Lollapalooza 2012: The Great AltBro Exodus, A Trail of Festival Bro Tears | Hipster Runoff

Lollapalooza 2012: The Great AltBro Exodus, A Trail of Festival Bro Tears

I thought this was going to be the most meaningful weekend of my life
Riding the train in from the city/road tripping from a fringe Midwestern state
into Chicago
listening to Sufjan Stevens' hit song "Chicago"

Things we going well
Got a new tank top to sport
rockin hard as a tank top bro
Even pulled out a retro ass NBA jersey

Spent the better part of the last 8 days plotting how to get to the front for the AVICII set
But then a dark storm came upon us
Threatening to ruin Lollapalooza
WTF. I paid like $250 for this

and I'm sleeping at my Aunt's house
that's technically not even in Chicago
This effing sucks

R u getting service?
Let's go to a nearby Potbelly
Try to wait this storm out
Gotta eat a sammy

R u getting any service?
I can't load Twitter
How am I supposed to get info?
I feel like I have an un-smart phone
I need SMS updates
I need a reason 2 live
I need a home
I'm hungry
I need shelter
I need the comfort and security of a Hampton Inn
free continental breakfast
I need my mom
She told me I shouldn't come here
She checked the weather 2 weeks in advance and warned me against it
I should've listened
This is easily the worst day of my life.

So empty
Everything has been lost
I have nothing
This is our generation's trail of tears

We fought so hard to be closer 2 culture
paying 4 unique experiences
Now we have nothing

'This is our Katrina'
'This is our 9-11'
'This is our Haiti'
'This is our Japan Earthquake'
This is our #KONY2012'
'This is our [tasteless comparison to legitimately tragic event]'

Where are me and my bros supposed to go now?
Where are we supposed 2 see live music?
Where am I supposed to wear festival gear 2?
Will I ever get a better opportunity to wear my tank top?

Forced to leave the festival
Killing time as loitering, smelly tweens in nearby establishments
We went back to the fest
but it was never the same
It could never be the same again

We will never forget our tragedy
When the storm struck
and cleared us out
Forcing us from our metaphorical home/utopia

I truly hit rock bottom
#FOMO: Fear of Missing Out

At least I was interviewed by a fringe web content producer
Able to share my style, taste, feelings, and emotions with Youtubers everywhere

Lollapalooza 2k12: A weekend that never was
I wanted to escape from my life in the Midwest
dreams of one day moving to Chicago in an alt pilgrimage
but this city has destroyed me
my soul, my hope, my spirit, my being

I cannot escape from the brutal, volatile Midwestern weather
I might as well live on the Gulf Coast.
Can't even enjoy a music festival in peace.

I looked down at the ground
and saw thousands of footprints in the mud

I asked Jesus, "Why were there millions of footprints in the mud?"
He said: That was me on tons of molly swagging out, losing my shit,
but also sorta carrying u [via crowdsurfing]
I'm gonna go get a Bud Litey

Lollapalooza 2k12: It was the worst of times
It was the worst of times
It was the worst of times
I had nowhere to go

Ended up cuddling with a homeless man in an alley
forced into prostitution for food
lost, aimless, directionless for 2 hours
I killed another stranded festivalBro over a half-eaten Wendy's Double Cheeseburger