THE ALT REPORT | Hipster Runoff

THE ALT REPORT

sky ferreira nip slip nude
Sky Ferreira is doing everything she can 2 be in the 'public eye' [via being posted about on a limited scope of stupid past-their-prime indie blogs]. A few weeks ago, she was caught in a major heroin bust that could result in major prison time. Now she has released her album cover, which features a keut lil nip slip.

Don't get me wrong, I believe all album covers by female artists should have nip slips. There's an old saying, "A nip slip a day keeps the soft peen away." Say what you will about Sky Ferreira's career, but at the end of the day, she realized that the best way to get 'the blogs buzzing' is by releasing a nip slip photo.

Let's be honest, all women in the music industry are only judged upon how they look. They all basically sound the same anyways. All they can really do is lose weight [via Jenni Hudson] or else they get fat and no1 likes them [Xtina Agoolerra].

Do u wish she had provided us with a lil more nip?
Do u <3 her nip slip?
Where does it rank on the nip slip power rankings?
Remember the time Grimes sucked on a titty?

R u hornie?
Is her music 'the bomb dot com' or just 'eh who cares whatever seen this shit ovr and ovr again since 4evr o clock'?

PREVIOUSLY



Best Coast's fall from grace has widely been told. She started out being a chill, fuzzybuzzy vibey band with perfect 'sun washed' songs 'reminiscent of a California that we've all dreamed of.' Then she basically tried 2 hard 2 'go mainstream' and be some sort of 'icon of the times', even though this era of 'pseudo-famous indie celebs' thinking they are anything more than a pin worm in the ass crack of cultural history. Anyways, she just ended up taking cash handouts from any brand who would offer and just ended up appealing to all of those loser girls who worship Tavi Gevinson and wear basic ass 'I'm going to a music festival' Urban Outfitters costumes every day.

This new song is very terrible, but more importantly, it begs the question:

SHOULD BEST COAST'S FRONT WOMAN BEFERNEE COSATEENO START TAKING HEROIN?

Heroin is a popular indie drug, [allegedly] utilized by DIIV's Zachary Cole Smith and his "heroin-chic" starlet Sky Ferreira. It gives them the 'indie' look', since they are breaking free from the consumer/corporatization of the indie scene. Everything just sounds 'too clean', like it was built to be branded or utilized in a car commercial. If there's one thing that will never be branded, it is heroin. Mountain Dew will never sponsor heroin. Music festivals will never hand out free samples of heroin. Maybe in a way, heroin is the only way to create authentic music.

Does this song sound like it needs heroin?
Do u only listen to DIIV now bc it feels like heroin?
Is heroin the only way to save indie?
Is Best Coast 'about to be out of the industry' with efforts like this?
Should she just apply for a job as manager of Urban Outfitters so that her wardrobe isn't completely useless, or should she sell it to a 'vintage store' to get $100 back for it all?

Photos by the cobrasnake

Unchill AZN Bro.
Where have u been?
Vibes have been kinda soothed without u around
I 4got who u were

in a way, maybe I 4got who I was
but there u r
slippin
fallin
u can't get up
(enough cloth 2 cover ur nip)

Oh Unchilly
I remember u used 2 be everywhere
U used to kill the vibe
back when every1 wanted 2 chill

but now what does every1 want?
Maybe in a way, u've gone mnstrm
U were once a thought leader
but now all the tweens are slippin, nippin, trippin

Unchill
AZN BRO

Do u know if alt even still exists?
What r u now?
Does ur employer match ur 401k?
What's it all 4, Unchill AZN Bro?
Tell me what it's all 4. :-(

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