The Dark Mainstreamer (Knight) | Hipster Runoff

The Dark Mainstreamer (Knight)

Yall,

This weekend, I sacrified a lot of my time to go and see 'The Dark Knight.' It took me a while to decide whether or not I was going to see it because I couldn't tell if it was mainstream or alt, but deep down, I wanted to fit in. If it is going to be the biggest movie ever, I thought it would be a good idea for me to 'connect with the human race as a whole.' I thought it would be a rewarding experience to 'connect' with my fellow audience members as we watched a wonderful piece of art that achieved mainstream success.

I felt a lot of pressure to go. According to what I've read in blogs and newspapers, 'The Darky' is a big deal. I wanted to be able to appreciate what has been described as the most authentic-mainstream movie experience EVER.

However, after going through the process of 'going to the movies to see The Dark Knight', I have realized that I will never be able to appreciate what mainstreamers think they are supposed to appreciate.

1. Going to the Movies

DARK KNIGHT = way 2 long. Kind of like one of those bad HRO posts where Carles just 'keeps tlkng & tlkng abt stuff he doesn't know abt.' If you're going to see THE DARKIE, expect to lose 5 hours of your day. If u see it in the IMAX, a teen usher with acne will tell u to put your iPhone away when you are trying to liveblog abt how the movie is 'kinda long.' SRSLY tho... kinda wish some1 would embed the movie in youtube, or maybe I could watch it on HULU. The best solution would be for some1 to open a theatre chain where you had to pay like $40 per ticket, except u didn't have to watch previews/commercials. You can have the option of having these ads emailed to you. N e ways... I just think stuff like 'going to the movies' and 'watching baseball' are for people in their prime from the year 1989.

'OMG...POPCORN AND SODAS R SO EXPENSIVE' - old people
'OMG...I DEFAULTED ON MY MORTGAGE BC I HAD TO BUY AN ICEE AND WHOPPERS WHILE I SAW THE DARKIE' - rlly old people taking their grandkids to the movies


I thought the whole movie was going to be Heath + CBale chillin in this room.

2. Heath Ledger

Heath may or may not be dead, but his (fake) death was great for BOX OFFICE $$$$$$$. I wish some1 had told me that he was only in the movie for like 15 minutes. I went into the theatre thinking that the movie was going to be about him. I felt kinda lied to when I had to sit through a bunch of 'stuff blowing up' for so long. If I wanted to see stuff blow up, I would have gone to a Justice concert.

Remember people who thought they were 'visionaries' because they were into anarchy/punk music?


3. The movie had a bunch of ghey themes

Another thing that really bothers me was that 'The Dark Knight' had themes that were made to appeal to people who didn't-go-to-college-but-like-feeling-smart. Basically, the movie exposes the audience to themes that are so complex that smart people don't bother trying to apply the themes to our modern society but they can convey an abridged version for mainstream dummies to feel like 'they are actually thinking about important issues/philosophy.' This makes them feel deep. They went into the theatre solely looking to be entertained, but since they were also exposed to ideas that a freshman in college would have been exposed to in his Political Science 101 course, they feel like they come out of the theatre a better person. I feel like movies like 'The Matrix' or 'V for Vendetta' are some of the most popular films in this genre. They usually deal with concepts like 'why is our society so zany/capitalistic/controlled by 1 person?' or even 'what makes us human, yall?' It would have been nice if Heath Ledger just read some Foucault to me for 3 hours. I mean srsly..what's the deal with society/prisons/social systems/'the world'/'how history has altered the way things are(that's kinda unfair--especially 4 minorities)'.

4. Heath Ledger as the Voice of these 'Deep, Complex Themes'
This weekend, I was walking down the street and I saw a little Mexican kid dressed as the Joker. He had facepaint, a big red smiley, green coloring sprayed over his dark mexi-hair, and was dressed just like Heath in the movie (aka he was wearing the church clothes he used to wear before he rebelled against his ever-loving Catholic mother's dead ideologies). I'm sure last week the same kid was into identifying with Linkin Park lyrics that commented on how 'people r full of shit, there's no such thing as love, and I hate my dad, too.' Ultimately, exposing impressionable tweens to concepts that they don't really need to be aware of is bad for humanity. I understood when goth-ish people dressed like they were in 'the matrix' to seem interesting until high school administrators determined that they 'looked like they were going to shoot up the school' in the post-Trench Coat Mafia era, but I just think 'dressing up like the Joker' to let people know that you 'see the same world that he sees' is a little bit much. I wish the Joker just wore business casual so I wouldn't notice audacious little JokerMexis any more. It's sort of like the 'deep version of a little girl dressing up like Hannah Montana.'

A lot of people say that Heath Ledger killed himself because he 'couldn't pull himself out of this dark, dark role.' If that is true, then we can assume that Heath Ledger has the same mental-makeup as a 13 year old angsty kid who dresses up like the joker.

5. Christian Bale
I feel like every one is just waiting for him to turn into Patrick Bateman in American Psycho again. He did a lil Batemen with his Bruce Wayne impression, but he sounds kinda sillie when he talks with his Batman voice. Is Batman even a difficult role to play? People who have played Batman: Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney. N e ways...I hope Patrick Bateman does a good job in the new Terminator movie. I miss Edward Furlong, though. He was pretty alt when I was a kid, so I think John Connor wedge haircuts might be big in 2k9.

Remember Arnold b4 he was mainstream/conservative?

6. Morgan Freeman

Remember when he played a Black President in 'Deep Impact'? Remember that time he played 'God' in that other movie?


7. The Most Troublesome Part of going to the movies was being exposed to this commercial:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMy35Aw0bjI&hl=en&fs=1]
JC Penny is trying to appeal to ___________?
a) people over the age of 30
b) Emilio Estevez fans
c) lil alts
d) people who listen to ska/punk cover songs of 80s anthems
e) tweens who are still searching for their sexuality but identify with bands like Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy, and Panic!@the disco.

****IN CONCLUSY (SRSLY)****

SRSLY tho... I'd rather slit my wrists with broken Criterion Collection DVDs than go 2 the movies again. It took a lot out of me. So many people, so m
any lives', so many differences, so many similarities. I mean, r we all just 'trying to make money to thrive in our society?' That would be s0 random if we were...

Theoretically we all want to fit in (be mainstream), but sometimes u just have 2 realize that ur gonna be an alt 4evr. You should surround yourself with a network of alts who understand their positions within the alt-mainstream social graph and how their social interactions from grades K thru 16 impacted their social self-perception.

Maybe I should just loosen up and 'enjoy goin out to the movies + grabbin bite 2 eat at TGIFridays.' <3333