expand
and old sections of 1st wave suburbia
are no longer relevant
no long sustainable
The architecture becomes outdated
Consumers want 'trendier' parts of the city 2 drive their cars 2
Franchise locations can no longer attract
Shops/stores/restaurants/everything closes down
Sometimes my life feels like an empty 1980s mall
in the 2010s
Wishing I could be an upscale modern outdoor gimmicky mall
in the relevant area of suburbia
But I am stuck in 'the ass crack' of the suburbs
2 many apartments, 2 many minorities in the area now
Everything has gone 2 shit
Where have all the Chili's gone?
Where have all the Chili's gone?
I remember when I was young
This area used to be different
It was a 'trendy' part of the suburbs
I was proud 2 call it home
But now, all of the local businesses are rlly shitty
and I have to drive another 5 miles to get to the relevant areas of suburbia
Where have all the southwestern egg rolls gone?
Even my favourite Johnny Carino's closed down
This used 2 be where I would buy groceries,
but now some new wave Christian church turned it in2 a church
This vacant shopping center was turned in2 a charter school
4 gifted and talented kids
(who want to go 2 school in an old super market)
Where have all the Chili's gone?
Sometimes I feel sad that I can't be a part of the 'new development'
Cutting edge movie theatres
New franchise restaurants
Huge outdoor stores
Lowe's and Home Depots 2 serve as 'refueling stations' for contractors
doing work on new regions of suburbia
Makes me sad
Living on the inskirts of suburbia
Development has moved beyond us
Wishing I could be a rich tween who took immense pride in living in the most relevant part of suburbia
Basking in the riches of the uppermiddle class lifestyle
The Chili's by my house relocated to a newer part of suburbia
and I'm not sure how 2 handle it
Where have all the The Suburbs gone?
there's more than this
There's more than this
Fuddruckers, Arby's, Panera Bread
Chili's, Bennigans, TGIFriday's
Red Robin, Ruby Tuesday, Boston Market
I want u 2 be close 2 me
so I don't have 2 cook healthy food 4 my family
Where have all the Chili's gone?
Sometimes u just want more
than 31 flavors
so u go 2 a place with a cold stone marble slab
where they mix in ur toppings
-the Arcade Fire
Do u feel sad when u drive thru outdated parts of suburbia?
Are there any vacant lots in ur suburban area that have been taken over by weird businesses/entities/religious groups?
Is suburbia 'expanding' 2 much?
Should we demolish the 'dead' parts of suburbia before continuing 2 expand?
If you were an impressionable consumer-wave tween, would u rather live in 'the ass crack' of suburbia or 'the relevant, new part of suburbia', 'right next to the mall/movie theatres'?
Have 'apartments' ruined suburbia [via low cost housing for drug users, minorities, and other ppl who are stressing the natural order of franchise restaurants]?
I was driving around in suburbia the other day, and I happened to see a homeless man holding up an interesting sign. Like many other homeless people, I assumed he was crazy, smelly, a drug addict, an alcoholic, infested with sexually transmitted diseases, and pulling the gimmick where he claims that he 'served his country' [via wearing a camouflage jacket]. His sign claimed that he had a 'golden radio voice', so I offered him a Taco Bell taco in exchange for a few lines. He delivered. I took out my camera and asked him to re-create the process and I would give him the change sitting in my cup holder. He willingly obliged.
I pulled over and interviewed him. I was feeling 'creative', and knew that his voice was bloggable enough to 'go viral' if I 'humanized him' enough. Worst case scenario--I gave a homeless guy 94 cents and a taco. Best case scenario--he would go viral, and I would change his life forever.
The truth is most people who are 'successful' in a middle class way feel a little bit guilty that they have more than others. Usually, they can find some sort of release by 'going to church' or maybe 'dropping off some old clothes / canned goods at a local donation station', but in the modern world, you don't have to 'share' anything more than a hyperlink/video embed.
What if I told u that I had a solution 2 end homelessness?
Let's help homeless people go viral.
Just a few days ago, Ted Williams was a 'drain' on our fragile society. Today, he is 'bringing joy' 2 the lives' of Middle American lamestreamers, after giving every1 'hope' that no matter how 'down on ur luck' u r, u can still become a viral meme. U don't have to have a Macbook, webcam, knowledge of topical content, or even a sober lifestyle. All u need is a dream.
I have a mainstream job and I will never get to meet Al Roker or Ann Curry or Matt Lauer or the Ghost of Katie Couric.
The reviews on Ted Williams have been 'mixed.'
White woman: "He's so eloquent for a homeless man."
White Christian: "He doesn't seem like most homeless ppl who I serve slop 2 @the_shelter."
White kid: "Are all homeless ppl hiding hidden talents?"
White racist: "Affirmative action has gone 2 far."
Other homeless man: "What's youtube?"
Seems like every major network 'wanted a piece of him.' Wanted to showcase him as an 'inspirational story' from 'the web' that they were featuring in order to appeal 2 young and old ppl.
Pulling off the 'major network trifecta' [via ABC, NBC, CBS]. The ultimate modern human interest story. A modern 'rags 2 riches story.' The story of a man who went from 'disconnected' 2 'totally viral.'
So many job offers flowing in to Ted Williams. National news networks. Even the Cleveland Cavaliers saw him as a marketable enough meme to 'offer him a job.'
Wonder if it is a good idea to hire a former drug + alcohol addict who is probably 'completely out of touch with the world' 2 join ur workforce. Wonder if employees will welcome him with open arms or if they will be like "I should have been a homeless addict 4 the first 50 years of my life, searching for an opportunity 2 go viral, then have the internet take care of me.'
I heard Ted Willies has had 'many run ins with the law.'
'I heard Ted Willies has 9 kids and used to bone Oprah.'
'I heard Ted Willies is always down to 'relapse' and vibe out on some black tar heroin.'
"Let's dig up his mom who he hasn't talked to in 10 years just to add another character sculpting tool 2 the story. She is probably a good mom [via letting her son spend 10 years living on the streets as a drug addict]."
I feel like a better person
now that I have 'shared' Ted Williams with u
I want u 2 know
that now matter how 'rock bottom' u hit
U always have the chance 2 'go viral'
U always have the chance to 'make mad bank'
U always have the chance 2 inspire
Nvr give up
Nvr effing give up
Because 1 month u can be on a crack bender where ur 'sucking penis in a bathroom 4 money'
and the next week
ur mouth can be delivering positive vibes
on a radio station.
Crack, Cocaine, Prostitution
Weed, Heroin, miscellaneous dark acts
U can rebound
There is hope for 20something.
One human meme
One story of hope
2 help boring, middle class ppl feel like they 'saved some1's life' just by 'sharing a link 2 an inspirational story.'
Did the story of Ted Williams 'inspire u'?
Do u want to try to help a homeless man 'go viral' 2 save his life?
Do u have any ideas 2 help homeless people 'go viral' beyond the 'traditional puff piece'?
Does Ted Williams have 'a good voice' or is he an overrated talking head without any substance?
Can homeless people really 'make a quick transition in2 society' or do they have lingering bad habits like 'eating food out of the garbage' and 'drugs'?
Should we establish charities that raise 'hits' instead of 'raising money'?
Can I perform 'public service' by 'watching feel-good stories on the internet' instead of doing manual labor where I am interfacing with people in need?
Is internet virality the 'solution' 2 end homelessness?
Did this story 'improve' ur day and 'give u hope' or does it 'piss u off' that this bro got to 'piss away his life' and then get more opportunities than u likely ever will?
Next time I see a homeless man, I'm going to ask him if he has any talents, and attempt to make him 'go viral' as the last shot he has 2 change his life.
Plz call the HIPSTER RUNOFF HOTLINE with ur question for Carles. You will hear Carles' voice, encouraging you to ask a question. Be prepared to speak your question in2 the phone. Carles will respond 2 ur question on the next podcast if it is audible + relevant + interesting + provides an opportunity for compelling commentary.
The HRO HOTLINE is here for u. Program the number into ur phone.
Call Carles when ur on a long drive.
Call Carles when u need to vent to some1 after a traumatic life experience.
Call Carles when u need to be cheered up.
Call Carles when ur alone, and want 2 feel like there is some1 there.
Your number + identity will remain confidential. This is sort of like a 'teen issues' hotline, except for 'relevant ppl' who just want to 'shoot the shit' or maybe they have 'grown ass problems.'
*Note: Carles is willing to address teen & tween issues.
HIPSTER RUNOFF is here for u.
Let's get vulnerable.
Let's talk abt life, love, loss, buzzbands, indie, 'the scene', career advice, relationship advice, the internet, tweens, society, America, fastfood, & anything relevant 2 modern life.
Call now: (909) BRO-SKI2
aka (909) 276-7542
What r u waiting for?
What r u going 2 ask?
"I wanna be ur broski."
-the HIPSTER RUNOFF hotline
Photo via lookbook
You might remember the time I told u
abt how my little brother was turning alt [link]
Well it's official
The little mother fucker is 'way more alt' than me
Don't get me wrong
I'm a pretty alt bro myself
but this has gone 2 far
My little brother
is officially the alt-est dude at his suburban high school
I know it's not saying much
but you should see his hair
the clothes in his closet
his iTunes library
his Google Chrome bookmarks start page filled with alt blogs
his stack of college applications to relevant alt programs
his 'snarky beyond his years' attitude
He srsly reads more blogs than me
Downloads more music than me
Starting introducing me to a few bands that I actually like
Is probably going to get to go to my dream design/art/architecture school
Don't get me wrong
I'm happy for him
...but maybe I just see what is in his future
The drugs, the partying, the loss of mainstream innocence
I've gone down the alt road
And dare I say...
I want him to have a better life than I did
Here I am, a worthless 20something
Standing, watching my little brother
abt to go down the same road that I went down
'balls 2 the wall' alt
I want to have an intervention,
tell my parents abt the downfalls of being alt
Make him go to a local state school and major in business/engineering
But it's his life
Who am I to intervene?
He's a good kid, doing well in school, tons of extracurriculars
but I know exactly what's gonna happen...
I don't want him to get hurt
I have gone 2 the edge of alt
and what do I have 2 show 4 it
A worthless degree, a dead-end job that is not in my creative field
and crushed dreams, a crushed soul
I'm not gonna tell u how 2 live ur life
I'm not gonna tell u what 2 do
I'm not gonna tell u what's authentic, what's not
I'm not gonna tell u 2 cut ur Flock of Seagulls alt haircut
Be ur own self
Be alt, u'll have fun
But just know
Ur personal brand is evolving
I want u 2 be who u want 2 b
I want u 2 be happy
But whatever u do
Don't end up like me, lil bro
Be alt...but be cautious
Some of the best moments of my life happened because I was alt...
I'd have more long term happiness
if I decided 2 be a mainstreamer.
I love u
Forever here 4 u,
Your formerly alt bro
Do u have a sibling who is 'too alt' at a young age?
Are they 'authentic'?
Are the headed for a world of pain + disappointment + disillusionment?
Or are they going to live a fulfilling alt life, starting a relevant buzzband/blog/webzine?
Or will the 'fall hard', harder than the current crop of failed-alt 20somethings?
U WERE A REAL SHIT STORM
U WERE RLLY MEANINGFUL
I LEARNED A LOT ABT MYSELF
I LEARNED A LOT ABT INDIE
I LEARNED A LOT ABT BUZZ
I LEARNED A LOT ABT SLUTWAVE, RAPEGAZE AND PITCHFORK
I LEARNED A LOT ABT ALT BREASTESES
I LEARNED A LOT ABT MEMES, JARED LETO, AND BEST COAST DESCHANEL
I LEARNED A LOT ABT _______
THE MOST HIGHLY BLGGBL MOMENTS OF 2K10
GIRL SQUIRTS SPAGHETTIOS OUT OF HER VAGINA AS 'PERFORMANCE ART' [LINK]
TWEEN WOLVES ACT LIKE EFFING WEIRDOS AT A LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL [LINK]
M.I.A. MAKES 'THE ULTIMATE MEME' GINGER KILLING MUSIC VIDEO [LINK]
THE BROAD FROM PARAMORE TWEETS PIX OF HER TITS [LINK]
THE GIRLS FROM JUNO GETS NAKED [LINK]
KANYE WEST TWEETS PIX OF HIS 10.0 INCH BLACK PENIS [LINK]
KE$HA RIDES SLUTWAVES, RELEASES PIX OF HERSELF COVERED IN CUM [LINK]
PICTURES OF UGLY JUGGALO TITTIES [LINK]
ZOOEY DESCHANEL RELEASES SEX TAPE [LINK]
ZOOEY DESCHANEL HAS CRAZY COKE EYES ON LETTERMAN [LINK]
ZOOEY DESCHANEL JIMMY JANGLES A TAMBOURINE OVR AND OVR AGAIN [LINK]
LINDSAY LOHAN'S SIDEBOOB 'TRANSCENDS GRAVITY' [LINK]
LINDSAY SPILLS 'SHITLOAD OF BLOW' ON HER SHOES [LINK]
HONDA MAKES CAR COMMERCIAL THAT MAKES FUN OF EFFING HIPSTERS [LINK]
EVOLVING FROM HIPSTER 2 HIPPIE [LINK]
Before I was born
into an authentic alt indie music maker
I heard an old legend / old wives tale
abt some 'cool dad' band called Wilco made an album
that received a 10.0 from Pitchfork
I was still incubating in an alternative womb
and wasn't able to appreciate 'the genius of Jeff Tweedy'
I still don't even know what Wilco sounds like (but I would probably find them 2 be boring)
so I didn't really have any sort of 'foundation' for what 'indie greatness' was
This means my modern life
Has been all about 'searching for that 10.0 buzzband'
Selecting 'unknown' bands before they even have an entire album to sample
Watch them grow
Watch them create new genres/memes/mp3s/mediocre music videos
Watch their debut album get a 8.0 - 8.7
Wait for their second album 2 disappoint/exceed expectations
I wanted 2 be there the whole way
Until a buzzband got a 10.0
Sort of like how u 'root for a sports team 2 win a championship'
It doesn't mean as much when u tune in to the final game
to celebrate as a 'bandwagon fan'
U want to be there opening day of the regular season
I wanted to be there the whole way
Watching a buzzband earn their alt-cred
Tons of bands picked 'the easy way out'
and just 'went mainstream'
instead of 'catering to authentic indie audiences'
Trying to get that 10.0
I guess it makes more sense from a 'financial perspective'
Because u have 2 make money in order 2 buy groceries
Just wish I was born 5 to 10 to 20 years earlier
and started a music website when the internet was 'first learning how 2 blog'
I feel like I have a unique perspective
that can be turned into an editorial site
offering news, reviews, and unique writings
on relevant musical themes
I feel like I could have had the chance to be 'Pepsi'
where p4k = Coca Cola
It seems like all blogs are just a bunch of
In a world where bloggers change their last name to the name of their blog
I wish I could be 'Carles Pitchfork'
and be 1 of the most relevant ppl of all time [link]
Back in the late 2k0s
mainstream media outlets wrote a bunch of articles about how
'a great Pitchfork rating can make or break ur career'
(not sure if that is still true or if Pitchfork ratings are just another internet meme/talking point 4 people who read 2 many blogs)
Felt like they had 'won' the indiesphere
Got 'tons of hits' + mainstream coverage abt how 'indie websites are relevant'
The rest of the internet online indie scene was/is an 'afterthought'
They banded 2gether as a unit 2 battle for relevancy
Tons of lil MP3 blogs began 2 pop up
(way 2 many, probably)
Hype Machine made them a lil more powerful as a unit
But then Hype Machine made them all seem kinda long-tail-y
Then a bunch of crappy lil alt snark blogs emerged that don't really offer that much value
And now we are in a stagnant phase of mp3 blog innovation
the niche exists
People know what they are getting
But maybe it is all 'stale' and 'boring'
now that the buzz + buzzband manufacturing process is so established
Who will offer a disruptive indie-blog experience
and 'take online music journalism'
2 the next level?
I googled the name Ryan Dombal
Because it seems like this is 'the defining moment of his journalistic bloggy life'
Even though I don't know anything abt him
And possibly will never know anything more abt him
It seems like he tweeted abt the reaction 2 his article
Wonder what it feels like
2 monitor twitter
knowing something that u wrote
'resonated' with hundreds/thousands/millions of ppl
Wonder what resonated more
or 'the number'
"Life is all about numbers."
-probably some smart person / business person / mathematician
I never thought I'd live 2 see this day
a 10.0 on a new album
via the Pitchforks
(until Merriweather Post Pavillion is re-issued in 5-20 years)
But I feel 'a little bit effed'
Like there is 'no where to go' now that I have experienced perfection
It would be kinda like of God descended from Heaven
and was like 'Sup it's me--God.'
Then every1 would be like 'well, I guess we know who God is now.'
and there would be no more problems + drama
no more unanswered questions
no reason to keep searching 4 truth
Because God bro was like 'sup, I'm truth'
Perhaps this will lead to a 'reactionary sect'
creating 'even more backlash' [via hits] for the Pitchforks
It might get 'rlly boring'
And no1 will even care any more
Maybe 'white man's indie' has been killed
and mainstream African American hip hop for white people will 'crowd out'
altbro internet market share
We live in a time where humans use tastemaking websites
2 construct their identity
Maybe alternative ppl will 'disconnect' from the internet
now that 'online perfection' has been experienced
We already know that in the 2k10s
only rappers can be 'brilliant' / produce perfection
so groups of 1-4 white dudes
can't make relevant albums any more
As a white skinned bro
Who used to think indie music made me 'unique'
I'm not sure why I am alive any more
I no longer believe that 1 day I will create the_perfect_buzzband
I sorta want to pull a 'reverse Michael Jackson'
and become black
not to play in the NBA/NFL,
but instead to write a relevant album
Somewhat confused about the decision to co-brand with Kanye West
Attaching ur credibility 2 Kanye West
unless u think he is gonna 'tragically die'
and then people will overrate him
and they can say 'we were on board b4 he died'
I thought that Kanye West = mainstream
And he didn't really make albums, he just gave outlandish interviews
and generating troll-wave memes
Waiting for a dude to implode/die/commit public sucide/overdose
I guess maybe he is 'more like Radiohead'
where every1 has to say they are 'amazing' whenever they release something
I thought Pitchfork was a place for white skinned people 2 chill
But I guess now they will probs start blogging about video hotties, sneakers, and the NBA
I respect them for going after 'the negro mainstream'
Kanye West represents an amazing land bridge
2 those 'random black avatars on twitter'
who are tweeting about mainstream stuff + trending topics
It takes a socially transcendent moment to remind us what makes life worth living [link]
It might make us think that life is worth giving up on
[via having 'no identity'/no reason to 'go on']
Really don't care abt Kanye West
This is 'just another meme'
in the Top 20 memes of his career
I still rank 'banging Amber Rose' ahead of getting a 10.0 from Pitchfork
"I'd rather pound an ass like that than a 10.0 from Pitchfork' -a bro
Today is not abt Kanye West
Today is about Pitchfork.com
An important day, a celebration of greatness
'making a bold decision'
'shaking up 2k10'
'shaking up the decade'
'shaking up indie'
Taking time 2 celebrate Pitchfork.com's blogzine career
Behind every blog/website is a spirit
and they were waiting for a 10.0
even longer/harder than u were
Back in the day
It used to take a 'revolutionary piece of journalism'
an interview where 'some1 famous said something controversial'
or a 'behind the scenes look at a public figure who is relatively secretive'
to make a splash
It only took one number to transcend the modern state of music journalism
four characters 1 0 . 0
(sorta wonder if they should get the rights to a 10.0 sponsored by a brand)
10.0 brought 2 u by Old Spice / Heineken / Bud Light Amber Wheat
My life is totally different
My life is totally the same
My online existence where I search for relevant bands, albums and mp3s is no longer a journey
I have reached my destination
Should give themselves a 10.0
For winning the battle 4 hits]
The battle for relevant memes
The battle for editorial weight in a world where bloggyspots just post reactionary crap and forgettable mp3s on the reg
Transcending the long tail
and the bottlenecks of content generation
and 'making the leap'
riding the human meme
that is Kanye West
Do u think this 10.0 will 'revitalize' Pitchfork's brand?
Does a 10.0 mean anything to people who already listen to Kanye West?
Is the new Kanye West album 'bold' and 'amazing'?
Do u wish u could be a journalist/blogger/online web presence?
What is the future of online music blogs?
Do u think Pitchfork will take away Wilco's 10.0 because they are white?
When an authentic black artist writes an authentic album, does it 'transcend race' or should it only resonate with 'fellow black ppl'?
R u proud of Pitchfork for 'doing something bold'?
Do u think P4k will ever give a modern buzzband a 10.0 now?
Can a 'crappy new white buzzband' get a 10.0, or does this introduce a theory where u first have to 'go mainstream', then make something that 'is bold/innovative' that makes u more relevant/10.0worthy?
Is Pitchfork 'done' with the Animal Collective brand?
Will ppl begin to associate P4k with Kanye West instead of AnCo?
Does this mean 'less Animal Collective = the face of indie' jokes will ultimately hurt the band?
What's next for mp3 blogs? Will they find a new 'indie darling'?
Is indie music dead?
Do u buy into any of the 'conspiracy theories' abt this 10.0? [link]
Does any1 even 'give a shit' abt p4k ratings any more?
Has pitchfork 'rebranded' and 'opened up a new era' in online journalism + the evolution of their reviews?
Is this the greatest moment in Pitchfork Reviews history?
If Pitchfork could rate ur life, what do u think they would give u?
It's so difficult to be a band these days. Close to impossible to get a decent amount of buzz from an authentic tribe of followers on the internet. U have to something special 2 get some1's attention on the internet, fighting against so many other memes that exist.
There's more 2 being in a band than just writing songs, recording MP3s, building myspace layouts, and guilting your immediate network of friends into coming to ur crappy shows. U have be be a master online strategist who knows how to generate content that truly 'gets ppl tlkng.' Gets ppl tweeting. Gets ppl buzzing. Gets ppl excited abt ur brand.
My buzzband and I decided 2 'take matters into our own hands', and do something that would get the attention of not only 'in-real-life' consumers, but also generate bloggable content that would force people on the internet to listen 2 our band. We decided to block a busy expressway in our local city during rush hour traffic. We knew there was a high chance of us getting arrested, but we didn't care because we were probably never going to get real jobs anyways.
This was our moment. Our time to shine. We weren't just playing for the cars in the front row of our traffic jam. We were playing for all of the ppl who were gonna watch this shit on youtube, and share it with their friends. They would see how chill we were, how 'effing sick' our music was, and what we were all about. We would be on every television channel and blog, and soon we would get a 'sweet ass record contract.' Maybe we would even make some money on iTunes sales 2 mainstreamers.
Here's what we look up close up. We're the Imperial Stars. Do we seem chill? Do yall wanna listen 2 our mp3s? If we 'guestlist' u, can u come backstage and give us Beejes?
Just trying 2 get home 2 suburbia
But there was a buzzband blocking my way
so trapped in my life
so trapped in my car
so trapped on society's roads (physically + metaphorically)
now trapped listening to this crappy buzzband :-(
This is 'brilliant marketing' because we are also releasing a track called "Traffic Jam." Here is the official music video. U can see we're sorta like 3 Oh! 3 meets Linkin Park, except way more bad ass and u can't even really describe us.
We truly embody the spirit of rock n roll.
Unfortunately, the plan didn't really work. We were arrested and our converted ice cream truck was impounded. We only got about 5 minutes of footage, and it was kinda crappy. We really shoulda hired a production team, and thought more about 'sound' issues. Maybe we invested too much in our 'official video' and we shoulda spent more on the 'guerilla' product. Worried we can't try again or else we will see 1-5 years of jail time. Guess we missed our 1 shot, our 1 opportunity to truly create a 'viral meme.'
Feeling sad. Keep refreshing youtube to check our view count, expecting to see it in the millions. Still in the low thousands. Feeling like a failure. Like now we are 'effed' every time we get a background check and we didn't even go viral. Honestly feel like committing internet suicide.
At least we got some sweet 'chopper' footage via the local news station's 'eye in the sky' helicopter.
Knowing that 'at least we tried'
Some bands never get blggd abt
But I proved today that I will do anything it takes to get 'mad coverage'
Maybe we'll get a few more fans, maybe we won't
But we were able 2 prove that we care abt our music reaching new fans
We didn't just make an anonymous myspace and upload a lofi mp3
We brought the music 2 the ppl.
Are these bros hella unchill?
Does their buzzband suck, so it doesn't matter how viral they go bc no1 is going 2 listen 2 them?
Were u in traffic when they started playing and did it make u late 4 dinner/soccer practice/a real buzzband's show?
Which buzzband do u wish played in traffic?
Do u hope these bros were put in jail 4evr?
Is this a huge safety hazard, and should the judge 'come down on them' hard 2 set an example, letting buzzbands know that it isn't chill 2 put other ppl's lives' in danger just because u want 2 go viral?
Are bands required 2 become 'master internet marketing strategists' in the modern world?
Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes
I just saw this picture of a couple standing 'front row' at a relevant Toro Y Moi concert in Miami. While the chillwave movement is often associated with 'groups of bros' who 'just want to chill out', you have to remember that the 'live show experience' is not just an event for bro congregation, groups of friends to 'get trashed', and other tangible social networking opportunities. A live show/art show/music festival/public outdoor alt farmer's market event is an opportunity for an alternative couple to 'get off their asses' and 'go out in public', a monthly/yearly opportunity to feel like they are still a part of' the scene'.
Most couples end up sitting at home, growing to resent/hate one another after nights spent eating unhealthy meals, watching complete seasons of the Office on DVD, and arguing about 'whether or not the non-insecure member of the relationship' really wants to 'give up his or her social life' for the simple life of a relationship. Going out in public to a highly relevant event puts your relationship under tons of stress if both members of the couple aren't high level alts. Your personal brand is linked to your partner, so if you aren't both committed to 'looking good', 'having fun' and 'being alt', the intensity of the alternative environment can 'crack' your relationship.
Just wish I could be a Member of the Altest Couple on Earth [link]
Very few couples create alternative synergy, where both members of a couple have a personal brand that is elevated by existing in a relationship. If u find some1 like this, hold on 2 them forever, purchase a mixed loft/art space with them, and start a buzzband with them.
Problems with going out with ur partner if the relationship isn't on strong alternative ground:
- Having to see a crappy band if ur partner isn't authentic/up-to-speed on blog buzzbands
- Ur partner's wardrobe if they aren't as alt as u
- Not being able to 'upgrade' to a more authentic/attractive partner
- Dealing with ur partner 'getting drunk' + 'new emotions/feelings being expressed'
- Getting drunk and accidentally 'letting ur eye wander' in public
- Not being able to go to 'the after party' because ur partner is 'tired' and 'her feet hurt'/is 'dehydrated'/'light-headed from being in such a cramped space'/needing to go to Denny's to 'eat more food 4 energy.'
This photograph is a 'case study' on the pressures of being in a relationship while you are at a highly relevant event.
Are you ashamed of me?
No, I am standing close to you, with my hands around you, proving that you are mine. You are my property. Our brands are aligned.
Are other girls alt-er/hotter than me?
Once again, I have overcompensated with my physical affection for you, and even integrated 'being into the music' into 'being into you.' Let's dance/sway side-to-side together.
Are you trying to hide me because ur ashamed of me?
No, we are standing in the goddamn front row. We have been making eye contact with Chaz the whole time. He probably thinks we are an awesome couple.
I know you want to start a buzzband. If u went on tour, would u stay faithful, or bang other hotties like me all across the USA?
I would bring you on tour, babe. I would bring you on tour. No1 compares to you. I promise.
You never take me out.
I am just so tired of our group of friends. They don't understand what it's like to be in a committed relationship. I would rather just spend every night on the couch with you. Don't even care about bro time any more.
My feet hurt.
We're going to have to go to the mall tomorrow to get you a new pair of shoes. I know that TOMS match your purchase price with a donation to charity, but I just don't think they are very orthopedic.
I don't know who I am as a person. I don't feel alt. I don't feel mainstream. What am I doing with my life? Being around so many people makes me question who I am. I feel old. I don't have a tight, firm 17 year old body any more. should I go vegan.
I am overwhelmed. I don't know how to deal with the problems of a 20something mildly alternative female who is searching 4 her place in the world. But I would feel bad abandoning her. I am not sure what to do. I am the modern alternative bro. I used to attend relevant concerts with a few bros, getting fucked up, standing in the front of the stage. Now here I am, managing this relationship. I value the spirit of the relationship, but I wonder what I am missing out on. I feel like other girls have been checking me out, analyzing my brand, possibly devaluing me because of my 'old ball and chain.' Can life get any better? Can my life get any worse? Is the grass 'always alt-er' on the other side?
Hands on the hips of my girlfriend. 5-8 years ago, this would have seemed like my alternative heaven, but these days... I am having my doubts.
Here I am, watching another buzzband play live. I always thought that would have been me by now. My alternative life is passing me by.
I am 26 years old, and I haven't done one buzzworthy thing with my life.
The alternative bro is growing up
still into buzzbands, still into 'being alt'
but the pressure to mainstreamify
and find a 'partner'
yet I still have my dreams
of being relevant, buzzworthy, blogworthy
the ability to get a 'blow job'
from any entry-level skank across the globe.
Alt life passing me by
Not in a buzzband
don't have a high-trafficked alt blog
Not even part-owner of an authentic diy space/bakery
All I have to show that I am 'alive'
is a degree from design school
and a girlfriend
who represents everything I want to become/
everything I don't want 2 become
Do u think Chaz felt bad for that bro for being 'tied down' to a relationship?
Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes
Sorta just hope life works itself out
and I end up being a relevant alternative celebrity
yet in a relationship with an equally desirable alternative relationship
Have you ever been in a relationship that 'bottlenecked' ur personal brand?
Is being in an alt relationship about 'going mainstream and hiding indoors' or going out and being social?
Do u feel bad when u see a 'couple' at a relevant alt event when one of the members of the relaish is 'way more alt' than the other 1?
Is taking a mainstreamer partner to a relevant alt experience sorta like 'pushing ur child on their bike with training wheels?
Is it difficult to be 'growing older', 'looking alt' and managing ur progressive personal brand while trying to find an 'authentic partner?
Do u 'laugh' when u see a mainstreamer + alt trying to 'make their relationship work'?
What are some tips for 'finding an authentic partner' in our modern global scene?
Can't believe it has been a year since Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift and created some sweet internet memes + inspired Carles to write some over-thought puff piece abt the memefication process of humans + events [link]. Honestly can't see my life changing much for the next 20 years. Always gonna sit on a computer, will watch TV, will react to what I am seeing on TV, entertaining my audience of followers who 'value my opinion.'
Worried that time is gonna pass me by, and I won't 'grow up' and I'll just be a worthless 20something forever.
Don't want to think abt that. Just gonna watch the MTV VMAs. H8 society. Just want to consume 'pop culture' and form my unique opinion on it. Want people to know that I 'get' pop culture, and even though I consume it on a daily basis, my perspective on it transcends all.
Feel like Lady Gaga is really 'in her element' at the VMAs, since MTV will basically do whatever she wants to 'create a meme.'
Wore tons of zany meme outfits
She brought a few recently-discharged members of the American Armed Forces to 'make herself seem like a good person.'
Wonder if Katy Perry should have brought some World War 2/Vietnam veterans and/or Holocaust survivors. Think old jewish people might be a haute fashion accessory in 2k12.
Here is another bro who looks like he just won a few medals from serving in Iraq/Afghanistan
I heard that she 'scissored' with Ellen Degeneres just to get blog coverage / appeal to the gay + lesbian markets
Here is Lady Gaga 'sharing a smart snack' with rapper Drake
Drinking out of a zany starbucks cup
Wonder which of these artists is 'more innovative'? Wonder which 1 rode the slutwave harder.
Is there a time where u need to 'retire' getting whored up and wearing stupid, slutty costumes? I can't imagine being 60 years old and having to worry about 'shaving the grey hairs off my pussie region.'
photo by lastnightsparty
fly ass sneakers
The standard uniform of the male alt
So many bros
So many varied plaid color scheme combinations
So many personal brands that are within a very small standard deviation of 'the alt norm'
The truth is
It doesn't matter what a bro looks like
How long his facial hair is
which buzzband mp3s fill his iPod
What his preferred premium / post-ironic beer is
how much he weighs
how long his schlong us
Every alternative bro forms a larger body
a modern movement
the sum of all altbros = far greater than any individual.
We can do anything
We can get any girl
We can all lust over a hot alt baguette
We are all
Kinda like existentialism
we are all 'the same' or something abstract like that
We are all just trying to bang hot alt pussie
We are all the same.
We can all 'get too drunk'
and lift up a girl
spin her around the dance floor
as our penis becomes erect against her clitoris/leggings
Alt has no size
Alt has no color
Kinda like 'love'
U could theoretically fall in love with 'the elephant bro'
or one of those bros who weighs 1 ton and sweats Coca Cola [via being fat]
Love = Alt
Alt = Love
Me = U
Fat = Skinny
Alt = Mnstrm
AnCo = NSYNC
Electro = Indie
Blogs = newspapers
Buzzbands = shity local bands
Cool Dads = entry level alts
1 day u will find her soulmate
He or she will/will not be 'perfect' on the outside
They might not be 'the personal brand that u thought u would end up with forever'
Too smart in an ass-hole kind of way
Too into shitty music
Too into relevant buzzbands
but maybe deep down inside
they will 'make sense'
make sense 2 u
and u'll move in 2gether
become more than just an 'aimless 20something'
and u'll start a family
But it all starts tonight
Get ur ass on the dance floor
grind on her pussie/ass
Pick her up by her ass
Spin her around until she 'goes unconscious'
This is ur time
Alt has no size
Believe in urself
Believe in <3
Will u ever find ur soulmate?
Is there such thing as an 'over-sized' alt?
Are females expected to be skinnier than males?
Are u a plus-sized altbro? what size t-shirt/jeans do u wear?
Does 'alt' have a minimum/maximum weight?
Are u 'unhip' if u r 'fat'?
Have u ever been with a 'plus sized human'?
Can 'skinny jeans' exist if u have a 30/32/34/36/38/40+ inch waist?
Sometimes I doubt the world so much
I lose faith in humanity
Honestly believe that 'money' is the only thing that makes the world go round
'Oil' and 'cash money' have torn apart our relationships with the A-Rab world
leading to terrorism & acts of mad violence + hate
Every1 just wants to be rich and famous
gathering piles of moneys in buildings called 'banks'
Wish money didn't exist, and we could just barter goods & services
People would pay to be an artist
I could pay 4 my bread and cold cuts with cool paintings and digital .jpg memes
Wish ppl didn't give a shit about Rolex Indiglo watches, Macbook Pros, and 'huge houses in suburbia'
I guess the Arcade Fire was right when they sang the infamous line
"H8 u the Suburbs, yall."
And also AnCo was right when they sang
"I'd rather be chilling in Adobe slabs... Seeya!"
Vampire Weekend was also right when they sang
"Sigh... Wish we lived in the 3rd world, appreciated our lives' and chilled on Horchata."
How can I get back 2 basics?
How can I restore my faith?
How can I believe in us again?
How can I believe in humanity?
A meaningful interactive real life art installation
Taking place outside 'in real life' [via on my street]
Going to put several hundred $1 bills into a tree on my street
and see if real life humans
act like 'hunters and gatherers', 'savages'
Each piece of US currency will also have an 'inspiration note' on it.
It seems like I only live in a white neighborhood
and every1 'adhered to chill societal rules'
taking only one or two dollars
And took a moment to read the meaningful note on the dollar bill
As a white person, I can guarantee that minorities would have been 'savages'
about this tree
Homeless people would have acquired a month's supply of drugs, alcohol, and Burger King
relieved they didn't ruin my video
Relieved I picked a safe location
outside of the apartment which my parents pay 4 with their metaphorical money tree
which I pull dollar bills from
At the end of the day, maybe I wasn't really even interested in 'improving society'
or 'restoring faith'
I just feel better about myself for creating an art installation in public space
creating a meme that exists on the internet
even though it was a pretty trivial 'experiment'
that offers no valuable insight in2 humanity/consumerism/greed
Did this unique artistic project transcend society?
Do yall feel 'inspired' by this project?
Was it 'brilliant'?
Do u h8 society/consumerism?
Do people and tweens only care about money?
Should they have 'manned up' and put $100 bills in the tree?
Should they have done this in a black neighborhood?
Is some 'generic white neighborhood in Chicago' representative of humanity/society?
Do u think black people were arrested if they took a dollar from this money tree?
Have u met Shannon Gaga? She is arguably the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan.
Shannon Gaga: The Dead End of Western Civilization
In a previous article of writing, I asked the world, "Who is the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan?" I wanted to know about a fan who completely outsourced her personal brand to Lady Gaga. Who had the balls to become 'more than just a fan', completely dedicating her life to Lady Gaga. What fan truly 'gets' Lady Gaga and has become an unofficial spokesperson for Lady Gaga?
Meet Shannon Gaga. More than just any other Lady Gaga Fan.
Some say she is 'completely out of touch with reality', but her new found fame will have her coming into a living room near u on ur television sets. She is an avalanche, picking up steam, rolling down the pop culture mountain ready to slam in ur face.
The story of Shannon Gaga is about a girl from Corpus Christi, TX, who evolved out of her cocoon into a beautiful butterfly, all by being exposed to the positive female messages transmitted by the art of Lady Gaga.
It all started with 1 lofi vlog in the dorm room of Shannon Annette Cantu's Texas State University dorm room, but through months of hard work and tons of high level exposure, it has become something more than just a youtube sensation or a story of the week. She is truly an individual who is also a lot like Lady Gaga.
Eventually, she became a bonafide super fan celebrity. She decided to take her brand to the next level by making a series of sexy videos and doing live performances around town. Her confidence grew with each show, and brought us modern marvels, like this video, where she rolls around on a campus volleyball court, pretending that the sand is a sexy beach, forming Gaga-esque sexy vibes for all of us to be inspired by.
People are wondering who is "Shannon Gaga?" But that remains to be said. People have asked me 'Why Lady Gaga? What makes you so interested in her?' She inspired me. She changed me. I looked at my old journals, my old life and some old pictures and say, 'How did this happen?' Why didn't I choose Britney or when I was younger do Hilary Duff (which was a long time ago). Because GaGa did what she did. She changed me. As the song from Wicked says, "I have been changed for good..." I am sure, that whoever reads this, is either a fan or a hater. Haters-I don't think you "hate" me. We just use that word now. In fact, most of you probably dislike something about me. Maybe that I'm a big girl. Maybe that I like Lady GaGa a lot. Maybe that I love to perform and not ashamed. I'm pretty certain there are some that dislike me, because they disliked me in high school. They didn't know who I was. I just was a student at King High School. Or maybe I was smarter than you or something else. Who knows? I'm certain that if I just went to class, like Comm 1310 or something, and did 'normal' stuff. I'm pretty sure, you'll not like me either way. I am living life to the fullest. Some of you don't understand me. Well, I am a complex person. I think differently than most people, I now VERBALIZE my emotions more, and even though I may seem shy and weak every now and then. There's a tough girl behind that sweet, innocent facade. You know what? I'm doing this for fame or attention. I don't care about fame or money anymore. Fame, is something that just happened along the way. Fame is a ride-sometimes smooth like on a road, and sometimes it an emotional roller coaster-with jerks and twists and turns. And money, that's just whatever. Yes, I need money (as we all do) but it's not everything to me. Or fame. I never expected anything like this to happen. So, if you're reading this, you will know more of me. I usually give people changes-I try not to judge people. I don't care about what race you are or your sexuality or your size. Those are just labels. You all, have your ideas, of normal, and sometimes normal isn't good enough for anyone. But remember, I am Shannon Annette Cantu "Gaga" and I am proud of who I am. And whether I'm famous or not, whether I'm fat, skinny, big-boobed, or whatever, you can't change that. And Gaga, if you ever read this, I hope you learned something about me. Just like you taught me about you.
Love Shannon "Gaga" Cantu, Princess Monster
In addition, here is a selected tweet from her twitter account, @ShannonGaga20
It seems like Shannon Gaga has truly become a top tier celebrity, soon to get a record deal and end up on MTV. Fans seem to have a natural affinity towards her story. She is an artist of the people, inspired by true life and real sexual desires.
Shannon Gaga is more than just another fan. She is not just a 'Little Monster', which is what Lady Gaga calls her fan. She is a big monster, and a force to be reckoned with.
It seems like she has become a micro celebrity in the San Marcos / Austin central Texas scene. In this video, members of the campus community react to her brand since they see her wearing Gaga gear all around campus. Some say that she is truly a free spirit. Others claim that she is 'borderline retarded', and doesn't realize that people are only really laughing at her.
Just watched her get interviewed by a local radio show. They seem to keep 'cyber bullying her' about her weight, and ask her why she is wearing such a slutty dress, even though she is a massive human being. Then she gives an inspired live performance, showcasing her true vocal talents.
Does Shannon Gaga fail to 'get it', or do we fail to 'get' Shannon Gaga?
Video footage has emerged on Pitchfork.com of Best Coast, aka Bethany Cosentino, smoking mad dank with some African American bro. It seems like this is the 'pinnacle' of her stoner brand. After hundreds of tweets related to 'smoking dank', interviews about Cali dank, and danking around with her dank dank weed marijuana, it seems like we finally get to see '@The_Real_Bethany.' Chillin in her natural state, 'lifted' as hell, getting lifted-er.
One can only wonder how her 'weed loving/addicted' brand will impact her long term brand, both commercially and critically. It seems like in all walks of life/genres of art, u kinda have to placate the conservative mainstreamers in order to 'go far.' Ur brand has to be strong, yet inoffensive. Present nothing alienating/controversial about yourself, just keep making agreeable jams without getting political and doing things that are 'illegal' in the eyes of tweens/grandparents. Wonder if Converse would offer her a record deal 'all over again' after this 'controversial' dank video. Seems like a huge 'brand liability issue.'
What's ur fave part of this video? Does it remind u of watching high schoolers smoke weed when they talk about 'how high' they are? Do u like when they talk about abusing medical marijuana cards? How abt when they talk about how medical marijuana establishments are 'putting the local dealer out of business.'
Best Coast's mp3s seems 'agreeable' and 'listenable', which is very uncommon for many bands with female lead singers/female sound projects. There is so much commercial upside in a weak female indie market, where decent female mp3s and albums can see a huge sales bump just by 'being female' [via the Feist/Zooey Deschanel theory]. Seems like she really could have reached a tweeny Feist-like status on album #2.5 if she just 'stayed chill' and didn't 'tank' her personal brand. Wonder if we will look back at 2k10 and just think of it as the year of M.I.A./MGMT/Best Coast letting us down for a multitude of different reasons.
Critically, it seems like the indie blogosphere views her 'art' as a 'joke.' Some bros probably always thought she sounded like 90s alt rock disguised as fuzz, but other bros were 'more than willing' to neglect these vibes just to have another female in 'the game.' Why do u think indie bros are 'turning' on Best Coast. Probs because of the 'U = the people u chill with' theory [via guilt by association with WAVVbro]. Not sure if the criticsphere takes Best Coast and/or WAVVES seriously as artists/musicians, mainly just sees them as meme generators. Feel like they both had a 'golden opportunity' to take advantage of a weak year of music, but it is clear that they aren't 'serious' about becoming 'great' indie musicians. Instead, they just want to milk tour life and record deal advances to put themselves in situations where weed is 'bountiful.'
Now is the time that Best Coast must dump WAVVES in order to save her commercial + critical viability. She must do so in a public forum, possibly using twitter, or in an exclusive sit-down interview, similar to LeBron James' "The Decision." In addition, she should 'check into rehab' to save her brand.
Sorta feel sad about social media + the modern world. So much pressure to 'be somebody', to 'evolve ur personal brand' into something greater than yourself. Not sure who I wanted her to be, and if that person is even who she wanted to become. I sorta wanted her to dye her hair blonde, and have a short stint on VH1/eventually end up playing Lillith Fair when she is 38. Maybe write a few songs for Demi Lovato/Miley Cyrus along the way. I wanted to hear her song(s) in iPad commercials. I am so angry at her for 'not seizing her opportunity.' It feels like I am 'stuck in hell' with my bro who smokes too much weed, wasting his/her opportunity to 'get their life together' and experience 'something more.'
Only a few indie products have the opportunity to become 'Top Tier Indie bands' and this is becauase they are not afraid to 'achieve greatness.' Whether they are pretentious about it or chill about it, the pursuit of everlasting indie greatness is what separates 'the heavyweights' from the 'meme of the week' buzzbands. As high level post-indie music fans, we expect top tier buzzbands to take their jobs seriously, doing their best to present art which inspires high level discussion about genre-bending mp3s.
What r ur feelings towards Best Coast like?
Is it simple, like 'she is just a dumb stoner', or is it more complex, like 'she represents everything that is wrong with buzzbands'?
When u monitor Best Coast memes, do u think of her as a 'real artist'?
Is Best Coast good at rolling blunts?
On a level from 1 to 10, how high were u when u read this post?
Is it always a good policy to 'do drugs on camera'?
Will the Chicago police put Best Coast in jail after seeing this video?
Will Best Coast's PR team get this video taken down, or have they passed 'the point of no return'?
Is 2k10 the year of buzzbands getting 'coverage' but not necessarily having the product/brand to back it up?
Which indie bands are 'openly pursuing greatness'?
The Arcade Fire?
Chillwave artists? (to be determined on album #2)
WAVVCOAST? (no, just smokin some dank)
Some bands want to have an 'album of the year.'
Few bands want to have an 'album of the decade.'
Truly great bands want to have an 'album of the century.'
I only listen to bands that are aiming to create an 'album of the Millenium.'
Still waiting for a buzzband who creates the 'Album of Forever, Yall.'
Photos by the cobrasnake http://thecobrasnake.com/partyphotos.html
Sometimes I wonder what the future of the music festival is. It seems like most music festivals are 'so corporate' now that they are sort of losing their identity, and don't fully take advantage of middle America. I feel like raves are sorta like the NASCAR of live music events. It sorta caters to the massive market of 'low-end' consumers who just need an excuse to drink/do drugs/assimilate with their weird interpretation of alt culture.
feel like 'low-end alts' might be the future of mass alternative markets. The high-end indiesphere 'isn't where all the money is. Apparently this 'rave' called Electric Daisy Carnival drew 185,000 people.
Music festivals really are getting out of hand. This rave seems chill because there are 'free refills' on water [via water fountains].
not every1 can afford fiji/smart/vitamins/coconut water.
Fans want to 'create their own merch' instead of buying overpriced tshirts and tote bags.
Got this for free with my Sega Saturn when I was 10 and turned it into a rave necklace.
Definitely give this bro props for his Super Ninendo controller built in to his rave flair.
Zany Spongebob Bro. Wonder if it is still 'quirky' 2 'like Spongebob' of if that phase died in the 1990s.
Maybe lil Muppet Backpacks are a chill rave prop
Got really effed up. Had 2 throw up behind a dumpster
Also had to poop and pee thru my leggings
Luckily raves hire custodial staff to make sure everything is clean.
But still, gotta wear an electro gas mask to 'keep out' negative vibes / port o potty fumes / vomit fumes out of my nose
Wonder if there is a new genre of bros who work out just so their bodies look good at raves.
sup bro pt 2
sup bro pt 3
Who is more authentic 2 ravers, Deadmaus or Mickey Mou5e?
Worried about this lost clown bro
Wonder if she tore this shirt after putting it on, or if it was some premeditated slashing
Just want to go to a place with progressive thongs.
Do u want ur parents to drop u off at the rave after telling them it is a 'Late Night Soccer Tournament'?
Or do you want to use a rave as an opportunity to reconnect with ur mom after 'dropping E' together?
Not sure if this is a juggalo or a raver
In the United States, soccer is the official sport of suburbia. More American kids play soccer than any other sport in the United States. There is tons of space in the suburbs of every city in America, which provides local communities with great opportunities to build decent facilities to host youth games every weekend.
White parents want their children to be successful. Realistically, most white Americans have no chance to become a professional athlete, since African Americans have a superior blood line. These premium African American athletes often choose to play football and basketball, the sports which represent 'making the most bank' and 'becoming the most famous', mainly based on 'how many commercials ur in' and 'how many sweet highlights u end up in on SportsCenter.' (Note: Many white journalists 'hold this against African American atheletes for chasing 'impure' glory.)
While many American bros enjoy the spirit of the mainstream sports of basketball, football, and even Yankees/Red Sox baseball, there is no purer American Sport for the modern bro than the sport of soccer. A generation of bros has grown up 'playing soccer' but not necessarily knowing how to consume it in a professional / international context. Most Americans don't even really have a local league/website/tv station from which to consume the standard drama + newsbits + controversy on a daily basis
USABROS have been searching for other USABROS since after the 1994 World Cup in the United States. After that local World Cup, USA bros gained a 'global perspective', understanding that there was a 'whole nother world out there', beyond the traditional 'trapped in their lives' Americans who watched mainstream/weekend sports (NFL, NASCAR, college football, March Madness, golf, etc). The USABRO 'narrowly' escaped the overmarketing of extreme sports, which involved stoners on surf boards / snow boards /motorbikes doing 'retarded ass tricks' in front of Mountain Dew billboards.
The USABRO is just looking for a 'breakout' opportunity every 4 years. Every World Cup since 1990, USABROS have been growing. USABROS are searching for justification with their lives': WHY did they play soccer all those years? Was it because they were athletically inferior to the African Americans who ran them off the football/basketball teams in high school? Was it because their parents wanted them to bond in a team/group environment? Was it because their parents had expendable income to pay for an overpriced trainer who wasn't really qualified, but had a sweet foreign accent? Was it because they were a part of 'something bigger than themselves'?
The USABRO has been marinating for the past 20 years, born from the ashes of the downfall of the American family. The emergence of the 'soccer mom' in the 1990s wasn't really just a 'pop culture cliche buzzword'--it was the bond that was formed between a mother and a son after the downfall of the Babyboomer Father Figure. Mothers and sons shared long drives to the outskirts of the suburbs every weekend to play in meaningful soccer teams. For many American bros, the first spirit of 'true bro' was born on 'the pitch' [via the 'soccer field'].
In the modern United States, soccer never has really had a legitimate professional league that warranted national attention. Americans don't have the technical skill, the history, or the analytical skill to consume 'soccer.' Old news hacks have found comfort in 'hating' on soccer, since they really couldn't identify with it. 'Sports' are a product/way of life that you learn how to consume from your father. Gen Xers and Baby Boomers had alcoholic fathers yelling at black and white TVs, watching baseball, Larry Bird, and other white man games on television. This father was 'not present' in many Gen Y lives', leading USABROS to emerge,
Popular Generation X writer Chuck Klosterman wrote in his book Sex Drugs and Cocoa Memes that soccer was 'bullshit' and made tons of pre-blog era snarky arguments about 'why soccer sucked' and 'was for pussies.' It seemed like a 'funny take' in the pre-blog era, but an entire generation of 'pussies' was born. Now Generation Y is 'growing up', and they are 'searching for their justification.' They want to reconnect with nostalgic images of youth, back when 'youth soccer' was all they had. Back when they actually had a symbiotic relationship with their parents, before they started 2 resent them.
To the rest of the world, "soccer" isn't even a real word. It is a word that America made up for no good reason.
But to USABROS, 'soccer' means even more than 'football.' It's not just a sport that is attached to the livelihood of an entire country. 'Soccer' is an idea that one day we'll understand why 'we' exist as American bros. There are so many different types of bros in the world, but many are happy 'just being bros', not really searching for anything more than a nice pair of breasts and a vagina to keep their penis hard and warm.
Every time the United States scores a meaningful goal, I feel a strong connection with USABROS all across the United States.
The USABRO didn't really know who they were or why they existed until the success of the United States National Team during the 2002 World Cup in South Korea. As young bros, many pre-formative USABROS spent many weekends forging connections with fellow soccer bros, traveling to tournaments in different cities, trying to become the best player/team possible seemed 'irrelevant' since the NFL and NBA are 'the most popular/best branded sports in the United States.'
The USABRO is a micro-phenomenon, only understood by true USABROS. USABROS have turned to the internet to 'connect' with other USABROS, consuming soccer news from leagues and countries across the world as aggressively as other people follow pop culture / celeb gossip / indie buzzbands. If the United States became a 'soccer nation' (after the USA wins the World Cup in 0-1000 years), 'soccer' will probably be 'gobbled up' by the same cliches and impurities that have ruined other sports. But for now, soccer belongs to the USABRO. Understanding our triumphs (which mean nothing to the rest of the world), and understanding our national identity in a global context.
The broternity of USABROS is a special one. More powerful than the spirit of youth sports. Channeling the authentic bond formed between a son and his mother.
Sitting at home
in my mother's house
unemployed (but she still loves me and makes me a hearty meal every night)
watching the World Cup
on our flat screen HD TV
Following along with my laptop,
monitoring twitter trending topics
(twitter gives gives me reassurance that a world exists outside of Middle America)
If the USA wins
this means more than anything
more pure than any American professional sports championship
There is a reason my mom was a soccer mom
There is a reason why I was a soccer bro
If the United States wins the World Cup
My existence as a USABRO has meaning
Old Navy Flag t-shirts
are more than just a 'personal branding decision'
What is nationalism? A sense of bro-ness with your bros.
What is patriotism? Knowing that you and your bros are better than any other bros in the entire world.
What is capitalism? Knowing u and ur bros are gonna make 'mad bank' one day (possibly even just 'metaphorically').
What is the spirit of the American Bro? A need 2 understand 'why' you were put on this Earth as an American bro, with a life that seems 'easy/chill', but still lacks the mainstream meaning that u r searching for. American success in an evolving niche sport might be the only thing that can make the modern bro feel like they are on this Earth to do more than just 'spend time on their laptops.'
I want to understand suburbia.
I want to understand the downfall of the modern American male.
I want to understand 'why' soccer moms existed in the 1990s.
I want to the impurity of professional sports to manifest themselves as the Americans capture 'glory' in the World Cup.
I want to accept my limitations as an inferior genetic specimen and root for American soccer players, as opposed to LeBron James.
I want a spirit of bro to come over me which is understood by only a small sect of American bros.
Every 4 years, the USABRO has an opportunity to be 'more than just a bro.' Most likely, the spirit of the USABRO will be crushed. However, what bonds the USABROS 2gether is 'the chance' that 1 day being a USABRO will provide the meaningful universal/national outcome that most bros can't cultivate out of 'just getting married to some dumb slut and popping out a few kids.' USABROS need to know that there is a reason we all drove to the outskirts of suburbia to chase a ball around in some 'boring' game that 'is hated' by 'the majority of Americans.'
I'm proud to be a USABRO.
ur so fat
and ur so lazy
u eat bad food at Burger King
poisoning ur body.
Standing behind u in line at Burger King
I can't believe how fat u r.
Ur so lazy
U probably got fat
because ur so lazy
(maybe u have chronic fatigue syndrome
or recently had surgery to repair ur knee/ankle)
probs not, tho
LOLing hard @ u
Kinda like Chris Farley,
except ur not funny
ur just sad
because u represent everything that is wrong with America
U mother fucker
Ur so lazy
u probably have lazy kids on food stamps
feeding them fast food
I h8 u soo much
Srsly... u can't even stand up?
Jesus Christ, get some exercise
U don't need to be at BK
eating a triple cheeseburger
Gonna take out my camera
and take a picture of u
because u r a funnie meme
gonna share u on the internet
make ur fat ass go viral
because people on the internet will 'get' why this is funny
Glad I live on the internet
and not in Middle America
So I can share content with my friends
instead of eating myself 2 death
ur so lazy
i wish I could share u with u
so u could see what I see
and why u r such a funny, sad meme
Still LOLING @ U
because can't even stand up 2 wait in line
sorta wish there was just a trough of slop 4 u
to put ur snout in
Fast food Nation
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Eating myself 2 death
CHICKEN TENDER FRIES
Still kinda loling @ how lazy that lady is
pulling up a chair
waiting in line
ur such a fat meme. hehe
Maybe u can't say in the Burger King Kids Club forever
cuz if u eat Burger King or every meal,
u will just get mad fat
then get diabetes
then die 4evr