Pitchfork PANS Lana Del Rey with 5.5, P4k forced to fall on its own sword 4 participation in Lana Hype
I've received hundreds of emails from readers when the Lana Del Rey review was posted to Pitchfork late last night. Many relevant alts are eagerly awaiting Carles's high-level analysis on the 5.5 that Lana Del Rey's debut album Born To Die received from Pitchfork Magazine.
Yes, it was in fact one of the all-time GREAT pans that will be remembered forever. A benchmark score that will serve as the standard for the future of pans. Truthfully, the rating itself was the most important score the veteran site has given out since Kanye West's 10.0. The future of their entire editorial voice and meme supply chain management strategies could be COMPLETELY redefined by the way that Pitchfork handled Lana Del Rey's buzz to fame.
Do you really want to go beneath the pan?
Being a music content farm means that you have to effectively manage your chain of memes as you buzz some one to the Promise Land, or straight to Buzzless Hell. It is a narrative that must be constructed. More importantly, it must be BELIEVED by the audience. After the LDR meme cycle, many blogs and mp3 content farms have lost their voice after flip-flopping on Lana Del Rey.
Although Lana Del Rey became an international meme sensation, it is important to remember that Lana Del Rey was built on the foundation of large scale indie content farm buzz. Pitchfork was there to hype 'Video Games' back in the day when it was 'self-released', scoring a 'Best New Music' award. Then, they milked her for every traditional buzz meme possible, even there to blurb her modeling contract and fighting for SEO rank by posting her SNL performance minutes after she exited the stage. She was a valuable meme. Why did they turn their back on #LDR with this review? Many experts are saying that this was in fact some sort of 'kamikaze' review, where they killed themselves, in order to take down Lana Del Rey, and attempt to redefine their voice.
But is it too late?
It is also important that PItchfork had some 'random ass broad who blogs'/'female writer' named Lindsay Zoladz review this record in order to make it seem like they weren't 'male bullying bloggers.' The Pitchfork 'big dogs' were kept in their kennels, although rumors say that many were salivating over the chance to write this career defining pan job. Instead of the standard P4k male voice, the 'female writer' was sent out as some sort of 'sacrificial lamb' in order to 'soften the blow' of the hate crime that the review was ultimately committing. While the Pitchfork offices have often been referred to as a 'Boys Club' [via the Mad Mens], however, we cannot confirm that a female member of their staff hid a pregnancy then gave the baby away [via that 1 broad on Mad Men]. Letting a female write this review was a solid buffer against the angry feminists who have been rumored to be planning a hacker takedown of the site.
Who knows what was ultimately lost in this meme lifecycle-->review... but one things for sure. Maybe in a way, we've all been a little but slut shamed in the Lana Del Rey criticism bubble.
The Reviewer says that Lana Del Rey is 'less than human', which means she is basically a meme.
Given the waves of hype and backlash over the last six months, it can be easy to forget that we're here, first and foremost, because of a song. "Video Games" struck a nerve not just because it was an introduction to Del Rey's captivating voice but because it seemed to suggest something as-yet-unarticulated about the way we live today. Whatever her intention, as a metaphor about disconnect and detachment from our own desires, "Video Games" felt frank, pointed, and true, and it had a chord progression and melody to match. The ultimate disappointment of Born to Die, then, is how out of touch it feels not just with the world around it, but with the simple business of human emotion.
Did u know that 'Born 2 Die' was an Inside Job?
Born to Die was produced by Emile Haynie, whose credits include Eminem, Lil Wayne, and Kid Cudi, and the album's impressively lush atmosphere might be the one thing that will unite its detractors and apologists.
The album's recurring themes ooze out of every note: sex, drugs, and glitter hover in the yawning atmosphere around Del Rey's breathy vocals.
The review failed to mention the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF, so in a way, it was sorta irrelevant, and COMPLETELY missed the entire point of the Lana Del Rey + HRO lifecycle. Although Lana Del Rey received a 5.5, it is clear that HIPSTER RUNOFF probably would have received double that, ending up at an 11.0. By failing to leave out the work of Carles, the 'Born To Die' review will not be remembered as a transcendent piece of music criticism, but instead, the time we watched Pitchfork 'commit hari kari' in what will be one of the most controversial and most-trafficked reviews of all time.
Was Pitchfork 'honorable' for falling on their own sword after the LDR meme implosion?
Has the LDR bubble COMPLETELY burst?
What tastemaker can we trust any more?
Have tastemakers officially become content farms, who take bribes from major labels 2 create artists?
How far BENEATH THE PAN can we go?
Is this one of the great all-time pans in P4k history?
What did this album REALLY deserve?
Will we find out if a Pitchfork review impacts album sales, or is LDR 'too mainstream'?
Does Lana Del Rey have it all?
When will the #LanaDelReport end?
Should more content farms 'fall on the sword' instead of continuing to milk low-level Lana memes, then writing generic 'take down pieces'?
Can the #Editorial_voice of Pitchfork be saved?
Will 'heads be rolling' after this DISASTER or has every1 won?