Bon Iver plays on Ellen to try to sell albums to lesbian homemakers | Hipster Runoff

Bon Iver plays on Ellen to try to sell albums to lesbian homemakers

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Bon Iver is probably one of the most mainstreamest bands in indie. Even though they are a total snooze, they some how won a Grammy, so now there is this whole perpetual post-album cycle era where they have to capitalize on their opportunity to sell more albums to lamestreamers. This is why they played ELLEN, the daytime tv show hosted by 'the kewlest tweeniest viral-est lesbian in the history of the human race.' I am not sure how Ellen stays motivated to exploit so many memes, and produce web content that goes viral with lamestreamers all the time. I think whenever some1 is a famous tween or meme sensation, she basically enslaves them or something.

Anyways, she pretends she is totally into Bon Iver, even though the only thing she probably listens to at night are the moans of one of her female love slaves as she punishes and pleasures them.

Of course, Justin Vernon does his whole 'aw shucks! Lil ol' me on Ellen!' act, even though he is totally milking the fame, basically addicted to it at this point. So annoying when people don't just sack it up, accept they are mainstreamers, and instead have to act borderline disgraceful. Maybe he just h8s lesbians or something.

Maybe he's just like me, and the look on his face says, "I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres wears a strap-on underneath her pants every day when she goes to work." I truly believe that Ellen would be less popular if more people wondered that.

Is Ellen Degeneres just a viral pyramid scheme?
Is she trying too hard 2 be Oprah?
Do u feel sorry for Bon Iver 4 having 2 play Ellen?
Should Bon Iver just retire?
Do u wish that the Ellen show was just 1 hour of family friendly lesbian x-core?
Did this Bon Iver performance put u 2 sleep?

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

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