God gave me a gift
The ability 2 live
but more importantly
the ability to shred, riff and crush it
I am the Christian Rock Guitar AltBro Bro
Crushing it on Guitar
I crush all things through the Lord Savior Jesus Christ
He is my Savior
The Buzz Guide I need
2 help me navigate thru this krazie buzzosphere
I am playing my rock guitar
all around town
EFFING CRUSHING IT
Because the Lord has allowed me 2 crush it.
I am the Christian Rock Guitar Bro
Rocking 4 God
Rocking 4 u
The Buzz God has blessed me with a gift
and I rock 4 u.
Will Christian Rock Guitar Bro 'save' the indiesphere?
Will he be able to communicate with the buzz Gods to end the buzz drought?
Have u ever played ur guitar around town?
Because of God
2k10 seems like it was either the year of the slutwave or the rapegaze. Sorta wonder if there is going to be a reactionary response where we just want to 'get conservative' and connect with the Lord Savior @JesusChrist. New genres will be created that take Animal Collective's family values 2 the next level.
Might get rlly in2 Christian music, touch the lord. From what I understand, u can be 'alt' and 'Christian', just as long as u accept His love in2 ur heart.
Really feel like I potentially wasted the last __ years of my life, focusing on all of the wrong things. I realize that 1 day I am going 2 die, and I need 2 figure out whether or not I want 2 chill in heaven. It seems like 'now' would be a good time 2 commit 2 riding Christian_waves.
Instead of spending my time in relevant dive bars, I will spend my time in relevant 'community centers' that smell like old ppl.
No more slutwaves, no more 'being hornie', no more 'hard peens'/'wet vagines.' Need to take His message 2 the masses.
It feels good to be starting 2k11 with a new goal, a new Lord, a new God, a new reason 2 live. Maybe if we pray harder for bloggable MP3s, God will give us more buzzbands, more mp3s, and a bountiful buzz harvest in 2k11. I'll do anything 2 prevent 2k10 from happening again, even if it means accepting the Lord Savior Jesus Christ in2 my life.
Do u <3 slutwave or Christianwaves?
Will Christian + positive themes be 'hella prevalent' in 2k11 indie music?
Will indie music get really 'values based' as altbros reach the twilight of their '20somethings'?
Do u know any altChristians?
Do u feel sad abt altChristians because they look like they shop at some sort of Christian Hot Topic?
Does white Christian America make u sad?
Is showing ur love + devotion 2 God the ultimate form of self-expression?
Is ur personal brand stronger if ur on #TeamGod?
On the 1st/2nd/3rd/4th/5th/6th/7th/8th/9th/10th/11rd/12th/13st/69th day of Xmas, my true alt gave 2 me:
a) one copy of Tomboy
b) 2 gaggles of AZNs [link]
c) 1 Unchill Azn Bro
d) 2 full sized Alice Glass posters
f) 'AnCo vinyl records'
g) Miscellaneous alt alcoholic beverage
h) a blogspot
i) ten 10.0s
j) an entry level alt
k) 2 tix 2 a relevant music festival
l) A weekend on the Vampy Weeks cruise, departing from New Orleans on July 22, 2042
m) a job at Am Appy
n) an internship at Urby Outties
o) a worthless 20something former altbro 2 smoke dank with
p) an [apple product]
q) an [android phone]
r) a residency at a vegan bakery
s) 1 scholarship to an auto-acceptance design school
t) an all expenses paid getaway to a resort in Brooklyn
u) an all expenses paid jungle safari 2 Laptopistan [link]
v) Netflix [via lamestreamers]
w) a pair of TOMS 2 wipe ur ass with
x) a couple of GROUPONS [via poor+middleclass ppl]
y) an all expenses paid stint living in ur parents house until u r 30 years old
z) Choose ur own Xmas Wish
What r u getting 4 Christmas?
Do u believe in Santa Clausbro?
Are these alts 'totally authentic'?
Do they make u yearn for the glory days of 'hipster bashing' between 2k3-2k7?
Do u sing some sort of 'effing hipster' video abt the 12 days of Xmas?
Do u h8 visiting home?
Do ur parents 'get' ur personal brand?
Have u been running into any 'totally inauthentic exGFs/exBFs while u have been at home visiting ur parents who make u sad bc they live an inauthentic life'?
Did u get ur parents any sweet alternative CDs for xmas bc they will be able to relate to their 'vintage lofi pop sound'?
What is ur Xmas like?
Photo by the Stereo Argonaut
I'm so hornie
Just a hornie raver bro
Gonna get some horns
and glue that shit 2 my head.
Would be 'mad alt' if I were some how able
to grow horns out of my skull
Sorta look like the devil
Kinda jeal of ram horns though...
They seem mad alt
like u can really 'butt heads' with people
Elephant tusks seem mad alt, too
Bet u can really 'gore up ur parents'
when they tell u that u can't go out
and that u are not really 'gay'
that ur just pretending to be gay 'just to be different'
Horny toads seem chill too
Horns seem aggressive
but at the same time
'just trying to protect myself'
from so many natural and social predators who are trying to dampen my vibe/brand
Piercings on my face
connecting my nose 2 my mouth
Raver bracelets on my arms
painted finger nails
They are all pretty sweet personal branding tools
But I just wish I had something that 'set me apart' from the crowd
without being a deformity
Something that made me look like I was 'half animal, half human'
Kinda like the wolf tweens [link]
Just a lil hornie bro
Might go 2 a rave
Gonna make out with my bro
I don't believe in 'gender'
I just believe in <3, h8, and cum
bc I'm hornie.
R u hornie?
Are horns an authentic personal branding tool?
Do ravers come up with the best personal branding gimmicks?
Do u know where I can buy some horns, or do I have 2 kill an animal?
What is the most authentic animal with horns?
ur so fat
and ur so lazy
u eat bad food at Burger King
poisoning ur body.
Standing behind u in line at Burger King
I can't believe how fat u r.
Ur so lazy
U probably got fat
because ur so lazy
(maybe u have chronic fatigue syndrome
or recently had surgery to repair ur knee/ankle)
probs not, tho
LOLing hard @ u
Kinda like Chris Farley,
except ur not funny
ur just sad
because u represent everything that is wrong with America
U mother fucker
Ur so lazy
u probably have lazy kids on food stamps
feeding them fast food
I h8 u soo much
Srsly... u can't even stand up?
Jesus Christ, get some exercise
U don't need to be at BK
eating a triple cheeseburger
Gonna take out my camera
and take a picture of u
because u r a funnie meme
gonna share u on the internet
make ur fat ass go viral
because people on the internet will 'get' why this is funny
Glad I live on the internet
and not in Middle America
So I can share content with my friends
instead of eating myself 2 death
ur so lazy
i wish I could share u with u
so u could see what I see
and why u r such a funny, sad meme
Still LOLING @ U
because can't even stand up 2 wait in line
sorta wish there was just a trough of slop 4 u
to put ur snout in
Fast food Nation
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Eating myself 2 death
CHICKEN TENDER FRIES
Still kinda loling @ how lazy that lady is
pulling up a chair
waiting in line
ur such a fat meme. hehe
Maybe u can't say in the Burger King Kids Club forever
cuz if u eat Burger King or every meal,
u will just get mad fat
then get diabetes
then die 4evr
As you know, I haven't really been blogging much lately. Sometimes I get so caught up in the internet that I forget to have real life goals, and experience real life joys. It's really tough to be a blogger, because it's like a social responsibility. At this point, I 'can't stop', I can't just decide to stop generating memes. There is a buzz economy that depends on me.
Anyways, I have some really awesome developments in my life. I got effing married! Effing sweet, amirite? Hells yeas.
I embedded some video footage from our wedding in the top of this post. My wife and I decided that we wanted to walk down the aisle to Animal Collective's hit song "My Girl." We hired an AnCo cover band to play the song (The name of their band is called The Brother Sports if you want to hire them, they also played the after party).
It was a really festive experience. We got all of the members of the party to do 'conceptual dances' as we walked down the aisle. Even though every1 at our wedding were old mainstreamers, they all seemed to understand the celebratory vibes of the song. They knew that we were simple people who didn't care about material things, who just wanted to build an adobe house for our children.
Her dad was kinda pissed, i think, because he just wanted us to walk down the aisle to the traditional wedding song. He doesn't understand that we used the #1 song of the 2k0 decade. Maybe he'll understand in a few years.
Anyways, yall... I'm married now. I'm sure the way that I blog is gonna change. When u read my writing, u'll sense a lot of joy and positivity in my life. I will probably also get 'more conservative' because I want to protect my traditional alternative family.
Every time u hear 'My Girls', think about my wedding, and how awesome my life is now that I have found 'the one.' The one who is willing to walk down the aisle while an Animal Collective cover band plays.
What buzzworthy song will u play at ur wedding?
Do u wish u had a group of bros who knew how to 'cover' Animal Collective?
How will u make ur alternative wedding 'more meaningful' than just a mainstream wedding?
Is 'getting married' a good idea, or will every1 get divorced?
If u and ur partner have a strong bond built on indie and chillwave music, will ur love survive?
XX BONUS ALTERNATE ANGLE
Does it make more sense to start a shitty band that goes viral, as opposed 2 wanting 2 change the world with 'good music'?By Carles on 25 Feb 2010
I recently saw this video by the Christian Rock band Final Placement. At first, the internet music fan is 'sucked in' because it sounds like Pavement/the Dirty Projectors, but then it degenerates into post-Modest Mouse post-Lifehouse Nickelback hopefulwave Christian High School rock. It seems to have 'gone viral' because it is 'so terrible' and 'totally rips off the modern crappy rock band aesthetic.' Since they are a Christian Rock band, there is also an added element of 'EPIC FAIL' according to mainstream internet users who process memes as either 'WIN' or 'FAIL.' While this meme does a good job of tapping into elements of high-level unintentional comedy, it seems like the meme might have larger ramifications for the indie music sphere.
We find new music on the internet from a series of trusted websites, since we know that these sites will curate a content stream of mp3s that 'appeal 2 us.' In recent years, this process has become exhausting, and the pressure to find a lifechanging mp3/band is higher than ever. This music video meme is an indie music game changer. Consuming this 'shitty band's' song + video will probably be imprinted in my head as one of the most memorable products of 2k10. Maybe we need to 'shift' our expectations 4 new music, and accept low quality products that are failed imitations of previous products, as opposed to 'searching for something new and exciting.' Maybe the acceptance of chill wave into the indiesphere was the beginning of this process, except it was 'packaged' as a new+exciting wave of music/collective of artists.
It seems like this new band has totally 'transcended' the internet, creating a new model by which bands can reach a mass market of listeners. Maybe the goal needs 2 change from 'trying to make good music', but instead, making a laughable meme that appeals to millions of internet users.
Wonder if post-Lifehouse North Face bro Christian rock is 'the future' of relevant music. It seems more realistic to consume 20-30 new shitty meme bands per year, as opposed to thinking you will find 20-30 new albums/bands that make u feel more fulfilled than 'having a good lil laugh.' It is also a convenient model, because you can also 'forget about the band' and not feel bad about it, as opposed to thinking u have to keep giving them another chance to 'recapture the magic.' It is a great consumer-to-band relationship, since we don't have to commit to a long term relationship with them just based on 1 good product, sorta like Interpol.
It seems like the pure spirit/core goals of a band are to:
- create a project that u think is 'cool' with a universally identifiable message
- 'copy' bands that u r 'inspired by', but then differentiate a little bit
- reach millions of people, even if they don't pay for ur product, cuz u 'love the music, man'
- spread the word of our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, the only Son of God
The band Final Placement has succeeded on all of these fronts, but possibly should have had some 'merch' ready to sell to die hard fans of the meme. Who would have thought that 4 teens from Midland TX could have 'captured the hearts of the internet.'
Sorta wish I could go back in time 2 high school, and watch shitty bands practice/perform/simulate 'being rock stars' based on the bands that they cite as direct influences.
Miss the days when bands just had to chill in abandoned warehouses until record labels found them and gave them a deal.
Miss the era of 'So Cold in the D', back when making fun of failed musical endeavors was more abt the racial divide of internet users vs. 'dumb black ppl.'
Wonder if whites are backlashing against the poor whites who 'believe in God' and give educated whites a bad name.
Just want a remixable meme.
Just want 2 be in a band that is heard by 1-5 million ppl.
Just want 2 find music that I can discuss with my friends that makes it clear that I 'get' 'it.'
Just want to share memes with the world.
Is North Face the most functional winter outerwear available in the current fleece marketplace, or was the brand just bolstered by the formative bro bag market?
Is Patagonia the alt North Face?
Do yall prefer 'good' relevant music or 'shitty' relevant music?
Which type of music is more fulfilling?
Do u feel deceived by mp3s, bands, and albums that are 'packaged' as being a 'good product', but are actually a shitty product?
Is Final Placement's "Shine" the most important song of the 2k10 decade?
Good Music == Shitty Music ?
Last week, a new viral sensation 'hit the internet.' It is some rap group from South Africa, and no1 was able to tell whether or not they were 'real.' Does n e 1 know what the deal with Die Antwoord is? Not sure if they are ternative, post-TheStreets/eminem indie rap, or just some meme that was packaged by a high priced marketing firm who paid a huge tastemaker to blog about them.
Watched some rap video that was supposed to be a 'raw profile' of them. Only really feel confused. Not in a way that makes me want to 'share the video in my facebook feed and say that it is awesome', but in a way that makes me wish I had never seen it. Wish these South African bros had never entered my realm of relevant awareness. It seems like they got more coverage than the buzziest buzz band in the history of the world.
It seems like a zany meme that would be shared by people who say the word 'interwebs.' Can't believe the mid/early-00s design aesthetic is already 'retro-ironic.'
Feel sorta confused by Die Antwoord. I wonder if they will be the type of band that 'opens up for Kanye West/Radiohead', or if they will be more like the band Aqua who sang the hit song "Barbie Girl."
I was scared by the bro with progeria in this video, but maybe the progeria personal brand will catch on in the 2k10s.
I feel like the most captivating part of Die Antwoord is probably the broad with the progressive bangs. She is like a progressive sexual figure. Some 1 who you want to have conceptual sex with.
Hopefully Feist / Zooey Deschanel and other 'indie broads' cut their bangs into a progressive post-Tegan and Sara style.
Seems like it might all just be a joke, and Ali G is going to 'sue the fuck out of them.' Maybe they will transition into some sort of Flight of the Conchords type of act and get a 'brilliant' HBO comedy show that showcases the lasting effects of apartheid on South Africa in a funny/insightful way.
Is there really a mass market for this type of 'rap' act?
Is South Africa the new Brooklyn?
Is this viral marketing for World Cup 2k10?
Is it even 'worth it' to 'search 4 answers' about Die Antwoord, or should we just let another meme cycle wash them away?
WTF is ternative?
What is marketing?
Should I get some progressive bangs?
Is Die Antwoord the alternative replication of Eiffel 65's "Blue"?
Or more like Aqua's "Barbie Girl"?
view video HERE if above vid doesn't work...think they took it down from youtube bc of me. Worried.
The goal of any union between any man and woman is to prove to one another + the world that your bond is stronger than any other bond between any two other people in the history of the world. Your relationship must have a goal. It must generate a product, brand, or aesthetic that lets people know that your relationship is the most meaningful bond ever--even more meaningful than the bond between God and his cranky ol' wife. It seems like this relationship between 'Jeff' and 'Erin' is incredibly meaningful, and not just because they are breaking racial barriers.
Would u ever make a viral vid with ur soulmate about yalls relaish/eternal bond?
It really feels like we are entering the golden age of 'ppl trying to go viral so that they can feel 150% more meaningful' than the status quo of their lives'. I have always wondered what it will be like to 'plan my wedding', like if it will be stressful, and I will just say 'yes' to everything that my fiance suggests. But now it seems like the goal of a wedding has to be 'creating a crazie viral moment' that the entire internet can share. Then u end up being interviewed on the Today Show or something as a 'human interest' piece that inspires Middle American women 2 resent their non-creative type work horse simpleton husbands more than evr.
I feel like this video sort of documents the struggles of small AZN people, and their desire to be white. It also documents the struggles of plain white females, and their desire to have a creative identity. Just feel awkward when white people date 'outside of their race' in an effort to 'seem more cultured/less boring' or something.
Ultimately, I feel worried about their relationship. I am not sure if they will ever create anything more 'meaningful'/'viral' than this video, even if they create a child. It seems like they would probably have to make a viral video of their child's birth, perhaps something involving kittens coming out of Erin's womb. JeffAznBro is probably the 'creative' one, who can make 'sweet vids', but their end product kinda worries me. Even if this is supposed to just 'mock' traditional movie trailers, the ideas+brands+gimmicks that they have imported to represent their story prove that they have no identity. Like they have a vision of 'how they are supposed 2 feel', but have no ability to feel anything real. Seems like their whole relaish is just 'smoke and mirrors', kinda like Hollywood/Bollywood.
Do u think Jeff and Erin are going 2 'make it' because they are two like-minded ppl who created something beautiful?
Will their AZN + white identities keep them 2gether forever?
Is their movie not believable, because no white woman would go on a date with a tiny AZN man, even if he was 'AZN buff' [via karate + xtreme sports]?
Do u ever think they are on a date, and some1 thinks that she 'adopted' him from a North Korean adoption catalog of AZNs?
Do u think Jeff & Erin studios could produce my script for Garden State 2: Braffy's revenge that I have been working on?
r u gonna get married or be alone 4evr?
r u gonna go viral, or live ur meaningless small scale life 4evr?
Should I buy an HD cammy and upload some viddies into the yewtewb?
Are AZNs creative, or do they just listen to Linkin Park, watch scifi action movies with fast cars in them, and work on turning their functional Honda/Civic/Toyota into a rice rocket?
R u gonna die alone, or would u chill with a metaphorical Erin/Jeff 4evr?
Previous zany meaningful wedding memes
Photos via Easy Fashion
I was just looking at some fashion blogs about a fashion week somewhere in some fashionable city, and I noticed this new 'fashion trend' that is possibly authentic, but also possibly just trying to be some sort of zany internet fashion meme. I sorta feel like huge heads are the future of fashion. Like, this is supposed to represent some sort of drive for knowledge + information until our heads swell up. Also might be possible that we are evolving into 'super humans', and our heads must expand so we can embed computers in our body.
I am very inspired by the fashion of Walter Van Beirendonck, who will probably be known better as 'the bro who designed huge hats + heads.'
Sorta wish I could go to a fashion show that was clearly attempting to be 'all zany.'
I feel like the designer bro must be inspired by the cranial structure of aliens.
Must be some sort of commentary on how our information economy + concept of 'me' has evolved so much. Like swollen heads. Maybe commentary on tween culture, and the concept of 'me'/'ego.'
Wonder if I could be a horse jockey if I had a 'huge head' of if that would weigh down my horse. There are probably downsides to our evolution into huge-headed creatures.
I feel like the era of earbuds is over. We are headed back towards 'huge ass' headphones/earmuffs/head accessories. Also might carry a lil machine gun in our jogging pants.
Kinda cold. Have 2 keep ears warm (possibly jam to a new mp3 downloaded from the formerly alt hypingmachine mp3 search engine).
Need some huge head accessories + a belt that is 'fly.'
(honestly might buy some of these progressive cargo pants if Old Navy releases a similar style in 2k15.)
Honestly confused. Do yall think this is a trend or some sort of commentary on society/humanity/evolution/information?
Hope I can commission one of these huge head+hat combo deals in a 'lil douchebag faux military hat.'
What kinda hat would u get?
Zissou red beanie?
Barry Bonds post-steroids enlarged head + baseball helmet?
Feeling hopeless. Untrendy. Might just 'melt my face' like the broad from the Knife. (This may or may not be a global warming metaphor.)
Will probably just 'stick my head in the oven' and see if I can implement the new melty face trend/off myself.
Meme via Ohnotheydidnt
Lately, I have been really into people who create things 'for the sake of going viral on the internet.' It seems like if I had a meaningless mainstream life that I didn't know was mainstream+meaningless, I would probably try to do a lot of stuff that 'went viral' in order to inspire people to 'be interested' in my unique creation for 5 to 60 seconds. Even though I would never be 'famous', I would still try to capture the attention of the internet for 1 magical day. I feel inspired by whoever made cookies that were made 2 'represent various Lady Gaga outfits.' I do not find Lady Gaga to be 'fascinating' or 'inspiring', but I am fascinated by mainstreamers who are 'really in2 Lady Gaga.' Arts & crafts really enable Middle America to 'express themselves' in a meaningful way. The spirit of baking is a liberating one for most women, but they generally do not understand that they are perpetuating stereotypes by accepting their role in the kitchen. The truth is, few women are 'genuinely creative', which is why it is so important for so many females to rally around female pop icons. The spirit of 'girl power' lives on in every female artist. This act of creating lil cookies of ur fave singer is something that the internet will remember 4evr. Believe in the power of Arts + Crafts + Baked Goods. ////IN DEPTH ////ANALYSIS ///OF COOKIE LADY GAGA VIRAL MEME BITES ///ARTS = CRAFTS = BAKING = MEMES = $$ = LIFE = 'Mad Hits' So amazing how Lady Gaga's performances add an element of theatre + drama to her musical performance. Can't believe she actually stabbed herself for a performance. It is so beautiful how one cookie can be 'more than just a cookie.' I feel like this cookie is 'more than just' a choco chip or oatmeal raisin cookie. Even more than a snicker doodle/Girl Scout Cookie. By representing Lady Gaga in one of her most definitive performances, this cookie exists on a plane of art that few other baked goods exist on. The red blood makes me feel 'humanized', since the same blood runs through my body. At an moment, u could get stabbed and ur life will end. If I took this cookie to my design school senior thesis critique, I would definitely get tons of positive feedback for this cookie. The multicoloured sprinkles give the 'hair' a unique look that few other edible goods could achieve.
Lady Gaga is a true fashion icon, since she is so willing to 'push the envelope' and 'think outside the box.' Many people say that her act transcends pop culture. At some sort of fake awards show, she wore something that really made us think abt fashion by wearing something 'beyond belief.' I believe this cookie has also transcended traditional frosting strategies. The red frosting covers the cookie, leaving us wonder what exotic tastes lie behind it. All we could do is simply take a bite, and hope for the best. True artists inspire your trust. Once you take a 'free sample' of a musician or a cookie, u might never let go.
A lot of ppl say that Lady Gaga looks weird. Like she has a jacked up face. Many have called her a 'horse face' or a 'butter face.' A lot of ppl say that she hides behind glasses a lot cuz she has a schnozzy. I don't agree with them. I believe Lady Gaga is beautiful on the inside and the outside. I feel like this cookie captures her beauty well. Even though all humans are imperfect, we can still find beauty in their imperfections.
Lady Gaga's music video wardrobes inspire the Halloween costumes for mainstreamers all across the world. I feel like this cookie is supposed to represent how few mainstreamers could look like Lady Gaga, since she is wearing such expensive designer clothing. The entire cookie creative process is a 'futile' one, but a necessary one. Though no cookie will do her zany outfits justice, the important part is that the baker decided to create something beautiful. Maybe one day the baker will make lil cookies of herself. Hope 1 day she can love herself as much as Lady Gager.
I feel like this cookie let me down. The three dimensional element of Lady Gaga's costume is nowhere 2 be found. I wish more top design and architecture programs offered courses that helped students learn more about progressive culinary techniques. Sorta wish I could go on the popular Bravo TV show 'Top Chef Cooking 4 yall in the Kitchen.'
Sunglasses are always an important part of a personal brand. I think the 'blind person glasses' are well represented in this cookie. Even if this cookie was blind in whatever cookie world she existed in, I honestly believe that she would have a lot of confidence in her body image.
Lady Gagy's platinum hair is an important part of her brand. I feel like it must have ben fulfilling to make this cookie, but challenging to re-interpret the morphing animal print features of the original Lady Gaga outfit. The small drizzle of blue sprinkles ejecting from the cookie person's eye probably represents both a 'lightning bolt', but also a small trail of tears, probably for some personal or global tragedy.
Feel like I need to beef up my zany hat collection. I feel like the 'frown' on this cookie is a misinterpreted 'pout.' The zany hat is poorly executed. Probably would have used some sort of progressive frozen chocolate to achieve the same effect.
I'll never forget the time Lady Gaga performed for Queen Elizabeth, the President of the United Kingdom. It must have been an honor for Queen Elizabeth 2 get to see one of the greatest performers of our time 'in the raw.' I feel like Queen Elizabeth would enjoy this cookie as much as she enjoyed a zany Lady Gaga performance.
It seems like Lady Gaga uses tons of progressive materials to make unique costumes. The bakers are also probably using progressive cookie decorating materials, such as sprinkles, organic frostings, and miscellaneous paints from their local Home Depot.
I feel really inspired by Lady Gagerton. I feel like if I ate this cookie, I would probably also eat a part of Lady Gaga, giving me the power & creativity to do anything semi-creative in the world. Like it would give me the power to be a popular tween actor or actress, then I would get to star in a Harry Potter + Twilight movie. In addition, I would get to write the lead song for the soundtrack.
If I had the opportunity to bake a cookie that looked like this outfit, I would be most excited about crafting her hat and her classes. Seems like a chill ass mattress pad pattern. I think this cookie is a huge failure, since the cookie artist failed to use a burnt Dorito or a blue corn chip in order to create a unique hat.
She seems to be some sort of 'batman'/devil/gremlin type of creature in this outfit. Probably trying to inspire 'fear' into ppl. Feel scared of this cookie, like it is some sort of juggernaut. Possibly a large hornie woman, trying to kill u + make love 2 u.
When we reflect on Lady Gaga's career in 40 years, we will remember the classic Lady Gaga look. This must be a 'classic tasting' gaga cookie. Probably tastes like a ChipsAHoy or an Oreo or something.
This cookie seems kinda scared. Wonder what the 'real' Lady Gaga is like on the inside. What is she so afraid of? Why can't she just be herself? Why does she have this 'front' up? It must be nice to just have a Gaga cookie, instead of speculating abt the tons of problems/demons that the real Lady Gaga must have.
I love Lady Gaga's beautiful legs. She often chooses to showcase them in tights. I would love to lick her from her heel to her vagina. I would also love to lick this cookie's entire leg. But I think things are different on a cookie. Like I would probably rather lick some of the frosting.
Ultimately, all women want to look like Barbie. Get all 'whored up' in pink, wear cute jewelry and makeup, and colour their hair blonde, then have tons of men try to insert their peens into them. This cookie has a very 'pretty'/'beautiful' vibe. Like some men would actually cut a hole into it, and then attempt to make love to the cookie.
This see-thru lace body suit showcase Lady Gag's cute lil nipple. The random dabbling of red frosting on this cookie captured the same sexy aesthetic that see-thru lace can achieve. I feel let down that there is no interpretation of a nipple on the cookie.
On a lot of these cookies, I feel confused by the amount of space dedicated to the shoulder area. Part of me wants to see breasts/nipples drawn on
'Such a zany outfit...Can she even see out of it... Only Gaga....Loves it!' - 2 mainstream girls watching mtv 2gthr Sometimes I wonder if cookies have souls, and when u eat them, u basically kill them. Wondering what type of beauty lies behind this white costume. I feel like if I had a bakery, I would create zany cookies of famous ppl to appeal to 'kidz.' Might have the white frosting on this one taste rich & complex, eventually becoming a guilty pleasure of middle aged ppl on their way to getting diabetes.
This cookie looks more like 1980s Madonna than Lady Gaga. Wonder if Lady Gaga ripped off Madonna. Wonder if they will 'write a song together' and the make out on stage + have some sort of sex tape.
Wonder if the black frosting taste bad. Wonder if Lady Gaga will die in some sort of plane crash, but no1 will believe she is dead.
I love Lady Gaga's sexy stare. I honestly believe she could make a man cum just by looking deep into his eyes. This cookie seems to have the same effect on me. I feel like if I ate it, I would have a long, hard orgasm, especially if we engaged in a lil bit of foreplay.
I would have loved the opportunity to take on this Kermit the frog zany outfit in cookie format. The cookie artist really 'choked' on this one. Instead of going out of her way to 'create something beautiful', she sort of half-assed, and dabbed a few lil faces on a green background. Feel sad for this failed aesthetic. Ppl try to say it is 'cute and charming', but it just makes me sad.
Really just want the opportunity 2 create something beautiful. Want the opportunity 2 bake. Want the opportunity 2 create a meme that goes 'relatively viral' on the internet cuz it is cute & charming. I feel like I can imagine that 'any1' did this. Maybe like a 10 year old in St. Louis, or a class of special-needs-innercity kids in a rough part of Harlem. Really feel like these cookies are 'more than just cookies'--they are relevant commentary on the state of _________. Just want 2 express myself, whether it is in Adobe Photoshop, a youtube vlog, in a scrapbook of my memories, or on a baking sheet, decorating cookies. I just want to create something that is my own, but also pay tribute to some of my most inspiring idols. Lady Gaga is a genius, and I honestly believe that these cookies are more than just an 'arts & craft' project. More than just some Middle American in her parents' kitchen. They are a true reflection of the state of art & commerce in America. I wish I could have a high-end bake sale, and sell these cookies for crazie amounts of money. Might auction them on ebay or something. Sorta want to make lil cookies of other famous people and alt celebs. Should I open up a store at the mall that makes cookie cakes? If I eat 2 many cookies will I get diabetes [via Nick Jonas]? Do these cookies look tasty 2 u? Have u ever had a mnstrm arts+crafts night where u made something beautiful with a group of friends? Do u think that Pitchfork will start reviewing cookies instead of albums? Does Lady Gaga have a beautiful soul and unique lifestyle brand that will live on forever? What is the best kind of cookie in the world, or are u more of a pie/cake/pastry person?
Meme Content by PASTE MAGAZINE
As yall know, magazines enjoy covering 'hipster'-related content. Was reading Paste Magazine and saw some sort of scientific/sociological/cultural timeline that represents the 'evolution' of 'hipsters.' Sorta makes me wonder what alternative ppl are searching for. Humanity has a goal (trying to figure out how 2 live forever, and escape from the Earth before the sun explodes), so it seems natural that cultural subgroups have goals, as well. Maybe we just want to create the perfect playlist, and do other stuff that helps to express the real U.
It seems like mainstreamers who don't consume the internet and fringe alts who 'would like to be more culturally relevant' use exposes like this to plan their future adventures into the heartland of Altmerica. Wonder if the world 'hipster' is even still relevant.
Seems like if I had a magazine, I would make sure to have at least one issue each year that had one of the following gimmicks:
- Something about twitter
- Something about 'hipsters'
- '100 bands/people that u need 2 know about'
- 'list of young ppl who are good at business/technology' (make sure that you pick an age, and use it in the gimmick, like '25 ppl under 25', or '100 entrepreneurs under 100 years old.'
- Something about 'culture being dead' because of a demographic/generation whose influence is abt 2 get stronger.
- something political/about a new, young politician who is 'different'
- Some sort of list that reflects on the year
Carles will break down what each of the stages of alt in the 'hipster timeline' are attempting to represent.
2000: The Emo
Magazine Provided Blurb: The proto-hipster’s white belt and guyliner make for a soulful combination.
Carles Blurb: Damn. Can barely even remember this era. Sorta glad that the internet wasn't very developed during this era so that it wasn't a strong foundation to build upon for the future of alt. I feel like this sort of provided the 20 year plan for the popular goth/emo/punk tween retailer "Hot Topic." Back then, I think most alts were true failures at 'being a functional member of society.' Definitely closer to juggalos than 'relevant members of societ.' Most alts were probably mistaken for homosexuals. Even though modern authentic alts frown down upon this era, it was probably rlly important in forming how we are 2day.
2001: The Emo Redux
Magazine Provided Blurb: The skulls on her tour-only Death Cab tee don’t match the skulls on her Vans, so it’s not like she’s trying too hard.
Carles Blurb: Back then, I don't think entry-level alts existed. I am not sure if attractive females even considered being alt back then, so the pickings were thin. Like portly girls wearing hoodies and van slip-ons. I think the Starbucks cup is supposed to represent the consumerification of America/'the scene'/personal brands. 2001 was probably right on the threshold before the proliferation of Am Appy. This is probs the last time is was 'kewl' 2 wear a band t-shirt. I sorta miss the early day, back when it was more difficult for people to find 'good music.' These days, inauthentic ppl can find buzzworthy music too easily.
2002: The Ashton
Magazine Provided Blurb: His PBR trucker hat and faux vintage t-shirt reveal an obsession with “irony.”
Carles Blurb: A bro in transition. A bro growing up. A bro becoming a bro. A bro with a forgettable humble alt aesthetic. Nothing about his wardrobe really tells u that he is worth getting 2 know. Maybe we weren't worth getting 2 know back then. Feel glad the the electro era happened to kill off this aesthetic/ship off this aesthetic to represent a more traditional bro.' Not sure if iPods existed back then.
2003: The Scenester
Magazine Provided Blurb: A gaudy tattoo appears on her chest, and she is never spotted without her iPod.
Carles Blurb: This is when music began 2 'really define' alt. We were finally getting our content aggregations systems ready 4 hi-usage, and we could fill up our iPods with hundreds of songs, instead of carrying around Sony discmen. Not sure if tattoos were happening yet. Not sure when hi-life/pbr became 'the official beer of alt.' Sorta weird how they used the term 'scenester', but now u would think a 'scenester' is a mexican pokemon alt tween with an asymetrical haircut and intense myspace photos.
I got sad watching this meme because I will never have the opportunity to network with a group of fellow students to 'create something beautiful.' 'Don't get me wrong...' it was uplifting, but part of me gets 'insanely jealous' that these students still have their youth, and more importantly they 'still believe that they have a meaningful life ahead of themselves.' All of the people in this video believe that they will circumvent the challenges of entering the 'working class.'
Sometime I miss the college environment--it makes me sad to be a grown up and know that the 'best four years of my life' are behind me since I will never participate in a social experiment like 'college' ever again. U can have a meaningful college experience at any 4-year college that u attend, except if it is a 'commuter school' while u live with ur parents/a community college. University is the last time that you can really 'experiment' with ur personal brand while you are still technically a 'child' so you can still do 'zany stuff to get attention' without seeming like an ass hole who 'needs 2 grow the fuck up.' That's why it is important for parents to send their kids to college--not to learn a functional skill, but so that they will have 4 chill years where they got to exist in the last meaningful social context of their lives'. Sorta wish I could have been in this video so I could have sent it to my parents to 'let them know that I am happy, and having good, clean fun. Totes making the most of my college experience.'
It seems like we all just want to 'find ourselves' and 'find a core group of friends.' We all want to 'create something beautiful' and 'make the world smile. It's kinda weird how this 'viral video' managed to make the entire world happy. Kinda intense how the power of pop music enabled this group of university students to 'make something beautiful.' Sorta wish I had become more involved on my university campus instead of 'getting fired from my job as a College Radio Station DJ.' Feel like if I had gone to this University in the radical part of Canada (Quebec), then maybe I would have found more ppl like me to remind me that 'life is worth living.' I feel like I would have become involved if there was some sort of 'viral video makin club.'
Wish I could go back to college, get 'buzzed in a meaningful kind of way' with a group of people who are living the same life as u and who all still believe that they will 'go on to do great things.' There is still 'hope' in a college student. 50% of the people shown in this video believe that being a part of this video is a 'worthy of being included on their resume.' If I had the opportunity to star in this video, I wonder if I would have 'looked natural' or if I would be 'overwhelmed by the opportunity of viral internet fame' causing me to choke and miss my queue.
Just want to be part of a relevant meme that is 'remembered forever.'
I feel sad when I watch the news, and they have a segment where they 'report on internet memes.'
I wonder if being a newscaster is still a 'respectable profession.' It seems like 'stupid people who need a false sense of importance/fame' would want to be a newscaster. Feel sad for local news ppl and off-peak hour 24 hour news bros. I feel like they are trying to hard to be some sort of 'voice of humanity.'
I feel sad when my parents/aunt forward a viral video to you 2-56 weeks 'after it was relevant', and their sense of delight in the opportunity to share makes u feel ashamed of ur position on the front lines of modern internet culture. It makes me want to stop paying my youtube bill so that I won't watch so much web junk.
Feel sad when elaborate viral videos that were made for the 'spirit of togetherness' ultimately just drive iTunes sales.
Really bummed out. Seems like I am such a spectator and I am not doing anything to make more memes that inspire the world. Even if I made art/memes, it doesn't even matter since people would just watch them, link them, then forget about me. I want to make something that lasts forever. What if the internet stops working? Will books + film be 'back'? Just wish I could be in college again, making viral vids with the Communications Students and trying to 'find the right thing 2 say' to that girl who u thought was 'keut' in the video.
I gotta feelin
that 2 nites gonna be a meme
that 2nitez gonna be a meme
that 2nites gonna be a real good meem
Previous Uplifting Viral Meme that Ultimately Made Me Sad
Beached Alt Spotted Outside of Walmart [via Meme Blog About Poor People who have 2 shop at the WalMart Store]By carleser on 13 Sep 2009
Photo Via Ppl of WalMart
Every few months, some sort of meme blog will emerge where a snarky blogger will write witty 1 liners about pictures of 'fucking retards' who are 'making asses of themselves' even though they are just 'being themselves.' Basically, u get to make fun of people who probably don't even really know how to read blogs, or how blog technology + modern publishing systems even work. If they do have a computer, it is probably a 'slow ass' desktop infected with a 'shitload' of 'spyware.'
This picture comes from a 'viral meme blog' called 'People Who Shop At WalMart because they are Poor.' The premise of the blog revolves around 'making fun of people' because they are 'fucking trapped in their lives' and they have to shop at Wal Mart. These people probably have some sort of mental or social issues, and end up 'looking like fucking jack asses' without even realizing it. Some1 will photograph them digitally, upload it to the internet, and come up with a relevant 'snark joke' which ensures that you are 'better' than the person pictured, not only because of your relatively regular personal appearance, but also because of ur elevated class+financial status.
I feel like this overweight person is attempting to be 'alt' by wearing some shuttershades, a black + neon hoodie and some kewl converse/Vans shoes.. He also had 'tight jeans' but that might be because of his weight problems. While it would be snarky to 'make fun' of this individual, it is more important to recognize that this minority represents everything that is wrong with America. We truly live in a Fast Food Nation where it is cheaper to gorge yourself on high-fat + high-sodium foods. Not only are poor people culturally-irrelevant due to their lack of connection with ongoing trends on the internet, but they are also priced out of fresh foods and organic options at chains like Whole Foods or Trader Bro's.
It would be 'so easy' to 'make fun' of this person, but in order to make our society a better place, we have to realize that we can't support big businesses like the Walmarts. They have basically enslaved the human race, and are encouraging us to die as soon as possible. Being educated and able to execute relevant trends is a true luxury, not just because of the high level media and humor that we get to consume, but also because of many of the high-end lifestyle choices that we get to make. While you may laugh at this 'beached alt', u have to realize that he is a victim of his own circumstances.
One day, the doctor will tell him that he has diabetes. One day the doctor will prescribe him with blood pressure medication. One day he will have his leg amputated [via diabetes]. One day this bro will be on life support. Your taxes are paying for this. We need to save the medical care system and the educational child feeding system before they use up all of our money. It seems like we might need to 'outlaw' all restaurants, and possibly have 'feeding ports' where all citizens eat for free only approved, well-balanced meals. Not sure if Obama is 'communist enough' to make this happen.
Should I move to a 'skinny state' or should I go to a 'fat ass state' and open a Chili's?
Do yall like the 'peoples of Walmart' blog, or is it too 'mean spirited', 'classist', and 'racist' 4 u?
Do u shop at the Walmart for unbeatable prices?
Are blogs getting 'too snarkie'?
Do u eat fast foods?
Is Walmart bad for small businesses?
Did a Walmart ruin ur local community/hometown?
Is Wal Mart some sort of 'watering hole' for poor people? Does it make u sad that u can't authentically hunt+gather n e more, and it is all just consumer bullshit corporate America decisions?
It seems like Viral Meme Blogs are successful because they encourage people to 'share laughs.' I feel sorta like the 'art of standup comedy' might be dead since it is such a long, boring experience to share with some1. It seems like it might be more 'instantaneously rewarding' to let people jump into a zany ass link that you shared with the world.
I honestly feel like healthcare will 'fix itself' if we just let the obese generations 'kill themselves.'
Do u have an opinion?
Should I start a commune?
I am the SleepyHeadBro.
This bro is me.
This is my youtube presence.
Sometimes I get the feeling that 'being alt' is just some sort of game. Like any1 can dress up to look alt, if you just shop at the right stores, or if you wait 1.3 years for Hot Topic to sell 'what seemed alt 2 years ago.'
Should I buy an expensive hair iron?
Should I buy a zany wrist band?
Should I buy a Palestinian Scarf?
Should I buy a time machine and live in 2k7 forever?
Should I draw 'blood' running down my nose to make ppl think that I just did 'a shit load of blow'?
Not sure who I am. Might be growing older. Might be losing touch with the tween generation. Seems like it might all just be a game of 'fucking dress up.' Not sure if ppl even really like music, or if 'enjoying music' is just aligning your personal brand with shifting aesthetics over time to represent 'personal growth.' Not sure why I like what I like. Losing it. Losing everything. Honestly don't even know what the best album of 2k9 is.
Is it no longer authentic to be 'alt'?
Was 'alt' just some sort of 'defense mechanism' 2 keep from feeling like 'just another brick in the wall'?
What is the new 'alt'? I feel like I must answer this question in order to move forward as a blog.
Alt is dead?
I just got done watching this bro 'cover' Grizzly Bear's hit 2k9 anthem 'Two Weeks', and I couldn't help but wonder if this bro has single-handedly proven that we no longer need the Grizzly Band Bears as an alternative resource of indie music.
When I think of Grizzly Bear, I think of 'pleasant tunes', 'tons of harmonies', and 'a high production value.' It seems like this bro has 'outdone' the actual band Grizzly Bear, since he was able to produce all of these by himself in his living room. Most alternative people will eternally remember 'Two Weeks' as the catchiest song of the year 2k9, but now we will remember it as being performed by some bro in a living room (who most likely attended some sort of gifted and talented school 4 the arts).
The modern world is a beautiful place, where one bro can buy multiple instruments, musical production equipment, and a lil viddy cam in order to outshine an indie pop masterpiece. While we often focus on bands which have established brands, we fail to see that sometimes magic moments can come together on a d.i.y. budget. Perhaps the future of indie music will not go down the same road as mainstream music [via over-reporting widely known band brands until hollow artists are created], but instead we will embrace individual moments of brilliance and musicianship [via the bro playing an xylophone/drums/singing harmonies].
Is Grizzly Bear still a valuable indie resource or has this bro rendered them obsolete?
Do u think that his bro should 'join a band' or is it 2 difficult to work with other ppl?
Life is very hard for most white people, because they are 'so ordinary.' Their expectations of 'how things should feel' are constructed by watching 80s, 90s, and 00s cinema. Mainly movies like bromances, romantic comedies, comedies, and miscellaneous 'bad ass movies.' They just need life to 'seem like a movie' or something. Seems like average white people don't understand the insignificance of who they are as '1 person', and don't accept that they are just part of a larger white mass. They fight against this feeling of 'being ordinary' by trying to construct meaningful moments that seem like they are 'straight out of a movie.'
In this video, there are 2 people 'getting married.' I think that when people get married, they attempt to showcase their life to the large gathering of extended-family and acquaintances. This is their opportunity to 'once and for all' tell you that their life will be better than yours, because they will be sharing it with some one beautiful, funny, smart, and some who just 'knows how 2 enjoy life.' Think that this moment is supposed to tell people sitting in the church that 'life is beautiful' and that this group of friends is 'incredibly meaningful.' Instead of conforming to the 'traditional standards' of a wedding procedure, these people want to make things seem 'spontaneous' or something. They want spectators to feel 'joy'/'jealousy' about these two people uniting.
Sorta wish I had a core group of middle aged friends who would do this for me. Seems like all u can really want out of life is to 'perform' one 'great moment' in front of a room of old people who are clapping along to some 'hip hop song.' Can't believe they picked a Chris Brown song after he 'beat the shit' out of his girlfriend and ate her arm. Maybe they should have selected a song by a white artist, but that might not have been 'upbeat' enough.
I feel scared of 'getting married' because of the process of 'having a wedding.' Seems like some sort of event for your 'extended family' to reunite at, or something. Not sure if my group of friends 'care' enough to do something 'meaningful' that would make all of the 'spectators who just came to my wedding for a free meal/hopes of an open bar' view my life as 'awesome.' Weddings seem like they are 'for ass holes' or something. Aren't they 'expensive'? Seems fiscally irresponsible to have 'a huge wedding' unless you aren't marrying some middle-class person who is just like u, and u 'hit the jackpot' by marrying a 'rich significant other whose parents want them to have a meaningful wedding to show off how much money they have.'
Sorta just hope that my wedding presents an opportunity to film an organic viral meme.
Might start a blog about 'things that average white people think are meaningful'/a documentation of 'white ppls struggle' and how 'we' as white ppl have had more hardships (psychologically) than most other races + ethnic groups.
R yall gonna get married, and what will u do at ur wedding 2 make sure that ppl know that u 'get' why life is 'beautiful'?
If u r a white reader, do u ever wish u could pull a 'reverse Michael Jackson'?
Previous Wedding/Marriage Coverage
I recently saw this meme 'getting mad blog coverage' so I decided to watch it. It is a bro 'playing a tree', like he 'turned the tree into an actual instrument to make music with.' I listened to the music, and it sounds 'very stupid' but possibly 'a lot like Ratatat.' Wonder if he is a bro who 'loves nature' or did he just have to come up with his art/music graduate school final project, and wanted to go semi-viral. I hope that he 'gets invited to play his tree on the Today show' and has to uproot the tree in order to take it on tour.
Feel like this video meme really deconstructed my newfound interest in conceptual music that sounds like it is a mix of being 'from nature' and 'from the modern world.' Wonder if some of my fave conceptual bands like the Grizzling Bear or AnCo or Here We Go Neon Indians might start incorporating 'plants' into their live set. Seems like it would make them 'incredibly meme-able.' Wonder if this bro will get signed by an indie record label. Seems like he has a lot of talent. Maybe he can write a jingle for the Toyota Prius, or another hybrid automobile/trendy 'green' product.
I feel 'ashamed' to have blogged about this, because it sort of reminds me of a 'cool science teacher' sharing something 'interesting' with a glass of 7th graders to get them pumped about photosynthesis. h8 tree playing bro s00 bad. But I think he created a really sweet typeface/'font.'
Sorta wish I could just be a 'regular bro' who would just say that this meme is 'cool' and move along in search of the next 'kewl web bit'/viral vid...but I feel like I'm searching 4 more than that in my eExistence.
This meme sorta reminds me of when that old bro David Byrne 'played a building.' Think that was more of a metaphor about 'the city' and 'urbanization.' Seems like a bro who has gone 'off the conceptual deep end.' Feels alienating when 'artists' take 'art' s000 srsly.
Not sure how I feel about bros playing things that 'aren't real instruments.' Seems like they are just 'huge ass holes' who are 'making noise.' Seems unnatural and forced even though they are trying to seem 'natural.'
Might chainsaw that bro's tree down as some sort of metaphor, kinda like Banksy/other 'vandal' artists. Just want to destroy 'something beautiful', kinda like Tyler Durden in the The League of Fighting Men Clubs.
(chainsaw meme by carles)
I saw this picture of the lead Grizzly Bear and the CEO of the band 'Feist.' They appear to be riding a rollercoaster on Coney Island or something. I am not sure if they are 'real friends' having 'real fun', or if this was a moment that was coordinated by an indie Public Relations firm. Feel like they might be attempting to 'cobrand' or something. Feist looks 'genuinely scared' and Grizzly Bro looks 'excited about life', so it might be a 'genuine moment.' (Wonder if the latinos in the back realize that they are part of a larger meme).
Kinda feel confused about the indie internet music landscape. While artists appear to be 'more open with fans' and we are s00 connected to them, makes me paranoid that I'm being manipulated. I have only heard the iPod nano Feist song, so I will probably only listen to Grizzy Bear if they are in some sort of Apple ad, but I think Apple ads prefer 'keut girl voices' as opposed to 'harmonic bro voices.' Feels 'almost surreal' that two indie superstars would hang out and do 'normal things' like ride rollercoasters, eat funnel cakes, and 'gawk' at a freak show full of carnies. Wonder what they talk about...indie things...or 'regular human' things. Wonder if they 'only talk about music' or if it is a chance 2 'not talk about music.' Wish I could be a 'fly on the wall', yall.
Even though artists 'tweet' and say that they are 'doing normal things', it's just hard for me to trust (maybe bc I got out of a relationship with an incredibly manipulative person). It's like everything was just made to be blogged about. Feel like every time I see this picture for the next 10 internet years, I will be reminded of the blurred 'sense of proximity' to my fave indie artists.
If u were a relevant artist, what would u talk about with other relevant artists, and how would u exploit the situation to 'get more myspace hits'?
Is everything 'just a meme', even 2 authentic bros hanging out?
Do yall know if this photo was 'digitally enhanced' to 'make it look older'?
Just want to be an alt celeb, and find out if other altcelebs 'get' life or are just 'idiots.'
Do yall hang around after 'shows' 2 take pix with indie musicians, just 2 touch them and feel that they are 'real'?
Yall. I'm not sure if this is a product improvement, or just some sort of marketing gimmick. I drink at least 8 bottles of water per day, 3 bottles of soda per day, 2 cans of Sparks per day, and 4 aluminum bottles of Bud Light per day. Maybe it is time I start thinking about my personal impact on 'the environment.' Might have to start drinking boxed water, boxed milk, and possibly even boxed beer. Just want to 'lower my carbon footprint.'
Sometimes I don't 'get' why ppl care about 'the environment' so much... It's like they think that we're 'going to be around 4ever' and 'we should care about ppl who live after we die.' I think we should do everything we can 2 find pleasure in our lives' while we can. We don't have much time, and if we start worrying about 1 person can't make a difference, so don't make a 'sacrifice' if not every1 else will.
N e ways... might start a company where we bottle the tap water from our local aquifer and market it to people not from our region bc it is s000 g0000d.
Photo via Tap'd NY
I don't rlly 'get' the Bottled Water Industry. It seems like every1 has 'the same product', but for different reasons, ppl tend to 'like' one type over the other. I feel confused. I feel like I am being manipulated to align my personal brand with a lifestyle brand. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to be one of those people who carries around the 'cheap kind' of bottled water for poor people who buy in the bulk.
but srsly... do yall know if some1 has scientifically proven that 'recycling is bullshit'? If I were mayor of a city, I would give ppl recycling bins, but just take all of that trash 2 the landfill.
ughh... h8 all of these mrktng initiatives to try to 'make me feel guilty' about how fortunate I am. Went shopping the other day at Target, and this lil black kid was chilling in my cart asking 4 handouts.
Photo via WebUrbanist via Tumbledore
I feel guilty for being so privileged and having a world of opportunities at my finger tips. h8 when ad gurus create these design/advertising/marketing memes that challenge my reality just bc they are trying to 'sell something.'
Leave me alone /
Let me 'be wasteful' /
Stop reminding me abt /
the 3rd world /
And other sad shit /
like mortality /
and global sustainability /
I am just a music blog trying to pave the way 4 the future.
It's kinda weird how we're all just 'one man' but we all have the power to do a lot--at least since the internet took over the world. For example, I can start a dot-com with one of my best bros, and we can have interviews with our fave altCelebs.
One day, u can start a blog, and u can talk with one of your idols about his music.
- Be a chill bro.
- Wear a zany hat.
- Be professional.
- Let the artist know that they meet your high standards
- Don't be afraid to be critical to their face.
- Ask them for permission to post this video on ur website
- Encourage them to visit your website cuz they'd find it rlly kewl.
Do yall think ur gonna start an mp3 blog and get on hypemachine? Will that make u feel like 'more than just a fan.' Will u email PR companies/clubs and tell them 'I have a blog that is relevant' so that u can cover events? Will u send them a PDF file that functions as ur blog's 'press kit'?
The future of music journalism is a fight that we all must fight. We all must prove that we are more than 'just another fan.' We accept the fact that we are 'just one bro, with an opinion', but we will use a pen/keyboard/video camera to make sure that ppl know that we are CLOSER to the music than they are, and that our concert experience was the most authentic, because we understand 'the big picture' when it comes to an artist's history.
I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween so I could create borderline pornographic content with my bffBy carleser on 13 Feb 2009
I wish I could be a tween again
Filled with spirit, a love for modern music,
a will to joy, and a desire to dance like no1 is watching
Record my dances on my Macbook
to upload videos to youtube
so that I can dance like some1 is watching.
Late night on youtube
spent in an endless vortex of RELATED VIDEOS
until I stumble upon (tm) tweens
who are dancing to a rap song
that is not very serious
but still very catchy and popular
because it is so approachable
Alone in my room on the internet
I look behind me
to ensure that Chris Hansen
from MSNBC's To Catch a Predator
is not behind me
watching me watch these tweens
dance like no1 is watching
I wish I could be a tween again
and have fun with my bff
and record a video
dance around my pink room
is my lounge wear
that is comfy/sporty--yet 'sexie'
I learned these dance moves
from watching television/rap videos on youtube
I kind of do them ironically
but there is something within me that wants to be sexy
(I don't know if I realize this yet)
I'm not a tween
Not yet a teen
Not yet a woman
This is a related video.
Borderline Porn [via youtube]: big in 2k9?
Child Predding without the glasses--big in 2k10?
Getting lost in mazes of RELATED VIDEOS: the story of ur internet life?
Do u wish u had a Macbook when u were a tween?
Do u think these tweens are keuter than the previous showcased tweens?
R yall gonna buy ur daughter a macbook for her 12th Birthday?
I'm not sure which 1 is the official version of the Animal Collective's new song "My Girls" (starring Macauly Culkin), but I think it might be this 1, because it showcases a massive record collection. (And also has meaningful howling for the last 10 seconds of the video.)
We are living in a Post Merriweather Post Pavillion World///
and I am a conceptual bro ///////
Here is another video of "My Girls" uploaded by youtube user FreakFolk391.
Not sure which 1 is more authentic, but I am a little bit relieved that 2k9 will require less equipment to 'follow my musical dreams' than 2k7-2k8 required. I remember back then, u had to buy a Macbook and a copy of Ableton. These days, all u need is an acoustic guitar. Kinda relieved that we are 'getting back 2 basics' because I'm not even very good at technology.
Things are getting sooo conceptual. Not sure if my primary/secondary education was progressive enough to stay afloat in this era of alt.
I only listen to vintage AnCo.
I only listen to AnCo in free-spirited zany college acapella group format.
Panda Bear, Avey Tare, Geologist (& Deakin) do not colour coordinate in free spirited primary+secondary coloured outfits/bros who 'wear all black except for a coloured tie.'
In 2k9, acapella will emerge as the most alternative + authentic form of music, since the singers unify as a group to take a song to the next level, usually filling a room with smiles, laughter, and a feeling of hope. Indie bands have attempted to inspire similar emotions for the past 10-15 years.
"This house is sad."
-The Animal Collectives
"Our house--in the middle of the street."
Should Carles "blog" about the popular new album Merriweather Post Pavilion, or should I just go on with my normal life (utilizing the album cover as my eCum rag)?
XX BONUS ACAPELLA GROUP OF BROS WHO WEAR ALL BLACK EXCEPT FOR A COLOURED TIE XX
Should I blog more about acappella covers? Should I blog more about 'failed altbros'?
"Been Thinking A Lot 2day" -Ben Folds+"the Stereotypes" about which gimmicks/trends will emerge 2k9
How do u feel about online media that 'makes fun of hipsters'? I feel like it usually appeals to people who are on the sidelines of hipsterdom, and have an unhealthy obsession with 'what is means to be alt.' Kind of like the people who bought $100 worth of American Appy, a pair of shutter shades, and other miscellaneous 'look@me' accessories, but only wear it once to an 80s themed party and spend the whole night saying, "OMG i look like such a hipster. hehe."
Here are two screen shots from the cartoon
I hope 50% of my readership has purple hair. Should I change the HRO layout/blog title? Did u connect with it on a meta-post-meta-alt-physical level?
Hey look that's me, yall! right next 2 my other fave site. "Loves it! That is all."
Watch the video just to hear the use of the words 'mainstreamer' and 'alt.' (Also if you like Nike spaceships and floating Steve Aokis.)
[Video may not be viewable in your RSS reader]
Did u like the video? What was ur fave part? Does it represent U? Is it for FGGTs?
How do u feel about 'hipster' themed videos? I feel like alt audience will always think this is ghey, because 'most of us' are alt-er than the entry-level, uneducated alts who are portrayed in this. Most mainstream-ish [HIGHLY PORTRAYABLE] alts who are REALLY alt aren't even smart enough to use the internet to do more than social network/upload photos/change user pics/write on walls.
Remember the Hipster Olympics? That went s00 alt-viral.
I was also searching for a video that was representative of the 'poor portrayal of American Apparel mockery' genre, but I happened to stumble upon an authentic gem that is better at showing
<3 entry level 'searching for my inner alt' alts <3
I wish I could have been there 4 this.
This video is so much deeper than stuff like this.
In case yall don't remember, Chris Crocker is the dude who 'went viral' for recording that Leave Britney Alone video. Since his microfame, he has fallen upon hard times, and is now recording crappy songs and
selling them to people who still think he is famous/important/inspiring, which is what a lot of 'fallen gays' do to continue to milk their online tribe.
He also still tweets things.
Anyways, Chris Crocker has outed himself as a member of #TEAMLDR. This might be the support that Lana Del Rey needed in order to get back on the good side of the internet, people on Twitter, people who hate everything irrationally, people who hate things rationally, and even people who don't care and have no idea Lana Del Rey even is. Her PR team will DEFINITELY be sending him a fruit basket because he has truly changed the discussion from 'we h8 Lana' to 'i heard u like the bad gurlez hunnie!'
At first, he tweeted that he truly loved her!
Then, he stood up 4 her against the h8rz! LDR is EVERYTHING 2 him.
Then he was all like 'ppl who judge other ppl from the computer are FAKE ASS H8RZ'!
It seems like it is only a matter of time before Chris Crocker records a 'leave Lana Alone!' video in order to try to piggyback of the power of Lana Del Rey's backlash meme, moving himself back into 'the conversation.'
Does Chris Crocker have 'terrible taste in music'?
Will LDR have a Britney-like meltdown in order to 'get more famous'?
Is Chris Crocker an 'influencer'?
Can LDR 'recover'?
Is this exactly what LDR 'needed' in order to save her brand?
Is Lana Del Rey 'completely effed' if Chris Crocker is her biggest proponent?
The darkest music lovers in the world are ppl who 'love vinyl' because they honestly believe that they have a more real relationship with music because of their willingness to seek out and overpay for music that is stored on some sort of weird plastic. Because they are aging, and have outdated music playing technology, they believe that they are 'the last authentic music fans standing'. Fortunately, record stores across the country continue to close down every day because tweens love using iTunes to purchase individual songs instead of entire albums of pointless noise for grown men to spooge their pants over because they probably never spooged in a woman's vagina to create a mainstream life for themselves when they had the chance to make a child with the one woman in their lives' who would ever love them. Simply put, even cool dads 'impulse buy' off iTunes these days. They love technology.
Anyways, some random bro made 'Shit Record Collectors Say' in order to go viral. This isn't even very funny, or well done, but we are all just trying to 'capitalize' off the Shit _____ Says meme while it was still hot. Hopefully this bro gets a coupon at his local record store, or maybe a handjob, or something. I feel like he should probably try to sell his old records, invest in a fast food franchise chain, and just move forward with his life. Do u think this bro 'effin nailed it' with solid production, witty commentary, and great set design?
The Childless UnCool Non-Dad is just searching 4 something that is his own... [via vinyl record collecting]
Will this bro go 'alt viral'?
Does he provide relevant commentary on the state of vinyl record sales?
Do u feel like he evr has sex with the hole in the middle of the record?
Do u prefer MP3s?
Are 'vinyl records' 4 'effing dbags'?
Should 'the record' die?
Do u feel bad 4 childless uncool non-dads?
Should we all just listen 2 everything 4 free out of 'the cloud' [via spottyfy]?
Was this HEE-LAR-EE-OUS?
Do u ever go to the mall and see random ass failed alt suburban tweens, teens, and twenty-somethings who u know will never contribute anything relevant to society (nor will they contribute anything positive 2 society except for spending 40-60% of their paycheck on crappy clothes + obsolete technology at the mall)? Do u wonder what kind of music they listen 2? Do u think they have heard authentic buzzbands? Do u think they have heard mainstream indie bzzbnds?
Anyways, I just saw this video where a bunch of failed suburban alts watched the Arcade Fire's video for "The Suburbs" and then reflected on their sad lives' in the burbs. Feel really sad now. But also thankful that I didn't end up in this 'trapped in suburbia-wave' existence.
Do u think this un-swag blipster was totally chill/punk/Avril-Lavigne-IDGAF-wave?
Where do failed suburban alts shop at the mall?
Did this bro seem hella Blink-182-wave chill?
Wish I went 2 community college and did progressive art projects.
R u 'amazed' that these lamestream alts hadn't heard of the Arcade Fire?
Is the Arcade Fire 'not as mainstream' as we'd like 2 believe?
Would u 'off urself' if u were any1 of these suburban failed alts?
Do u wish u lived a simple, failed-alt life where there wasn't as much pressure 2 be relevant?
Could these ppl pick Win Butler/Regine/GingBro out of a police lineup?
Should these ppl be 'exterminated' from culture/be given away 2 the juggalos?
Every nite I get down on my knees
and pray 2 the alt gods
not just in hopes of relevant vibes
but 2 give thanks
4 being a relevant alternative VIP insider influencer innovator tastemaker human
Good news, yall. I just got my Coachella VIP 3 day passes, which looked amazing in this product packaging. They srsly must have hired the same AZN slaves who put Macbooks and iPads into boxes. (As u can see, my Snacks-wave cat was all up in my business, but he is going to go to Cat-chella, which is a similar buzz cat festival.) Anyways, yall can see that Coachella is really giving consumers a valuable product, and it isn't just about selling tickets [via Ticketmaster] and then letting ppl scalp them on stubhub... It's abt getting ppl jacked up on a totally unique music festival.
Rather than the usual paper tickets, Coachella decided this year to institute a policy whereby festival attendees are required to wear a scan-ready wristband. Mine arrived this weekend, along with a ridiculous amount of paraphernalia - including a calendar with every Coachella line-up since 1999. The wristbands are part of an elaborate plan to once and for all clamp down on ticket counterfeiting.
I feel like I am part of a 'VIP club' or something. I'm not just going to a corporate event... Instead I am going to a place that really understands how to make EVERY1 feel like a VIP. I am rlly glad I paid $900 to get a chance to enter this exclusive Coachella club.
Here is the box that it came in...
So much unique packaging, brochures, inserts, and laminated flyers
I hope no1 steals my Coachella wristbands. I sorta wish my box came with a pre-loaded Zune or some sort of misguided doomed-to-fail wireless/post-iPod technology.
r u mad pumped 4 Coachella?
Do all music festivals have to send 'prize boxes' now?
Did Carles seem pumped as he unboxed his Coachella passes?
Does coachella 'feel more special' because of this 'box of Coachella shit' or do they need 2 step it up?
Have u ever unboxed anything on youtube?
Should more alternative ppl 'unbox' alt stuff like TOMBOY albums, MP3s, etc?
Lately, I've been watching a lot of makeup tutorials by tweens/lonely mainstreamer 20somethings on youtube. Feel like makeup is a great way to enhance ur personal brand because u can basically 'hide urself' if ur ugly, have acne scars, or if ur skin makes u look all gross [via peachfuzz sideburns].
Anyways, I just saw this broad do her makeup to look exactly like Jared Leto. Feeling mad creeped out. I know a lot of girls/twinks are really attracted to Jared Leto, so this really makes u ask the question "Would I make love to Jared Leto if he had a vajenga?"
If u r a straight bro, would u 'go 2 pound town' on Jared Letbro altbroad edition?
Feel like I got 'mega aroused' during this, not only because of the hunky effeminate features of Jared Leto, but also because of the sick ass Nine Inch Nails playing in the background. Kinda wished they used a '30 seconds 2 mars, yall' song.
not sure if I'm 'straight'
or if i'm 'gay'
Not sure if I want 2 make <3 2 J Letbro
or if I h8 him
Not sure if Jared Leto is 'real'
Scared he is some sort of Midwestern female
[via the hit film Catfishes]
H8 the modern world
Personal brand shams
wool over our eyes